WhoaitsZ

Me and Halx had this idea after playing around in chat.

sooooooooo let's exchange lyrical dissess to each other!

don't be too harsh cuz someone may whine
but be brutal enough to make it fun!

meanSpleen

Here I go yo, here I go again,
Spleen is in full effect,
If y'all get to harsh in here,
I'll go on and break your necks.

The minute it gets nasty
I'm gonna use my Modding Power,
First I'm gonna close this shiznit,
Then I'm going to shower.

So keep it real yo, NO FLAMING.

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YzermanS19

Yo I break it down then I break you up
With a knee to the face and a kick to the cup
I'm not flamin, but I'm on fire
I'm high on life, only kites get me higher.

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the light that burns twice as bright
burns half as long

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SaltPork

Breakin' it down on the TFP....
Bones is the bones to the stones.
Rapping like a fool he thinks he's cool.
Tellin' it to the streets, he makes funky rhymes and crazy beats,
He's the master flash in the monster bash-checkin' it on the TFP.

__________________
It was like that when I got here....I swear.

Halx

If you think I'm steppin' lightly, you got another thing comin'
All your jackass posts and I gotta say somethin'
You're a punk
with no funk
couldn't sell you from my trunk
trippin' over typos, hoes and low blows
You're makin my head spin off of my neck
Confusin' with shit to which I say, "fuckin' heck!"
Get off my turf, you aint comin' no nearer
You fuckin' suck, I cant say it no clearer
I throw a bone, you're there like lickitysplit
Doggin' over my words 'cause you know you aint shit
Now it's time
to end this rhyme
watch as I stop on this dime

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KWSN

Lemme tell ya'a little story bout a guy named Bones
Bones say he owns
But all he does is drone

Ain't got no flow
His skill way way low
Shit, he talkin' bout his momma when he braggin' bout he ho's

He notorious
But not like Biggy Smalls
Well actually he got the Small part down if you talkin' bout he balls

If you're lookin' for a real MC forget about him now
He got just about the rappin skills of a pregnant cow

WORD

This K-Dub.

K-Dub out.

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pr0f3n

i seriously had this thought for a thread today, must be kismet

A'ight stop all your viewin', cuz I'm about to ruin
the forums and the threads that you're used to
I ain't funny, but ho, I'm spanking monkies B
so Nonsense members I hope yer ready for me
now scroll on down, you won't find anotha' sound
dat steps ta da rhymes of the pr0f3n ghetto hound
I'm take a bottle of Ritalin, then chase it with kelp
and stare at a bird while I play with mahself
mah name is pr0f3n, and i post way too often
I smoke like a chimney and wonda y ahm coffin
I'm stupid, all mah posts be is putrid
just like bitin' Humpty's lines, and throwin' in 'Loopdid'
flame me all dat u like, but if u missed it
I'm the one that said Bones' momma is pimpeded
If you cheeto-snackin frumps gotta step to tha pr0f
you best step off, you might catch teh cough


omg.so leet.yes

w3rd

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phredgreen

bah... i couldn't rap to save my life, but i'm the world's greatest hypeman ever..


AAAW YEAH, MOTHERFUCKERS!!! GET THOSE HANDS IN THE AIR!!!

and the almost puffy-esque "uh-huh, yeah"

__________________
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- Thomas Paine

WhoaitsZ

b to the o to the n to the e to the s
sucks way too much, can't mess with tha best

Halx? who? what the fuck?
sounds like the brother from howard the duck!
i only rhyme from time to time
but bones got me trippin
he hsould go back to the pimpin

oh and meanspleen
queen of mean
gotta go easy and be kinda cheesy
to keep him from whinin about who's the fochezzy

so i can't really rap
but wtf
i thinks its kinda fun
and after readin all before me i simply can't suck

Jolt

They call him Z?
Far as I can see
He's just a loon
logged on since noon
how can that be?
It's quarter of three!
He's stuck in a rut
keyboard on his gut
tappin' at those keys
on the tee eff pee...
he gots no life
no girlfriend or wife
Now I think maybe
he types in http:
all he does is post here
I want to make it clear
he just IM'd me
yo, what'up, G?
tellin' me 'bout this rap
but he's just full of crap
so just let it be
and let's ignore Z!

WhoaitsZ

KNEEL TO THE Z MOTHFUCKAS

jolt the dolt
i rather drown in a fuckin moat
his pc ass aint nothing short of spazz

Jolt

mister bones, you rap quite well
but that doesn't make up for your brutal smell
it comes through my keyboard, oozes through my screen
you're the stinkiest rapper that I've ever seen
this is a website, it should be a delight
but you made it smell worse than a bucket o' pig shite
I don't know what it is, I can't describe it
maybe there's too much fiber in your diet
put a cork in it you foul villain
and let the rest of us get on with our chillin'
werd.

KWSN

DAAAAAAAAMN HOMIE
You call this rappin'
I see why they call you 'Zzzzz'
Because I'm nappin
When it comes to droppin' bombs,
Hell, me, well I'm a nuke
You ain't nothin' but a smoke bomb, man-
Your rappin' makes me puke

Speakin' of pukin' lets talk about bones
Rappin' at the mike like it's a phone
Bitch, ain't nobody home!
This whole rap thing,
Man, you go and spoil it
Your time is spent much better
When you're pukin' on the roilet
You're logged on to TFP all the night and all the day
Makin posts and posts and posts and thinkin' they funn-ay
The people all be laughin'
But that's only due to the fact
That they all feel sorry for you,
Man, your humor is just wack

K-Dub out.

__________________
Your arms are broken!

WhoaitsZ

Imagining kw could win would sure be a sin
He likes to call shit the best thing ever cuz he knows he he will never be just that

So a sit back down and kneel before Z
Cuz Z will fucking whack yo ass until you see three

And bones and his drivel that should be driven
Whackin off to the full monty board
Is his way of livin

Oh phregreen another mighty mod
You gonna make a real post or suck like a sod? (ahem editor note im not even sure that made sense heh)

Oh yeah back to jolt
They call him al
He’s so bad off he couldn’t seduce a sow
Oh and what about halx?
You can’t even hear the x!
Who’s the poor fucker I should pick on next?

I thought maybe kaydoublewe again but rather not waste text

So once again, kneel to the Z
Or I shall run over you ass until you plea

‘oh lord oh lord save from the cripple’
well to do that you must off more than just pointless drivel!

bermuDa

it's a banquet unseen
Started by Z and spleen
but this party's whack
so I spiked the tureen

this blunt tastes like piss
but i'm determined to burn this
like a jew in a furnace
insulted yet? no need to be blue
I just so happen to be born a jew
breathe a sigh of relief, you silly queaf
it's not like I was making fun of you!

so keep on rappin, ya little tykes
but quit grabbin my dick like it was a mic!

the bell is ringing, that must be my whore
I hit reply as I run out the door

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sadistikdreams

a'ight...

yo...

so much disrespect yo way,
mister has to pay
for some pity sex
OH WAIT!
bermuda's gonna try
he aint gonna cry
BUT NOW!
i see a tear
a leaf of fear
from my mouth to your ear,
you suck
and so do i.

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The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials."
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hearts, by d.a.

bermuDa

pity sex is donated to me
cause the best sex is free
but i have yet to see
any philanthropy

your rhyme scheme's a bore
it's lacking in power
I wish I could say more
but after that whore
I needs me a shower

did I say 'whore'?
I meant titty board!
It's much cheaper, and quite quicker
But for some reason it'll leave you stickier

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bermuDa

what the hell, this isn't fine.
yall gonna let this drop off page one?
weren't you havin fun?
or can't you compete with these rhymes?

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bermuDa

sit down, you midget, you battle quite well
but I'm still ringing the victory bell
the rest of these chumps have thrown the towel in
cause battling me must be a sin

so bow down to me, cause nobody's iller
than the infamous lyrical thread killer!
now someone close this goofy thread
as bones said, I've killed it quite dead!

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WhoaitsZ

roses are red
violets aren't blue
bermuda fucking sucks
and bones does too

bermuDa

whoa that's clever, i'm impressed
but cribbing nursery rhymes
is a sign you're distressed

aw fuck all this, I'll give it a rest
I'm confident in the fact that I'm best

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H12

Okay everybody, no need to start a riot
My rhymes'll sparkle, while yours'll fizzle like Sprite.
I wanna start things off, ya know; get to know one-anotha
I know all I need to know about Bones, he raps like one white-ass brotha!
Fair warning: We're Mortals Kombating and there'll be a fatality
Let it be known I'll have a flawless victory and THAT'S true reality.
Louie Anderson just farted, but you can't smell it hardly
'Cuz Bones's rhymes are stinkin' like a sweaty Chris Farley!
Bones, actin' like he's some regular rap super-star
Now I'm here to deflate his ego, and leave a mental scar.
Hey Generic-Snoop, I just left ya like dead meat
Lord know I just shredded into ya like you were frosted wheat.

__________________
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89transam

Yo I just read the first part of this thread the rest of it bores me
You all are rapping your entire life story
I wont use the word YO , I wont say it a once
its so overplayed I'd feel like a dunce
Titled Forum Project is outstanding no doubt
But seeing these raps makes me want to shout
Send me back to the Erogoneous Zone
Its only there I feel truly at home

__________________
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Sen

From the S to the E to the N
Bones' got nuthin' on me
I'm about to begin
I'm the shizzle
For rizzle, dizzle
Bones can simmer
But Sen's got the sizzle

I do it for the love
they ain't no reward
while I'm bustin' the rhymes
he's wankin' on the Titty Board
in "the Zone"
lustin' after cones
he ain't got the meat
that's why they call him Bones

2 all beef patties
Special sauce, lettuce, cheese
Please
I'll wipe you out like a disease
Not even Red Cross can save your ass
Welcome to School
and I'm teachin' the class.
Try to make a play
I'll take you out again
look out baby,
Don't fuck with the Sen!

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crow_daw

Aww, its big MC Crow, the lyrical villain
I'll string words together and strap you to the ceiling
So Bones, I'll deflate your head, cause its startin to swell
My mouth is my gun, and I spit lyrical shells
And WhoaitsZ? Hes into the man love
But I'll have to wait, cause the line starts right behind K-Dub
And bermuda, well speakin of triangles brother
I'm into all shapes and sizes, but my favorite is your mothers
I aint forgotten Hal, I had him a dissin planned
But I think I'll abandon it, cause I ain't crazy bout bein banned

(not meant to offend anyone)

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bermuDa

you must like right angles, cause my mom's a square
but that probably suits you, it matches the clothes you wear
speakin of triangles, whatsup with your dome?
it's the size of a pea, but shaped like a scone!

as for this battle, I'll check in on it later
thanks to transam I'm no longer the king masturbator!

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Snoogans

S to tha N to tha double O Gizzle,
reading your shit is worse than M televizzle.
Your weak-ass rhymes, I'm flushing down the drain
your flow is all fucked up, are you using your brain?
well I've gotta go bring my rap to the masses,
don't try to challenge me, I'll whoop yo asses!

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tdogg

lmao......are any of u....seriosuly emcees?

bermuDa

if we were, we sure wouldn't quit our dayjobs
next time post it in rhyme, you're bustin the flow
as i'm busting a nut all over your floor
cause you interrupted my self-applied handjob!


lol i really don't beat off that much, but it sure is funny to rap about

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KWSN

H12, transam, Sen and crow, y'all ain't worth my time.
Why should I waste time on peeps who cant' even spin a rhyme?
How dare you foos go postin in the same thread as K-dub?!
If all our raps were sandwiches then yours would all be subs.

Now on we go to Snoogans, he's the Swedish rapping king
But he's more like a queen cause a tiara's all his bling
He think he better than us just cause he can rap his name
"S to tha N to tha Double-O Gizzle?"
Man, that shit is lame.

And over here's Bermuda, thinks he's the best rapper there is
But he's far too busy to rap while he's moppin up his jizz
And the worst part isn't just that he's too busy wankin' ta' rap,
It's that even with all this practice, all that comes out still is crap.

K-Dub out.

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phredgreen

<i>bobbing his head to the beat and swinging his rolex in the air...</i>

uh-huh, yeah....

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cheese

Hell Knights who say nee
im about to set My lyrical master peice Free
You aint be knowing all the mad rhymes i be flowin
the stupid look on your face is showin
You look at me Your pants start growin
Mother fucking load u be blowin

You aint got the skills Mr nee
I step to the mic and you flee
The words i bust come in a mirriad
your best flow... IS YOUR Period

where did the titty board go?
It got sucked up in my flow
KWSN you aint no supernova
Cuz you dont gotz no flava


Word
chuch

Mitzkrieg

so a while went by, since hal and i, last had a converstation
we used to game in a UT clan, owning the crap outta the instagib nation
next thing ya know, real life hit
got responsibilities, no more time for this gaming shit
time has passed by, i had taken a little hiatus
figured i'd make a return, see if gaming had out played us
sure as hell it didn't, came to find the tfp community
Hal and many others keep it going for you and me
i remember this place, back when it started as tba-ownz.org
i see that Hal dumped that creation, its permanent home is the morgue
recently paid my last respects to the titty board before it's disappearance
spanked it hard and shot a load so high, had to ask the FAA for clearance
surfin the different boards, found this rap battle thread
so here i am, true story and i'm knockin all you posers dead
sorry to say but all your frontin' is gay like Greg Louganis
y'all are so horrible trying to pull rap lyrics out your anus
you pushed so hard nothin but shit came o'poppin
better make a run for the toilet, yer pushin cotton
take all the shots you want, you'll still miss me
you'll come to know i'm the lyrical Ali
cuz i float like a butterfly, and sting like a bee
you might as well chase your own tail like a lonely dog in heat.

__
ok ok, that was my try. cool thread, i'm interested in seeing how long this will go

Sen

Bones knocked me down
but I bounce right back
All you wanna be gangsta's
can lick my sack
Cause I gots the money
and all the fly honey's
all the hot ass bitches
wanna be my bunny

You see its funny
how you think I'll go away
But, I don't run from shit
I stay to fight another day
J-Lo? is that the best that you got?
Your stanky ass rhymes are starting to rot.

You're more like J-Lo
than I'll ever be
With Ben's dick in your mouth
all down on your knees
I could run through the rest
but I ain't got the time
I gotta show you punks
about the rhythm and rhyme.

I'm still teaching this class
so sit your ass down
I'm the Professor
you're just a lame ass clown!

__________________
"I want to announce my presence with authority!"

"You want to what?"

"I want to announce my presence with authority!!"

GSRIDER

wastin' my time
puttin up a front
for a bunch a weak ass typers
nuttin more than a grunt
so I take you down
a step or two
like a third grade class out with the flu
remedial
for my time
I'm breakin down the simple
one
two
lines

so try and keep up and dont complain
AHHHHHHHHH
Insanity
that is my game
the rightous cause
in the name

of the father
thats why I fight
to the end
you'll die tonight

my words are harsh
my fist are mean
I'm a soul sucker
breakdance machine

I got spins galore
I'll take you to the floor
my windmill attack
have flat out on your back

my poppin style
is to the extreme
I'm a rubber band
if you know what I mean

TFP give respect
to the whitest mother fucker
who reads jet


silly ass silly

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Sen

my whack ass rhymes just got blowed up?
you ain't no dog, you just a pup
I'm the Pit Bull, better yet, a Rott
"Teacher at large?"
Please, I think not

You couldn't teach water
to run downhill
You're rhymes are too fuckin slow
dizzle, I'm the real deal
Like Holyfield,
yeah you know, Evander
You're puny insults
ain't nuthin' close to slander

You can say all you want
that I've got a small dick
just ask your chick
I make you look sick.
Sick in the bed
all pale and weak
I'm a superstar and you're future's bleak.

Leave me alone,
now on your way
come back again
I'll make you pay.

__________________
"I want to announce my presence with authority!"

"You want to what?"

"I want to announce my presence with authority!!"

89transam

Yes bones your right ,I saw it after I posted
Im just finished smoking that stuff, had me all toasted
So back off these nuts yo, Im warning you now
Im a doberman pincher, ill eat you like chow

Though I will say this, cause I just cant ignore
Sen, you made a good effort, but head for the door
You words they dont rhyme, they just dont make sense
You be better off on the street, scratching backs for 10 pents
Yes I realize, pents is freggin weak
But I just had a slurpee, and have to take a LEEK

Sen

My words don't rhyme?
Where'd you learn to read?
I'm not worried about the slurpee
But, man, lay off the weed.

Doberman Pinscher?
I think not
You'll need better than that
get an original thought.

__________________
"I want to announce my presence with authority!"

"You want to what?"

"I want to announce my presence with authority!!"

MaGlC_MaN

yo..
yo..
unh..
unh..
ya'll raise ya hands, say uhh..
now clap wit me -- uhh, now clap wit me -- uhh..
yo, i ain't nice
but dat don't mean ya'll got tah steal my ice
ya'll may call me bad names, maybe even turd
all i gotta say to that is, ya'll can't have my ice, word.
maybe i can't rap, maybe i can't sing
but atleast i got the ice to help support my goddamn bling-bling

..im so sorry

__________________
Bye.

Mitzkrieg

oh yeah, bones and others sneakin in the nursery ryhmes
you must be kidding, that's just a waste of my time
Bones you shouldn't be talkin about the ladies
dog musta bit your nuts, cuz you're crazy with the rabies

dude, you're just dreamin, floatin off in never never land
you thought wendy was playin with your cock, then you woke up and found it was your own hand
i know you wish you were straight and could get a girl for real
problem is your gay and even gotta pay rosey palms just to cop a feel
yeah yeah, don't come to me on your knees beggin for mercy
can't stand a grown man crying "hey bro that hurts, see?"
so just go home to your momma, she'll read you more stories in bed
i'm sure your next dream will be tossin peter pans salad

(hehe, agreed bones, all in good fun. good stuff, keep it comin)