The Totally Random Bullshit Thread. (sorta NSFW)

[todd]

http://www.sunseeker.com/videos/predator95big.mov

http://www.sunseeker.com/videos/yacht94big.mov

http://www.sunseeker.com/videos/xs2000big.mov

[crow_daw]

Hi, I'm crow_daw, and I show much flex when it's time to rock a mic.

[Fly]

[H12]

*heavy guitar riff sets in*

"Yes, boys and gals, it's the new Domestic-Abuse Danny action figure!"

*riff goes faster and harder*

"Danny comes with both judo-chop and backhand action!"

*drums set in*

"Act now, and get free batteries so you can hear him say ''Debbie, where in the fuck is my beer?!?''"

*close-ups of Danny in action are shown*

"Domestic-Abuse Danny...coming to a store near you!!"

*music fades out*

[The5thCandidate]

Here we go.

Number one, I was flying down the old Neco and she told me to watch out, so I left the car in the back and took out seventeen of them old catloon blinder and gave her a terrible headache. She left me alone in the desert and I had to walk to Los Gueno with nothing in my pack but a pile of snakes and four carrots.


Number two, I had these trees in the back of the lot and they were looking pretty beat up, so I gave them each a new suit and hat and told them to straighten up and fly right. They looked at me and said nothing, but I know that on the inside they were cursing me, telling me that I had no right to leave them now, no right to show them what they were missing. I figured they'd get over it and headed out the front door.


Number three, the time was 4:37 pm on a quiet Tuesday in the middle of May and I was on my way to Kathmandu to meet up with the guru. He'd told me in a dream that if I came to find him he'd show me the way back home. Even I knew, he meant my real home. I was looking through the last tavern in town, trying hard to find anyone with a couple of winters worth of hate and suffering, trying hard to find the one who could let me know where I was, but there were only smiles and "how do you do"'s and laughter and clear, wild liquor. I was lost now, and the guru wasn't talking anymore. The truth is he was long dead, but that's not the point of this story.


Number four, I knew it was late, but I had time for that sort of thing. She was looking at me like I was some sort of wild creature, trapped and injured, like she wanted to set me free but she was afraid I might kill her if she did. I was all right, though, and she had nothing to worry about. I think she may have been a little drunk, but the real issue was the fact that she had a gun and all I had was a bottle of White Star and half a walking stick. She led me out of the station and into a dark room full of noise and calamity. She had a plan, you see, and I wasn't going to enjoy it. Her only trouble was my left leg, which had pretty much healed by now.


Number five, I was crying, see, when they came and took me away. They stared at me for hours, days even, and all I could do was cry at them, scream at them, throw stones and dust and long howls at them. They didn't seem to mind, though, and when I was done they took me back to the centre and held me there for a fortnight. I was tired and lonely, but they kept me warm and full. They had long legs and quiet eyes, and they let me think about whatever I could manage. They took long walks together when they thought I was sleeping, but I was really watching them. I suppose I could have gone, then, but they knew I wouldn't, they knew I was safe and calm and lost at the same time. They knew me.


Number six, it was a particularly dark evening on the 16th of June, and I was walking alone on the beach by the lighthouse. I was getting toward the rocks, and was thinking about going back, when it struck me: I was walking right into a trap. By the time I had turned around to run, they were on me, tying me, pulling and pushing me, throwing me into the ocean. I was left there for a while, tied to the bottom by a huge grey rope attached to a huge grey boulder resting on the huge grey ocean floor. I guess it was the following Sunday before she came and got me, but I had been dead for a long time, by then.


Number seven, I knew she had come for the money, but I wasn't about to let her take my life away like that. She was guilty and greedy at the same time, so she just stood there for a while before I finally said anything. "So I guess it's about that time, isn't it love?" And she looked at me hard and cold and said, "You told me that it was going to be alright. You could have lied, you know. You could have told me that I was in trouble and that I wasn't going to get out of there alive. You had your chance to tell me, and you just said, 'Oh sure, you'll be alright, I know these folks.'" I looked back at her and started to scream and she just took the money and left. I followed her after about half an hour, and that's when the real fun started.


Number eight, I had a lot on my mind when she tapped me on the shoulder that cold December morning. I was thinking about how much I loved her and how little she needed me. I was worried that she'd finally decided that she was through with me, through trying to cheer me up, through trying to make me smile. You see, she meant a lot to me, but when I had finally worked up the nerve to do anything about it, when I had finally decided that there might be something there, a chance for me to love her, she'd decided that I wasn't worth cheering up anymore. So when she tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around to see her smiling at me I thought I was dreaming. I took her head in my hands and kissed her, right there, in the middle of the street. It was the first time I'd ever kissed a woman and meant it. It was about half a second into the kiss that I realized what I was doing.


Number nine, the west was calling my name, again. I packed two bags, one with food and clothes and money and such things, the other with two forty foot lengths of good rope and a couple of good canes and twelve books, all completely blank save one. That one was special to me. I'd had it ever since my little trip to Los Gueno so long ago. When I woke up in Los Gueno I found it in my bag, next to the last of the snakes. A black mamba if I recall correctly. It told me everything I needed to know, and whenever I read from it I found what I was looking for. It was as much a part of me as I was it. I knew what it had in mind for me, and I was planning on showing it that I could be the master of my own fate.


Here's what it told me:

[GakFace]

One day I went to bed really late and woke up really early only for me to find out I went to bed quite early and woke up pretty damn late.

[Midlandmadman]

I once knew a guy that was so strong he could bend a Silver dollar in his ass-crack.

[ruggerp11]

The thoughts that enter my head, I can't control them. I try to picture white static in order to drown them out, but they wont go away. I end up obsessing about how to shorten the pants that I just bought second hand and didnt' realize they were four inches too long. Not that its a big deal, but do you have them hemmed or do you try and make them hip by cutting them your self and then fraying them out?
Then after realizing that I am obsessing about how to shorten my pants, I obsess about obsessing. Why am I am obsessing? Do other people notice? Well, of course they do. Does it weird them out? Of course it does.

I need more to do.

[SixEdxMia]

Nonsense,if you ask me.Today is the day.Public,big step,Stronger by the day.No corn dog for dinner,Have sixed for lunch.This will work out well.Up and gone is a great thing.I say. Lemme see ya in a suit.A dark one,and wear a bold tie.


*stands behind you pretty and mean*

[GakFace]

KWSN.

[SixEdxMia]

My apologies that I am so pretty.
You have every right to be jealous.
I took him,I love him,I keep him.
Not a difficult concept.
It will bother you for a day or so,You'll be fine.
Hair down to there,dick sucking lips, over ten thousand fucking sit ups this year alone, a body that almost anyone will work,fight,or pay for,and my skin.. is so fucking soft,smooth and perfect you'd cry.
I earned what is coming to me.
I worked fucking hard.
I took care.
I have been a very good girl,
I deserve,I want,I need,I love and I shall have.
Good things come to those who wait by god,and I no longer have to wait.Sorry to you,and Lucky hot fucking me.

[Peetster]

When you're weary, feeling small,
when tears are in your eyes, I’ll dry them all.
I'm on your side, oh, when you need a friend
when times get rough and friends just can't be found,
like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

When you're down and out, when you're on the street,
when evening falls so hard, I will comfort you.
I'll take your part, oh, when darkness comes
and pain is all around,
like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

Sail on silver girl, sail on by.
Your time has come to shine, All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine, oh and when you need a friend,
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind.

[crow_daw]

Originally posted by Midlandmadman
I once knew a guy that was so strong he could bend a Silver dollar in his ass-crack.

Sometimes I feel like there's so much beauty in the world..................I just can't take it.*tear*

[H12]

He who wears the flip-flops laughs last.

Discuss.

[SixEdxMia]

Originally posted by H12
He who wears the flip-flops laughs last.

Discuss.

Only because he is the last of his click to see how funny looking his feet really are in them.

Anyone who isn't incarcerated or at the pool or beach shouldnt be allowed to wear them.

There are few exeptions... such as... men who are soon to be incarcerated and girls who appear to soon be going to the beach.(you know the look) anyone else should please do me the personal favor of keeping their hairy pale,unmanicured toes out of my sight.As fetching as the little thong is between an ugly foots toes I still have yet to see the beauty in it. I would fucking laugh too.

[ngdawg]

never mind.....

[Peetster]

[Peetster]

Well, I used to drive a cab, you know
I heard a siren scream
Pulled over to the corner
And I fell into a dream
There were two men eating pennies
And three young girls who cried
The West coast is falling,
I see rocks in the sky.
The preacher took his bible
And laid it on the stool.
He said: with the congregation running,
Why should I play the fool?

Well, I used to be a woman, you know
I took you for a ride,
I let you fly my airplane
It looked good for your pride.
'Cause you're the kind of man you know
Who likes what he says.
I wonder what's it's like
To be so far over my head.
Well, the lady made the wedding
And she brought along the ring.
She got down on her knees
And said: Let's get on with this thing.

Well, I used to be a folk singer
Keeping managers alive,
When you saw me on a corner
And told me I was jive.
So I unlocked your mind, you know
To see what I could see.
If you guarantee the postage,
I'll mail you back the key.
Well I woke up in the morning
With an arrow through my nose
There was an Indian in the corner
Tryin' on my clothes.

Well, I used to be asleep you know
With blankets on my bed.
I stayed there for a while
'Til they discovered I was dead.
The coroner was friendly
And I liked him quite a lot.
If I hadn't 've been a woman
I guess I'd never have been caught.
They gave me back my house and car
And nothing more was said.

Well, I was driving down the freeway
When my car ran out of gas.
Pulled over to the station
But I was afraid to ask.
The servicemen were yellow
And the gasoline was green.
Although I knew I couldn't
I thought that I was gonna scream.
That was on my last trip to Tulsa
Just before the snow.
If you ever need a ride there,
Be sure to let me know.

I was chopping down a palm tree
When a friend dropped by to ask
If I would feel less lonely
If he helped me swing the axe.
I said: No, it's not a case of being lonely
We have here,
I've been working on this palm tree
For eighty seven years
I said: No, it's not a case of being lonely
We have here,
I've been working on this palm tree
For eighty seven years
He said: Go get lost!
And walked towards his Cadillac.
I chopped down the palm tree
And it landed on his back.

[GakFace]

I'm listening to all of you

(It'd be truthful if I said I was ignoring everyone's posts aside from my own )

[Peetster]

Originally posted by GakFace
I'm listening to all of you

I'm sorry.

What?

[H12]

Originally posted by SixEdxMia
Only because he is the last of his click to see how funny looking his feet really are in them.

Anyone who isn't incarcerated or at the pool or beach shouldnt be allowed to wear them.

There are few exeptions... such as... men who are soon to be incarcerated and girls who appear to soon be going to the beach.(you know the look) anyone else should please do me the personal favor of keeping their hairy pale,unmanicured toes out of my sight.As fetching as the little thong is between an ugly foots toes I still have yet to see the beauty in it. I would fucking laugh too.

That was a far more beautiful response than I ever expected. Thank you. Now, for more discussion...


A bobblehead is much more reliable than a magic 8-ball, yet a magic 8-ball is much more multi-purpose than the bobblehead.

Discuss.

[crow_daw]

Bobbleheads always agree, so they're the perfect best friends.

You'll never be wrong again.
Muha.

Magic 8-balls have poopy ink.

[Peetster]

Whatever, just don't involve my girlfriend.

[bernadette]

CATS! I'M A KITTY CAT!
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/kittycat.php

bullshit you say?
meow meow meow

[SixEdxMia]

My bobble-head Justin Timberlake doll only says no,So I can ask specific questions.. but all signs point to the magic 8-ball.It can be used as a weapon in the event it leads you into trouble. So...It shold be obvious.

[bernadette]

bundy, <b>this is no bullshit.</b>
i am really impressed with how quickly you've picked up your graphics editing skills.

RAWK ON \m/

[ruggerp11]

Across the street I can see someone in their car. What is this guy doing in his car? I know now but before he got out and went to the door of the house across the street I didn't have a clue. My mind wandered.

Is he doing drugs?

Is he stalking the girl that lives across the street? If thats the case he isn't doing a very good job. He parked right there. Come on guy, at least park down the street in a car with tinted windows. Don't forget these very important things when stalking. drink a lot of water from bottles. This way you can pee in the bottles when you're done. When you need to get some excercise do it late at night when you know shes asleep. Then you can walk around and familiarize yourself with the neighborhood. This way you will know it well when she starts running from you. God knows she wont get away will she? Sleep for a half hour at a time. When you're sleeping keep the camcorder running and only sleep at night because there is less of a chance that she will escape. When she does leave wait a second and then follow her slowly, it has to be slowly because that is creepier. The point here, remember is to make your presense known, but only like the wind.

Shit hes still there, I know he is from College pro painters and he is writing up a bid, but at least move on from the front of the house fucker.

[H12]

FACT OR FICTION: Pineapples...fruit of Satan, bringers of bad news, and enders of all that is anti-festive.


Discuss.

[SixEdxMia]

Pineapples are one of the few natural sources of bromine enzymes,Found to aid in digestion,Gifts from god to anyone with pancreas conditons.


I take it you have danced with a pineapple?

They can really bust a move,I consider that festive.

[uncle phil]

you can't roller skate in a buffalo herd...

[Fly]

when you say you're hungover like a shithouse rat,....do you wake up in the loo with cheese in your vomit?

[wonderwench]

No.

Have you ever noticed that the more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets?

[bernadette]

no. but then i have never run over a dead cat, so... there ya go.

those pretzals are making me thirsty.

[Fly]

BEER............

[bernadette]

wobbly pops!!!

<embed src="http://www.melaman2.com/tvshows/mp3/Benny_Hill_Show.mp3", loop=TRUE, hidden=TRUE>eh astro? cheers!

[H12]

I have been called upon by a greater power to cause more discussion.


Flamingos...ever-graceful in their movements, but do they have a secret sinister plan in their minds that they're hiding with their beauty and elegance?

Discuss.

[SixEdxMia]

To rid the world of brine shrimp. Duh!

[H12]

I was thinking more along the lines of Slinky's, but yes, brine shrimp also could work.

[Kazic]

no one will know what the moon will look like from another planet.

let go of MY eggo.

YEAH.

btw i am sleepy.

[Fly]

Originally posted by flyman
i call bullshit.



"bullshit.".........."heeeerrrrre bullshit".........."come on boy"