BlueBongo

K... we moved cross country together so I can go to school, I feel kinda guilty partly because a good friend of mine lives in Richmond and I think she's pretty snazzy so we've been hanging out.. looking for jobs and doing various things.

My boyfriend has basically moved across the country with only me and not really knowing anyone else.. he kinda knows my friend.. but she feels hurt by various things he does when he does come a long. I do enjoy getting out and about with my boyfriend but I don't want to hurt his feelings either, though I'm sure he'll read this, but that's ok.

Some of the things I can understand, we both dislike smoking yet everyone in Richmond smokes and though I am a bit allergic, I hang out with my friend that smokes and her mom that live here.

I just know he doesn't have anyone here but me right now... so I suppose when I go out for 16+ hours and come back to find he hasn't had the opportunity to get out and about to see some stuff I just don't know how to feel about that.

I know we need to get out together and kinda see stuff, but that requires money we don't have. And we both need to do some adjusting to life here in many ways.
I know that once he starts working and meeting people things will be better, I just am not sure how to broach various subjects without coming off like somewhat of a bitch as far as my friend is concerned. My friend thinks Sam is awesome but finds him a bit abbrasive at times and feels guilty about smoking around him which I told her I didn't think was a big deal.... but I dunno, just puts me in a weird place I guess.

I was just wondering if anyone else had been through this before???

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"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."

lurkette

Rather than pinning all of your hopes for him getting out and about on this one friend who kind of sort of doesn't get along with him, why don't you guys try some activities that are free but that allow you to meet people with similar interests? Volunteer organizations are great for that, and reading groups, too. I can't think of other examples offhand, but those two might help.

As for bringing up how he interacts with your friend, you might just say "she's a little sensitive, so could you try being extra nice to her?" or something like that.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Ladyhawke

Girl....I live in that place.....I have a husband and a girlfriend (Until I broke up with her)

They weren't to crazy about each other....but they would try to get along for my sake....I see where your coming from and I understand your sich....and believe...there is a even ground...you just have to find it

and lurkette is right...find some free stuff to do together...all three of you...hang out in a Borders book store....Go window shopping....go explore you new home town...find what they have....Or all three of you and surf the board..heh heh.

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Whatever

cheerios

no moving, but my best friend & juan HATED eachother (ok my best friend hated Juan) for the first... year? year and a half? of my relationship. You really gotta be patient, & make sure everyone get's some attention, some "alone time". Also, remember... your boyfriend is a big boy. He's PERFECTLY capable of entertaining himself/seeing the sights/whatever else he wants to do. I know y'all have 2 cars out there, and I know y'all have roommates to talk to/make friends with. So. don't take all the responsibility if he's being a bit anti-social. if he's bored, he'll need to be doing something about it, even if it means getting out on his own. You're his girlfriend, not his nanny! (and this is said with much affection for your bf, he's a sweet guy). It's early, so that's kind of... rambly, but hope it makes some sense and has some relevance...

onodrim

My thoughts exactly. Of course you care about him, and so you want him to be happy. But he has to take the responsibility of making a life for himself, well himself.
That said, I also agree that it's a good idea for the three of you to hang out together. Like lurkette said, there are plenty of free activities you could explore. The more time you all spend together, I think the relationship between your boyfriend and friend will naturally improve. I hope it all works out for you!

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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

shannon

i think the volunteering idea would be great cause you guys might also meet new people and then your SO would have new friends

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"When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

Chuckles

*i forgot i'm not a girl*

Yalaynia

Why couldnt you do the stuff that you do with your girlfriend with your boyfriend. You said the stuff you and boyfriend do requires money , what about being with you and your girlfriend, if you spent a couple 16 hour days with her surely you are going to spend SOME money. Yes hes old enough to get out and do things himself but from the sounds of things you are spending more time with her then you are him. As far as jobs and that you could always go job hunting with him.
Never know he might be a little jealous of the amount of time that you arent spending with him.

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I couldnt think of anything to put here , but I guess anything would do

BlueBongo

Well... as far as doing some of the same things I would do with my friend, I know that it is something my b/f may easily get annoyed with or start wanting to move on to something else. I am much the same way in that respect though, like shopping for instance.. I like to go in, get what I need to get, and leave instead of fiddleing around for hours on end... though sometimes I do just like to dilly dally around sometimes and that isn't something that I've noticed the b/f is too keen on. He doesn't like fish either... so kinda kills getting sushi, though that's something we do together (b/f and I. I mean).... I dunno, there are just some activities that I just can't see him being interested in that I do with my friend... as well I am sure there are activities I can and do do with my b/f that my friend isn't necessarily keen on.... but since we moved here I think we are both just trying to settle in and a lot of things aren't going quite right, plus I'm in the middle of working on myself right now too.

Though I do agree I have spent more time with her than I have with my b/f. But I have been trying not to so much since she and I started working at the same IHOP.

Guess we'll just see if things improve there, I just told my friend to be open and upfront about things as they come up instead of venting them to me.

Thanks for all of the insight!!! I love you guys

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"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."