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Old 06-06-2007, 09:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Boulder Baby!
What helps you cope with a breakup?

Hey ladies... I need some help.


Yesterday my boyfriend of two years and I decided it was best to end our relationship. He will be moving home in two weeks and I will be left with a empty apartment to myself (which is recipe for disastor, i hate being alone). So in order to prepare for what I am going through, I am seeking your help.

Tell me about your breakups and anything you have tried to help you cope and move on and tell me if it worked. If anything I think I just want to reach out and know I am not alone.


Thanks ladies. Love you all.
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Old 06-06-2007, 10:29 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Aftrer a 6 year relationship, I chopped my long hair up to my shoulders, packed up my shit, called mom, and went home from MA to FL. Went back to school, got a job, got experience in said job, and 2 and a half years later I am in a wonderful relationship with a man much more worthy in my eyes, and I recently moved from FL to CO to live closer to him. Note, I am closer, not living with him. I guess for me I can't go only halfway, I have to go extreme as far as change goes after a breakup lol
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Old 06-06-2007, 01:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: hiding behind wings
Aw, honey.
Squash casserole from Boston Market and the joy of discovering hanging out with friends again.... but it's been a long time since I had a break up that I was worried about. This last one was good for me. (But I still highly recommend the squash casserole.)
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Old 06-06-2007, 02:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hanging with friends.
Push yourself to do things (fun things) even if you don't feel like it right then.
Commit yourself to doing things with friends, if necessary, to get out of the house.
Champagne cocktails.
Rediscover the joy of reorganizing the homestead.
Lots of tissues
Dita von Teese's Burlesque/Fetish book
Amy Sedaris' "I Like You" cookbook
Lots of TFP/ers.

That's what I'm doing, myself. Good luck, sweets!
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Old 06-06-2007, 02:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Realize you invested a lot of yourself in the relationship. Its ok to feel in the moment, but don't feel guilty about being happy.

Learn to enjoy being alone - at what level is different for everyone. What about living alone don't you like? If its the quiet, maybe invest in some music you've wanted to get but just never had the time.
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Old 06-06-2007, 05:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amonkie
Realize you invested a lot of yourself in the relationship. Its ok to feel in the moment, but don't feel guilty about being happy.

Learn to enjoy being alone - at what level is different for everyone. What about living alone don't you like? If its the quiet, maybe invest in some music you've wanted to get but just never had the time.
Or a puppy.
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Old 06-06-2007, 09:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel. Cry if you have to, punch your pillow, etc. Write him a letter, get everything out and then rip it up. Talk to your friends. And then, basically allow time to do it's thing. It will get better. As everyone has said, get out and try not to wallow in things, but do allow yourself to grieve the relationship. I'm sorry that you have to go through this *big hugs* We're all here for you!!
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Old 06-10-2007, 04:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Wish there was a magic pill to make it all go away. Only time can make it better
and you have to be open to healing for that to happen.
Be good to yourself. Its also a good time to pursue whatever you feel passionately about.
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Old 06-11-2007, 01:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
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So sorry to hear that babe - I've always thought you were one of the cutest of the lovelies around here, don't let a breakup make you feel less pretty or desirable. All the above suggestions are great and have helped me in times of trouble... you kind of just have to grit your teeth and plow through.

**hug**
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Old 06-11-2007, 10:15 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I know these two guys--Ben and Jerry--they're very helpful.

Besides that...engaging in activities that take your mind off of things--exercising, pursuing hobbies, etc--those are things that have helped me in the past.
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Old 06-11-2007, 09:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Go out with friends and have fun, or try to. Eventually you will be having fun even though you didn't mean to. Personally, getting out with my friends and meeting new people helps a lot. Especially if said people end up going home with me..... what can I say? I'm like a guy sometimes
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:45 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Location: Boulder Baby!
next inquiry ladies-


After a guy moving out of your house, did you find it difficult to fall asleep without the warm body in bed next to you? its been two nights now where I have had six hours sleep total and its somewhat caused by all of this. I am starting to miss sleeping......
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Old 06-16-2007, 04:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Yes I did... I got one of those big body pillows which helped a bit as far as the physical aspect of having something there goes, but there was also the psychological safety of having someone there to protect me. I'm scared of the dark and get nightmares and I love having someone with me, especially someone strong and burly... that was a big adjustment.

Hang in there babe.
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Old 06-17-2007, 07:49 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I still feel that way sometimes, when my people are in their own room and I've got my bed to myself. It gets lonely. I second Sharon-- I don't have a body pillow, but I will grab an extra pillow and snug up to that. I also play some music on very low volume, to help with the ambient noise and give my brain something to "ride to sleep" on a bad night. Lambchop with Vic Chesnutt is pretty good.
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Old 06-18-2007, 07:52 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Location: L.A. L.A. land
Yes, the long body pillow and low-volume mellow music for white noise has been a big help. I prefer Sinatra and Buble. Some of their stuff gets me pumping, but largely it helps to set a quiet mood while still uplifting my spirits.

It helps that I haven't really had much snuggling in a long time (mostly because he runs SO HOT I can't handle being that close to him under covers for real long, and he's also a tosser), so it's not something I've been accustomed to having. Lucky me.
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Old 06-18-2007, 10:15 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: Boulder Baby!
its not snuggling, its not cuddling, its the sense of knowing there is someone there. I will miss that. I will be living alone for the first time ever, and i dont knwo what do about htat. im kinda nervous (fuck, my dad is flipping out, he wants to buy me a gun he's so scared of me being by myself).
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Old 06-18-2007, 05:41 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Get a puppy. I'm serious. It'll snuggle, it'll get you out and walking about, and will be there for you while you sleep.
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Old 06-18-2007, 06:10 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Location: Boulder Baby!
they really need rental puppies or something, cuz my house doesnt allow them. I am however looking for a big macaw cuz that would keep me content as a clam. For now i do have my little lovebird and she loves me =)
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Old 06-18-2007, 06:39 PM   #19 (permalink)
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My best suggestion might sound weird...but when I had a nasty breakup a while ago I went to the gym. I worked out every single day and it helped me deal. It was also healthier for me than eating ice cream. Initially you'll go through that stage of grief but after you feel like getting out...go to the gym! Trust me! Being fit and active is one of the best medicines for feeling crappy.
Hope you feel better! :HUGS!:
Also try not to rent movies that will make you cry, even though you may tell yourself you won't cry...because you will.
Don't allow yourself to be alone too long, keep a friend or two around and try to get back out there.
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Old 06-19-2007, 06:30 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Location: L.A. L.A. land
Ghoastgirl1, you're a genius.
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Old 07-02-2007, 04:14 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Location: My roots are in Michigan, but my heart is across the pond.
My story is funny. Well now it is. On May 26th my now ex-boyfriend decided that "he loves my company and wants to spend time with me, but thought it would be best if he didn't see me. Or rather, see if he missed me." Largely due to the fact that he had E.D. issues because of his meds, so sex or lack there of, was an issue. And he thought he was ready for a relationship, but isn't and is a mess and even his therapist stopped returning his calls. And "people are attracted to people with responsibilities, jobs, cars, etc" (I'm out of work currently (but now so is he, oh the irony) and was in a terrible car accident so car-less)
But to get back to my point, you know what I did? After I got out of his SUV I went to bed, smothered my face into my pillow and cried a good cry. Then it stopped. Abruptly after about 3 minutes. The next day I spent the next couple days at my best girlfriend's house watching movies, talking and going on like it never happened. After a few days I went home and started thinking about the situation, so I started playing poker online. Seriously! It completely distracted me from sulking and feeling sorry for myself.
And much to my surprise after three weeks "he" emailed me asking me if I wanted to "hang out tonight or any night to call me, and is your number the same" (I had moved post-breakup.) After 3 and a half weeks I decided to start hanging out with him again and much to my surprise the feelings I thought I felt so strongly about him were not re-ignited. Him on the other hand, is doing everything I wanted him to do in the first place, but I realised I am better off without him romantically and I do not need a fairweather boyfriend. But I'll make him eat his heart out in the meantime being his pal.
He sounds like a real winner right? I don't know what the attraction was in the first place. Well, he's originally from Scotland and those bloody accents get me everytime!

Life lesson learned.
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Last edited by Shoowop; 07-02-2007 at 05:10 AM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 07-29-2007, 02:23 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Getting over a long relationship like that is really tough. I had a relationship that lasted about two years that ended because I found out he cheated on me. It was a really hard time for me. Honestly, I can't tell you how I did manage to get through it remembering how much it hurt. I just tried to live my life day to day. You don't want to start thinking about the future because, inevitably, you start obsessing over the past at times like this. Just live in the moment. Reacquaint yourself with the friends you probably would have spent more time with if it hadn't been for your boyfriend. They will distract you more than anything else. If you're worried about not being able to sleep, try to tire yourself out. Do a lot of tough physical stuff during the day so that you're exhausted at night and can just pass out. Not only will this help you sleep, but hey, you could get in better shape. You just slowly have to take yourself out of mind frame of him being there. Build up your new life around you.

P.S. If that doesn't work, finding a new boy might help haha.
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