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-   -   Eloquent insults..... (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-fun-zone/127106-eloquent-insults.html)

Push-Pull 11-08-2007 06:41 PM

Eloquent insults.....
 
OK, this thread is born from the need to obtain a more eh, "civilized" way of saying "douche bag". A guy from work just loves the word, and frankly, while it does flow easily off the tongue, I believe that there is a much more eloquent way of saying the same thing and sound polite at the same time. (You gotta love it when you insult someone and they really don't know if you just flamed or praised them....)

Anyhow, no sense in only including the phrase douche bag, so let's just make it open for all comers.....

dawnoffawn 11-08-2007 07:46 PM

Great thread, Push-pull. i'm a sucker when it comes ot insulting and cannot ofr my life find any other word that the insulting truth (lol), so any ideas would really come in handy.

Infinite_Loser 11-08-2007 08:06 PM

Just call him a troglodyte :)

squeeeb 11-08-2007 08:26 PM

"inane drone" works well, or "cognitively simple"

Zooksport2 11-08-2007 11:44 PM

infantesimile pismire, you are

Fast Forward 11-09-2007 02:51 AM

A thin, meek and gentle fellow was entering a shop at the very same moment a large aggressive bully was making his exit. The doorway was much too narrow for the both of them so the bully says, “I NEVER give way to an idiot!” The little guy immediately steps aside to let him pass and then looks up and says, “Oh! But I ALWAYS DO!”

ring 11-09-2007 11:07 AM

sophmoric works,

some will just think it's an undergrad.

Sion 11-09-2007 07:20 PM

call him a fecal remnant

Ourcrazymodern? 11-09-2007 09:19 PM

Whatever comes off the top of your head should work as a response to "douche bag", if you feel the need to respond with anything other than a quick fist to the head.

Push-Pull 11-10-2007 04:27 AM

Uhhh, the guy doesn't aim "douche bag" at me, but he is rather fond of using it often. Which is strange because the guy is actually very well rounded and intelligent. I just wanted to offer him an alternative.

Tophat665 11-10-2007 07:37 AM

"It's your kind wot cause unrest."

"When your IQ hits 50, sell. You will profit"

"Waste of perfectly good Oxygen"

"Anal Wart"

The problem with replacing douchebag in someone's vocabulary is that it has a certain euphony to it. Iambic insults just seem to work better "GODdamn STUpid FUCking WASTE of JISum" (And in pentameter at that.)

ring 11-10-2007 09:03 AM

Wave hello and say " Hi! colonic"

uncle phil 11-10-2007 04:36 PM

If you was da tree and I was da Squirrel, I'd store me nuts in yer hole.

Sion 11-10-2007 07:11 PM

its not very eloquent, but I've found that shitbag is a nice change of pace from douchebag.

uncle phil 11-11-2007 03:47 PM

my Love for you is like diarrhea; I can't hold it in...

Tophat665 11-11-2007 04:28 PM

His Circle of Willis is choked with fecaliths.

bunjamin 11-11-2007 11:33 PM

Perhaps try suggesting a subtle change. For instance, I've noticed several people saying "douche nozzle" recently, but maybe you'd not find it any less annoying.

Fast Forward 11-12-2007 12:13 AM

I'd have been your father if that collie hadn't got over the fence before me.

uncle phil 11-12-2007 04:30 AM

Is there a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them...

tecoyah 11-12-2007 05:10 AM

"I'm terribly sorry, but I completely forgot I requested your Opinion"

Oh....and Peniswipe

vermin 11-12-2007 11:43 AM

Use racial epithets, but make sure they're always the wrong ones.

Sion 11-12-2007 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uncle phil
Is there a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them...


more of a bad pickup line than an insult, wouldn't you say?

troit 11-12-2007 02:26 PM

You need to keep in mind that when you are stooping to their level you need to use words they understand. The following, when said sacrastically, hits home rather well:

Just call then a "Mental Giant".

uncle phil 11-12-2007 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sion
more of a bad pickup line than an insult, wouldn't you say?

i probably would...

Tophat665 11-12-2007 07:47 PM

Somebody forgot to pay their brain bill again. (Sing-song-y)

Jezzabelle 11-12-2007 09:32 PM

Good alternatives to Douche bag are:

Fuck face
Ass Hat
Douche Nozzle
Festering zit on my ass
Fuck Tard
Cock face


I interchange them on a regular basis

Tophat665 11-13-2007 04:39 AM

I do like Fucktard

Fast Forward 11-13-2007 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tecoyah
"I'm terribly sorry, but I completely forgot I requested your Opinion"

I love it :thumbsup:

Ourcrazymodern? 11-13-2007 06:14 AM

I WOULD never say that to YOU.

Fast Forward 11-13-2007 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jezzabelle
Good alternatives to Douche bag are:

Fuck face

I'm partial to "Toe Rag".

Sion 11-13-2007 11:22 AM

or, if he has a day during which he uses the term excessively, you could say "What is it with you and this incessant douchebaggery today?"

ring 11-13-2007 01:11 PM

"yeah.. he's a real,(or she) Water Sport.

MSD 11-16-2007 09:05 PM

Compound insults are fun and all, but sometimes you have to be more straight forward with them. Next time he calls you a douchebag, tell him to go fornicate himself.

Anxst 11-16-2007 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jezzabelle
Good alternatives to Douche bag are:

Fuck face
Ass Hat
Douche Nozzle
Festering zit on my ass
Fuck Tard
Cock face


I interchange them on a regular basis

For more polite company, I always liked my daughter's favorite.

"Loserhead".

Fast Forward 11-17-2007 03:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct
Compound insults are fun and all, but sometimes you have to be more straight forward with them. Next time he calls you a douchebag, tell him to go fornicate himself.

...... or to sit on himself. :)

Tophat665 11-17-2007 07:11 AM

Schweenbag is a good one. It doesn't actually mean anything, but it sounds filthy.

ring 11-17-2007 07:41 AM

Iv'e called people 'Corizo'

Sion 11-17-2007 03:05 PM

best I've ever come up with is this:

That's not the most unintelligent thing I've ever heard, but it does have ambition.

Beyond_Borders 11-17-2007 07:41 PM

Lepton

Hyacinthe 11-18-2007 12:21 AM

"I hope your ears turn into ass holes and shit on your shoulders"

" If you were any more of a tool they would sell you at Bunnings"

"I'd like to see things from your point of view but I just can't stick my head that far up my ass"

"Expel sebaceous fluids from your tear ducts in greater quantities novice."
translates to "Cry more newb"


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