Holiday Stress... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

KinkyKiwi · 11-28-2004, 02:15 PM

Okay, this is a random everyyear holiday scene at my house...

my mother, aunts and female cousins (and me) stand in the kitchen for hours..we clean the house...we cook...we hold down screaming 5 year olds and help search for missplaced gameboys...we bundle up used wrapping paper..we buy gifts and make endless returns...

the men in my family however...

well they seem to think that tiny little fairys make teh holidays happen and sit on the couch talking about whiskey, sports, cars and i suspect jock itch...

if god forbid we ask them to "help" they say "dont worry" or "calm down"...

they buy us gifts were 'sure' to love...

this means that we hate but that as soon as the tree is down they take over...

we of course have to say..omg "its great i love it!"

am i the only one who hates this?

c'mon dish!

maleficent · 11-28-2004, 02:28 PM

Don't be the "put upon" female. If you don't think it's appreciated. Don't do it. Being a martyr doesn't mean anything until you are dead.

Let the kids find their own gameboys. Clean the house? Why bother, it's just gonna get messy again, and does anyone honestly care if there's a little dust on the bookshelf.

If you do all that stuff because you love it, that's one thing, if you are doing it out of obligation and you think that no one else will do it, then don't do the work. Eventually the guys will get the message. Don't ask them to help, tell them what needs to be done. hand one of the boys a plastic bag for the wrapping paper remnants and tell them to clean it up, if you constantly do it yourself -- they don't get the message.

KinkyKiwi · 11-28-2004, 04:32 PM

hmm..i remember a a few years back my family tried that with a birthday ...it just didnt happen...

not exactly like we can just not have the holidays...and i dont feel at all the "put upon" female...

i just find how guys dont understand how much work goes into running everything to be funny

la petite moi · 11-28-2004, 05:32 PM

Mal, you are totally right. If you don't like cleaning by yourself, you have to ask for help. I mean, come on, who is EVER going to volunteer to clean nasty messes up?

lurkette · 11-28-2004, 06:31 PM

At our house (ratbastid's and mine) we have a rule that whoever cooks doesn't have to clean. I think that's fair. If we both cook, we both clean.

My extended family is still ruled by more traditional gender norms, and the women don't seem to mind much. Like me, they pretty much like cleaning. Although I do hate doing dishes - thoroughly spoiled by 10 years of having a dishwasher. I'd say at least half the time ratbastid ends up in the kitchen doing dishes and I end up on the couch having seconds (or thirds) of pumpkin pie and watching football at family get-togethers. It's kind of funny.

Grasshopper Green · 11-28-2004, 07:24 PM

I am much more neat (for the most part) than hubby is, but when it comes to holiday cleaning up, he helps just as much as I do...as for regular housework though....I have to nag him to do anything.

When I have company though, I clean the house, but not spotless. I just make it presentable...it is holidays, and it is going to get messy again!!

I buy the gifts for his side of the family, but I enjoy Christmas shopping and he hates it, so that is fine by me.

I guess it just boils down to what you are comfortable with. If you dont like the current situation, change it! You probably can't do it all yourself, so recruit a relative or two to help you, several women can be pretty persuasive

Good luck!

SparklingDot · 11-28-2004, 10:57 PM

Kiwi, that's the same way it is in my family... With one exception. Last year Christmas was at my house. And after dinner, my uncles were the ones who did all of the dishes. But my father won't lift a finger. He'll put something on the grill or in the smoker and rave about how he "slaved away" cooking dinner. Never cleans up, just leaves the mess. I am resentful, but there isn't much I can do about it other than train my SO. But my SO is amazing, and he'll cook and clean up after himself, not to mention that he has exceptional taste. For him, I don't mind because I know he's doing his share of the work.

KinkyKiwi · 11-28-2004, 11:25 PM

ah finally SD gets what i'm saying

yea even if i tried...trying to get my uncles or father to do stuff would be thought of in my house as extremly rude...i guess i'm still thought of as one of the kids...my uncles all come up with somthing "extremly important" to do right when cleanup is mentioned...in my house we have to clean alot because we have the only house big enough to house my entire family and we also have alot of pets that many members of my family are allergic to...if i tried to get the rest of teh women in my family to make the guys help..lol well in their eyes that would equal insanity...

also..i wasnt trying to whine..i'm honestly just amused by how little men think about things liek that..

lol and and i wouldnt trust my SO anywhere near food preperation...he can barely handle brownie mix

themisfit · 11-30-2004, 11:15 PM

It's not like that at my parents house...my parents both cook and clean. While my hubby isn't as up on that he does what he can.

bad jane · 12-01-2004, 06:10 AM

my current bf is great about helping out. he's not into cleaning, but he'll do it if i (or my MOM) need it. typically though, he runs errands and shuffles boxes of stuff around for us while we clean/cook/whatever.

for the second year in a row, he's helped me put the tree up (well, sorta helped me...i'm kinda picky about my tree so he sorts the branches and hands them to me as i need them and keeps me company while i string up the lights).

he's not so great at picking out presents, so i tend to do all that. but he'll go to the store and get them if i tell him exactly what he needs to buy. all in all, i really can't complain. the things he hates doing tend to be things i don't mind so much (except dishes...oh how i hate holiday dishes) or things i really enjoy (christmas cards and wrapping gifts).

my dad is about the same. i really feel for my brother's fiance though....i think he's rotten about helping out. a cattle prod couldn't get him moving half the time! but hey, it works for them so who am i to judge?

isis · 12-01-2004, 01:00 PM

My mom generally does everything. Now that I'm actually old enough that I should be helping constantly, I'm going to. She shouldn't have to do everything.. even if its usually only for 3 or 4 of us.
My dad just generally sits on the couch, occasionally picks up that piece of wrapping paper.. and he takes down the tree. I guess thats more than what some people do

Hash_Browns · 12-01-2004, 01:22 PM

I'm picky, things have to be a specific way in a specific order on my tree, so hubby will help me move stuff around to make room, set it up, and then it's all me! The outside lights are also my job, because hubby could care less...but the girls love them, so they HAVE to go up, so I end up doing those, sometimes my cousin will come over and give me a hand, and I always love the girls faces when they see them, so I don't mind...(ok maybe a little smidgen

haha)

We have Christmas 'Brunch' at the big house. It's a duplex Grandma on one side, My Mom on the other. We ALL clean and being the eldest of 13 grandkids, we have lots of little hands to help, plus my girls 'The greatgrandgirls' love to pitch in whenever possible. The boys tho, they most definatly take advantage of all the kids and the woman working and they end up chillin' on the couch, but if we needed anything Grandma would put them in thier place by just looking at them and asking...you don't mess with Grandma!!

11-28-2004, 02:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	Holiday Stress... Okay, this is a random everyyear holiday scene at my house... my mother, aunts and female cousins (and me) stand in the kitchen for hours..we clean the house...we cook...we hold down screaming 5 year olds and help search for missplaced gameboys...we bundle up used wrapping paper..we buy gifts and make endless returns... the men in my family however... well they seem to think that tiny little fairys make teh holidays happen and sit on the couch talking about whiskey, sports, cars and i suspect jock itch... if god forbid we ask them to "help" they say "dont worry" or "calm down"... they buy us gifts were 'sure' to love... this means that we hate but that as soon as the tree is down they take over... we of course have to say..omg "its great i love it!" am i the only one who hates this? c'mon dish! __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

11-28-2004, 02:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Don't be the "put upon" female. If you don't think it's appreciated. Don't do it. Being a martyr doesn't mean anything until you are dead. Let the kids find their own gameboys. Clean the house? Why bother, it's just gonna get messy again, and does anyone honestly care if there's a little dust on the bookshelf. If you do all that stuff because you love it, that's one thing, if you are doing it out of obligation and you think that no one else will do it, then don't do the work. Eventually the guys will get the message. Don't ask them to help, tell them what needs to be done. hand one of the boys a plastic bag for the wrapping paper remnants and tell them to clean it up, if you constantly do it yourself -- they don't get the message. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

11-28-2004, 04:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	hmm..i remember a a few years back my family tried that with a birthday ...it just didnt happen... not exactly like we can just not have the holidays...and i dont feel at all the "put upon" female... i just find how guys dont understand how much work goes into running everything to be funny __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

11-28-2004, 06:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	At our house (ratbastid's and mine) we have a rule that whoever cooks doesn't have to clean. I think that's fair. If we both cook, we both clean. My extended family is still ruled by more traditional gender norms, and the women don't seem to mind much. Like me, they pretty much like cleaning. Although I do hate doing dishes - thoroughly spoiled by 10 years of having a dishwasher. I'd say at least half the time ratbastid ends up in the kitchen doing dishes and I end up on the couch having seconds (or thirds) of pumpkin pie and watching football at family get-togethers. It's kind of funny. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

11-28-2004, 07:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	I am much more neat (for the most part) than hubby is, but when it comes to holiday cleaning up, he helps just as much as I do...as for regular housework though....I have to nag him to do anything. When I have company though, I clean the house, but not spotless. I just make it presentable...it is holidays, and it is going to get messy again!! I buy the gifts for his side of the family, but I enjoy Christmas shopping and he hates it, so that is fine by me. I guess it just boils down to what you are comfortable with. If you dont like the current situation, change it! You probably can't do it all yourself, so recruit a relative or two to help you, several women can be pretty persuasive Good luck! __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

11-28-2004, 05:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	Mal, you are totally right. If you don't like cleaning by yourself, you have to ask for help. I mean, come on, who is EVER going to volunteer to clean nasty messes up?

11-28-2004, 10:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
SparklingDot Insane	Kiwi, that's the same way it is in my family... With one exception. Last year Christmas was at my house. And after dinner, my uncles were the ones who did all of the dishes. But my father won't lift a finger. He'll put something on the grill or in the smoker and rave about how he "slaved away" cooking dinner. Never cleans up, just leaves the mess. I am resentful, but there isn't much I can do about it other than train my SO. But my SO is amazing, and he'll cook and clean up after himself, not to mention that he has exceptional taste. For him, I don't mind because I know he's doing his share of the work. __________________ 17 seconds is all you really need - Smashing Pumpkins

11-28-2004, 11:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	ah finally SD gets what i'm saying yea even if i tried...trying to get my uncles or father to do stuff would be thought of in my house as extremly rude...i guess i'm still thought of as one of the kids...my uncles all come up with somthing "extremly important" to do right when cleanup is mentioned...in my house we have to clean alot because we have the only house big enough to house my entire family and we also have alot of pets that many members of my family are allergic to...if i tried to get the rest of teh women in my family to make the guys help..lol well in their eyes that would equal insanity... also..i wasnt trying to whine..i'm honestly just amused by how little men think about things liek that.. lol and and i wouldnt trust my SO anywhere near food preperation...he can barely handle brownie mix __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

11-30-2004, 11:15 PM	#9 (permalink)
themisfit Tilted Location: none of your fuckin' business	It's not like that at my parents house...my parents both cook and clean. While my hubby isn't as up on that he does what he can. __________________ At length my cry was known: Therein lay my release. I met the wolf alone And was devoured in peace. ESVM

12-01-2004, 06:10 AM	#10 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	my current bf is great about helping out. he's not into cleaning, but he'll do it if i (or my MOM) need it. typically though, he runs errands and shuffles boxes of stuff around for us while we clean/cook/whatever. for the second year in a row, he's helped me put the tree up (well, sorta helped me...i'm kinda picky about my tree so he sorts the branches and hands them to me as i need them and keeps me company while i string up the lights). he's not so great at picking out presents, so i tend to do all that. but he'll go to the store and get them if i tell him exactly what he needs to buy. all in all, i really can't complain. the things he hates doing tend to be things i don't mind so much (except dishes...oh how i hate holiday dishes) or things i really enjoy (christmas cards and wrapping gifts). my dad is about the same. i really feel for my brother's fiance though....i think he's rotten about helping out. a cattle prod couldn't get him moving half the time! but hey, it works for them so who am i to judge?

12-01-2004, 01:00 PM	#11 (permalink)
isis Insane Location: In the Woods.	My mom generally does everything. Now that I'm actually old enough that I should be helping constantly, I'm going to. She shouldn't have to do everything.. even if its usually only for 3 or 4 of us. My dad just generally sits on the couch, occasionally picks up that piece of wrapping paper.. and he takes down the tree. I guess thats more than what some people do

12-01-2004, 01:22 PM	#12 (permalink)
Hash_Browns Psycho Location: Right behind you...BOO!	I'm picky, things have to be a specific way in a specific order on my tree, so hubby will help me move stuff around to make room, set it up, and then it's all me! The outside lights are also my job, because hubby could care less...but the girls love them, so they HAVE to go up, so I end up doing those, sometimes my cousin will come over and give me a hand, and I always love the girls faces when they see them, so I don't mind...(ok maybe a little smidgen haha) We have Christmas 'Brunch' at the big house. It's a duplex Grandma on one side, My Mom on the other. We ALL clean and being the eldest of 13 grandkids, we have lots of little hands to help, plus my girls 'The greatgrandgirls' love to pitch in whenever possible. The boys tho, they most definatly take advantage of all the kids and the woman working and they end up chillin' on the couch, but if we needed anything Grandma would put them in thier place by just looking at them and asking...you don't mess with Grandma!! __________________ Smile It makes people wonder what you're up too!