txlovely

If so, how did you find out and what did you do?

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Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

Truly

I found out because he told me, and I forgave WAY too easily..... won't ever do that again.

Whatever you do, now that you know that he's cheated (I'm assuming), put yourself first. What's best for you?

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Off in never never land, not coming back.

txlovely

Thanks, Truly. I love this man and have a lot invested emotionally. I'll keep you updated.

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Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

teriaki

I was 19, supporting the guy, and living away from home- he met her online, she was 17, he was 23.

He lied to me repeatedly about it- even though I knew it was going on. I finally checked out his email account, and sure enough, he was spewing on to her about how much he loved her, and couldn't wait to get rid of me.

I packed my stuff in garbage bags, and left immediately. He pursued me for two years after I left. Then married another girl I later found out he'd been cheating on me with BEFORE I found out about the younger girl!

He and I had been together for 5 years, and were talking about getting married- he was my first love, my first lover, and my first real heartache. I just couldn't see forgiving someone who thought so little of me.

I don't know your situation txlovely, but good luck to you in whatever you decide.

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Cute, but useless.

CinnamonGirl

We were only 17 at the time, so probably not a lot of help in your situation. It was not a good time, I found out through a friend of a friend of a friend...yuck.

My cousin's husband cheated on her, and she forgave him...I don't think I'd be able to same, but it seems to be working out for them.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

pinklily

I found out from a friend, and it actually took a while for me to find out. It took him a couple days to admit it. I think I was more upset that he was so dishonest with me. I just couldn't trust him any more. If he could hide some things from me I could only imagine what I didn't know. Safe so say that that was the end of things.

*Nikki*

We were together six years and two months away from walking down the isle.

I found out he was spending time with in person and on the phone a divorced woman with three kids. She is complete trash in every aspect. I could go into details but basically she was less then nothing.

Months down the road after he left he realized the err in his ways and to this day tries to get me back. I won't take his calls. He was my first love and he was going to be my husband. But the one thing good he did for me was leave me so I could find some one who would love me the way I deserved to be. Thank God I met this person like 1.5 months later and today we are very much in love and planning to marry next year.

To this day I have never understood why and I dont think I ever will.

One thing I do know though, I will never ever forgive him and his name is dirt in my book.

Averett

Yup, my first and only boyfriend cheated on me. Met him senior year in college. He was a year younger than me. We had your typical college relationship... When I graduated I wanted to break up because I didn't want to go into a long distance relationship (my home was in NY and college was in VA where he was from) but he wanted to stay together. He was on the football team and slept with a girl after a win. A week before I visited. During my visit for homecomming we broke up. But about 2 weeks later he called me up and wanted to get back together. I stupidly said yes. (I didn't know about him sleeping with the other girl)

I got him a plane ticket so he could visit me for New Years. A few weeks before he visited he started sleeping with a 17 year old high school senior he met online. The day he came to visit me we got in a car wreck and I was in the hospital for 5 days. He broke up with me the day I was released. I didn't find out about the high school girl and the one night stand girl until months later.

Sorry for rambling. I haven't had a relationship since. I don't know if its because I just haven't met the right guy or if theres something in me that's keeping a relationship at arms length. I'm trying to figure that out....

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

isis

I personally haven't been cheated on, unless you count in grade 8 when my 'boyfriend' was grabbing another girls bum! ! ;D

In all seriousness though .. when I started going out with my boyfriend now, we sort of did this "If you cheat on me, just tell me." business. Now that we've been dating for awhile, if he did cheat on me, the potential for me killing him has gone up about 100 fold. Especially if the woman is 'lesser' than me (sort of how *Nikki* felt about that woman her ex-SO cheated on her with).

I honestly don't know what I'd do. Slash tires? I have a real mean streak sometimes.

PorscheBunny

Ten years with the same woman down the toilet last April.

I came home from work one day feeling sick. I was soundly sleeping in our dark bedroom when someone landed on me. My ex had brought a co-worker home from her work for "a quickie lunch": a cute little thang, she couldn't have been older than 20. Found out she and the co-worker had been an item for over a year, found out from her friends (thought they were mine too) who thought it was funny that I didn't know.

In our separation, I just managed to keep the condo, but I had to give up all the other joint property (furnishings, TV, washer & dryer, bed) except for the baby's stuff and completely tap out my savings and IRA to pull it off. I was sleeping on a sleeping bag on the floor for almost a month before I could afford to buy a bed. It took almost to Xmas before life returned to normal.

Sweet Thang dumped my ex for a guy about six weeks after our separation. Ain't Karma a bitch?

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This post has been sanitized for your protection by the Ministry of Information of Oceania.

InTeGrA77

Yeah, he was an asshole. Long story short, we were together for 9 nine months (my longest relationship at the time). Then we finally had sex (my first time), and within a month or two later, I found out that he was cheating on me, and he dumped me. I bawled my eyes out for quite some time after he told me, but when I was done, I felt a lot better, knowing that I was better off without him!

So if you ever catch wind that your SO is cheating, kick him to the curb, and don't waste any time doing it! You deserve better than that!

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28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds...

sexymama

We had been married 8 or 9 years. He had lost all my trust due to gambling away all our money and our children's money. Then one day I found out he had an affair. The story goes: he was at a business meeting. A group of people had gone out for dinner. He mentioned a paper he wrote that she wanted a copy of. He asked her to his room to get it. He went to the bathroom and came out to find her naked. Not his fault! What else could he do but have sex with her.

I forgave him -- 5 kids and a commitment made me do that; but I didn't forget. It was less than 6 months after finding out about that affair that I found out he is also an alcoholic and was surfing the net for woman. Enough was enough.

I voted "dumped him;" although I'm not sure that was the correct vote as I forgae at first.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

wannabenakid247

Yeah when I was straight my best mate shagged my boyfriend. Fuckin great! Anyway he was a tosser and i had only been with him a couple of weeks so I got rid of him lol.

lisa

I'm very lucky, never been cheated, never cheated myself.

I don't think I would be able to forgive, let alone forget my bf if he would cheat on me... Even if I'm sure he still loves me and I still love him; I would have it too hard to forget about it and it would probably rumble around in my head too much...

Blee

Well my vote was difficult - with a rather drawn out twisted tale that i prolly should never allowed to happen. The beauty of hindsight i guess.

It was my first boyfriend (began dating in highschool) and we;d been going out for 4 and a half years. I found out he cheated on me (he kissed another girl but i still consider that cheating) because he rang me 'guilt stricken' and told me. i was on holidays interstate at the time (hence the phonecall) and i was devestated because of all the stupid things i thought i'd lost him. over the next week he called and emailed often and we talked things through and our relationship remained in limbo for that short period. I decided to take him back - forgive and forget as i voted -

that was the plan anyway - but forgetting was the hard part - we ended up breaking up about a month later. During our break up of about a month and a bit I missed him terribly - I knew that i still loved him but thought it was over - and then he contacted me with the usual - lets work this out, i've lost the best thing thats happened to me and i can't imagine a future without u.

well things were great for me anyway from then on but then 2 months later and i was funnily enough on another interstate holiday and he kissed the same girl. He told me this time when i got back - i endured the same devestation again and knew that our relationship was over. He also no longer wanted to be with me either obviously.

I guess it's true what they say - once a cheater always a cheater or whatever it is.

I think the most heartbreaking thing is that you think you know someone so well but then they destroy that and still sometimes i find myself thinking about this wonderful guy who used to be so much a part of my life - if someone could bottle up that feeling that u get when you first discover they've cheated on u though so that when u begin to have thoughts such as that they'd quickly dissapear.

sorry so long - quite a rant!!

minyn

Its an ugly road to walk down, and i do talk from experience.

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"Woke up this morning with a blue moon in my eye"
~A3 "woke up this morning"

"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." -Janis Joplin

WarWagon

I forgot to look in my pants before posting.

SabrinaFair

There's no "I don't think so" option.
I never questioned my last BF's fidelity, but lately he's proved that he's not all he said he was. So who knows...

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

Eclipse26

I was married for 12 years and found that my husband cheated on me repeatedly. The first time, I heard him talking on the phone with someone and it sounded so personal. I pressed it after he got off the phone and he finally came clean. He promised to never do it again...to never see her again and I agreed to forgive and forget. Then about 2 months later I answered the phone and it was her. I said, "I thought he'd stopped seeing you." She said, "He told me you moved out." Wow...lied to both of us.

I left for a few weeks, but eventually returned to try and work things out. Caught him with several other women over the next few years and am now finally almost divorced. What a waste of my time.

Lessons learned... Never get married at 17, and ...once a cheater...always a cheater.

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What the damn

UrbanAngel

In a way I have been cheated on. It went like this:

Went out with my boyfriend for a couple months, went out of town, I came back to find out he had kissed this girl a few times at a party. I was pissed, told him to leave me alone for a week while I thought things over. After that week we got back together. Six months down the road I found out he had been sleeping with his ex the week we were apart. Not exactly cheating, since technically we were on a "break", but it still hurt like nobodies business. I ended up breaking up with him because after the ensuing fights I realized that I couldn't really communicate with him about problems, he could be very manipulative and sneaky and would try to twist the situation around and play the blame game. Even if I could have forgiven him for that week, his communication style and manipulative nature would have posed a problem in the future.

suviko

Too many valid options missing from the poll..

EruptiveDreamz

I found out by picking up the phone and hearing him on the other end altho I had already suspected it was going on. That and I found out later from her that he got into my mailbox and took the two tickets I recieved for a free supper at a resturaunt that was here in town at that time (not anymore). I had won them off our local radio station. Tell me I wasn't mad. Now that I am thinking about it I am still kinda mad . Not that he cheated but because I won something and I didn't get to enjoy it. Grrrr That was probably a first and a last, haven't won anything since. What a biatch.

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Can you imagine Moses asking Congress to pass the ten commandments?

Amaelisen

To make a long story short: He was my high school sweetheart and first love. Six months into our relationship, I found he still had pictures of a girl who he used to like. That's okay, right? A year into our relationship, he lied to me about his relationship with other women ("You don't know them, but they just happen to flirt with you and know your name?"). Maybe he just panicked? I loved him so much, and I kept making excuses for him. Everyone thought we were going to get married and stay together for the rest of our lives.
I really don't know why I kept taking him back after all those broken promises. Eventually after three years, he ended up dumping me for a former "friend" of mine. Funny thing is, I thought he hated her. I hope both of them end up miserable for doing this behind my back!

All I regret is losing my virginity to the bastard.

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"...it is a mark of prudence never to place our complete trust in those who have decieved us even once." - René Descartes

Tigress

He broke my heart, broke up with me, then his best friend told me that he cheated on me and told people that I was just a "good time" even thought we had been dating sporadically for 3 yrs.

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I'm alive,
It's today,
I woke up this morning,
Looks like another good day.

Gwenllian

I was cheated on by my ex-husband. He came home and told me right after he did it. I tried to forgive and forget, but after a few months we both realized that there were way bigger problems, then just the cheating.

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The Sober Truth

BlueBongo

Well, I usually let someone I'm interested in know that if they want to leave me or cheat on me... just let me know. I know that may sound for of stupid, but it's better than being pissed off or upset. I figure I can always pick myself up and move on. Takes time, but I can do that.

But I know my current SO wouldn't cheat on me. Neither of us really tolerate that.

The one guy that did cheat on me, I kicked out. Was just disgusting. But I won't go into rampant details because it is in the past. He was just an ass.

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"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."

txlovely

By Dr. Gail Saltz
"Today" contributor
Today show
Updated: 8:52 p.m. ET March 11, 2004Q:

I’ve think I’m in love with someone I met on the Internet. We’ve never met (and probably never will). Is this cheating?

A: In a word, yes.

A committed relationship is all about intimate emotional involvement with another. If you are feeling passion toward someone besides your partner — if you can’t wait to get to your computer to e-mail with another man — you are taking time and energy away from your current relationship.

And, chances are, it’s all a fantasy!

With someone you haven’t met, you imagine all kinds of wonderful traits and no horrible ones. You think you know him well from your frequent notes, but it’s easy for anyone to sound terrific in an e-mail. People can edit their words to make themselves convey any kind of impression they want.

You haven’t been with him when he’s grouchy. You have no idea how he deals with bad moods, or whether he has highly annoying habits. Maybe he talks non-stop, or maybe he grunts more than he speaks. Maybe he chews tobacco or never goes to the dentist or watches sports day and night.

Your feelings are toward somebody who probably doesn’t exist in the fantasy form you have conjured up. (And if you do make the mistake of arranging to meet after your hot-and-heavy correspondence, you are 99 percent guaranteed to be tremendously disappointed.)

Even worse, such a fake relationship is highly likely to erode your current one. Inevitably, you will compare this fantasy man with the man you have, who can’t help but fall short. A real man — with all his faults, lovable or not — can never measure up to a fantasy.

Instead of focusing on your text-based fantasy man, you should look inside yourself and examine why it is you are going outside your committed relationship for passion and excitement. Quite often, such a flirtation is a sign that you are in some way dissatisfied or bored with your partner.

It is a much better use of your time to work on your current relationship than to pursue one that is both unlikely to produce any kind of satisfaction as well as to undermine the bond with your partner. All three of you might end up getting hurt.

I suggest you bid your pen-pal a polite farewell and then block his e-mail address.

Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: However you rationalize it, an Internet relationship IS cheating. Stick a note on your computer reminding you to work focus on your real one instead.

Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to “Today.” For more information, you can visit her Web site, www.drgailsaltz.com. Her new book, “Becoming Real: Overcoming the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back,” is to be published in May 2004.

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Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

Angel

Yes. With one of my closest "friends"
I forgave. They did it again. (don't think it ever stopped)
I divorced both of them.
She is still with her husband and still keeps in contact with my ex and I am pretty sure her hubby doesn't know.
Karma has a way of returning the favor. I'll let her do the work for me. I have better things to do with my life than worry about what happened in the past.

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In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

Cherry

In my younger days, I was cheated on and I did dump the bastard.

Today, as I'm a little older and a little wiser, I find myself pleased with the decisions that I made then. I make different decisions now for myself, but I stand by my convictions.

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In walked a man in the shape of a man, holding a hat shaped hat...

sapphire

We all hung out at the same place and one night I over heard the "other girl" talking to her friend about sleeping with the guy I was seeing.

I confronted him and he admitted it and we broke up. It was hard but in the long run I didnt want to be with someone who would cheat on me.

ariekitten

well it was high school....i was 16 and he was 18, and he happened to be my best friend. we'd agreed we wanted to wait on sex, but he started pressuring me, and i wouldn't give in, so he found someone else. i figured, i don't hafta put up with this shit, so i slapped him in the hallway on the way to class and said it's over. and the reason i knew he was cheating is because my best friend saw him with one of her friends (kissing) and later the friend told my friend all about their hot "night" together. yuck. good riddance.

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I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call.
~Vash, Trigun

>'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

SixEdxMia

Cheating is unacceptable. Period. I can't keep someone that I don't trust.and If you have broken my heart..I sure as hell don't trust you.

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Honey,We're home.

lissa

Yes, I have been cheated on. And all i have to say is that it SUCKS!!

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"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."

aim-missliss4u02
yahoo: jediz_angel14
hotmail: usagirl2002@hotmail.com

cherriesue

I was cheated on and the way I found out was that the idiot forwarded an e-mail from this chick he was cheating with to me. The e-mail said something about them meeting on Friday afternoon to go away for the weekend together. I dumped the guy that very day. He was a controlling, abusive jerk and I was just looking for a way to get away from him anyway. He proceeded to stalk me for the next 5 months...nice guy

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we die only once and for such a long time

Sugar&Spice

Let's see..relationship of 2 years. He kissed some girl at the beginning of the relationship because i was out of town and supposedly he missed me.

He began talking about different girls from work a lot. Told me they were just friends. I believed him, but questioned him about the girls. He was 23 and one was 16. Other one was like 21. He finally tells me that he slept with them. Expects me to still like him and want to stay together. Tells me that I wasn't around when he was horny. What a disgusting bastard. I pretty much regret everything about that relationship and wish it had never happened.

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-Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

isis

Sugar&Spice, I'm glad that you think that way about him. Nobody deserves to be treated like that .. I know exactly how it feels.

I've never personally been cheated on, but I did fool around with an ex while he was on a 'break' from the girlfriend. Bad decision on my part, but I was mostly just exacting revenge. I'm a revenge girl.

qtpye4u84

When I was in high school that was the most popular reason for me to dump a guy. Bastards, I guess to many girls in the world better then me. And some times they would cheat on me with like a chick that was not as pretty as me.

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The QTpie

Redgirl

I've never been cheated on and I can say with utter confidence that I never will be.

He knows I'd cut his fucking dick off.

My dad cheated for years on my mom before she found out. He had a total separation of love and sex in his mind. It was all one-night stand type stuff, but he'd been doing it the whole time they had been married. She found out when I was 14, so they'd been married 18 years by this time. She didn't leave him. They went to counseling and he changed his ways. They are still together, it's been 32 years now.

When we talked about it a few years ago, she told me that one of the reasons she stayed was she felt too old to start over. She had my brother and I to think of, too. She underwent hypnothereapy to help her get rid of her anger, and her and my dad started acting like teenagers- making out all the time, showering together, etc.

I have to say that although I couldn't make the same decision she did, it seems to have changed their marriage in some good ways. I am also glad that they stayed together and I didn't have to go through the pain of their divorce (selfish as that sounds).

Plus, I believe he knows that was a one time chance. If he ever did it again, well... see my above 'dick' statement.

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Amethyst

I was cheated on in high school. I thought I really loved the guy but now I know that I didn't. He cheated on me with both of my best friends. The first friend he cheated with I forgave him because he promised not to do it again. I went to my dad's
house for the summer and kissed another guy and he got pissed and slept with my other best friend.I guess to get back at me but it was the best thing he ever did. because at that point in time it was over.

qtpye4u84

I wont ever be cheated on by my boyfriend I trust him, he trusts me, like some one else said, I would cut his dick off lol.
Nah....I think I would beat the crap out of the girl he was with though hehe I am pretty strong so I feel sorry for her heheheeh.

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The QTpie