Wedding Question - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

wrestlerdiva · 01-10-2005, 08:43 PM

My best friend of about four years is getting married in November. She is going to make me the guestbook attendant while her fiance's brothers girlfriends and wives get to be bridesmaids. I mean it makes sense since his brothers are the groomsman but I feel like I'm getting the shaft. What should I do- keep quiet or say something???

Grancey · 01-10-2005, 09:01 PM

When I got married it was very difficult to choose who to do what in the wedding. After the "relatives" and such were in place there was nothing left for a "best friend" to do at the reception. Often these decisions are made due to obligation and not based on who is closest to the bride. Give your best friend a break. She is not trying to hurt you, and she is really going to need you when the wedding day arrives. Be excited for her and show your graciousness at being asked to be a part of her big day.

maleficent · 01-11-2005, 04:22 AM

Keep quiet.

Grancey's said it best. Sometimes family obligations, are just that, obligations, and she doesn't have much of a choice in the matter.

Put on a happy face, that you aren't being forced to wear an ugly dress with uglier dyed shoes, and being paired wiht a groomsman who sweats and is 6 inches shorter than you are, go to the wedding, be supportive of your friend, remember she is your best friend, and go after that guest book witih gusto..

ShaniFaye · 01-11-2005, 04:50 AM

Since Im planning my own wedding at the moment I urge you to understand that she WANTS you included....the stress of trying to figure out who is going to do what is unreal (when you're planning a big wedding).

I've been guest book attendant a few times and I can honestely say it was a better job than being a bridesmaid. You dont have a whole church staring at you in a butt ugly dress, you dont have to wait forever for the reception because you're taking pictures, you dont have any expense (dress, shoes etc cause most brides dont pay for that stuff these days) and you get to make sure you meet everyone thats there (especially cool if you're single and there is a hot guy there....you have a ready made excuse to talk to him)

Dont take the responsibility lightly because I can almost guarantee the request wasnt made lightly.

lurkette · 01-11-2005, 06:45 AM

I agree with the above posters - don't take it personally. Weddings can be hellish affairs, with everyone expecting things to go a certain way, and people putting pressure on the couple to do things to keep so-and-so happy. Smile and be happy for them, and count your blessings that you don't have to shell out mucho bucks for a dress that's going to rot in your closet.

sapphire · 01-11-2005, 07:20 AM

I agree its nothing personal, and if you tell her you are just going to add to the stress she is already under. More then likely she already feels bad that you wont be up there with her.

My best friend is planning her wedding and I was hurt when she decided to only have her sister as a bridesmaid. Then I realized if it was my wedding I would want my family up there. I've still gotten to help her plan the wedding and I don't feel left out at all. It will all work out, don't worry!

pinkie · 01-11-2005, 09:56 AM

Yes, please don't take it personally. Weddings are so difficult and stressful for the bride groom to plan. What your friend needs is help and support, not emotional reactions and hurt feelings about things that are not the way you wish they were.

pinkie · 01-11-2005, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grancey

Give your best friend a break. She is not trying to hurt you, and she is really going to need you when the wedding day arrives. Be excited for her and show your graciousness at being asked to be a part of her big day.

Amen!

sillygirl · 01-11-2005, 11:59 AM

When I was planning my wedding, I had people hurt that they weren't bridesmaids. I didn't want a reception in the first place, and in that religion, bridesmaids aren't a part of the ceremony. Those people gave me shit about it AT my reception, which added to the stress so much that it kinda put me in a pissy mood at one point. Ya know what? One of them still gives me shit to this day... and my divorce was final last February.

wrestlerdiva · 01-11-2005, 12:14 PM

Thanks girls, you all really helped me put things in perspective. I geuss I just need to stop being a brat and be happy.

pinkie · 01-11-2005, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sillygirl

When I was planning my wedding, I had people hurt that they weren't bridesmaids. I didn't want a reception in the first place, and in that religion, bridesmaids aren't a part of the ceremony. Those people gave me shit about it AT my reception, which added to the stress so much that it kinda put me in a pissy mood at one point. Ya know what? One of them still gives me shit to this day... and my divorce was final last February.

That is so lame.

ironmaiden7o7 · 01-29-2005, 06:15 AM

It's often really difficult to choose bridesmaids especially when the family is big, it's often a tough decision to make, but as a friend, a best friend at it too, I don't see why she didn't ask you and I think you should bring it up with her, approach her in a way that she'd understand.

Sweetpea · 01-29-2005, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wrestlerdiva

My best friend of about four years is getting married in November. She is going to make me the guestbook attendant while her fiance's brothers girlfriends and wives get to be bridesmaids. I mean it makes sense since his brothers are the groomsman but I feel like I'm getting the shaft. What should I do- keep quiet or say something???

Being in charge of the guestbook is a job that requires a good personality, being that your friend could trust you to conjole everyone to sign it is perhaps a compliment, did ya think of that??

There are ALOT of politics in choosing bridesmaids within the family . . . and making sure to make her brothers happy i am sure . . . just be supportive!

peace,

Sweetpea

shesus · 01-29-2005, 08:36 PM

I am new to TFP so my post may have already been repeated by many others. I noticed that others have mentioned that relatives get the 'best' parts. I must admit that weddings are a very stressful family affair. I didn't speak to my family for over a year after my wedding. My mom's side of the family sulked in the corner because I refused to have my cousin's daughter as the flower girl. I agreed at first, but then after 3 tantrums because she had to try on the dress I said forget it. I realize that your situation is different, but it is an example of how family takes over. I wasn't the bridesmaid at my friends wedding. However, I was the most supportive. Even though relatives get the 'fancy' titles, they do not always live up to them. Therefore, I would not worry. The wedding is only a few hours, the friendship afterwards is what counts. I don't even talk to anyone that stood by me at my wedding, however, my best friend is still around and I love her for that more.

Demeter · 01-30-2005, 07:49 AM

Wedding stress! No matter what you do someone gets pissed at you.
My wedding, my mother-in-law went overboard & started inviting everyone she ran into to the wedding. She got so bossy I finally just let her take charge of a few things to give her something to do (I was 4 1/2 months pregnant, and not about to start a fight over it.) I felt it wasn't 'my' wedding because it wasn't what I had wanted, obviously it was rushed due to my pregnancy. But the important part, about having family & friends there & taking the vows, was what really mattered. Everything else I had to laugh off.
I chalked it up to lesson learned. Get pregnant after the wedding. Haha.
When I do it again, I'm gonna elope.

sillygirl · 01-31-2005, 08:45 AM

If I ever get remarried, I refuse to let people make all my decisions. I let that happen last time and it sucked. I didn't want a reception, but HIS MOM did. So instead of having six grand in CASH to spend on a honeymoon, house, car, whatever, we got to spend it on decorations, cakes, etc. I just wanted a casual openhouse but NOooOOooOoo. Ugh. And ya know what? The people who I would have REEEALLY wanted included (ie, best friends, etc) Didn't GET included, and it wasn't really my choice.

I kinda see that happening again unless I make it very clear NOW not to try to do shit for me. My hunny's mom got upset when I told her that if/when I have a kid, I only want my mom and my hunny in the room with me. She got SO_UPSET. I got a lecture about how I should open up to her and let her be part of my life. I spend more time with this woman than I spend with my family. :rollseyes:

//rant

01-10-2005, 08:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
wrestlerdiva Tilted Location: Boring ass KS	Wedding Question My best friend of about four years is getting married in November. She is going to make me the guestbook attendant while her fiance's brothers girlfriends and wives get to be bridesmaids. I mean it makes sense since his brothers are the groomsman but I feel like I'm getting the shaft. What should I do- keep quiet or say something??? __________________ "To achieve you have to believe." Matt Hardy

01-10-2005, 09:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
Grancey Life's short, gotta hurry... Location: land of pit vipers	When I got married it was very difficult to choose who to do what in the wedding. After the "relatives" and such were in place there was nothing left for a "best friend" to do at the reception. Often these decisions are made due to obligation and not based on who is closest to the bride. Give your best friend a break. She is not trying to hurt you, and she is really going to need you when the wedding day arrives. Be excited for her and show your graciousness at being asked to be a part of her big day. __________________ Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.

01-11-2005, 04:22 AM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Keep quiet. Grancey's said it best. Sometimes family obligations, are just that, obligations, and she doesn't have much of a choice in the matter. Put on a happy face, that you aren't being forced to wear an ugly dress with uglier dyed shoes, and being paired wiht a groomsman who sweats and is 6 inches shorter than you are, go to the wedding, be supportive of your friend, remember she is your best friend, and go after that guest book witih gusto.. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-11-2005, 04:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Since Im planning my own wedding at the moment I urge you to understand that she WANTS you included....the stress of trying to figure out who is going to do what is unreal (when you're planning a big wedding). I've been guest book attendant a few times and I can honestely say it was a better job than being a bridesmaid. You dont have a whole church staring at you in a butt ugly dress, you dont have to wait forever for the reception because you're taking pictures, you dont have any expense (dress, shoes etc cause most brides dont pay for that stuff these days) and you get to make sure you meet everyone thats there (especially cool if you're single and there is a hot guy there....you have a ready made excuse to talk to him) Dont take the responsibility lightly because I can almost guarantee the request wasnt made lightly. __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

01-11-2005, 06:45 AM	#5 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I agree with the above posters - don't take it personally. Weddings can be hellish affairs, with everyone expecting things to go a certain way, and people putting pressure on the couple to do things to keep so-and-so happy. Smile and be happy for them, and count your blessings that you don't have to shell out mucho bucks for a dress that's going to rot in your closet. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

01-11-2005, 07:20 AM	#6 (permalink)
sapphire Tilted	I agree its nothing personal, and if you tell her you are just going to add to the stress she is already under. More then likely she already feels bad that you wont be up there with her. My best friend is planning her wedding and I was hurt when she decided to only have her sister as a bridesmaid. Then I realized if it was my wedding I would want my family up there. I've still gotten to help her plan the wedding and I don't feel left out at all. It will all work out, don't worry!

01-11-2005, 09:56 AM	#7 (permalink)
pinkie Helplessly hoping Location: Above the stars	Yes, please don't take it personally. Weddings are so difficult and stressful for the bride groom to plan. What your friend needs is help and support, not emotional reactions and hurt feelings about things that are not the way you wish they were.

01-11-2005, 11:59 AM	#9 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	When I was planning my wedding, I had people hurt that they weren't bridesmaids. I didn't want a reception in the first place, and in that religion, bridesmaids aren't a part of the ceremony. Those people gave me shit about it AT my reception, which added to the stress so much that it kinda put me in a pissy mood at one point. Ya know what? One of them still gives me shit to this day... and my divorce was final last February. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

01-11-2005, 12:14 PM	#10 (permalink)
wrestlerdiva Tilted Location: Boring ass KS	Thanks girls, you all really helped me put things in perspective. I geuss I just need to stop being a brat and be happy. __________________ "To achieve you have to believe." Matt Hardy

01-29-2005, 06:15 AM	#12 (permalink)
ironmaiden7o7 Insane Location: NYC	It's often really difficult to choose bridesmaids especially when the family is big, it's often a tough decision to make, but as a friend, a best friend at it too, I don't see why she didn't ask you and I think you should bring it up with her, approach her in a way that she'd understand.

01-29-2005, 08:36 PM	#14 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	I am new to TFP so my post may have already been repeated by many others. I noticed that others have mentioned that relatives get the 'best' parts. I must admit that weddings are a very stressful family affair. I didn't speak to my family for over a year after my wedding. My mom's side of the family sulked in the corner because I refused to have my cousin's daughter as the flower girl. I agreed at first, but then after 3 tantrums because she had to try on the dress I said forget it. I realize that your situation is different, but it is an example of how family takes over. I wasn't the bridesmaid at my friends wedding. However, I was the most supportive. Even though relatives get the 'fancy' titles, they do not always live up to them. Therefore, I would not worry. The wedding is only a few hours, the friendship afterwards is what counts. I don't even talk to anyone that stood by me at my wedding, however, my best friend is still around and I love her for that more.

01-30-2005, 07:49 AM	#15 (permalink)
Demeter Psycho	Wedding stress! No matter what you do someone gets pissed at you. My wedding, my mother-in-law went overboard & started inviting everyone she ran into to the wedding. She got so bossy I finally just let her take charge of a few things to give her something to do (I was 4 1/2 months pregnant, and not about to start a fight over it.) I felt it wasn't 'my' wedding because it wasn't what I had wanted, obviously it was rushed due to my pregnancy. But the important part, about having family & friends there & taking the vows, was what really mattered. Everything else I had to laugh off. I chalked it up to lesson learned. Get pregnant after the wedding. Haha. When I do it again, I'm gonna elope.

01-31-2005, 08:45 AM	#16 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	If I ever get remarried, I refuse to let people make all my decisions. I let that happen last time and it sucked. I didn't want a reception, but HIS MOM did. So instead of having six grand in CASH to spend on a honeymoon, house, car, whatever, we got to spend it on decorations, cakes, etc. I just wanted a casual openhouse but NOooOOooOoo. Ugh. And ya know what? The people who I would have REEEALLY wanted included (ie, best friends, etc) Didn't GET included, and it wasn't really my choice. I kinda see that happening again unless I make it very clear NOW not to try to do shit for me. My hunny's mom got upset when I told her that if/when I have a kid, I only want my mom and my hunny in the room with me. She got SO_UPSET. I got a lecture about how I should open up to her and let her be part of my life. I spend more time with this woman than I spend with my family. :rollseyes: //rant __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...