koli70

The funniest thing happened when my older sister came back home to live for a lil while. She tryed cooking chicken in the oven, shes not a real whiz in the kitchen and it turns out she didnt cook it all the way and got food poisoning so she was up all night in the bathroom. At the time it wasnt as funny. So anyone have any good disaster stories? Please share

irseg

Only thing I can think of is when my former girlfriend and I tried to make Baked Alaska.

My intuition told me that putting ice cream in the frigging oven was just asking for trouble; as usual it was right.

Jevnizzle

Ok I dont know if this is like funny or whatever but one time I had the idea to make a hotdog cake.. yeah Umm so I got like a pack of hot dogs and some cake mix and I made up the mix and all that then stuck hot dogs in the top of it and in the end the hot dogs were all burned and I think something caught on fire..

splck

I made Christmas turkey one year for the whole family. The element burnt so I went to the neighbors to put it in their oven, but they wern't home. We ended up hacking the bird up and BBQing the pieces. It was a disaster that turned put to be the fodder of many jokes over the years.

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frankx

I tried making guacamole one time and failed miserably. Obviously there is an art to making good guacamole.

Hot dog cake? Like pigs in the blanket?

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Daval

My sister was doing a recipe that my mom does, which is basically cooking flank steak in tomato sauce slowly in the oven - comes out super soft and flavourful.

Well, she thought that tomato paste and tomato sauce are the same thing. It tasted horrible!

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geeky

One night I was starvin and my cupboards were pretty bare. A box of mac'n'cheese was one of the few things in there.
So yeah, I start cookin up the pasta before lookin in the fridge. Turns out that I was outta milk. Only thing in there was vanilla soy milk.
Yep, I used the soy milk.
I was so hungry I stomached half the bowl before deciding that continuing to ingest this stuff could prove harmful to my health. I live to this day to warn others not to make this terrible mistake.
*weep*

irseg

I just remembered another one. A friend and I did a fifth of SoCo (each) one night. The following morning we were still drunk as hell and in need of food to soak up the excess alcohol. We tried to make stir fry, but somehow it ended up involving a little bit of everything in the fridge, including half a jar of spaghetti sauce. Needless to say, when the hangover kicked in shortly thereafter it tasted exactly the same coming back up.

Oh, and that same day I drove from Harrisburg PA to DC and back. Driving on 2 major beltways each way while viciously hung over is not something I want to go through again.

SexyCat

Pretty much everything my roommate cooks. Tonight it was burnt rice a roni. Good thing I make my own food

Dilbert1234567

Friend was cooking scones and he put WAY to much butter in them, the butter melted out and dripped onto the flame in the over and the house filled with smoke, it was awful cause the smoke alarm is like 12 feet off the ground and we could not get it to stop...

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Ripsaw

I spent nearly $70 on a fore four rib standing roast, which was supposed to be trimmed, tied and aged. Everything was fine, except for the aging part. I got it home, and it smelled a bit off. I thought to myself "Never had an aged roast before. Maybe this is normal." So I prepped it and popped it in the oven. Same procedure as the last one I did, except that one wasn't aged. That one came out perfectly, New Year's Eve, and fed a couple dozen people. This one... This one came out like I would imagine a cow would taste if it was shot with 12 gauge and left in a field to marinate, in the sun, for about four weeks, unbled, and then butchered and left on my table. It smelled funny, and I couldn't even put a piece of it near my mouth without wanting to gag. The worst meal I ever made, bar none.

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absorbentishe

Once while staying at a friends house, his mom made something in the crock pot that he called "puke in a pot", of course he didn't tell me until later. I could barely stomach the dinner, and it came back up later.

Redlemon

Friend was making spagetti sauce for the first time. Recipie called for 2 cloves of garlic. She thought that sounded like a lot, so she just used one... full head of garlic.

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Speed_Gibson

cooking disasters?

most anything I would try beyond basic stuff. Good hardware techie but terribly inexperienced with preparing food. Recently started cooking my own eggs and can not do poached (what I really want) properly yet, everything is an omelette or scrambled.

numberfive

When I was still at the house my little sister (10) was hungry and not wanting to cook I told her to stick some chicken fingers in the microwave. I said, "Follow the insructions on the box, ok?" and so she runs off to cook it. A few minutes later I smell smoke. I rush to see whats up. It turns out she stuck them in the microwave, on high, for 11 mins.

Needless to say mom was pissed

Another time my cousins and I were staying up late one Friday the 13th (way back when). It was around 11pm and we were hungry so we cut on the fireplace, took out some wire hangers and decided we were gonna cook some hotdogs. We let the outside get nice and burnt (ok, so it was an accident) and when we bit into them it was cold as hell. So them my cousin tries to cook some cheese toast. Sticks it in the bottom part of the oven and forgets about it. A little while later we smell the smoke. Burnt cheese looks funny, even funnier on top of burnt bread. Pitch black.

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Cynthetiq

making a sauce with cornstarch.... didn't stir it in slowly enough... wound up with a lump of general tso's chicken.

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scansinboy

Believe it or not, I've actually burned spagetti.
It was a social meet and greet for my fraternity, and we ran out and had to make more spagetti quickly. I just threw some spagetti in a pot of water without boiling the water first. Needless to say, it stuck to the bottom of the pot and had a very nice smokey flavor when it was all said and done. But not in a good way.

Oh yeah, I'm a much better cook now.

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kalashnikov

I once tried making sushi with my mom. Most of the rolls, as ugly as they were, still tasted good (rice is easy enough and everything else is raw). But we also tried to make Tamago, which is basically a wad of rice with a piece of scrambled egg on top. The problem is, there is a very specific way to cook the eggs, and we apparently didn't come close. Our creation was brown, runny, and well, didn't even smell right (the eggs themselves were not rotten or anything to begin with.) We brought shame upon our family.

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Smashingbanana

haha thats hilarious

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collide

Any attempt at me cooking is a disaster...sigh.

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Rodney

Many, many pans of scorched rice because I forgot to check the stove and the water all boiled away. Until I got the rice cooker.

Back in college, we four guys who lived in an apartment decided to make a big dinner and have some women over; beef stroganoff over rice, or something like that. One guy, Dave, volunteered to cook the rice, because he "knew all about it". We were serving eight people, and he figured eight cups of rice would do the job. So he adds eight cups of _uncooked_ rice to the pot. Next thing I know, the rice is poking up a foot over the edge of the pot and spilling out over the stovetop and Dave is frantically trying to stuff twelve quarts of rice into a six-quart pot.

Dave is now a senior manager at Microsoft. Figures, doesn't it?

chef001_2003

this is easier than trying to explain poached eggs

here

vermin

Mayonaise is NOT a good substitute for sour cream. EVER!

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SabrinaFair

My mama has some great cooking diaster stories from when she first set up housekeeping. Like cooking a turkey with the bag of organs still in the cavity. Or baking a ham with the plastic wrap still covering it...

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Damnfinn

I don't know if you could call it a disaster unless you where on the recieving end. My stepfather would tell us kids he would make breakfast for us; Eggs Minnesota Style, everything in the fridge was fair game. After our first encounter; the mere mention of our stepfathers culinary expertise would bring about the weeping, wailing, and knashing of teeth to us, the poor victims.

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almond

once, i threw pepper flakes onto hot oil. people upstairs were coughing. i was involuntarily crying.

dragonhawk

My father decided he was going to grind his own crushed peppers for pizza.

He put the dried peppers in the blender and hit go. WITHOUT the top. Tear gas through the whole house. We had to go outside for about a hour till the air cleared.

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seethreepo

your misery = my

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blossom

My sister-in-law was making brownies and the box called for oil. She found an oil bottle under the stove - turns out it wasn't oil - it was soap

And then there's the time my brother put french fries (the frozen kind) in the toaster oven and they started on fire. Glad I wasn't home for that one - I would have been blamed somehow

bermuDa

my brother microwaved a bowl of ramen, forgetting the water....

ruined my favorite bowl too!

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sadatx

I was cutting slices of cheese for a sandwich tonight. Using my chef's knife I had the blade facing towards me as I was doing it. I realize how stupid it is to cut something that requires pressure with the blade facing you and how most people probably don't cut cheese with a very large very sharp knife. I realized this as I was doing it. I even said to myself "Hey, you know what self, this knife is surely going to slip and hurt you in some uncomfortable way, you should probably stop." Then I thought, if this was a cooking show you'd have to tell the audience that they shouldn't try this at home and you'd have to show them the proper way to cut cheese. Then I thought, you're such a good cook you could do a cooking show one day. Then I thought, wow this tuna melt's (I was making a tuna melt) it's gonna be so good. Then the knife slipped and the blade went flying into my finger.

Luckily my finger bone stopped the knife from lopping off my entire digit. I looked down and for a brief second even though there wasn't any blood at first I had the distinct feeling that this could not be good thing.

As the blood began to flow I ran to the bathroom, keeping my other hand cupped underneath the wound so as not to make a mess, and proceded to wrap my finger in as much medical tape I could find. And, after a few attempts, I even got the tape to stick despite the copious amount of blood.

So, after all was said and done and I was sitting in front of the T.V. eating my tuna melt (I did finish making it) trying to get a good grip on the sandwich with my overly bandaged finger, I suddenly got the idea for this thread.

So here it is. My worst kitchen disaster story (the previous anecdote was only an aperitif):

I was sauteeing a steak one night for just myself (maybe it was a chicken breast, I don't remember) in a heavy bottomed (important to know since it holds heat very well) sautee pan (even more important to know since water evaporates in a sautee pan much more quickly than say in a frying pan) over my gas stove (important! there's fire involved in this here story). Being a novice at pan sauces, which is a sauce made in a pan that you've just cooked meat or fish in, I decided that tonight was the night that I was going to make a pan sauce to end all pan sauces. "The best pan sauce in all the world!" I declared as I sauteed my steak over very high heat (another important point to remember).

So, at this point, the steak was nearly done and I went to get the red wine to deglaze the pan with (deglazing: pouring liquid into a pan you have just cooked a meat in, after you've removed the fat, in order to loosen the charred bits that are stuck to the bottom).

Aw, but then it hit me. I didn't have any red wine. "No pan sauce for you!" I thought, saddened by this tragic realization. I was sulking back to the stove when I felt a strong force pull me towards my freezer. I opened it up and a light bulb went on.....inside the freezer. "Of coures! I have Vodka. Not just vodka, Russian Vodka." Russian vodka from Russia. I can use Vodka. Yeay!

Perfect. How could I go wrong? I quickly whipped out the vodka bottle and poured out a full one half cup in my Emsa measuring beaker (don't ask me why I choose to use 1/2 cup, you might as well ask me why I cut my finger). I then removed the steak from the pan and turned on my stove's exhaust fan (which turned out to be the smartest thing I did) due to the cloud of smoke around my stove. I poured the scalding hot fat out of the pan and set the pan back on the flame.

And the stage was set.

And there I was. Vodka in hand.

And this is the point where I DEGLAZE AN EXTREMELY HOT SAUTEE PAN SITTING ON AN OPEN FLAME WITH A 1/2 CUP OF VODKA.

And this is the point where I realize why I've heard about people deglazing a pan with wine (13% alcohol by volume) but not hard liquor (my vodka: 40% alcohol by volume).

So I poured the vodka in all at once. There was an instant nuclear mushroom cloud of steam. Now I could have immediately turned of the burner or, I don't know, poured water into the pan, or simply run away. But, instead, I quickly jerked the pan off the flame and that's when I heard it

BOOM

I felt an intense heat and I jumped back. And in front of me I saw a billowing inferno. It wasn't flames. It wasn't a wall of fire. It was like a fire ball you see in movies when something explodes. Except it wasn't in a movie. It was in my kitchen. On top of my stove. Working its way up the duck hunting scene painted on the tiles on my wall.

Quickly thinking of the best way to deal with the situation I ran and grabbed my fire retardent blanket to muffle it, then fast as lighting filled up a bucket of water, then hit the speed dial on my phone for the fire department in case this got out of hand.

Or at least, I should have done something like that...

Instead, I stood there and mumbled to myself "HLOY FUCKING SHIT." That's right, I was so dumbstruck I mispronounced holy.

So it was a good thing the exhaust fan suddenly kicked in. The fireball suddenly disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, having been sucked up through the exhaust and shot out into the fresh air in front of my house in the form of a thick cloud of black smoke.

Seeing that the danger had passed I snapped to and did a quick check to make sure everthing was in tact. And with the exception of the singed hair on my arms, the vague smell of singed hair, and the tiny flames dancing themselves to death at the mouth of the exhaust fan, everything was.

Even the base of the pan sauce had survived. Say what you will about kitchen explosions, in the end, that was some good deglazing that happened there (of course, I kid, you really shouldn't try this at home). So I got back to finishing what I had started out to do. 'Cause, honestly, even though it had just been surrounded by fire, the steak was getting awful cool.

After all was said and done I sat down to enjoy the steak with pan sauce I had finished making. And, you know, it was pretty darn good.



So please post your worst kitchen disaster story. And don't think it has to involve injury. It's whatever you consider to be a disaster. Because hey, out of great pain comes great stories.

G5_Todd

not mine but my sisters...


she made choc chip cookies and instead of 1 teaspoon of salt she add 1 tablespoon


they were horrible

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spived2

One day I came home from work at about 1am and wanted to make some hardboiled eggs for breakfast the next morning. I turned on the stove, poured some water into a pot, and dropped about 7 eggs in to boil. I sat down on the couch to watch some TV while waiting for the eggs to cook, and slipped off into dream land. I woke up to the smoke detector going off and eggs splattered all over the kitchen.

I didn't even know eggs could explode.

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collide

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Redlemon

I'll just have to say... you win. Wow.

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Chingal0

Too many to list!

Recently tho, I had made ~75 Creme Brulee for dinner later that night, and they were chilling nicely in the reach-in when some jerkoff decides to swing the door open with a fury, and the whole sheetpan came crashing down onto him. Not a direct disaster for me, but I did have to re-make all that were lost, and I wasnt a happy camper.

Also quite recently, I had made several cheesecakes at the spur of the moment, and totally forgot to put a crust on them. It was an eventful night for the night shift, as they had to quickly come up with some sort of crust and a reason why the hell there was no crust as the customers questioned them. Hah.

Cutting my finger on the meat slicer and watching as my finger fountained blood was a highlight of my days as an AM prep. Also prepping tomatoes for a salad and slicing the shit out of my thumb, but being too busy to go get stiches so i gauzed and duct taped it shut, covored the whole mess with a finger condom and went back to work.

Kitchens are so fun!

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sadatx

That meat slicer image is disturbing. So at what point would you you not go back to work? When you slice your entire finger off? That always interested me. I've know guys who worked as line cooks and they'd talk about the most horific cuts they got. But I never heard any of them say that they didn't finish out the night.

Chingal0

It really wasnt an option. The sous chef said, 'well you can goto the doctor, but i really dont think that they will give stiches on that part of your thumb' so I just took a 10 minute breather to attempt to stop teh bleeding, then wrapped it up best I could and kept working. Prolly shoulda went to the doc, her excuse was just a ploy to keep me from filling out a workers comp form I bet.. bah.

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powder

My wife burned a pie once. When I say burned I mean with big flames comming off the top.

chef001_2003

let's see where should i start.
i am at culinary school now so.

i have been told stories and seen the aftermath of a girl sticking her thumb index and middle finger in a fry-o-later. she went to the hospital on that one but went back to class the next day.

i cut the tip of my pinky off was sent to the hospital only for them to tape it up.

i lit toast on fire once.

i friend of mine slipped carring a 5 gallon bucket of marinara coating himself. then went and grabbed another bucket because it nedded to be taken care of and slip coatin himself in another 5 gallons of marinara.

i saw 6 gallons of fryer oil (hot) spilt a on a friends havd and then the floor. that took like 16 pounds of salt and three garbage bags worth of linen to soak up.

have heard of people cauterizing cuts on flat tops then wraping and going back to work. this is not uncommon for those who are a true line-dog (linecook).
will post more as i remember them