BlueBongo

I have noticed that there are some things I tend to say when I don't feel like talking. For example when I know I'm upset and someone ask's me what is wrong I will typically tell them I don't want to talk or that nothing is bothering me. I supposed the latter would be a lie. I guess I never realized how much hearing something like that would bother a person when they do know something is wrong just by looking at you.

What do you think one could do to stop saying things like "nothing" or just being cold?

It seems easy enough to just tell someone I don't want to talk to them right now.. but I think that tends to hurt to. I just like to work through the things that are bothering me on my own before I vocalize anything, and sometimes it does take a while to figure it all out.... the initial problem, why it made me upset, and then the simple solution. During this short time span I really don't have a desire to communicate what is wrong because I am "working" through it.

I have made a bad habit of telling people I don't want to talk to them and saying "nothing" when there is something there... just thought I'd add this a long to see what anyone might have to say.

So again, what do you think could be done to end these evil habits that so many people dislike?

Thanks!

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"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."

SiN

i'm the same way sometimes.

something may be bothering me a given moment, but often it's just my own issue that i need to sort out within myself and just take care of it, then get over it. and talking to someone else hmm, i guess it helps sometimes, but other times it's *not* what i need to do, esp. when i *kno* it's jsut me being silly or insecure or pissed or whatever. if it's purely _my_ problem, i don't like to 'bother' or trouble someone else about it.

i dunno, sometimes i just set things aside for the moment and get back to them when i have a few moments alone to sort it out (and then sometimes by then, it's gone anyways..)
but there are those times when it's just obvious something's 'wrong' and i can't hide or set it aside...i dunno, i usually just try saying 'is nothing needing discussion atm, pls give me time to see if i can get it straight'...

but, inevitably, it seems to be the nature of relationships, that i end up talking about it anyways.

and i dunno, would likely happen the same if the situ were reversed, so...
*shrug*

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darksparkles

my boyfriend and i got in a fight a little while ago about me saying "nothing" when he asked what was wrong because he was so hurt ... i dunno. when you find out how to break that let me know.

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"I could be the walrus ... I'd still have to bum rides off people." -Ferris Bueller.

NaughtyAngel

I understand the urge to say "nothing". Sometimes you are afraid it will hurt the other person if you tell them... or you just don't want to get into the argument you feel it will turn out to be... or sometimes you just don't want to talk about it!

However, as you said, it is lying and it can be hurtful to the person who is genuinely concerned.
My husband is one who says nothing CONSTANTLY. There are times I let it slide... you've got to choose your battles and all. Other times, particularly when I can feel that he is deeply troubled, I am very hurt that he won't share what he is feeling with me. If not me, who?

It not only hurts that he won't share.. but that he lies about the fact that there is anything bothering him at all. I'd much rather he say, "I'd rather not talk about it right now."
Or, better still, give a simple explanation of why he doesn't want to share. "I have a lot on my mind and I'd like to have some time to think it over before sharing."

At least that is honest.

I think your "solution" is to take this road... you already said you do it. Just avoid saying 'nothing' and don't worry about them being hurt because you won't share so long as you are honest with them when you answer their queries.
You have to be true to yourself and do what feels best to you. If that means keeping to yourself a bit when you're trying to work things out, then that is what you need to do and someone who cares about you might feel frustrated because they want to help you feel better but they will understand if you explain to them that you need that time for yourself.

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Millions de baisers,
=*=Angel

blueskies

This is one of the major things I can't stand! My husband does this to me all the time. me - "whats wrong hunny?" him - "nothing". And its so obvious that something is wrong but he won't tell me. My feelings get hurt easily, still today after so many years of him doing this. I haven't learned to leave it alone. I try ... but ... most of the time I can't. I'm getting better at letting him have his time though.
I'm not like this ... if you ask me whats wrong I'll tell you and won't hold anything back. I find that to be one of the many flaws I have. But, at least I'm willing to talk about the things that are bothering me when I'm asked instead of saying 'nothing' and having the other person wonder whats happening.

Lydia

Angel

<---this Angel agrees with ^ that Angel for the most part so I won't duplicate.

However, I will say that I feel honesty is the best policy and open and clear communication is critical in all relationships.

If I need "me" time...I say just that.
Lying isn't an option for me and to say "nothing" is equivalent IMO.

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In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus