Cynthetiq

Personally, I don't think I would have the heart to forgive that much... While I am quite patient and forgiving, I'm not sure about an affront like this.

I think it took great strength to not be bitter, angry, etc.

What about you?

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ratbastid

Wow, that's really moving.

I like to hope I'd have that capacity for forgiveness. I'm not at all sure I would, but I like to hope.

cyrnel

It depends on the situation. I can relate somewhat to the quoted article. (though I'd be on the kid's ass on a regular basis ).

I know I'd be happier if I could forgive everything. I have difficulty with betrayal of any kind. Wrongdoings not acknowledged come in a close second.

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Jinn

"Do you have it in you to forgive?" God yes-- I've not met a person yet who I couldn't forgive. However, forgiving is distinguished from excusing. By excusing or pardoning his behavior, as she did.. she simply released him from punishment. Forgiving is a PERSONAL decision to not let something someone else did to you bother you anymore. If I had a turkey in the face at 100 mph, I'd likely forgive the person who did it. It wouldn't bother me anymore, because I'd forgiven them. That doesn't mean I'd condone or even wish to lessen their sentence.

EDITed to ADD:

A snippit from a letter I wrote to my girlfriend on a similar topic:

Now, given the opportunity, I would have probably lessened the guys' sentence too -- because I don't really feel that prison does anyone much good. However, that has nothing to do with my "forgiveness" of him.

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astrahl

Given the guy's remorse - yeah, I think I could forgive him.

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maleficent

I can hold a grudge like nobody's business... but that's because in all my grudgeworthy cases, the person who wronged me, has expressed no remorse whatsoever... the old you reap what you sow... I might be more forgiving if the person was truly sorry...

Dunno how i'd feel in this case... good for her though for having such a big heart - I hope the kid does stay on the straight and narrow..

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lurkette

Look, her forgiveness seems to have made more of a difference for this kid than a stiff sentence would have. Does she have a right to be angry and demand justice? Absolutely. But sometimes justice doesn't always look the way we think it should. In a way, living with someone's forgiveness is a bigger burden than living with their righteous anger. Would demanding a stiffer sentence have made her feel better? Probably not. Would having him in prison for 25 years have made a difference in her life? Probably not. Good for her for finding a way to move past the anger and the hatred, and good for him for appreciating her compassion and being grateful for it.

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Supple Cow

No, I couldn't. I might accept the apology and be happy and tearful about being alive everytime that I wake up, but I would never say "it's OK" - it just isn't. It wasn't okay that a dumb kid stole someone's credit card, it wasn't okay that he thought it would be funny to throw a turkey into oncoming traffic, and it most certainly wasn't okay that it shattered a woman's windshield and FACE. If I were this woman, I wouldn't be so quick to transform the grace of God or luck or the skill of her doctors into a lesson that we are not responsible for our actions. I don't think she's doing anyone any favors.

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shesus

Maybe, I'm bitter and cynical, but I don't think I could forgive that kid's deliquent and stupid behavior. I have seen kids do horrible things in the schools that I have taught in. They ALL cry and 9 out of 10 times it is because they got busted not because they feel remorse. It's great that this woman can have the naivety to let this boy off and continue living her idealistic life. She probably had a good feeling being made out to be a wonderful human being that cried with her offender. And maybe the boy did learn something and will stop the craziness. However, I don't think that he will.

Yes, I am very unforgiving I suppose. Am I a bad person? Maybe...

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zen_tom

She has saved this boy's and countless other lives by being so magmanamous. This boy has been made to see the consequences of his actions, and forced to come to terms with them. If he had been sent to prison, he would likely have become a hardened criminal, with little understanding about the more important things in life. This boy now has someone in his life to look up to, someone who isn't into crime or drugs or larking about.

I would lay money on the fact that he will turn out better than someone from a similar background who gets sent to jail for 10 years.

Far from it being a lesson that we are not responsible for our actions, it should be clear that this is a far clearer lesson than being sent to jail for an extended term. It is much more natural, and meaningfull, when one can see with one's own eyes, the anguish that you've directly caused to another person. When hat person forgives you, it gives you a lot to live up to.

Daknjak

The ability to forgive is one of the true great virtues in my opinion. I find it easier to forgive someone in my own mind, an entirely different case when I am face to face with them. I almost want them to feel bad, and to make sure they realize that they hurt me. This is NOT a good virtue on my part. I know this, but what can you do but react the way you always do.

This woman deserves a medal for being able to forgive this kid with such conviction. I am sure most of us would not condone 25 years in prison, but at least a few years. It was just really bad judgement on his part and it is mindboggling he would feel this is an acceptable thing to do to someone. the fact the idea even occured to him amazes me as well.

On a last note, it is sad in a way that something like that seems like such an amazing act to be done by someone. Acts of forgiveness should be common place not an odd occurance.

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Elphaba

She is a far better woman than I am. I am also capable of revenge if someone I love is harmed.

Judge: My sisters and I would like just five minutes alone with the piece of shit defendent that struck my mother over the head driving her to the pavement, and then breaking her hand while wrenching her purse away. We just want to tell that pond scum that we forgive her for what she did to our mother. Really, cross our hearts.

The trial is next week so I ought to start practicing my sincere look.

Sweetpea

I don't know if i'd have the capacity to forgive fully, but i would never want to send some 18 year old kid to prision for 25 years, so i think i would have also choosen to have the scentence reduced as she did.

however, i'm not sure, maybe i would have been so bitter i would have wanted to see him suffer?

I should hope, if i ever come across such a situation, that i would act with such a peaceful spirit.

Sweetpea

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Xazy

Hmm was the deal so he can confess, so she can line up a lawsuit

But seriously no I doubt i can ever forgive like that (not a 18 year old, if it was a 10 year old then I can see that more).

vautrain

Hopefully, I don't ever have to be test my capacity to forgive in a situation like that. I hope that boy is sincere.

snowy

If the person apologizes to me sincerely, yes, I have the capacity to forgive.

But if you show no remorse, I'm going to find it harder to forgive.

As someone whose faith is important to them, forgiveness is one of the tenets of that faith, and it's something I struggle with. But I keep working at it, which I suppose is the most important thing of all.

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tenchi069

if an affront like this was done to me, I would be able to forgive, and hopefully be able to provide the same second chance as this woman did who gave this boy a second chance. he is still under probation and the violation of that would most likely land him in jail for 10-15. That being said, I hope for both of their sake's the guy straightens up.

now the flip side. had this happened to a loved one, than i would not have it in me to forgive.

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raeanna74

I have forgiven serious injustice and mistreatment of myself. It's easier to pardon, not hold them responsible, when they show true remorse.

It would be harder forgive someone who harmed my husband or daughter.

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Blackthorn

I wasn't even involved in this case and I'd like to see that kid sentenced to 25 years for being an idiot. Let's face it even if this jackass was sentenced to 25 years he wouldn't be in that long anyway. If some f-er buys a turkey with a stolen credit card and then heaves it out the window at me in as I'm passing him in traffic -- he better be prepared to pay the consequences even if it doesn't come through the wind shield and nearly take my head off. I pretty sure I'm going to take that real personally about 100% of the time.

This reminds me of the scene in Les Miserables when they bring the "theif" Jean Valjean back to the priest's house after finding stolen silver on him and the priest gives him everything he didn't take then sets him free.

But remember this my brother...
See in this a higher plan...
You must use this precious silver...
To become...an honest man!!

She's an incredibly compassionate woman and I applaude her for having the inner strength to take such a high road. I hope I never have to deal with such circumstances because I think I'd be looking for serious payback.

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Siege

I gotta go with Supple Cow on this one.

But then again, I hold grudges really easily.

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Sugarmouse

i forgive over time..but i never forget......

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Psycho Dad

That was what I was hoping for after reading the article and seeing the outcome. I hope that the young man can look at what this woman gave him and recognize the second chance that it gave him.

As for being able to forgive like Victoria Ruvolo, I don't know that I could. In fact I doubt that I could.

BTW, I believe there are cultures in the world where victims and their families are allowed to spare the accused in situations as bad if not worse.

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mr sticky

I would forgive, eventually...however, not for his sake, but my own. Forgiveness does not excuse one from culpability. It merely ends the resentment of the offended party. I would say it is a crucial step in any healing process.

$0.02

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Misz

That is... that is...

Just cant explain it.

CSflim

I can't add much to what these two said. It is impossible to know how I personally would react in this situation. I would hope that I would be able to be as big spirited a person as she is.

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Gilda

Could I forgive him? I doubt it. He either intended to hurt somebody badly or he's incredibly stupid, and in either case I cant see how society would be better off with him walking around free. It is a bit consoling to know that he has a felony conviction, which should make a lot of things much more difficult for him for the rest of his life.

Gilda

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martinguerre

if i could be clear that in my forgiveness, i was not giving a person license to cause harm to others or myself in the future....then i think yes. this is of the utmost importance in asking for amnesty, as this woman did...and i think she did so with good cause. this young man sounds genuinely contrite, and seems to be taking to his new chance at life with good intent. if i allow society to remain aggrieved by another's actions, i have much more room to give personal forgiveness.

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Rlyss

It's strange. If someone close to me lies to me, cheats on me, or even something as simple as a friend not showing up when they are supposed to, I find it very difficult to forgive. I even harbor a grudge against my 6th grade teacher for telling me not to talk in class, even though I was talking and shouldn't have been.

But I think if I was this woman I would forgive the kid. She's right about not wanting two lives ruined. He was a kid and although what he did was horribly wrong, if he keeps on the right path from now on I think it would be worth it.

Misz

In my opinion whether it be a man or a woman it doesnt matter what there level of frogivness is in my point of view, but for him to be that bad already and be using a stolen credit card and be that stupid to do something like that I just dont see how he can turn back like that, sure he will go well at first but slowly he will slide and go back to what he had been doing and just that this blessing frmo this lady as an easy way out, maybe iam just over reacting here

Johnny Pyro

I hold grudges in extreme situations. Like if " my friend puches me in the face" or my girlfriend cheats on me," or " I get shot by somebody." Something extreme. The last one never happened.

Small things like "getting stood up," or "someone breaks my $75 glass water bong," I can forgive.

Would I forgive this kid for smashing my face and ruining my life? HELL NO! Little punk ass! Lock him up for twenty-five years. Bastard. Thats horrible. No way, I could never forgive him. This woman is a saint for forgiving that asshole.

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bobillydylan

I would forgive, the act has been done! so it is time to move on for your sake as well as theirs. Hopefully a lesson will have been learnt, as in this case.

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itch vaccine

After reading it, yes I would.

But at first thought, no I would never.

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pan6467

To show how jaded I am.... my first instinct was to say she forgave him because:

1) she would get national press and her 15 minutes of fame

and

2) we don't know the whole story and she's "forgiving and setting up his punishment" so that the truth doesn't come out.

God, how I hate being jaded.

But.... I can also see where she is coming from and I too would forgive. I have forgiven many many people for things that in their own way were just as bad.

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highthief

No, couldn't forgive someone who did that to me. If he came near me in a court room I probably would have hit him in the face with a hammer.

Not sure if that makes me a worse or better person than the victim, but that's how it would likely go down.

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Lin

Only if there was true remorse on his part . I really believe forgiving this person like this is the best thing this woman could have done for herself.
Now she can use all her energy to get as much of her life back together and not waste it on hating someone.

shesus

I'm jaded right along with you because those are my thoughts also. Even after reading the rest of the posts and thinking about it overnight, I still don't think that I would have forgiven him. Maybe inside so that I wouldn't go crazy, but I would never show that I did. People, especially children, need to know that there is a consequence for every action. I'm not sure if the lesson was learned in this situation.

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Cynthetiq

I'm thinking along those lines, and the rest of the posts that I've read here. I've come up with, I have to look at my beat up face every morning in the mirror when I wake up, and I have to see it every night before I go to bed. I am reminded of it EVERY DAY and in multiple hours throughout the day via all the reflections I noticed of myself in EVERYTHING from glass, televisions, mirrors, chrome, standing water, heck just even people staring at me because of the scars on my face...

a face makes the most important first impression of someone...

Will he still be haunted by this 5 years from now? 10 years? Will he tell this story to his kids?

I doubt it. He's happy to just be done with it and move on... I'd bet my last dollar on it.

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BigBen

One of the things I am actively trying to change about myself...

I have no tendency to forgive. Or forget. My retribution is often served cold, with careful planning involved.

It is hard to look back at the things I have done in the name of vengance. I often think that a forgiving nature would give me a sense of peace. The few times I have forgiven someone have been accompanied by a nice warm feeling inside.

Also, a vicious cycle usually starts when someone pays me back for the payback I gave them. Forgiveness would prevent that escalating shitstorm.

Note to self: Forgive more often.



Oh, and try to eat more vegetables.

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maleficent

There was an incident a few years back (probably even longer) where a teenage boy got into a car and drove drunk and ended up killing a teenage girl. The parents of the girl, basically pleaded with the court that sending this boy to jail for x number of years wouldn't change the situation and would probably just make this kid worse off. So the agreement that was reached so this boy could get on with his life, but never forget what he did, he would have to write a check to the parents, every month, for one dollar. A minimal amount but the fact that he had to do it every month, and would end up in jail on a contempt charge if he didnt, and he wouldn't forget what he did...

I wouldn't mind seeing that sortof punishment enacted for this person as well, so he won't forget waht he did and how he changed (not necessarily ruined) another person's live forever.;

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lurkette

OK, this is not exactly the same situation, but...

I live every day without my brother. I see his picture, I think about him all the time. The kid who hit him probably thinks about it once in a while. It makes a difference to me to know that I gave him (the kid who killed my brother) some peace by forgiving him. Would we have been within our rights as a family to sue him? Absolutely. What would that have done to him? Made him feel guilty? Made him bitter and resentful? Made him curse my brother and my family? Taught him a lesson about driving responsibly? Maybe. Wouldn't have brought my brother back. It makes a lot more difference to me to know that I brought love and peace and forgiveness to the situation instead of retaliation and anger. A random act - deliberate, negligent, accidental - throws the world out of balance for the 'victim' of the action. There's more than one way to bring the world back into balance. As long as you are still angry at the person, you are still a victim. Or, as ratbastid says "you've taken the poison but you're waiting for them to die."

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