lindalove

Just curious. What smooth (or not so smooth) inquiries have you received that didn't have you reaching for your pepper spray or feeling awkward?

SiN

I do not understand exactly how this is relevant, why would a woman care about such things?

... unless you're unsure about when to feel creeped out or not ... which would indicate other issues ...

anyways, I digress, and perhaps say too much.


So, on to the Q:

I would say, what creeps me out is more of who is doing the asking, not how they are asking it.

In other words, if they look like someone I might be interested in, cool. If they make me think As if ... ... then i'm kinda creeped.

sometimes it's black and white, but there are grey areas too. And I know I can't expect them to figure out all the grey areas. ..

/me shrugs

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lindalove

A woman cares because her male friend asked her and she was looking for different points of views to give him.

maleficent

It's not so much as what is said, rather how it's said and the manner in which it is said... if the male is talking to you and he's not making eye contact, that's a little off-putting.

Making lewd or off color comments is also a negative, jokes, smiles, and eye contact are all good things.

not that I get asked, but back in the day, when i was asked - it almost always came across as a 'your place or mine' type of suggestion, spend a few moments talking to me-- i'll give signals as to whether or not I'm available and interested. If you come right up and ask -- and invest no time and just ask - then the answer will be no - because short cuts are being taken and arent interested in me as a person.

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JustJess

It's all about the body language and the body cleanliness. There are average guys in bars who skeeved me out far more than the guy on the street just hollering a line. It just depends. Open body language, and not too close... that should fix most sketch issues. Also, read her body language... If she's giving screaming-get-away body language... anything you do is sketchy by default.

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cellophanedeity

Maybe I just don't have enough XP, but I've yet to have been creeped out by a guy asking me if I was single or not.

I appreciate it when someone asks after we've talked about other things for a while, so we know eachothers names and at least a little bit about other aspects of me than my dating status. I haven't been single in a while, and I still like to make new friends, and so I really appreciate it when if I get asked, and I say that I'm in a long term relationship, they continue talking to me as if it doesn't matter. If the interest drops dead at "I have a boyfriend" then I'm kind of put off.

superredhead

really creepy if the guy comes up to you, invades your space, stares at places other than your eyes, and the proceeds to ask if you want to go out. sleezy guys are a total turn off. guys that are relaxed, confident, and respectful of your space are great. i feel a little more at ease going to have a drink with someone that isn't up in my face looking like he wants to attack me at the first sign of flesh.

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anti fishstick

I definitely agree that creepy is invading space, staring at you intently, trying to touch your hand, asking for a hug, etc. ah! I would honestly prefer the straightforward "do you have a boyfriend?" approach, because at least they're blunt about it. Most of the people that do this are black and I'm not really creeped out about it. Sometimes, I'm flattered. But it also depends on their body language, age, etc.

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shesus

hmmm, well I have had some strange experiences, but I don't know if I would call them creepy per se. I agree that rude or explicit comments are unacceptable. I HATE people invading my space since I have had an attempted rape. But specifically...

1. A guy serenaded me down the street singing My Girl. However, I think it was because he wanted money.
2. A guy asked JJ if he could dance with me. Sounds normal if we were in a dance club, but we were walking down the street.
3. A guy asked me if I knew that inter-racial dating was the cool thing to do.
4. When I worked at the grocery store a man bought a rose and said it was for me because a beautiful rose should belong to a beautiful girl.
5. A guy I dated once was actually a psycho and used to sneak into the grocery store and send love letters down the belt of the register and leave.

The letter was the only one that seemed creepy to me because I knew him and he was pretty weird. I don't know if those are example the OP wanted, but thought I would share.

PS I typically don't use that many smilies, but I thought they would express the mood better...

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alexmegami

I find the least creepy way is, "Hi. You're very attractive - are you seeing someone? Because I'd like to invite you for (coffee, tea, SEGA)." If he's clean, smiling, giving eye contact and otherwise not being completely socially inept, I'm not likely to be skeeved.

If he doesn't want to say "you're very attractive", mentioning the behaviour or quality that attracted his eye first also works ("I saw you talking to X, and I was wondering -", "You have the most amazing tattoo -", "I heard you expounding upon Plato -", et cetera).

Sultana

This is so true. It's much preferable to be approached as a potential friend first than as just potential f#ck fodder.

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