It couldn't have been me for I was up late last night looking for my own freshly made batch of said acid.

I was just wondering who left all the friggin balloon animals on my back porch????????????/

Peter, be careful those ballon animals are steaking out your place. They are waiting for you to leave and then they are going to strip your place clean. They hit Uncle Phil's last week, they even took his second M Monroe avatar.

so what happened to you, pheatius?

I had a gas attack. And stop calling me Pheatius!

Who tried to kill this wonderful thread?

Not I or my little dog, too. (Dorothy did it, the slut)

Who adjusted my presets on my game-controller?

Unless you are suggesting that when I crushed the controller by backing over it with my truck I somehow changed your presets, it could not have possibly been me.

...

Who stole the rest of my post yesterday?

wasn't me; i tried to look for it but ended up drinking bourbon instead...


where's the pizza?

Don't look at me. I hate anchovies and pineapple. (Damn, how do you eat that stuff?)



OK, who brought the doggie?

Farley did it. He likes the attention.

Where did you put the toupee, Gladys?

my sister put the toupee on her baby, its posted on teh web so i have proof, if you send mee4895$ uS pounds sterling i will embargo all your base and provide a COA...

But why have all you people ruined the career and reputation of Jeniifer Love Hewitt?? that girl is so=o talented.. what's wrong with you people??

It's all part of my plan to make her love me by taking away everything good in her life. I'll look like a real catch once she hits rock bottom.

Now why is your cat acting like my monkey?

i guess my cat is horny; want me to shoot it?


ok, who's got the beer barrel?

Bones took it! Bones took it!

Where is my midget mallet!?!

that teeny, tiny thing? fly's running around with it looking for midgets...


anybody seen last month's "hemmings?"

I was looking for a bumper for a '54 Caddy Cabriolet, then I lent it to Big Shirley. She likes to lick the pictures.

Who told my wife about the Titty Board?

fremen did it; i get bccs of all his e-mail...


ok, who's got a buck for the jukebox? (thought i was going to say "nickel" didn't you, grump...)

Ain't it curious... The old songs were worth a buck, but cost a nickel, and the new songs cost a buck but ain't worth a nickel!
Anyway, hit up Fremen for the buck. He's the guy with the pantomime piano and the tip jar.

I set my gimlet down for a sec and it disappeared. Who took it?

Charles Nelson Reilly took it. Hey!! What kind of bar is this? :hmm: ;)

When did you take my Weenie dog?

I never took your weenie dog, but I did spot several ninjas clinging to the ceiling above it...

And while we're on the subject, who stole my grappling hook, used it to get on my roof, and then took a crap down the chimney?

bones is always doing shit like that...


ok, any bourbon left in the back of that cabinet?

well phil,
I know you're a recovering alcoholic, so when i saw the burbon, I thought to myslf, "I have to drink that all, to help phil."

Now the real question is, who changed all the settings on my alarm clock?

Needed something to make shit on toast for the ex . . *ha ha*

Don't seem to be able to find my camera tho . . . . OK WHO TOOK MY FRIGGIN CAMERA !!!!

I took your camera.......................but only to borrow........ I needed it to take pictures of the damage some one did to my door.... with a hammer..

i wasn't anywhere near your door when that hammer mystically flew out of my hand in a michiganly direction...


found the bourbon...thanks, dogma, for saving me some...now, where did the ice disappear to...

Ooops, I took the ice to use in my ice-bath. It's frikkin hot here!

Who moved my cheese? ;)

It was blocking the doorway. You know, the mice were complaining - they don't like the welfare cheese you have.


Now I know someone in here has eaten all of the candy. Couldn't you have refilled the bowl?

nah, then i would've had to eat that too

now who stole my fucking bandwidth!!! god damnit i'm getting sloow download speeds!

AOL, huh?

Somebody's been keeping the old lady smiling. I've been meaning to thank him. Who is it?

Well, I was hoping we cold keep it our little secret, but you're welcome.

I see you knocked over the fishtank again.

I can explain - when I was passing by, I saw that the scuba man was getting molested by your frog again. He wasn't looking happy. So I figured I would get the frog to move over to the treasure chest and have his way with that. But then the frog jumped onto my finger...long story short, the scuba man, the treasure chest, the frog and my finger all ended up on the floor. It was like I was in slow motion.


Anyway, that still doesn't make up for whoever ran their mouth off about that party last weekend. What exactly did you tell everyone?

I not only did not tell any one about any party, I was not aware of any party - I spent the entire weekends helping nuns babysit orphans. They even took pictures to send to the newspaper.

Who's keeps gluing all the Cap'n Crunch Cereal to the cat??!?

Ah, it may please the court to hear from witness Frickles the Cat

Frickles: Meow Meow meeeooow me ow ow meee ow mm meeoww oooowww phit phit

Ah, so it is my understanding that you found yourself around a bowl of captain crunch

Frickles: Meeow

And the said bowl of captain crunch was filled with milk and you decieded to take a lick? And that is when you slipped and fell into the bowl of captain crunch and hence.... need I say more your honor.



-------------------------


You, yes you.... why did you piss on the toilet seat and not have the common courtisy to clean it up?

she told me it was because of her rash...


now are you going to let me out?

I didn't put you in there. I don't know what you did and I don't know what you would do if I did let you out, so I'll let you stew in there for a while more. :D

Who filled my shotgun with cheese-doodles?

No, I wasn't the one to put cheese doodles in your shotgun. I was the one who put them in your hair, not the shotgun...


So, who is responsible for the butt cheek marks on the photocopier glass?

Those are not my buttcheek marks on the copier. Mine are on the frige door, and they clearly do not match.

Who's been licking the ashtrays?!!?

That would be me. My minerals are low. :p

Who squealed to the fuzz!?

My bad. I thought I called the pizza dude.

Who shot JFK?

I did but my magic bullet was faulty.

How lowered my shields and damaged my warp drive?

*EDIT* Bah, I'm slow!


*ORIGINAL* Certainly wasn't me; I'm too young to be employed by the FBI.

But the real question here is who killed Bob Hope?