lurkette

One of our members with a penis has the following situation on which he'd like some female perspective:

"Ok....I can't win here. I am 34 yeears old and have been married for 10 years. I have always ejaculated quickly, no matter what I try. I know when I am going to ejaculate and I can stop (usually) but that doesn't really help becuase my wife gets frustrated when I stop. Our routine has become failry routine (unfortunately) but she still really turnes me on (which is great) and I feel so frustrated for the following reasons:

1. Because I can't usually control my orgasm
2. Because she doesn't orgasm
3. Routine!!

Ok, so here's the routine. I start by caressing her all over, teasing a little, ribbing my nails up and up an down her skin, her back, etc...then I tease her nipples and suck them...kissing her and her neck in between...I may be on top of her at this point just rubbing my cock againt her....she will usually reach down and stroke me...sometimes I even feel like I will cumm from this alone (and I have actually), but usually we keep going and if she let's me, I go down on her...she may in turn go down on me...I usually want to stay down on her until she cumms but she is always wanting to get me in her right away...we use condoms because she does not do well with the pill and I haven't gotten tid off yet!! Anyway, I will put the condom on and if I go non-stop I may last 2 minutes or so and then it's over. She hever cumms anymore and I am wondering what's up.

Why won't she let me eat her longer until she cumms. She has become failry conservative but she must be frustrated by not cumming?? I want to please her but I think she is more about getting it over with. Maybe because I always cumm too quickly?? I don't know if that makes sense because....

I went out and purchased some condoms with desensitizing lubricant and used those the other day...boy did they work...too well in fact. I got past the initial excitement and we screwed for at least 10 minutes, first missionary and then doggy...I was able to maintain my erection but I honestly could not feel much...well, while we are in doggy position...I see her kind of shake her head in frustration and I ask her what is wrong and she says "what's taking so long?" well...that was a deifnite mood killer of course..she obviously wasn't enjoing it much!! So, we talked and she said she felt like she wasn't turning me on , etc and that it never took me that long to cumm....I told her about the condoms and she felt better but I didn't!! Obviously she doesn't much enjoy the actual intercourse part.

Help, I am frustrated!! Is she cheating? Can she actually be happy not having an orgasm at all?"

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

maleficent

Routine is bad -- vary the routine. Are there kids around? While you are sitting in the living room, rub her shoulders, rub her feet. Washing dishes -- sneak up behind her? Go out for a walk, and get frisky -- VARY your performance.
Is her problem, or your problem fear of getting pregnant? That affects a lot of people, performance wise. What's stopping you from getting a vasectomy?
It's called communication. ASK HER!
Don't make assumptions, you don't know what's in her head. Ask her.
ASK HER
So something changed but you didn't tell her until she realized something changed, have you not talked to her about your feelings about premature ejaculation?
There you go, making assumptions.
Did she come out and say she didn't enjoy it? I doubt it - -Don't read into what she's saying -- just listen to her feelings.

I understand the frustration, but why automatically go to the worst, that she's cheating. Communication -- actively listening to each other - and probably not whilst you are in the middle of the act are what might get you back on course.

Ask her how she feels -

You didn't mention your wife's age - a woman's body is different at age 34, than it was at 24, the things that turned her on then, might be different now.

Whether she has an orgasm or not is not a reflection on your performance , people are responsible for their own orgasms, if you aren't doing something that she wants, it's up to her to tell you. Relax and just TALK!!!

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raeanna74

Talk, talk and more talk. Communication is the key here. Start by opening up yourself to her and perhaps she'll be more comfortable to open up to you.

Personally - I am ok with not cumming. I don't have to cum to feel satisfied. I enjoy the sensation of penetration and want that more than anything really. When some one eats me I get tired of it quick and want the penetration. Perhaps you could get her a toy or finger her while you eat to give her that satsifaction if that's what she's wanting. Sometimes if I'm with a man that I know comes quickly and then one time he takes a long time to cum I can get a little frustrated because I get satisfaction out of being able to "get him off" as much as getting my own pleasure. Perhaps her frustration was not with you but with her own abilities. You really need to communicate more. If you had told her in the first place that you got desensitizing condoms then you probably would not have encountered that uncomfortable mid-intercourse moment.

Don't start out making assumptions or becoming suspicious. It will only make you start looking for "offenses." Focus on asking her questions. For example, "If you could change one thing about our sex life, what would it be?" Then be super careful not to take anything she says personally. Even if it's something about how quickly you cum. Then have a discussion about HOW to change it. You've found a way to slow down reaching orgasm. Now work toward changing your routine and making her happy. DON'T just change your routine without talking to her. Let her know that you feel like you are letting her down by falling into a routine and you want to make her happy. Let her know what you are doing and why every step of the way.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

SixEdxMia

Those two ladies said everything I wanted to.You girls are good!

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Honey,We're home.

cherriesue

Communication is the key...just talk to her...maybe you aren't doing something she wants you to or maybe you're doing something she doesn't want you to. I would stay away from routine things...they get boring after awhile. You may want to try something new

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we die only once and for such a long time

la petite moi

Your wife sounds like me sometimes. Sometimes I am just too overwhelmed with stress, and sometimes I'm worried about routine too. Sometimes it hurts.

I think most of all, you should try to spice it up. Do it at random times, and surprise her with little things. Ask her what her fantasy is and play it out. Communication is the best.

fallenangel

quite honestly, most girls don't need to cum every time. It's not about that. Sometimes i get impatient if it goes on too long and do my best to hurry things along. If all i want is a get to it quick orgasm, i'll do it myself *Shrugs*... try spicing things up a bit, buy a book, read up on fun new tricks. Or search it, internet searches solve so many things

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all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

Angel

I am not going to repeat what has already been said.
I strongly recommend this book "Satisfaction, The Art of the Female Orgasm" By Kim Cattrall and Mark Levinson. This book is meant to read as a couple. It has illustrations and very good insight. Reading and implimenting this is a fantasic way to bring out topics that otherwise may go un-addressed. It opens the door to inner sexuality for both of you and has been a great help for many couples who have similar issues as you. A great read for couples NOT having troubles as well. Oh the fun and orgasms to be had! I hope you will make the investment and enjoy.
~Angel~

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In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

maleficent

That was a good book, but the twisted part of my brain finds it really amusing that Kim and Mark are now getting a divorce... so I guess it wasn't all that helpful for them

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dtappeiner

I forgot I have a penis and am not allowed to post in the LL

lurkette

Our guy says:

"Thanks to All of You! Great responses. I guess I better just get it out in the open. On the book "Satisfaction," I am afraid to buy something like that for her. What if I had it arrive to her anonymously, so she could look at it by herself without feeling embarrassed? Does that make sense? I know women are different than men, but it would drive me nuts if I hd that build up to an orgasm every time but didn't finish. Thanks again to everyone. I'll keep u posted if that is ok."

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Frenchie

Maleficent and Raeanna said it how it is. You need to talk to your woman!

Angel

I can't say how you should do that. But I personally feel that it would be a gift to her and your relationship to purchase it and present it to her ALONG with an open discussion of the issues you described above. THis book was meant for couples to use together. There isn't anything in there that should embarass her, in my opinion, as it is intimate things between yourself and her. But I don't know her personally so I can't speak for you.

If I had something like that arrive anonymously, I would wonder where it came from and THAT would be weird. Besides, what if she received it and read, explored what she could for herself, didn't mention it to you and you both end up frustrated and gain nothing? I dunno, I just feel if you are going to get the book, give it to her as a gift from her sweetheart. *shrugs*

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In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

cherriesue

She may have some repressed anger that is making it hard for her to have an orgasm. It may not have anything to do with you.

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we die only once and for such a long time