The Summer Solstice signals the Season of the Sausage - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Giant Hamburger · 06-18-2003, 09:42 PM

Sausage is one of the oldest forms of processed food, having been mentioned in Homer's Odyssey:
"As when a man besides a great fire has filled a sausage with fat and blood and turns it this way and that and is very eager to get it quickly roasted. . ."
9th Century B.C.

It might not be the largest or the tastiest but the Lord of All Sausages is the mighty, mighty Hot Dog.

We have seen the shrines.

We have adored the Queen.

We have glimpsed the phallic landaus rolling beside us.

It’s time we discussed Vital Hot Dog Statistics

Americans consumed more than 20 billion hot dogs in 2002, 9 billion of which were purchased in retail stores.

Americans typically consume 7 billion hot dogs between Memorial Day and Labor Day.

Americans will eat 25.9 million hot dogs in major league ballparks -- that's enough to stretch from Dodgers' Stadium in Los Angeles to Yankee Stadium in New York City.

On the Fourth of July, Americans will enjoy 150 million hot dogs.

More hot dogs will be eaten at New York's Yankee Stadium - 1.8 million in 2003 - than in any other major league ballpark in the country.

Americans will consume more than 2 billion hot dogs during National Hot Dog Month this July.

According to The National Hot Dog And Sausage Council found at www.hot-dog.org there is a lofty and rigid code of Dos and Don'ts:

Don't...
put hot dog toppings between the hot dog and the bun. Always "dress the dog," not the bun.
Condiments should be applied in the following order: wet condiments like mustard and chili are applied first, followed by chunky condiments like relish, onions and sauerkraut, followed by shredded cheese, followed by spices, like celery salt or pepper.
Do...
serve sesame seed, poppy seed and plain buns with hot dogs. Sun-dried tomato buns or basil buns are considered gauche with franks.
Don't...
use a cloth napkin to wipe your mouth when eating a hot dog. Paper is always preferable.
Do...
eat hot dogs on buns with your hands. Utensils should not touch hot dogs on buns.
Do...
use paper plates to serve hot dogs. Every day dishes are acceptable; china is a no-no.
Don't...
take more than five bites to finish a hot dog. For foot-long wiener, seven bites are acceptable.
Don't...
leave bits of bun on your plate. Eat it all.
Fresh herbs on the same plate with hot dogs are a major "Don't..." Mustard, relish, onions, cheese and chili are acceptable.
Don't...
use ketchup on your hot dog after the age of 18.
Do...
Condiments remaining on the fingers after eating a hot dog should be licked away, not washed.
Do...
use multi-colored toothpicks to serve cocktail wieners. Cocktail forks are in poor taste.
Don't...
send a thank you note following a hot dog barbecue. It would not be in keeping with the unpretentious nature of hot dogs.
Don't...
bring wine to a hot dog barbecue. Beer, soda, lemonade and iced tea are preferable.
Don't...
ever think there is a wrong time to serve hot dogs.
Don't...
forget about the Corndogs…

Antagony · 06-19-2003, 01:13 AM

A+++++++++ WOULD DO BIZNESS WITH AGAIN

cheese · 06-19-2003, 01:14 AM

Dammit i thought this thread would be about summer sasuage
ohh well Hot dogs are great natrual casting are the best.. corn dogs suck ass though corn bread is delightfull and so are hot dogs but together the make a vile concoction like mixing Pickle rellish and peanutbutter its just wrong IMHO

phredgreen · 06-19-2003, 01:20 AM

now does anyone else find it ironic that a giant hamburger is sitting here lauding his archnemesis, the hotdog? each and every picnic leaves the reveler with one choice: hamburger or hotdog?

Giant Hamburger · 06-19-2003, 06:46 AM

Hail Citizen Phredgreen!

Long ago hot dogs and hamburgers released the hostility and anger found in their heated rivalry and embraced each other as brothers. I now consider them my dear, sweet friends. Let go of the old ways and learn that there will be more than just one picnic in life.

For Cheese, who just hasn't met the right corndog yet...

And may the burger gods bless Antagony's prompt and friendly service!
-GH

platypus · 06-19-2003, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by phredgreen
each and every picnic leaves the reveler with one choice: hamburger or hotdog?

Nope. I have one of each.

Giant Hamburger · 06-19-2003, 08:31 PM

The sausages will not let me sleep. Their whispers whisper to me.

They say, “summer is the season when the sausages' sweet siren song sizzles softly on the grill.”

I long to stuff my gut tube with gut tubes stuffed with gut tubes of other tasty creatures.

This scene is obviously a trap. It is too perfect.

Does anyone know anything about blood sausage?

I will just eat mine in the trees where it’s safe.

Don’t forget to bet on the sausage race on your way out.

I hope I will not have to use this.

Fly · 06-20-2003, 10:48 AM

*sparks bbq and throws on a few brats*

*no not my kids*

thanx GH

rockzilla · 06-29-2003, 11:27 AM

Man, I'd love to get my hands on a hot dog gun and go on a shooting spree at a baseball game.

Peetster · 06-29-2003, 04:08 PM

Silly GH. This is the rare sausage tree! It looks like it was a good spring.

sadistikdreams · 06-29-2003, 04:59 PM

mmmmm.......

BLOOOOOODDD SAUSAGE!

grumpyolddude · 06-29-2003, 09:54 PM

HHHHmmmmm.... nothing like the sight of a beautiful girl eating a corndog! Check it out, cheese. Might like it!

bobby · 03-09-2004, 08:34 AM

wow !........................XOXOXOO

Snoogans · 03-10-2004, 02:33 AM

This is the greatest thread I have ever seen, thank you Giant Hamburger for bringing this to us.

06-18-2003, 09:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	The Summer Solstice signals the Season of the Sausage Sausage is one of the oldest forms of processed food, having been mentioned in Homer's Odyssey: "As when a man besides a great fire has filled a sausage with fat and blood and turns it this way and that and is very eager to get it quickly roasted. . ." 9th Century B.C. It might not be the largest or the tastiest but the Lord of All Sausages is the mighty, mighty Hot Dog. We have seen the shrines. We have adored the Queen. We have glimpsed the phallic landaus rolling beside us. It’s time we discussed Vital Hot Dog Statistics Americans consumed more than 20 billion hot dogs in 2002, 9 billion of which were purchased in retail stores. Americans typically consume 7 billion hot dogs between Memorial Day and Labor Day. Americans will eat 25.9 million hot dogs in major league ballparks -- that's enough to stretch from Dodgers' Stadium in Los Angeles to Yankee Stadium in New York City. On the Fourth of July, Americans will enjoy 150 million hot dogs. More hot dogs will be eaten at New York's Yankee Stadium - 1.8 million in 2003 - than in any other major league ballpark in the country. Americans will consume more than 2 billion hot dogs during National Hot Dog Month this July. According to The National Hot Dog And Sausage Council found at www.hot-dog.org there is a lofty and rigid code of Dos and Don'ts: Don't... put hot dog toppings between the hot dog and the bun. Always "dress the dog," not the bun. Condiments should be applied in the following order: wet condiments like mustard and chili are applied first, followed by chunky condiments like relish, onions and sauerkraut, followed by shredded cheese, followed by spices, like celery salt or pepper. Do... serve sesame seed, poppy seed and plain buns with hot dogs. Sun-dried tomato buns or basil buns are considered gauche with franks. Don't... use a cloth napkin to wipe your mouth when eating a hot dog. Paper is always preferable. Do... eat hot dogs on buns with your hands. Utensils should not touch hot dogs on buns. Do... use paper plates to serve hot dogs. Every day dishes are acceptable; china is a no-no. Don't... take more than five bites to finish a hot dog. For foot-long wiener, seven bites are acceptable. Don't... leave bits of bun on your plate. Eat it all. Fresh herbs on the same plate with hot dogs are a major "Don't..." Mustard, relish, onions, cheese and chili are acceptable. Don't... use ketchup on your hot dog after the age of 18. Do... Condiments remaining on the fingers after eating a hot dog should be licked away, not washed. Do... use multi-colored toothpicks to serve cocktail wieners. Cocktail forks are in poor taste. Don't... send a thank you note following a hot dog barbecue. It would not be in keeping with the unpretentious nature of hot dogs. Don't... bring wine to a hot dog barbecue. Beer, soda, lemonade and iced tea are preferable. Don't... ever think there is a wrong time to serve hot dogs. Don't... forget about the Corndogs… Last edited by Giant Hamburger; 06-18-2003 at 09:50 PM..

06-19-2003, 01:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
Antagony Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate Location: ...between Christ and Belial.	A+++++++++ WOULD DO BIZNESS WITH AGAIN __________________ On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll. Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club. "GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust

06-19-2003, 01:20 AM	#4 (permalink)
phredgreen who? Location: the phoenix metro	now does anyone else find it ironic that a giant hamburger is sitting here lauding his archnemesis, the hotdog? each and every picnic leaves the reveler with one choice: hamburger or hotdog? __________________ My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine

06-19-2003, 06:46 AM	#5 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	Hail Citizen Phredgreen! Long ago hot dogs and hamburgers released the hostility and anger found in their heated rivalry and embraced each other as brothers. I now consider them my dear, sweet friends. Let go of the old ways and learn that there will be more than just one picnic in life. For Cheese, who just hasn't met the right corndog yet... And may the burger gods bless Antagony's prompt and friendly service! -GH Last edited by Giant Hamburger; 06-19-2003 at 07:01 AM..

06-19-2003, 08:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	The sausages will not let me sleep. Their whispers whisper to me. They say, “summer is the season when the sausages' sweet siren song sizzles softly on the grill.” I long to stuff my gut tube with gut tubes stuffed with gut tubes of other tasty creatures. This scene is obviously a trap. It is too perfect. Does anyone know anything about blood sausage? I will just eat mine in the trees where it’s safe. Don’t forget to bet on the sausage race on your way out. I hope I will not have to use this. Last edited by Giant Hamburger; 06-20-2003 at 11:18 AM..

06-19-2003, 01:14 AM	#3 (permalink)
cheese Psycho Location: In your bath tub with all your other rubber toys	Dammit i thought this thread would be about summer sasuage ohh well Hot dogs are great natrual casting are the best.. corn dogs suck ass though corn bread is delightfull and so are hot dogs but together the make a vile concoction like mixing Pickle rellish and peanutbutter its just wrong IMHO

06-20-2003, 10:48 AM	#8 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	sparks bbq and throws on a few brats no not my kids thanx GH __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

06-29-2003, 11:27 AM	#9 (permalink)
rockzilla Junkie Location: The Kitchen	Man, I'd love to get my hands on a hot dog gun and go on a shooting spree at a baseball game.

06-29-2003, 04:08 PM	#10 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	Silly GH. This is the rare sausage tree! It looks like it was a good spring.

06-29-2003, 04:59 PM	#11 (permalink)
sadistikdreams lonely rolling star Location: Seattle.	mmmmm....... BLOOOOOODDD SAUSAGE! __________________ "Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials." -Lin Yutang hearts, by d.a.

06-29-2003, 09:54 PM	#12 (permalink)
grumpyolddude Deliberately unfocused Location: Amazon.com and CDBaby	HHHHmmmmm.... nothing like the sight of a beautiful girl eating a corndog! Check it out, cheese. Might like it! __________________ "Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

03-09-2004, 08:34 AM	#13 (permalink)
bobby Super Moderator Location: 18,000+ posts on TFP #1,2,3,4 and 5,but I'm not counting!	wow !........................XOXOXOO __________________ "Life goes on,within you,and...with out you !" xoxoxoo

03-10-2004, 02:33 AM	#14 (permalink)
Snoogans Veteran Location: Uppsala, Sweden	This is the greatest thread I have ever seen, thank you Giant Hamburger for bringing this to us. __________________ Internet hint: If someone's asking if what they do is weird, it always is.