kristenlee081

Men! What is it with men that they all seem to want a woman to "take care of them?" My boyfriend flat out told me the other day that men get girlfriends to take care of them, to cook, clean and do their laundry. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing things like that for him, BUT he should appreciate it right?? UGH! I told him he was in the wrong relationship and that he might be looking for a maid LOL!

abaya

Huh. That's usually due to immaturity and/or selfishness. Or just plain being an asshole. Sorry to be blunt, but I call it like I see it.

How old is your boyfriend? And how long have you been together? If I was with someone who was seriously the way you are describing your boyfriend... I'd kick him to the curb (and probably kick him in the balls, on the way to the curb) in a heartbeat.

My husband (who was a boyfriend just 3 months ago, so don't start thinking we're super old) cooks most of the time, and we split up cleaning and doing laundry pretty equally. We try to take care of each other, not one person doing all the work. I don't think either of us would have it any other way.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

little_tippler

Yes, you should tell him that a maid would make life easier for him, she wouldn't complain and would do everything he wants, since she's getting paid.

Sarcasm aside, that sucks, but a lot of guys subconsciously like it when their woman picks up after them - even if they don't mean to be that way I think for many it's kind of hardwired in their brains. I for one will not tolerate it - neither should you.

I can't believe your boyfriend said that to you and thinks it's ok.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

AbigailAlfano

I'm with abaya. My husband does all of the cooking and we share the other household chores equally. Usually we are working on chores together so that we can get the job finished quicker...then we can just relax and enjoy our 'free time' together.
Your boyfriend sounds like he is from the stone age. How about you get him to do YOUR laundry an cook for you?

mixedmedia

Are you sure he wasn't joking?

If not, then you might want to have him checked for Tourette's Syndrome or some other involuntary vocal disorder.

Personally, I like cooking for and generally taking care of things for someone I love. But I would never, in the first place, be with someone who thought it was my responsibility to do those things for him. Even if its imbalanced there would have to be the spirit of respectful give and take for it to be gratifying.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
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Elphaba

Kristen, I had to tell my last boyfriend that I wasn't his "mommy" and you might want to consider telling your boyfriend the same. As an aside, that boyfriend is my husband of 28 years and he does all of the cooking and cleaning now. It is a good division of labor between us.

catback

100/0 doesn't sound like a good division of labor to me maybe to the one who has to do nothing it's lovely but as 3rd person doesn't sound like a good split. If it loves it so much sure it's not because he doesn't like the way you do it. I have a friend who does all the cooking and clean and making the money while his wife spends the money, watches the kids, and engages in whatever activities she wants but he does it this way because he doesn't like her cooking and she's god awful at cleaning and too lazy to find a job and just makes the excuse that she doesn't want her kids to be babysat.

I believe in equal division of labor, if one works and the other doesn't then the one who is at home while the other is working should do things like clean or cook. If you both work then you both need to partake in cleaning and cooking. As far as the original post it may seem stone age but as much as guys like having a girl take care of em, we all know girls like the guys to make money to spend on them and to do work for them.

abaya

Oh yeah, that's why I'm getting my PhD, so I can sit around on my ass for the rest of my life and let my husband support me for the next 50 years.

...Are you serious?!

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

la petite moi

Okay, so either your boyfriend was joking, or he has some serious misconceptions of what a real relationship is about.

My husband and are all about equality. I do the dishes and laundry and cooking, he does the dishes and laundry and cooking. It all depends on our work situations.

sillygirl

Hahahahaha. The whole splitting stuff was the same for us too... when we first got together. It slips. It really does. Unless the other person is used to taking care of themselves in the first place, things stop being so perfect.

However. I didn't say that they can't be fixed. Four months ago I did pretty much everything, took care of the baby, AND nannied an almost two year old. Now, things are almost even.

Regardless, kick his ass.

__________________

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

surferlove007

I think it depends on the people...there are times when I feel like being extra nice and then there are others when I would like extra care and attention. I'd say it's pretty equal between the two of us. For chores..I don't really think we do any chores since we both live in dorms :-p but when we're over at one anothers place we try to keep it clean for the most part...washing off dishes etc.
Sounds like this guys a quack....

Elphaba

Bingo!

Gilda

I like taking care of my wife. We have a housekeeper that takes care of most of the cleaning, but I'm the one who prepares morning and afternoon tea and makes the evening meal when we don't eat out.

Balance is about meeting both partner's needs. Expecting that one partner is going to do all the housework because of her sex, or a feeling of entitlement to that from a girlfriend isn't a healthy way to go into a relationship.

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~Steven Colbert

Sharon

In my opinion, the key here is that both partners have to feel like they are putting in as much as the other.

In a previous relationship, I did my boyfriend's laundry and helped clean his house (we weren't living together), but he drove me everywhere and bought the food. He was busy working and had little time to do chores, and I was a struggling student who didn't have much money so it worked very well for us.

However I have to stress that he didn't "expect" me to be his maid. It was just an ideal solution for both of our living situations at the time.

ShaniFaye

your b/f is full of shit, he needs to grow up AND go out and meet some men in the real world

Dave does all our cleaning and laundry (and the "heavy duty, company is coming to stay cleaning is done by both of us) and I do the cooking.

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