Creatures that would make lousy vampires...
 

Idea came from a stupid discussion earlier. What creatures do you think would make lousy vampires?

My choices?

Ducks.
Donkeys.
Dachsunds.

...

Whatchoo got?

Horses.

No question.

I guess you missed the vampire episode of Darkwing Duck.

Trout.

Elephant would make a cumbersome vampire with that big trunk sticking in the way of a good bite...unless we fantasize blood sucking teeth on the tip of the trunk...that would be awesome even to suck a giraffe's long neck.

But I can't put leaches on that list.

How do we know leaches aren't clever little vampire worms that have evolved over eons to trick us into thinking they do the body some good just so we use them to suck some of our blood? huh?

Fucking otters.

Too cute to be evil.


That and any breed in the retriever class of dogs.

Oh, and emus.

A vampire Emu would to totally fuck you up, Baraka.

Yeah, it would probably eviscerate me via my sternum.

But you know what? Dachshunds...they go for the throat as they are. A vampire dachshund would be the worst.

Elephants.

But Elephant Zombies would be cool.

Turtles
Moose
Platypus

Daddy long leg spiders....

Their mouths are too small to bite.

I would think giraffes would be easy targets for vampires..

Coral (immobile)
Sloths (too slow)
Anteaters (narrow mouth, no teeth)
Peacocks (too noisy, couldn't sneak up on their victim)
Giraffes (necks too long, too unwieldy)
Chihuahuas (too shaky, couldn't get a good grip)
Reindeer (protected species, see Santa)
Sponges (good for soaking up blood, but lousy at seeking it out)

hedgehogs...

http://i291.photobucket.com/albums/l...2/hedgehog.jpg

I used to think that little dogs would be terrible vampires.
Then I watched Blade again.

http://img.skitch.com/20080523-qndgc...fuhwtmhtt6.jpg

Platypi would make lousy vampires.

Ladybugs
Coelacanth (fish thought to be extinct that lives in the deep ocean)
Dung beetles
Butterflies
Clams
Penguins
My grandmother (she's 98 and blind)

oh I have to disagree with penguins...I think they would make awesome vampires

Just because they've got the built-in tuxedo? They're flightless and slow. Stay away from large bodies of water, and you're safe from penguin vampires. They won't outrun you.

^ just to honor TFP...though ferrets would not be on my lousy vampire list since they have sharp little teeth and can scoot right up to your neck with their little claws.

I'll add humans who blab too much. If you're a professional vampire you have to lay low and not have people searching you out while you're sleeping so they can drive a stake through your heart...be cool, lay low, suck blood forever.

Giant tube worm. No mouth, no digestive tract. :)

http://www.technovelgy.com/graphics/...t-tubeworm.jpg

Since the threads are currently adjacent, I propose the Narwal. Sure, it has a great horn for piercing, but getting close enough to suck the blood won't be easy.

But on the plus side, does look remarkably like a vagina...

Me.

Unless taco bell offers a blood burrito i would starve to death (again? still?)

Cheese, I find it hard to believe that you subsist solely on Taco Bell.

...

Hermit Crabs = Shitty Vampires

Robert Pattinson...does he count?

I was gonna say "cute little baby" but now I'm not so sure

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...acifier_01.jpg

Cows

Turkeys

one out of two is pretty good

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...vampirecow.jpg

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...n-india_49.jpg

Also
http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/5524/cow1.jpg

Spores...

Tribbles.

guppies.

Obese housecats.

my uncle joe would not make a good vampire

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2.../nosferatu.jpg

Clams

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/attachm...2nro1_1280.jpg

Must resist bearded clam joke.......

Peeps.

http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/h...ingy/image.jpg

Bunnies. And yet there's a book...
http://www.boscobel.k12.wi.us/~schnrich/bunnicula.jpg