Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > Tilted Fun Zone


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-01-2006, 10:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
nmm
Tilted
 
Things we have learn form porn...

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women make noise..

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH" when they cum.

15. If there are two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted).

16. Double penetration makes a woman smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend doesn't knock the piss out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patients' cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before she fucks both of you.

24. Women never have headaches....or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

__________________
Nihilistic Mad Man... Gallic Hedonist... Freak of Nature...
nmm is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 11:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
Functionally Appropriate
 
fresnelly's Avatar
 
Location: Toronto
31. As a woman, if you're having an affair with your best friend's husband, don't worry about getting caught by her. Most likely, she put him up to it because she has a secret crush on you, and figured this was the best way to get a threesome going.

32. If you're riding out into the desert in a convertible, you're going to get laid in it.

33. There's nothing strange about a professional photographer seducing the model at a photoshoot. It's just what happens.

34. The best way for a couple trapped in a loveless marriage to solve their problems, is to spend a weekend at a brothel. Or have a threesome with their marriage counselor.

35. During copulation, it's perfectly natural for a woman to gaze fixedly into the space beside her partner.

36. The most pleasurable positions are the ones where the whole of your bodies touch each other the least. It's a myth that you need to connect with more than just your hands and genitals to really enjoy yourself.
fresnelly is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 11:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
Getting it.
 
Charlatan's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Lion City
37. Women with long hair will always keep it held back and if not her sexual partner will hold it clear for her. Nobody is certain why.
__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke
Charlatan is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 11:24 AM   #4 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
Quote:
Originally Posted by nmm
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
or the back of his neck too... looking mighty proud of himself of course...
__________________
Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
maleficent is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 11:25 AM   #5 (permalink)
Devoted
 
Redlemon's Avatar
 
Donor
Location: New England
38. It is a little known fact that your voice is not related to your mouth position; it is just an ingrained habit. Many people, in the throes of passion, lose the ability to keep their mouth movements in sync with the words or sounds that they are making.
__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.
Redlemon is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 12:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
Smithers, release the hounds
 
ironman's Avatar
 
Location: Guatemala, Guatemala
39. Hairy butts and celulitis are myths.
40. Every woman loves that her partner ejacultaes in her mouth, she loves the taste of it and given the opportunity, she'll share it mouth to mouth with a friend of hers.
41. Millionare women dig pizza delivery boys, gardners and pool cleaners.
__________________
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong

Last edited by ironman; 06-01-2006 at 12:05 PM..
ironman is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 12:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
Devoted
 
Redlemon's Avatar
 
Donor
Location: New England
42. Anal sex requires no lubrication or preparation - just go ahead and stick it in there.

(yay, I got #42!)
__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.
Redlemon is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 12:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
Getting it.
 
Charlatan's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Lion City
43. All male/female sex follows this general progression: Cunnilingus, Blow Job, Vaginal Sex, Anal Sex, Orgasm on Face.

Any deviation from this (other than the interchange of the first two items on the list) is to be regarded as "something kinky."
__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke
Charlatan is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 12:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
Functionally Appropriate
 
fresnelly's Avatar
 
Location: Toronto
44. The best way for a female police officer to solve a brutal crime or bring down a criminal organization, is to go undercover as a prostitute and sleep with of the witnesses and suspects. Sleeping with her Supervisor is also a good idea.

Last edited by fresnelly; 06-01-2006 at 12:19 PM..
fresnelly is offline  
Old 06-01-2006, 12:59 PM   #10 (permalink)
With a mustache, the cool factor would be too much
 
Fremen's Avatar
 
Location: left side of my couch, East Texas
45. Women in Medieval Europe had tattoos, bikini tans, fake nails and fake tits.
__________________
Google
Fremen is offline  
Old 06-02-2006, 05:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
Delicious
 
Reese's Avatar
 
46: Different positions flow seemlessly into each other. If you have to pull out to go from Missionary to doggy style, you're doing it wrong.

47: There are never interuptions during sex. The phone doesn't ring, the kids don't come home, you never have to stop because you think you left the stove on.
__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry
Reese is offline  
Old 06-02-2006, 05:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
Functionally Appropriate
 
fresnelly's Avatar
 
Location: Toronto
48. Semen tastes like ice-cream
fresnelly is offline  
Old 06-02-2006, 06:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
Devoted
 
Redlemon's Avatar
 
Donor
Location: New England
49. Don't worry about removing clothes. They will suddenly vanish as you change positions. (This is a corollary to Rule 46.)

50. A penis will taste like chocolate following A2M. (This is a corollary to Rule 48.)
__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.
Redlemon is offline  
Old 06-02-2006, 03:44 PM   #14 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
51. For a woman's clitoris to be in her throat rather than her vulva is a not uncommon genetic abnormality.
52. All women are bisexual.
53. Pubic hair is permanently attached. It can be shaved, but never falls out on its own.
54. Any sort of in home sales gathering (for sex toys, lingeire, make-up, tupperware, food products, industrial welding supplies) will turn into a lesbian orgy.
55. Strippers dig gang-bangs
__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Tophat665 is offline  
Old 06-04-2006, 03:49 PM   #15 (permalink)
Flavor+noodles
 
qtpye4u84's Avatar
 
Location: oregon
56. It's not uncommon for a female to have an expression of boredom on her face and still sound like she's having fun.
__________________
The QTpie
qtpye4u84 is offline  
Old 06-04-2006, 04:16 PM   #16 (permalink)
Let's put a smile on that face
 
blahblah454's Avatar
 
Location: On the road...
57. All women love anal sex and would prefer it to vaginal sex
blahblah454 is offline  
Old 06-05-2006, 06:33 AM   #17 (permalink)
Delicious
 
Reese's Avatar
 
58: Anal-to-Vaginal is completely safe.
59a: The average length of a penis is 10 inches
59b: And every woman can deepthroat the "average penis."
__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry
Reese is offline  
Old 06-05-2006, 08:08 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
Sticky's Avatar
 
60. Men, don't worry you re not unatractive women will dig you and you will get laid. And even if you are ugly, you will still get laid.
61. Women can't cum unless their asses are slapped.
62. When having sex vaginally and escpecially anally it is important for the Man to pull his penis out every few minutes and hold the woman's vagina or ass open. This allows oxygen to reach the more sensitive tissues and which is a key factor in bringing a woman to orgasm.
__________________
Sticky The Stickman
Sticky is offline  
Old 06-05-2006, 11:49 PM   #19 (permalink)
nmm
Tilted
 
Wahoo... Thanks for completing the list like that... lol...
__________________
Nihilistic Mad Man... Gallic Hedonist... Freak of Nature...
nmm is offline  
Old 06-13-2006, 11:56 AM   #20 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
CSflim's Avatar
 
Location: Ireland
On a related note:
If College-Themed Porn Were Real
Quote:
If College-Themed Porn Were Real
Situation One: The Naughty Student
Cindi, an attractive student with a large rack, walks up to the desk of her professor.

Porn:
Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor: Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi: (has sex with him)

Reality:
Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor: Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi: Like what?
Professor: A seven- to ten-page report about the economic principles behind trade rules in a Micronesian country of your choosing.
Cindi: Oh. That makes sense and it is an appropriate extra credit assignment for the course.


Situation Two: The Hot Teacher
Paul, a student in his late twenties, walks up to the desk of his teacher, Professor Mandy, who has enormous breasts.

Porn:
Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul: How?
Professor Mandy: (fellates Paul)

Reality:
Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul: How?
Professor Mandy: A series of tests based on the material covered in this course.
Paul: Could I just have sex with you instead?
Professor Mandy: (sues Paul)


Situation Three: The Sorority
Between two and a half-dozen attractive coeds sit on a large bed, in nighties which barely contain their ample bosoms.

Porn:
Head Sorority Girl: Let's have a naked pillowfight!
Assistant Head Sorority Girl: And practice kissing!
Sorority Girls: (do those things)

Reality:
I kind of assume this is what actually happens in sororities.


Situation Four: The Curious Freshman
A very attractive freshman girl named Candi sits on a bed with her boyfriend, Brett. Did I mention that Candi has boobs the size of overripe grapefruit? She does.

Porn:
Brett: Let's try anal sex.
Candi: Okay.

Reality:
Brett: Let's try anal sex.
Candi: No.


Situation Five: The Janitor
A strangely-muscular janitor knocks on the door of Bambi, a girl whose low-cut shirt reveals a veritable explosion of cleavage.

Porn:
Janitor: Do those pipes need cleaning?
Bambi: (apparently this is all the pillow talk she needs to have all kinds of sex with him)

Reality:
Janitor: Perhaps I should have stayed in school.
Bambi: I can see how you could be disappointed with your station in life.
__________________
CSflim is offline  
Old 06-14-2006, 06:14 AM   #21 (permalink)
Ravenous
 
wolf's Avatar
 
Location: Right Behind You
63. Women love giving a blow job after anal sex.
__________________
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
wolf is offline  
Old 06-29-2006, 10:34 AM   #22 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Under the Radar
64. It takes the average man about 20 minutes of hard pumping to reach orgasm.

65. Don't worry about raping a woman because she will start enjoying it after the first 2 minutes.

66. Men usually don't get hard right away if the sex begins with licking bush.

67. Most women don't mind switching positions every 2 minutes.
Average_Joe is offline  
 

Tags
form, learn, porn, things

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:27 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360