Untitled

I'm with you. He's getting advice from the best and just not listening. And it is rather irritating.

Hardknock

Have her take the fucking test!!!

Stop with the woulda coulda bullshit. Stop wondering what's happening and find out for sure.

If you're not going to take peoples advice, then stop posting. You're stressing everybody out.

Dale Kemp

StickODynomite gave you good advice about abortion. You don't love her much if you pressure her to kill her baby, not to mention your baby. It's obvious that neither of you is emotionally, or financially ready to be parents. But few of us are when we get that opportunity. We just buck up and deal with it.

One thing you've categorically denied as a possibility is that someone else impregnated your GF a few weeks or a month before you thiink you might have. Like it not, you don't know beyond the shadow of a doubt that this didn't happen. This is one of the major reasons people get married, and are faithful to their spouses. Even so, many estimate that as many as one child in five isn't really the child of its mother's husband. So, you'd be a little foolish to assume, categorically, that if she's pregnant, you're the father.

So use a home pregnancy test to find out if she's preggers. Then insist on a paternity test to find out if you're the father. Don't rush into the abortion action, as it can't be undone, ever. Rather, if the test proves she's pregnant, then talk first to your parents, and maybe then to hers, about what to do. They'll help you. And remember, she is almost certainly from an eastern religion. This will very strongly impact how she feels about abortion and about marriage, etc. You have a lot of learning to do.

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visotech

Wow this thread is stressing me out too...Before we jump to conclusions

GET THE FREAKIN TEST before you start talking about "the babys" future, abortion, parents, and all that stuff. What is so hard about doing the test, go to the store, 15 bucks, pee on it, and wait 2 minutes. You've seriously got somethinking to do, and its not about 90% of the stuff said in this thread, its about the one line that everyones been repeating "GET THE TEST".

Furry

What Visotech said.

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Carno

Umm, arrogance?

Seriously, what a shitty thing to say.

So if someone disagrees or doesn't listen here on the TFP, they should get shut down?

I admire your openmindedness

CityOfAngels

Eh. Ignorance is bliss, no? Trust is important, but to ignore probability...let's just say I hope you're right.

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Untitled

nononono, but he's not even considering it as an option, it doesn't seem. So what was the point in posting if he doesnt want the advice. That was the only point I was trying to make.....

Carno

Just in case you missed it the first time:

wolf

OK, I am not saying that this is impossible, in fact it is very possible, however I don't think she is pregnant. I could be wrong here, but I really doubt it. Unless you came on your hand and put it directly to her vagina, it would be tricky. I hope it all works out for you.

Does anyone have some weed for this dude, he seriously needs to calm the fuck down.

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gophtc

Even if she has no suspicions of her own about what this might be and your are actually keeping her in the dark...

Your overly stressed out attitude is most definitely apparent to her whenever you talk to her. Because you are careless about and not assesing the things you think and then buy it to.

Your first problem is thinking with a clear head despite all the things going through it. It's understandable, the rashness you may have come into this situation with and the things you may have wanted to edit out, but your thought process has not changed much since then.

You are stuck worrying about the decisions you will have to make later (with abortion, and her parents, and your life being ruined), rather than the actions you need to take now.

With all this waiting your doing (which most think is a bad idea), it still may be that you've haven't yet stopped to think. Time escapes those who wait.

Meridae'n

Finally, I thought I was going to read the entire thread without someone bringing this up. Going by what you've been posting it leaves little doubt. My flatmate is a social worker and sees this type of thing more than he should... a girl/woman having a one-off sexual encounter with boyfriend/husband to cover a pregnancy to another bloke. If she is pregnant (and for god sake find out for sure), your girl has alot of expaining to do, in time. You both have more important shit to deal with in the meantime, but it's a bridge that WILL have to be crossed.

Gamer90

*Me*: Are we live?
*Director*: Your on!

*clears throat*
<disclaimer> These are my opinions and I am in no way trying to be rude or insulting</disclaimer>

Allow me to throw in my logic into this thread.

Ribs, in my honest opinion I think you and your partner's first decision should have been to discuss what's going on, then take a pregnancy test (They are relatively cheap and it's a no questions asked kind of business at your local pharmacy EPT is a very good brand). A pregnancy test in no way would have A) Sped up a possible pregnancy and B) would have harmed any of you. A pregnancy test would have taken maybe 2 hours out of your lives depending on how far she is from a local drug store, 2 hours of anticipation vs. many hours of stress and aggravation.

I highly doubt (99.999%) that precum could have called a pregnancy, unless you physically helped my shoving the "substance" all the way up to her fallopian tube. Also whether you may or may not know when exposed to air most if not all sperm die almost instantly.

On a more serious note you have nothing to worry about, things got hot and she is feeling the after effects of it which aren't really all that bad.

Seriously though on a more serious note I think you should most definitely research sexual activity a lot more since you and your partner are novices.

If she is somehow pregnant I suggest a paternity test since I doubt you'd be the father (I heard crazy things about college man, next year'll be a blast heh) and if you are, man the fruit of your loins (and her womb) will be a beautiful thing.

So in short 1) Discuss with her 2) Get her to take the test 3) Post results.

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analog

It could be. Anyway, we don't close threads because people are receiving advice and choosing not to use it... or because people are so hung up on their own opinions that they get pissed when people don't follow them.

Dude, there are worse things in life. If nothing else, you can't be falling to pieces right now. If you want to freak out, do it later on after this all blows over. Which it will. Just remember that, no matter what, the world will keep turning.

larny

dont worry about it chief, it is very unlikely that she is pregnant.most of the sperm dies in the vagina, and your pre cum barely went inside her, it had nothing to shoot with. dont buy her anything for valentines day, its a con.

GoldenOuroboros

Agree with everyone else.. and if it'll cure your worries buy a freaking test O_o and don't get the cheap one

My gf and I had a few scares like this a couple years ago.. I went and brought a test, no biggy, she peed on it and it was negative. How hard is that O_o

And then if you say "OMG how am I supposed to do this in private" you were obviously alone long enough to get things heated up O_o

You could do it the test way.. or stress yourself AND her out even more till then.. and then she'll miss/be late on that one too and it'll be a neverending cycle..

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C4 Diesel

I normally wouldn't already post what other people have said, but aparrently this kid needs it drilled into his head...

Your girlfriend is not pregnant by you. If she is pregnant, you're not the daddy. I would bet lots of money on this.

On somewhat of a side note, how old are you? You don't seem very emotionally mature at all, and sice you said you're not in college yet it makes me question whether you're actually 18 or not. ...We have these rules for a reason, and part of that reason is to keep crap like this off the forum.

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MSD

If you don't like the way he's dealing with advice, regardless of how good it may be, you can stop posting. Nobody is going to close a thread because a couple of members whine about some guy they never met (and whose existance they can't even confirm) not taking their advice. If you really can't stand it, there's an ignore list. Think about how you would feel if you honestly believed that you had ruined someone else's life and felt like everybody was against you. If you want to stop seeing it, then don't click on this thread when you see it. I'll be extra nice and put a tag on it saying (Now With Pregnancy Test Results) if and when he tells us. The absolute last thing he needs is what a few people are doing be getting mad at him.

Now, to address the topic at hand.

It's possible for a woman to still experience monthly bleeding up to 4-6 months into a pregnancy. It's also possible for a healthy woman with an irregular cycle to miss an entire cycle when an illnes or stress (either positive or negative stress,) messes with her body.

You have to talk to her. You have to address the subject directly instead of beating around the bush. You have to support her through whatever choice she makes (if she has a kid, legally, you have no right to do anything other than pay child support.)

Acetylene

How can things be ok when you have killed your child?

Don't want to be the one to open up the abortion debate but if your girlfriend does not want to abort, then CONSIDER ADOPTION. Many, MANY couples cannot bear their own children and would love to take in an adorable Thai child.

If your and her parents cannot understand that you were careful and it's not your fault, and you are being as responsible as you can, then they are the ones doing wrong, not you.

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bad jane

is this for real? you say you haven't discussed any of this with her yet and she doesn't know she might be pregnant, you're just freaking out alone. if that is accurate, how do you know her period is late by 4-7 days?

perhaps i'm just odd, but i never shared my cycle dates with any of my boyfriends (particularly at 18). and most girls that young i know would be hard pressed to say their period was late by 4-7 days without looking at a calendar, much less any of their bf's noticing when they weren't even sexually active yet.

if you're not making up a little story, then you have already gotten plenty of good advice, but the whole thing just seems more than a bit off to me...

KinkyKiwi

i agree with bad jane..somethings not right about this story...

honestly if shes so reserved that you guys JUST went to 2nd base then why the hell would she be sharing her monthy cycle info...

also..couldnt help but notice..you keep saying that YOUR life going to be ruined and that your going to try to bug her to get an abortion..all i have to say to that is what the hell is wrong with you?

if your really as old as you say you are and this is real...have her take a simple test and talk to her about it..otherwise why are you on here?

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Gamer90

How can things be ok when you have killed your child?

Don't want to be the one to open up the abortion debate but if your girlfriend does not want to abort, then CONSIDER ADOPTION. Many, MANY couples cannot bear their own children and would love to take in an adorable Thai child.

If your and her parents cannot understand that you were careful and it's not your fault, and you are being as responsible as you can, then they are the ones doing wrong, not you.


I completely agree, putting a child up for adoption is the best alternative to abortion. Also there are many risks with getting an abortion and in some cases women die during the procedure, then imagine the grief you would suffer and then her family will suffer as well. A child isn't a bad thing, it's something that's supposed to be wonderful and joyous and if you feel that physically/mentally/emotionally/or financially you and your partner cannot handle it then I suggest adoption. (That is if she's pregnant which I doubt). Also I too am a bit wary of your age, you do not come off as an 18 year old...

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toxic515

Ribs: (fighting the temptation to type in all caps, since it doesn't really make my own voice any louder...) You already have a plethora of good advice. Relax, ask her to take a pregnancy test, and then be prepared to deal with the possible answers. Worry is a patent waste of time and energy, solving nothing. Panic is everyone's worst enemy. If she's not pregnant (most likely) then there simply is no issue, except your own panic. If she is, then you have to look at all of the possible solutions that you can, and remember that you are not the only one with a say in the matter. You'd be surprised how much people with different morals or standards become flexible when one of their loved ones is involved. Even Dick Cheney, staunch old Republican that he is, has a gay daughter. His standard of loving his child took presidence over his republican standard. RELAX man. Life is in no way over either way. May I suggest CONDOMs in the future?

Peace to you!

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like a banana.

spindles

People always think their parents will react in the worst possible way - you will most likely be surprised at her parents reaction IF she is actually pregnant.

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indigochild111

You automatically assume that if she is even a week late, she must be pregnant. Let me share something with you from my *own* little pregnancy scare. For some reason beyond me, I decided one month that I was absolutely convinced that I was pregnant. But I started stressing about the possibility before I was even due to have my period. And then I started getting stomach pains and cramps. I was so stressed out that I started making myself sick with worry over this. Guess how late I was? OVER TWO WEEKS! But, I did get my period. Some girls, like me, have wacky schedules anyways. And adding any sort of stress can change that. Or more exercise. Or eating less. Or getting sick. There are SOOO many things that can alter when you actually get your period, and I don't think you should be worrying until all the facts are in. And if you are already worrying this much over fingering her, I would highly recommend that you do not have sex until you mature A LOT. This is not meant to be demeaning, I just don't think that you or your girlfriend are ready for the world of sex.


And now onto the drug thing. I used to use drugs to kill the pain. And while I didn't feel anything while I was high, it always came back much worse than before afterwords. And I hated myself because of what I was doing. It doesn't solve things, it only makes them worse. First of all, it alters your personality, it kills brain cells, and it costs money. You are in college, and I highly doubt you have a ton of money to just blow.

Oh, and I'm sorry, but you shouldn't EVER try and pressure someone to get an abortion. That may seem like the only way out to you, but really it isn't your decision. It's hers

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Ribs

Thanks for the responses everyone. I have chilled out a lot. Had the best valentines day of my life and realized how much she means to me. I'm back in my city now.

Like I said earlier I am going to wait untill this friday and then if she didnt have her period yet I am going two pregnancy tests and drive over and tell her in person.

I am not going to pressure her into an abortion if she is pregnant but I WILL tell her what my thougts are on this. This is both of our lives and her body. And many of you seem to have missed where I said that this would not ruin my life but it would screw up hers.

So anyways I'm chill now and I have a plan and I WILL accept responsibility if she is pregnant even although we both had no idea this was possible.

(and to all the people that said I was not listening to you, I was. I don't know if any of you had a crisis and had your hormones flare up and getting lots of advice and thinking about the consequences makes it REALLY hard to to think. Thanks for not closing this because without it I would still be going crazy)

GakFace

Can't help but to say.. if he IS the father.. he should get a say in abortion. I understand the no pressuring part.. but I don't think one can say its her choice and hers alone. He too would be a part of the life-making and thus should get equal share in said abortion issue. It takes two.. so the decision should as well.

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visotech

Good to hear back from you Ribs.

Question, during your weekend, how aware or concerned was she about the situation? Has she thought into it as far as you have, or talked about it with you? I am surprised both of you have the patients to "wait things out"...

SecretMethod70

I agree....but that's for a different thread.

Honestly, if she's pregnant, I doubt it's yours. Glad to hear you've stopped worrying, and she's probably NOT pregnant. But, if she IS, I would insist on a paternity test if she has the child.

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Spicy McHaggis

Next time I would recomend going down on her instead of fingering her.

The clitoral stimulation will feel better than just ramming your finger up there, and you won't have any cum in your mouth unless you guys are getting realy kinky.

Gamer90

You spent the weekend with her?

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Ribs

Yes I went to visit her over valentines week

Rekna

Don't only consider your's and her life when you consider an abortion there is a third person involved to.

With that said I had a GF who freaked out about this once myself. She ended up being 2-3 weeks late but it came. Don't freak out about it just relax the chances are very low. Also don't take abortion lightly it is a very big thing that should be considered. Think about how both of you may feel in the future.

Gamer90

How come you didn't have her take a test over Valentine's day weekend? It would seem a lot smarter. Are you trying to save the money of buying one when you find out her period came?

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sammy776

one thing hers boobs would not start getting sore 4 days after it happened, it would more like 2 weeks. and the main thing is THAT CANT HAPPEN FROM THAT.. so sorry but someone else is taking your place.

Hard8s

*gets on soap box again*

Man, I can't get over how uninformed some people are. Read some of the other posts in this forum on this same subject....I bet you think fish can't swim in the ocean because its too salty!!! If you believe that you can not get pregnant from what he is talking about, I can see a boat load of kids in your life. Not 1 or 2 but a whole boat load.

I can not get over how little sex education is actually being taught. Lets break it down one more time... If you get any kind of male sexual fluids anywhere near the females sexual organs (I'm talking contact of fluids) there is a chance she can get pregnant. I don't know if you have ever looked at a drop of seminal fluid under a microscope, but there are millions of the little buggers in there. It only takes one to find the egg, and presto, baby-o.

*gets off his soap box*

Now that being said...I doubt that she is pregnant from this. From the sounds of it she is having some serious PMS symptoms, not pregnancy symptoms.

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Ribs

When it comes to health money is never an issue. I took a grand with me out of my account just in case we decided to do some tests or anything.

I was thinking there is no reason for her to be stressing but 3 weeks ago and this week were the first time any of us did anything like this so that might be it. And today she told me she was sick. She always says she gets sick before her period and she told me I'm lucky to be a guy so it is that kind of sick. Now I just hope it really is her period comming and not some other pregnancy symptoms.

Anyways lets hope this all turns out well and I'll keep you guys updated.

abaya

A grand? Damn, what kind of tests were you planning on? Just to be clear on "tests:"

1) You can buy a pregnancy test at just about any drug store, grocery store, or probably even a gas station.

2) Most pregnancy tests are in the $10-$15 range.

3) These kinds of tests can only be given after a week or so has passed since your sexual encounter, as it takes that long for the hormones to build up and make a showing.

4) The tests are not complicated in any way: she opens the package, takes out a thing the shape of a digital thermometer, and holds it in her urine stream while she's peeing. Wait a few minutes and see if a little line appears (or not).

5) IF it's positive, THEN you can go to the doctor and have them check it to be absolutely sure. That might cost more, but definitely not a grand.

... no offense Ribs, but I think most of us are confused about why you didn't just shell out the $10 for a 5-minute pregnancy test from Target or something? It's really no big deal at all, and no one has to know about it except you two. No doctor appointment, no huge expenditure... just a decision that you really want to know.

Also, how long has it been since her period was supposed to start? Have you asked her directly if it has started, and told her why you are concerned? What I am most worried about in your situation is the lack of communication going on between you two. Even though she's probably not pregnant, she's missing out on this whole aspect of your freaking-out about it (which is important for her to know).

Look at it this way: the anonymous people reading and responding to this forum currently know you better than she does. Is that right?

monica

It's entirely possible that she isn't pregnant at all. Women can have weird cycles. I've been pregnant, and know the symptoms, and there have been MANY times I thought I was pregnant just because my boobs hurt or I was tired all the time, and it turned out I wasn't.

And luck is definately on your side because you were engaging in very low risk activity when it comes to pregnancy.

I would really talk to her. Obviously you are both moving forward with a relationship that is sexual and this means you should talk about such things.... like what you both would do if a pregnancy did occur, etc. It's good to get these things out in the open before a pregnancy occurs.... so if she isn't pregnant, I say get on it and talk.

If she is pregnant, I realize it's a very scary situation, especially when parents are involved, but you have to remember this is her life, and your life... not her parents. She and you will have to talk and do what is best for you.

Good luck... but I bet this is all just a scare.

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Monica's Reviews

Jay You Dee

Me and my girlfriend have had a few scares... actually i've posted about all of them here on the tfp because I <3 you guys so much and it eases my mind. I'm glad you've chilled out a little on the whole thing - I'm a hateful person so I can probably guess what you edited out, and the thought ran through my mind the first time a scare happened, but then I just thought about how happy I was with this girl, and how much she meant to me, and I really didn't give a damn about my big plans in life or our families, I just wanted to be with her and have a happy life - whether it meant a baby or not. I don't really know what I'm trying to get through here; I guess it's the fact that we all have been through or will go through a scare like this at least one time, irregardless of how careful we are. You're not alone here, and I just hope everything turns out okay for you two.

P.S. - After our scare my girlfriend and I cut out really everything sexual. And I've found that I just love her so much more now. She's now not only my girlfriend, but my best friend of all. *shrug* I used to think sex was everything - until I started doing it.