raeanna74

I've always been pretty happy with my body so long as I was healthy. But now - I'm dealing with a lot of changes. I don't hate it and I wouldn't consider plastic surgery or anything for a while at least to see what I can do with it myself. YET ...
In the past year - or rather 9 months I've had 3 surgeries resulting in 5 scars. One of which you can't see because of the most recent surgery. I had two hernias repaired last week Wednesday. One was in my belly button. I considered posting a picture of it here because it's difficult to describe but I think not. The first time I saw it after I took the bandages off I had to lie down or I would have passed out and then when that feeling was gone I was crying. I know crying over a belly button may sound obsurd but I can't help it. I am EXTREMELY emotional right now (just ask hubby - I was trying not to cry in the toothpaste isle) and the sight of what used to be a belly button is terribly upsetting. the sides are drawn together so completely that the scabs have fused the skin over the original belly button. There was a cut through the middle so the sides are fused to that as well. At the top there is a good portion of skin that was stretched during pregnancy, NOT drawn together and so it's sagging in a flap of skin over the top of this whole mess. I can't believe the Dr would have done this so badly. The other scars/incisions are smooth straight lines with only small red slightly raised areas on the ones that are scars. This is so ugly and messed up. I don't see how there is anything I can do about it and I don't see how it can look even halfway normal once completely healed. I can only picture a puckered, pinched seem where it once was, surrounded by stretchmarked sagging skin that will never bounce back.

Then there's the other incision that I had recently as well for the other hernia. It's 3" long. It is down in the groin thankfully. BUT right now it has caused soooo much swelling and bruising that the whole left side along my lips is purple, hard and swollen so that it sticks out/hangs down almost 1/2 farther than the other side.

Hubby keeps reassuring me that it will get better. Right now I cannot see hope for my belly button and the ugly purple surrounding my genitals is disconcerting and gross for me to see. If I had any hope of feeling even turned on, just one look at my genitals would completely turn me off. I feel undesireable, physically miserable, and to top it off I'm so emotional that a rough and tumble scene from Miss Congeniality last night had me sobbing. Don't bother asking why I was sobbing - you know I couldn't tell you.

Can you ladies help me feel better? Commiserate, encourage with stories where things DID improve, ANYTHING? Thanks in advance.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

amonkie

Your body is constantly changing ... some days we suddenly have to face something different... but know none of this has affected the most integral part of you - Your Mind and your Spirit. Try to find little things that you to lift yourself up. Want to work on the skin? Find some cocoa butter lotion and rub it into your elbows, arms, hands, legs. If you find it painful to move, find a soft blanket that you can wrap up in, and use some aromatherapy to relax.

I don't have any commiserating stories other than the emotional rollercoasters are a pain ... the sun WILL set on this day ... a new one will come .... is the thing bothering you something you will remember in 10 years? ... if not ... save your energy for other things.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

noodle

Raeanna, it will get better. Healing scars are so painful and they go deeper than the visual. Can you have your doctor prescribe some massage therapy to keep them from tethering? Aromatherapy/medicinal herbal oils rubbed into the skin by a professional (to avoid going too deep) can stimulate healing on the inside and out. Homeopathic arnica and ruta pellets can ease bruising and muscle pain, topical arnica gel can help with the bruising, too (check with a doctor if you've got allergies). If you're comfortable with it, you can try looking into some alternative therapies. Acupuncture can help with bloodflow stimulation and they can help your mood at the same time. I'd not have survived my ankle surgery, physically and mentally without my acupuncturist and my arnica. It was horrible at first, but has faded wonderfully.

After the bruising fades and the scars heal more, you can see a plastic surgeon about gathering up the extra skin and smoothing out the scars. My brother has a zipper down his chest and a scar from under his right nipple to his right shoulder blade from childhood surgeries. The zipper (open heart surgery) healed beautifully, but they had to scrape scar tissue while it was healing (about a month). The other was hideous and twisted because they had to go in twice. He hated taking off his shirt for years. About two years ago, my parents took him in for a consult and they did a simple procedure. They went in under the scars and removed the spots that were tethered to the bone and tissue for 19 years and made an incision on either side of the scar and staple holes and removed them. He healed up in about 7 days. My "little" bubba's hot. And so much more confident! If you're self conscious about it, do what makes you feel better. Just give the initial incisions time to heal. You will heal inside and out.

By the way, I've always thought the toothpaste aisle was there specifically to absorb tears. Try the t.p./paper towel aisle, though, much more absorbent, sweetie. I've done it a million times. I bawled watching "What I Like About You" this week. But that's a secret. Hang in there.

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shesus

Raeanna, I'm sorry to hear that you had to have so many surgeries. However, I'm sure that the incisions will heal and most of the 'ugliness' you see will go away. It is hard to see something happens to your bady, especially when you don't have much control over it. When I had me appendectomy, I was very upset about the 3 scars I had from the laproscoptic surgery, even though they were small to everyone but me. I think that we often view things on our body worse than others do. I did have an incision on the bottom of my bellybutton and that was upsetting to me. However, now a year and a half later, they are less noticeable. I am hoping that the same thing will happen to you.

As for being emotional, I think it might just be that time of year. I was bawling yesterday watching Father of the Bride. Just let the feelings out and you will be fine. It will all work out and, as Monkie said, this day will end and a better will come soon!

BTW, Fredweena your last paragraph made me smile.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

shesus

Raeanna...a male TFP member wanted to send his support and let you know that many people would not care about your external scarring because the inner person is so exceptional. He says that it WILL get better and you have many friends who are here for support.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

raeanna74

This is my biggest fear. The way my belly looks now it WILL be a problem for years to come. Only 9 mo ago I felt good about my belly - I was proud to show off my well earned abs in a bikini. (and that was with a bikini cut c-section scar that was fairly well healed) Now, these things out of my control have twisted and pulled by belly is ways that I can't imagine them healing. My c-section was 5" or so long and never looked so terribly ugly as my belly button does now. Only 2 1/2 weeks ago I had a laparoscopic tubal ligation and the incisions had already healed such that I felt good about them. Then there's this.

I have arnica gel and used it on my broken foot earlier this year. It helps with bruising so very well. I had forgotten about it though. Thanks for the reminder.

It has been an exceptionally rough year for me. Incisional Hernia surgery in Jan, broken foot in March, Underactive thyroid (causing 25 lbs of weight gain before we got a handle on it), Tubal Ligation 2 1/2 weeks ago, Inguinal AND Umbilical Hernia surgery 5 days ago. I sure hope the medical problems are over for a while at least.

Thanks for the comments so far.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

amonkie

Maybe this is your body's way of telling you to SLOW DOWN. Our bodies can take years of abuse, but at some point something's gotta give ... and it sounds like you're body is trying to send you every signal it can - physical pain, emotional/mental pain, visual signs - that you've gotta take some time to get YOU straightened out. It is possible to get back the Tummy you had and feel better about yourself, but that means putting down the other 1,000 things you are trying to do and get yourself back in balance so you FEEL sexier, in a bikini or not. There will be a day where you get out of the shower ... look in the mirror ... and smile because you know your husband would just devour you right then if he was there looking at you .

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

lurkette

I want to tell you that you'll always be beautiful to us, but I know that won't help

In addition to the arnica, you might want to check out something like mederma or a similar scar prevention cream. It WILL get better - it always looks most awful in the few weeks after the surgery. You (or your doctor, rather) have essentially done violence to the tissue and it takes a while to recover from the insult. I thought the laparoscopy scar over my pube line would never heal and would always be a big, lumpy scabby line and I'd never be able to wear a swimsuit again. For the first year, it was a little noticeable but now (3-4 years later) it's practically invisible. And if it doesn't heal the way you want, I can't imagine that any reasonable person would begrudge you a little plastic surgery

As for the emotionality, honey we've all been there. Cry all you want and don't feel stupid about it. I bawled at the end of Moulin Rouge not so long ago. My mother-in-law cries at Kodak commercials. I nearly lost it in Target a few weeks ago when I was having my own self-image problems and saw this beautiful lingerie that I know I will never fill out. Pathetic, but hey, we've all been there and there's nothing wrong with it. You're just reacting to an abnormally traumatic event in a totally normal way.

Remember we're all here for you.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

la petite moi

When I was little, I got a hernia surgery too. I remember, even as a little girl, thinking that the scar would never go away. It didn't completely disappear, but it is now tiny and hardly noticeable. It may seem like a long way off, but it will heal itself in time.

raeanna74

The usual scars don't bother me too terribly much. I had a c-section scar and a hernia scar from previously this year. The tubal ligation incisions were so small they were no concern for me. The one across my belly button though now has it so twisted, pinched, and pulled that even once the scabs are gone there will be no belly button any longer. The Dr might as well have just pulled my belly up in a knot and tied it off. it probably would have looked less mutilated honestly.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

la petite moi

Raeanna, I know it's cliche- but it's what is inside that counts. Who gives a crap if you have scars!? You are probably an amazing person, and that is what always counts.

raeanna74

Well saw the Dr today. I told him how emotional I've been and how upsetting it is that the belly button is gone, at least for now. He reassured me that it's normal for it to be pulled together and he's seen many return to an almost normal appearance. I also saw my Chiropractor and he reassured me in the same way. I still think it's looks horrible but I'm trying to avoid looking at it. I can take the steristrips off come this Sat so I'm trying to be patient and hope that when those come off it will somewhat relax and not appear so pulled, pinched, and stuck.

As for the emotions, he set up an appointment with my Dr to check-in again about a month from now. He wants to be sure I'm healing well and feeling better emotionally. He encouraged me to hang in there, that I was tough to go through two surgeries back to back and to be back babysitting again (I had to take 3 kids with me to the Dr's ) and he said most guys especially and many women wouldn't be able to handle it at all. He encouraged me to try to rest as much as possible still, to take more time to take care of myself and not worry about what comes next. That was quite encouraging.

He reassured me that he checked things over quite thoroughly when he did the repairs and he's positive there are no more hernias and as long as I go along with the restrictions I will no have any more hernia trouble for a long time at least.

I still feel depressed but my energy levels are returning somewhat and my emotions aren't such a roller coaster ride. I've also quit taking the codine. I'm very uncomfortable and not sleeping as well without it but I think it may have been affecting me too.

As for the codine - I'm noticing a very STRONG urge to take two and just crash. That the two would make me so sleepy I wouldn't be woke up by kids making noise or any such things. I know that this feeling is not a healthy one and am trying to resist it. It's kindof scary since I only took the codine for about 2 1/2 weeks. It wasn't solid but I had taken it after the tubal for several days and then less than a week after taking it for that I'm taking it again for about 5 days. I've got some pills left but throwing them wouldn't do a lot as I have a small prescription for it for my migranes. I've never wanted to take it much before though. Though I've never been quite so uncomfortable.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

cellophanedeity

It's good to know you're healing.

When you come out of this slump, hopefully you'll be feeling even more healthy and beautiful than before. Embrace your scars raeanna, they're signs of your improving health.

Try to stay away from the drugs unless you just can't take the aching. A neighbour of mine is hooked on pain killers and she's in unbelievable turmoil all the time. I'd hate to hear of the same happening to another wonderful woman, such as yourself.

Be well. Take care.

abaya

Good words... (you make me feel better too, Lurkette!)... Raeanna, when it comes down to it, you're normal, and there isn't a single one of us on the board who wouldn't react the same way you're reacting. You wouldn't believe how many times I've "cried in the toothpaste aisle" (or in Target, or in the pots 'n pans aisle IN Target, in my case)... Crying's good for you, and I think it's just FINE to do it as much as your mind and body need that release.

And I do believe your scars will heal... keep us updated, and know that we admire you and can empathize with every up and down swing that you're feeling.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

raeanna74

It doesn't quit - I think I'm coming down with a cold now. Two of the neighbors have had colds. Been sneezing all morning. Can you picture the pain from one single sneeze let alone three in a row. Oh I hope I'm not getting sick.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

ShaniFaye

hopefully its not a cold...I've been sneezing for a week because of the friggin ragweed...can you take something for allergies...like claritin or something similar?

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

raeanna74

Been taking Claritan already - yes. It usually is sufficient. Sore throat last night. Woke up thoroughly stuffed this morning, no watery eyes or other typical allergy symptoms. I am till hoping. But apparently one of the kids was sick with a cold over the weekend. Another has started to get a runny nose that started only yesterday. Hubby has 2 co-workers who've been down with the cold and several neighbors.


As for the rest of me. I soooo appreciate your support here. Between you all, hubby and the Dr I'm not feeling quite so down. I have a long way to go emotionally and physically but I am doing better.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

sexymama

You're in my prayers!

Remember -- sexiness and sensuality is mostly in the head, not in how one looks. You are a very sexy woman!

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.