Need advice - Possible 3some - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

xtra_smurfy · 10-19-2003, 07:54 AM

Hi,
I have been going out with my bf for 4 years, he recently met a female friend thru a guy friend, well at first of course I was jealous, but got to know her better; she seems cool...
My bf mentioned his friends and her played truth or dare; and she confessed she was with another woman and went all the way, orgasm and all... and my bf said she asked him If I'd ever talked about it...
He told her I have, but he wasn't sure on how serious I was about it...(which is true)
So my bf and I talked about it, and he told me it would be a dream come true for him, and honestly a fantasy of mine...
he told me that he wouldn't do anything with her if I didn't approve, and if I did approve, he feels this would be good for our relationship, and that he knows he'll come back to me..No doubt about it..
My question, has anyone had a 3some with their bf, and did you worry about him becoming attracted to her?
and
How did it change your relationship?

collide · 10-19-2003, 11:39 AM

This thread might shed some light on the subject.

uptown · 10-20-2003, 06:08 AM

If it were me,I'd break up with him now and save yourself a lot of misery.

shannon · 10-21-2003, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by uptown
If it were me,I'd break up with him now and save yourself a lot of misery.

i don't think that's fair. are you saying that because you think he's being unfaithful or what?

lurkette · 10-21-2003, 09:09 AM

I agree with shannon - I don't think breaking up with him is really warranted. This is a really common fantasy with both men and women, and it sounds to me like he's being really respectful about it.

Back to smurfy's question, something in your post raised a bit of a red flag for me. You say "well at first of course I was jealous." It's the "of course" that makes me go hmm....it sounds like you have some doubts about your relationship, or at the very least about your own self-image, that would make me say proceed with caution. Going in with a jealous streak to start with sounds like a recipe for disaster. Do the 3-some thing only if:

1. you want to do it FOR YOU and not to make him happy
2. you're extremely confident of your commitment to each other
3. even given 2, you're prepared for anything to happen, including the break-up of your relationship

This could make your relationship stronger, or it could be the thing that breaks it. Or it could fall somewhere in between - either a "whew, let's not do that again" or a "glad we did that but happier just us 2" experience.

Good luck!

mb99usa · 10-21-2003, 09:20 AM

xtra_smurfy · 10-21-2003, 09:36 AM

Well now the thing is 100% off...
So I really don't have to worry about it...
Now that I look back on it now, I honestly don't think it would've made our situation any better....
Thanks for all the advice though, and if something were to go on, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...

uptown · 10-21-2003, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by shannon
i don't think that's fair. are you saying that because you think he's being unfaithful or what?

I'm saying that because few relationships survive after a threesome experience and even fewer thrive.From what I've heard from female friends who've done this,during the actual experience it was almost like they weren't even present,any attention they got was like an after thought and it felt like their
husband having them there at all was merely a stamp of approval
for them to have another woman.Several of these ladies are now divorced and those with more truthful husbands admitted that they originally desired/suggested the 3 way because they were unhappy in the marriage and wanting someone else.I'd also suggest that bringing a 3rd party into your relationship who is known to either of you as opposed to a stranger adds yet another dynamic that might not be good.

Fantasy is all good but some fantasies should remain just that.

wannabenakid247 · 11-04-2003, 08:22 AM

Speaking about threesomes in general here. As long as you are honest with each other it is possible to have a healthy relationship whilst involving other people. But you both have to be happy about everything that takes place. It could make you even closer with each other.

lee251968 · 11-07-2003, 12:04 PM

I am new and didn't read the rules so I was edited

10-19-2003, 07:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
xtra_smurfy Upright	Need advice - Possible 3some Hi, I have been going out with my bf for 4 years, he recently met a female friend thru a guy friend, well at first of course I was jealous, but got to know her better; she seems cool... My bf mentioned his friends and her played truth or dare; and she confessed she was with another woman and went all the way, orgasm and all... and my bf said she asked him If I'd ever talked about it... He told her I have, but he wasn't sure on how serious I was about it...(which is true) So my bf and I talked about it, and he told me it would be a dream come true for him, and honestly a fantasy of mine... he told me that he wouldn't do anything with her if I didn't approve, and if I did approve, he feels this would be good for our relationship, and that he knows he'll come back to me..No doubt about it.. My question, has anyone had a 3some with their bf, and did you worry about him becoming attracted to her? and How did it change your relationship?

10-19-2003, 11:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
collide Turn off your TV. Location: ... .- -. ..-. .-. .- -. -.-. .. ... -.-. --- --..-- -.-. .-	This thread might shed some light on the subject. __________________ "inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

10-21-2003, 09:09 AM	#5 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I agree with shannon - I don't think breaking up with him is really warranted. This is a really common fantasy with both men and women, and it sounds to me like he's being really respectful about it. Back to smurfy's question, something in your post raised a bit of a red flag for me. You say "well at first of course I was jealous." It's the "of course" that makes me go hmm....it sounds like you have some doubts about your relationship, or at the very least about your own self-image, that would make me say proceed with caution. Going in with a jealous streak to start with sounds like a recipe for disaster. Do the 3-some thing only if: 1. you want to do it FOR YOU and not to make him happy 2. you're extremely confident of your commitment to each other 3. even given 2, you're prepared for anything to happen, including the break-up of your relationship This could make your relationship stronger, or it could be the thing that breaks it. Or it could fall somewhere in between - either a "whew, let's not do that again" or a "glad we did that but happier just us 2" experience. Good luck! __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

10-21-2003, 09:20 AM	#6 (permalink)
mb99usa Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while. Location: wherever I am	_ __________________ So, what's your point? It's not an attitude, it's a way of life. Last edited by mb99usa; 10-21-2003 at 09:28 AM..

11-07-2003, 12:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
lee251968 Upright	I am new and didn't read the rules so I was edited Last edited by hrdwareguy; 11-07-2003 at 01:18 PM..

10-20-2003, 06:08 AM	#3 (permalink)
uptown Insane	If it were me,I'd break up with him now and save yourself a lot of misery.

10-21-2003, 09:36 AM	#7 (permalink)
xtra_smurfy Upright	Well now the thing is 100% off... So I really don't have to worry about it... Now that I look back on it now, I honestly don't think it would've made our situation any better.... Thanks for all the advice though, and if something were to go on, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...

11-04-2003, 08:22 AM	#9 (permalink)
wannabenakid247 Registered User Location: Wales, UK	Speaking about threesomes in general here. As long as you are honest with each other it is possible to have a healthy relationship whilst involving other people. But you both have to be happy about everything that takes place. It could make you even closer with each other.