The Ultimate Conspiracy
 

"They're coming to take me away..."

That my pores were wormholes to paradise.

"And god said to himself, "I must somehow make sex "dirty"""

Drug companies make people sick in order to make money off of suppressing the subsequent symptoms....

Everybody knows that!

In order to maintain a permanent state of agitation in a populace, certain countries allow liquor to be sold cheaper than milk---because there exists no such brew that compliments corn flakes and sugar as does milk.

what, no tinfoil hat salesmen?

My hat is lined with tinfoil, and I'm sure it was an accidental thoughtform that did it. That, or all those Cokes.

We relieve our symptoms by making stuff up. I meant it without the 'lie' in the middle. Conspiracies are (apparently) part of our nature.

IT WILL BE ALRIGHT.

That was simply beautiful.

tin foil hat, my ass...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...tinfoilass.jpg

the tin foil thong is just....so, so wrong

No shit.

I am with pirates.

that wasn't really MY ass...

LIES! CONSPIRACY! LIES! CALAMITY AND WOE!
But how do you protect against government's invasive radio waves invading your butt... or would it make their radio butt invading more effective...

amplitude as excessory fashion.

and i have the corner on modulating frequency...

1 And the LORD did come unto Adam, and said unto him, "So, Man who I have made, likest thou the hot little number I whipped up to amuse thee? Worth losing a rib?"

2 And Adam did grin, sheepishly.

3 Therefore did the LORD continue, "Rouse, then, her, and come before me to stand, for there is wisdom I would impart unto you."

4 And Adam spake, "Sure, thing, Pop. Back in a jiffy." And disappeared into a nearby thicket, presently to return with Woman.

5 And they stood before the LORD, without a stitch of clothing unto them.

6 And the LORD spake, "Man, woman, I want you to know that you have been made in my image."

7 And Adam piped up, "We know this, Dad."

8 "Made your ears right, then, I did," huffed the LORD, "But, well, you should know there are parts of us that are dirty."

Here endeth the lesson.

Pirates? What is that, some sort of Japanese Isometrics?

The current "Health Consciousness" phase of society - declaring good food to be unhealthy (they actually mean unhealthful, but these aren't smart people), smoking and alcohol and drugs dangers to self and society, Constant exercize, decrying obesity and loss of moral values, claiming that avoidance of the "bad" and adherance to the "good" adds years to life?

This is a boondoggle.

What good life if all that's worthwhile will end it? If you're too busy with your bowflex and stairmaster to do anything (or indeed, taste the lawn clippings on your calorically inert salad - I swear by Dog and all that is hairy my wife sends me out to the store to buy a box of common weeds for 8 bucks a pound that she would find in the nearest meadow for free if she would get off the excercycle and take a walk)?

And they never ever let on that the extra years you rack up come at the end. Folks, I spent enough of my time getting out of diapers that I'd like to minimize the amount of time I spend back in them. Regardless, you won't live forever, but better to go out longing for more than feel like you have lived forever.

It is a conspiracy, then; they are sucking the juice out of life for reasons unknown, and that is more frightening than any spawn of Shub-niggurath.

Fnord/ Repeat to yourself: Vegetables are not food. Vegetables are what food eats. Start fighting it.

and the beat goes on...

"with pirates" (con) = with... piracy..nevermind!

drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain...

I think I need a nice steak.
That, or some brains.

Where are the conspirators?

TFP sensors their posts... it's a conspiracy!

Up here in space I'm looking down on you.
My lasers trace everything you do.
You think youve private lives. Think nothing of the kind.
There is no true escape. I'm watching all the time.
I'm made of metal. My circuits gleam.
I am perpetual. I keep the country clean.
I'm elected electric spy. I'm protected electric eye
Always in focus. You can't feel my stare.
I zoom into you. You don't know I'm there.
I take a pride in probing all your secret moves.
My tearless retina takes pictures that can prove.
I'm made of metal. My circuits gleam.
I am perpetual. I keep the country clean.
I'm elected electric spy. I'm protected electric eye.
Electric eye, in the sky. Feel my stare, always there.
There's nothing you can do about it. Develop and expose.
I feed upon your every thought, and so my power grows.
I'm made of metal. My circuits gleam.
I am perpetual. I keep the country clean.
I'm elected electric spy. I'm protected electric eye.
Protected, detective, electric eye.

/ Rob Halford knows something you don't.
/ No, no, other than that.

sensors...are those the little things that get stuck on your head with wires coming out?

What is wrong with my tynfoyl?

They're watching the detective. (It's so cute.)

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

The future isn't waiting for us. It's coming.

Damn universal conspirators.

who? i'll tell ya who...the freakin' bean counters, that's who...

Frankly, Phil, I am a card carrying bean counter, and no one have ever invited me to the Elders of Zion meetings, though I did get a call on 9/11 to make sure I didn't go to the Pentagon. Came from a KFC of all things. Herbs and spices ain't the only secret they have, let me tell you.

Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face- "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"

Wake up people! Coke and Pepsi are the same thing!

*I must admit this is shamelessly stolen from the Simpsons.

when all else fails, the colonel is your friend...

It's a fiendish plot by the Pentavirate: The Rothschildes, The Gettys, The Queen, the Vatican, and the Colonel.

Excellent! You know of their organization, too!

The five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, whom run everything in the world, including the newspapers and the TFP, meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as "The Meadows." They are: the Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders (before he went tits up).

Everyone is out to love me dammit.