Rogue

Have any of you ladies woken up and to your surprise the guy whom you spent the night with was having his way with you. What are you views on thats. Does it mean the guy has lost all respect for you? Could he wake you up, or waited until you have at least washed yourself. Any views?

maleficent

So this was an oral sex alarm clock?

I can think of a lot worse ways to be awoken...

Doesnt really have anythig to do with whether he respects you or not, it's only disrespectful if you've told him that you don't like it first thing...

(if this is the same guy you've been talking about in the smack you upside the head thread.. you already know the answer to that... :\

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veruca

Well, is this someone you havn't slept with before or a newer relationship?

I wake my husband up with a blow job all the time...

Maybe this guy just thought he would wake you up in a nice way.

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ShaniFaye

/makes a note to ask Dave if he thinks I respect him less when he wakes up receiving a blow job

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Sugar&Spice

I've been woken up by him taking off my underwear and gently sliding it in, but I did not find it disrespectful in the least. He woke up and was horny so why not go for round two? If you guys had sex before and he woke you up during the night to try it again then I do not see anything wrong with it. If you are saying that you spent the night with a guy, but had never had sex with him and woke up to him trying then yes I would find that disrespectful.

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Sweetpea

disrespectful? it depends on your relationship... if it's something that bothers you... then do talk about it with him. Sounds to me like you're in a new relationship??

I will say... that yes, this would bother me if my husband did that and i'm no prude I just like to be at least awake and participating and yes, i'd like the chance to freshen up, so i understand completely, i think that you're right in feeling a little unnerved by it... it's okay to not like being woken up in that way, as you have seen so far in this thread... what one woman likes, doesn't mean that the next one will... and i wouldn't like it if my husband did that at all.

I would encourage you to speak about this with him and tell him that you would like to be asked next time and given a chance to freshen up and participate...

Sweetpea

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Rogue

(if this is the same guy you've been talking about in the smack you upside the head thread.. you already know the answer to that... :\)

thanks not the same guy.well this was something that happend awhile back with someone i was seeing but not dating,and we've never had sex at this stage, but would fool.so just did'nt know what to think when i woke up to him having his "cake".anyway just something that happend and wanted to know how other women felt about it.

little_tippler

there was a thread about this a while ago, I don't know if you guys remember. I still stand by the opinion that I wouldn't like it and find it disrespectful. If it's a sort of gentle awakening and him "letting you know" that he wants to make love, then that's okay. But not full on he's already in the middle of fucking you and you wake up...I'd feel confused and violated.

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Sweetpea

Hello Rogue,

well... i would consider that along the lines of rape or taking sexual advantage actually... because you were not consenting right? and had not previous slept together either...That is not okay if that is what happened...

I'm sorry that that happened, i would be upset about it if that happened to me with someone. How do you feel about what happened?

We're here if you want to talk about it further.

Sweetpea

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veruca

Well, if that was the scenerio, I would probably have kicked his ass.

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rlynnm

I don't know if it's a similar situation, but one night about two years ago, I sent myself into a drunken stupor (thanks to this liquid happiness called 99 bananas) with a bunch of friends, one of these friends was a guy I dated for a moment. The group was one that I trusted and so over-intoxication always ended up in the more responsible person taking you home.

I'm drunk and I pass out, and the past flame was supposed to take me home. I wake up the next morning beside the dickhead with a mind splitting headache--potent fucking bananas. I jolt him awake and ask why he didn't bring me home, and he alleges he was too tired to drive me home but 'don't worry nothing happened',, I get up, peeved head to the bathroom to pee..and realize my panties are inside out. Fucking son of a bitch.

He had his way with me, I just didn't know..so I guess this is completely off topic..but while I was here, I had to let that out...

End question, does he respect me? Frankly,[my dear] I don't give a damn.

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genuinegirly

Wow, what royal jerks.
I've woken up to kissing and snuggling. Anything more would have made me feel uncomfortable and violated.

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Sweetpea

I'm so sorry that happend

do you know that what happened to you, that is rape, I would have hauled his ass to court!

sweetpea

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serlindsipity

i think it all boils down to communication. If he wakes you up and you dont want to do anything, say so. next morning, set the standard then and there.

but i will admit, i did ahve a guy once who i was not dating (i just like sharing a bed wiht him) and i woke up with him on top of me. needless to say, he doesnt remember a thing, and that was the last time i ever slept near him.

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rlynnm

I dont know if I could call it rape, sweetpea.. Our friends trusted him to take me home..so really, I don't know if it's something that would be laughed at if I took it to court. At that, I was intoxicated...

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maleficent

Rape is non-consensual sex. Period.

You were drunk, you were not in a condition to give consent.

You would not have been laughed at by in any respectable police station.

The violation of trust of a friend is another story, which also angers me greatly... What's the point of having friends if they can't be trusted...

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rlynnm

Thanks Mal, glad I'm not alone on this one.

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Impetuous1

I'm really sorry this happened to you rlynnm. There's no excuse for what that asshole did to you. This was rape. If I remember correctly, raping someone who is unconscious is a felony because they had no way to fight back.

Rogue

well guys,sorry it happend to "us".well it happend such a long time ago,i was much younger. At the time i really just went with it,not knowing what to do.well i did'nt see him after that.

rlynnm

What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, right ladies? Thanks for the thoughtful comments.

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abaya

Mal, I have a question for you (sorry if this is a threadjack):

If I was drunk to the point of blackout (which apparently is a state where you make decisions, but just can't remember them), but I gave consent to having sex (in a situation where I would never have given consent if I was sober), is that rape?

At the time I didn't think so, since I saw it as my responsibility whether or not I got drunk, and also my responsibility to choose who I was hanging around with. I do remember giving consent as I sobered up. And afterwards, the guy (a total stranger) and I were in e-mail communication about the whole thing, trying to piece together what happened since he had also been drinking.

If it was rape, don't you think he would have been more defensive, not wanting to give any information about himself or his memory of the event? That was my logic, anyway. I mean, I have the whole thing recorded in written e-mails, which would be evidence for a court. I think the guy would not have written those things if he felt he could be accused of something.

Hope this relates somehow to the OP... at least for you to know that other people have been there.

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rlynnm

Thanks Impetuous1, I like how you put that it's rape when there is no other means to stop the action...The sad part is, he's befriended me again, and if asked at this point, he'd probably just deny everything.

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maleficent

I wish i had the source for you... cause I argued this practically to the death somewhere else... In some states (I don't remember which states, except that Texas was one of the states) a person who is intoxicated, cannot give consent, meaning they cannot sign a legally binding document - I don't think it's a stretch to say that a person who is intoxicated (ie beyond the legal limit) cannot give consent to sex either.

I'm not a lawyer, I just pretend to know everything, but I would say, that a person who is drunk to the point of blacking out, while not exhibiting common sense, cannot consent to sex, so if sexual intercourse were to occur, then it would in fact be rape.

And before I get jumped on by some folks for my opinion... I also think there's a difference between what i refer to as 'buyer's remorse' - that is - the what the hell was I thinking morning after.... and being taken advantage of because you weren't in a position to say no...

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