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some dude with a giant hammer, not me...
bring me the head of alfredo garcia... |
You talkin' to ME? I ain't gettin' no head from Alfredo NOBODY!
But, somebody tapped my shoulder. When I turned, no one was there. Was that you? |
nope, must have been fly...
where's my moon pie... |
It's in your pants.... and quit calling me "pie".
Who stole the rest of the thread? |
It wasn't me, all I've got is this yellow yarn.
Who pissed in my cheerios? |
Don't look at me because I have a video of Uncle Phil whizzing in your breakfast my friend. He also 'sweetened' your coffee this morning.
... Who took my African Teak Dunhill Lighter? |
i did, but only because grump told me to, and he's bigger and uglier than i am...
who stole the kishka? |
Fat and round and firmly packed?
It was hanging on the rack. Yusef brought it back! Where's the beef? |
why, the beef is in my pants, of course.
What I want to know is why did you tie my shoes together? |
They kept wandering off on their own!
Who forgot to feed the dog? |
Well, I admit, I forgot, but he was workin' the neighborhood at the time and it jumped my mind.
Did you steal my fries!?! |
nope, must have been GH...
who dat humpin' dat chicken? |
That was a chicken? I thought it was a disemboweled fetus.
Who spanked my monkey? |
Quote:
But it was one of your multiple personalities that spanked your monkey...You are Jack's monkey spanker.... ... Who drugged me and forced me to have sex with that 19 year old cute virgin brunette coed? |
I don't know Jack!
Surely you didn't steal my mojo, baby? |
I stole it, I admit. But brother let's face it, you'd be better off with horse spit.
Ok who's the big dummy that is censoring my freaking post? |
Not me, I was too busy wondering if you had a football shaped head.
Who stole my Men At Work albums! I loved those goddamn things! |
Sorry! Here, you can have them back. I only took them to polish all of those nasty grooves off of them. See? Nice and shiny like your CD's. Isn't that better?
Who stole Michael Jackson's pigmentation? |
Wasn't me. He was loving enough to share his bed with me, why would I want to harm him?
Who added Garth Brooks to my playlist? |
It wasn't me, I was with grumpyold dude, raiding your porn collection. Just ask him..
But you are the one who photoshopped Barnesy picture onto the body of every one of my Bon jovi posters. |
Don't look at me. Both Barney and Bon Jovi make me want to yak. If I saw them together, I'd probably bring up a lung.
However, I think you were the one who melted the face off my Han Solo, in Hoth outfit, action figure. Why did you do it? How will I ever recreate the battle of Hoth again? |
'twas not i, grasshopper, but i'll keep my eyes open for the real culprit...
who smacked my ass and called me sally? |
i would never smack the ass of uncle phil! i don't even have hands! never mind how i type.
what i really want to know is, why is there a head-cheese and pimento-loaf sandwich stuffed in my VCR? |
It looked hungry...I'm sorry. I mean someone said it looked hungry, stuffed the sandwich in and buggered off...didn't catch his name...
Who is responsible for the theft of my pocket-sized particle accelerator? |
That would be the Ghostbusters down the street.
Did you steal my soul? |
I only borrowed your soul! I left it in your mailbox!
Last I heard, the guy next door traded it for Alf pogs! YOU THREW UP ON MY MAGIC CARPET DIDN'T YOU!??! |
nope, bones did it...he missed the roilet...
...can't find my other avatar of mm... |
I dint take her, Big Willy did.
Did you sell my rusted musket? |
nope, i gave away your busted muskrat...
my ear is on fire... |
I was just standing NEAR this old blow torch and it ..well... em...just kinda...uh.... HONEST! I DID NOT TOUCH IT!
Has anyone seen my nicotine suppositories? |
Those marks...... I fell over a bale and a hen picked me
|
easy, homer...pick yourself up and start over...it'll get better...
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Who's turn is it, anyway?
|
i'll go.
SUPPOSITORIES?........ well that explains a few things... i mean... i haven't seen them. by the way, what were you thinking, taking my burrito-maker like that?? |
i didn't take your burrito-maker anywhere...he left by himself...
why is my roilet plugged up? |
I saw it was unplugged, so I plugged it back in. Now your roilet light is working and you can see your way to the john in the middle of the night...
... Why did you hide my car keys??? |
The way you drive? My mother was coming in from out of town, and I didn't think she would survive with both of you on the road at the same time. The DMV should have done what I did years ago.
And what did you do with my dog that causes him to cower in the corner, and for that matter, what happened to all my trashbags? |
It wasn't me, but I heard some guy was giving neighborhood pets free pushes down 7-mile hill inside garbage bags.
Who was it that rearranged my ass indentation on my sofa? |
not me, but i saw fly skulking around just outside the door...
who moved my truck? |
Hey there Uncle Phil...I didn't move that truck...The guy I sold it to did.
... and while I'm thinking of it...Who replaced my contact solution with battery acid? |
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