ex boyfreind and best freind - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ally · 10-21-2003, 02:05 PM

My last boyfreind (whom I dated for a little more than a year) and my best freind are dating now.
I've known this girl since I was four years old and we're all in college together now.
I don't care that he's dating again or anything because its been a long time since we broke up and I have another wonderful boyfreind

, but it really bothers me to think of them together.
I don't really know how to deal with it. I'm just really uncomfortable with the thought.
Can the ladies of the lounge give me some advice? Right now I'm just kind of ignoring them and I dont think that that's really going to help any of us that much.

lurkette · 10-21-2003, 02:34 PM

I think this is totally normal. It's weird to have two previously separate parts of your life collide like this. My only advice is to wait. It's weird and uncomfortable now, but over time, they'll either break up or their dating will just become a normal, accepted part of your life. Till then, my advice would be to just buck up and deal with it till it's not so weird.

If you're uncomfortable because of feelings for him, or because you feel somehow betrayed by your best friend, those are things that need to be dealt with. You might also try just talking to them - together and separately - and getting it out in the open that you're fine with them seeing each other but you're just feeling like things are a little awkward, and let them know that if you're weird it's just because you're dealing with your own discomfort with it.

My $.02, for what it's worth.

Rubyee · 10-21-2003, 03:54 PM

I can give you no advice because it would only lead to trouble. I once had a friend who would only date my ex's, and eventually this led to me beating the shit out of her, and not talking to her for years. I still hope she rots in hell.

But I am really a nice person. I swear.

sexymama · 10-21-2003, 07:12 PM

Quote:

It's weird to have two previously separate parts of your life collide like this. My only advice is to wait. It's weird and uncomfortable now, but over time, they'll either break up or their dating will just become a normal, accepted part of your life. Till then, my advice would be to just buck up and deal with it till it's not so weird.

Maybe go on double dates together so you can get to know each other as couples and you will have someone to "lean on" while adjusting. Also, take time with your girlfriend 1-on-1, just hanging out and being friends.

ally · 10-22-2003, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sexymama
Maybe go on double dates together so you can get to know each other as couples and you will have someone to "lean on" while adjusting. Also, take time with your girlfriend 1-on-1, just hanging out and being friends.

I don't think that double dates would be a good idea. My ex-boyfreind hates my new bf because he got me. The ex tried for a while to win me back (although he dumped me!!) My freind is not so fond of him either. It's really an unfair situation for my bf all around.

I have a very different set of freinds at school. I came to this college first and they both followed me here, so I had already made my connections here. Most of my freinds are on my fencing team and we spend a lot of time together. My freind from home is very innocent and doesnt get a long with most of them.

I don't like having to seperate all of my activities in an us vs. them fashion, and now it seems more difficult to me since I'm not so comfortable with them being with each other.

grrrrr, i hate being confused!!!!!

10-21-2003, 02:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
ally Insane Location: Boone,NC	ex boyfreind and best freind My last boyfreind (whom I dated for a little more than a year) and my best freind are dating now. I've known this girl since I was four years old and we're all in college together now. I don't care that he's dating again or anything because its been a long time since we broke up and I have another wonderful boyfreind , but it really bothers me to think of them together. I don't really know how to deal with it. I'm just really uncomfortable with the thought. Can the ladies of the lounge give me some advice? Right now I'm just kind of ignoring them and I dont think that that's really going to help any of us that much.

10-21-2003, 02:34 PM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I think this is totally normal. It's weird to have two previously separate parts of your life collide like this. My only advice is to wait. It's weird and uncomfortable now, but over time, they'll either break up or their dating will just become a normal, accepted part of your life. Till then, my advice would be to just buck up and deal with it till it's not so weird. If you're uncomfortable because of feelings for him, or because you feel somehow betrayed by your best friend, those are things that need to be dealt with. You might also try just talking to them - together and separately - and getting it out in the open that you're fine with them seeing each other but you're just feeling like things are a little awkward, and let them know that if you're weird it's just because you're dealing with your own discomfort with it. My $.02, for what it's worth. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

10-21-2003, 03:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	I can give you no advice because it would only lead to trouble. I once had a friend who would only date my ex's, and eventually this led to me beating the shit out of her, and not talking to her for years. I still hope she rots in hell. But I am really a nice person. I swear. __________________ You don't know from fun.