yellowchef

ANYWAYS... this past weekend I was in Austin, TX because my brother was getting married. All was good and well untill Friday morning. This is how the show went down.

Thursday I meet my Sister, Nephew and family at Houston George Bush Intercontenental and we get a move on. We stop in Fayetteville for a visit with my Uncle, had a tasty lunch and went on our way. Soon we're in Houston and we easily find our hotel get unpacked and take a nap. Then my nephew(whos 4 and absoloutely ADOREABLE) goes nuts and we have to go swimming. Then we get dinner, hit up the Wal Mart and go to bed for the night.

Friday the day from hell. I never thought Id see the day when I actually am willing to kill my family. Again my nephew has the need to go swimming. Its about 9 am and we get up, have breakfast, and head down to the pool. Soon his Mom, my Mom and Grandma show up. We chill in the hot tub while he plays in the cold ass pool. My Grandma starts talking.. and she doesnt speak English well so I just kinda tune it out since shes directing it towards my Mom. Suddenly my Mom is getting upset and she says "we're going upstairs" and points to my Grandma to get out of the hot tub. I know that shes off to have it out with Grandma but I didnt think WWIII was coming. So my sister and I are watching the baby swim and we talk when we see the man from the front desk come out and approach us. He tells us we are wanted back in out suite and we say "oh shit". He tries to be nice by saying "she didnt sound mad" but we both knew that the shit had hit the fan. We're not even out of the elevator and we can hear them yelling. We also had a corner suite so it was a good walk to the suite from the elevator. Well we get in the suite and my Grandma is trying to run away.. WTF yo. My Mom is crying and she says shes called my Dad and 2 brothers off the golf course. That is like a no no so something must have went down. So my Mom and I have to stand guard like the Gestapo while I call my Uncle to see if he will come get her because Grandma isnt talking anymore. Shes just doing some kind of death vodoo stare. So I get my Uncle on the phone and he wants to talk to Grandma, my Mom hands the phone to her and she hits it out of my Moms hand. Then she starts trying to beat my Mom.. yeah right my Mom is a foot taller than her and twice her size. Then she goes off on this tangent about how we're trying to kill her.. my Dad, Brother, Mom, Uncle and I are out to kill her. She also KNOWS my Dad isnt golfing, hes with my Uncles crazy wife and they're out to kill my Uncle. So my Uncle agrees to take her for the weekend and we wait for my Dad to get home from the Golf Course. He gets back and Ive NEVER seen my Dad so pissed in my life. Even when my Sister Heather dropped out of high school and ran away because she was pregnant, even when he found out her husband burned the shit out of my neice... he wasnt mad like this. So he comes in and tries to talk some sense into her.. I guess he convinces her to go downstairs and try to get her into the car. We get downstairs and the nice valet boy brings our van around. She refuses to get in.. so we call my Uncle again and he says hes on his way. She wants a taxi... taxis dont go that far so we have to like corner her and wait on my uncle. Great the whole hotel can see my family making an ass of themselves. We're not at a white trash place either... so everyone passing by is probably mocking us. Somehow Grandma gets out and crosses the street.. we stayed at the Doubletree on 15th and Guadalupe for those of you in Austin... and shes standing in the center median protesting or something. The city cops come by and say they cant do much but we're accross from the State Attorney Generals office so the Texas State Troopers come out and say they'll arrest her if she doesnt move to the sidewalk. So she says arrest me.. and out of pure kindness they let my little bro stand out there with her and finally get her accross the street after an hour in the center median. Then they're waiting on my uncle and I come back down from the suite and see them accross the street. My Nephew and I walk accross the street and find out whats up she starts beatin on the State Trooper. We cant touch her or she freaking beats on us too... so the Troopers are being nice since my Uncle is a few miles away. I decide I cant handle this and I go back to the hotel in search of those FANTASTIC cookies they give you at check in. The guy at the front desk recognizes me and gives me a dozen. (out of pity Im sure) Soon my mom calls my cell to say I need to come back down my Uncle is getting off the interstate. He pulls up and she refuses to get in his car, the Troopers say get in or we arrest you.. she says "arrest me" and so does everyone else at this point. Finally she gets in my uncles car and they go back to his house. Then she sat in his car for 3 hours once they were home. They cant Baker Act her since shes out of state, but we dont know what to do either. We are just glad shes GONE. We head back to the suite and go to see the bats on the bridge with my nephew. Then we have to get ready for rehersal and the rehersal dinner.

Rehersal goes well.. except my sister Beth and her son are like outcasts and completely left out of the wedding. This pisses her off and my parents off. Things go ok.. no drama. We head over to The County Line on the lake and chow down. FUCKING GREAT FOOD. OMG I was such a piggie. MMMMMMMMMMM! Then its time to give a toast...my Dad gets up and he is tearing up as he finishes which is typical.. and the Brides Dad gets up and says "Im not going to get all emotional tonight" which pissed my mom off.. and we're all drunk at this point... so shes just burning up inside to tell this man off and she cant. Then my brother gets up to say thanks, that everything was going smoothly and he cant wait for tomorrow. Then my sister Heathers table goes up in flames. Apparently one of her brats knocked a candle over. Someone poured liquor on it to put it out.. WTF are we STOOPID...finally we get it put out and we go home.

That was the biggest drama of the weekend..the wedding was fucking weird, the bride starts freaking because we're not exactly on time and pictures are taking too long. She has to make a grand entrance at her reception...her white limo is waiting and she is FREAKING. The reception is good and her parents are trashed. Her mom keeps screaming something about David when her husband is like William or something. My Dad's ex wife(my brothers mom) is being a bitch and we're pounding down the booze. Life is good.

Im locking my family in their house, forever.

bendsley

haha. wow, what a story. i can't believe your grandmother was saying "arrest me", hah.

__________________
"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

yellowchef

omg also the valet boy was black.. so she was screaming "he knows what I mean but we cant talk to the blacks"

I was sooooooooooooo embarassed.

yellowchef

and just imagine she barely speaks English.. so everyone is probably laughing on the inside at us.

Lebell

Jebus, and I thought my grandmother was a pain in the ass at weddings.

Yours makes mine look like a little leager.

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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Bill O'Rights

Ain't family functions great?!?
It's not a true family get together until the cops are "invited".
Sounds to me like a typical O'Rights family afair.

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"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Carno

That is why I am glad that I have no family except for my immediate family

Lasereth

You never explained what caused the argument from your grandma. Why did she go apeshit?

-Lasereth

Cynthetiq

one of the reasons I don't get involved with my extended family... they are equally just nuts.

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yellowchef

something about my uncle being broke(which hes not) and his crazy wife...

dksuddeth

never EVER thought I'd be happy for my dysfunctional family.

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"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

roachboy

i read this because the title made me wonder if the story actually happened in texas...i found myself hoping that it did not...which would have pushed the question/thread title into another area.


quite a fiasco.
my family is capable of stuff on this order too.
after a while, fiasco can become your friend.

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a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear

it make you sick.

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sailor

Damn. Sounds like a fun day

Hey, it could have been much worse. Sounds like she flew off the handle, but things ended up OK, and nothing overly bad happened. So chalk it up as a good story and leave it at that

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God of Thunder

Ahhh, I love when they pick a family gathering to "grandstand" in front of an audience.

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clavus

Ya. What caused Grandma to go bongo-brain?

Gotta love family.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

Grancey

So, I'm not alone. Others do have family like mine.......

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Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.

snowy

Oh Jesus...yeah, sounds like something that went down at my family reunion a couple years ago. It's a long story but suffice it to say one of my aunts got carted off by the police for being a drunken nuisance...we felt so awful because it happened in front of about 200 extended family members.

So you're by no means alone, yellowchef.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Cobalt_60

Wow, what a story. I kept wondering what the disagreement was. Why was your grandmother upset?

yellowchef

As for the extended family thing, my grandma lives with me and my sisters arent extended family.

ok, she hates my uncles wife... she thinks that my uncles wife has made him broke because she doesnt work and he takes care of her kid(my uncles step daughter) my mom defended him. We dont like his wife and kid but hes grown, he makes his own decisions. Hes not broke but when you have a house, kid, cars and other bills you go from being single with a lot of $$$$ to no $$. My grandma has never been on a budget as my grandpa always made good money and she didnt have to worry. So I guess my mom defending my uncle really pissed her off.

Demeter

This is why eloping was invented. If I ever get married, it will be on a cruise ship in the middle of nowhere, with no family knowing about it.

Run, run away as fast as you can.

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analog

sounds like it was a fun time.

Life is too short to be boring, but I feel bad for you nonetheless.

streak_56

Thats one heck of a story, seems like you had an exciting weekend.

yellowchef

and yes it really happened. My family is nuts, I told my sister this is gonna be the Beverly Hillbillies meets Beverly Hills 90210 and sure enough it was.

StephenSa

I'm curious as to what language your Grandmother speaks. German, Spanish, Hungarian, Polish, Chinese, etc? Just so I can get the whole visual of the state troopers dealing with highly agitated older women screaming in another language. Hilarious story by the way. I'm sure it will be recounted in your family lore for years.

__________________
Thousands of Monkeys, all screaming at once. Pulling God's finger.

liquidlight

Ahh, it's the little things like this that make me grateful that I'm not speaking to any member of my immediate or extended family!

I feel your pain my friend, my family is all too good at selfish bullshit and public embarassment.

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squirrelyburt

Although it had to be incredibly stressful, it was an AWESOME story!! Thanks god my family isn't the only crazy bunch!!

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yellowchef

Oh and I know this is late, but my Grandma speaks Japanese.

and an update... she decided that she would move back in with us.... then about a week before my Uncle, Aunt and she made the trip to FL for my little bro's high school graduation she changed her mind. Everyone has put her foot down.. she can visit as often as she likes, or stay with my Uncle for a few months, and stay with my Mom for a few months or whatever.. but she has to stay where she is for the time agreed and she cant just pitch a fit, then up and leave.

Then since she was moving in with my Uncle, she had to pack up some of her things to take to Texas with her. She tried to take EVERYTHING she owened but that couldnt happen. They left on a Sat and my Mom and I had some things to do at Church early that morning so we werent home to witness the craziness that followed, but apparently my Dad was up getting ready to meet us at Church and she was trying to bring more down to pack in my Uncles full truck. An argument ensued which my Dad called comic gold. Apparently my Uncle put his foot down and she got pissed. Then she was freaking out about her meds, and the doc, but she hadnt been taking her meds so we think thats what caused it.

Thats the last Ive heard of her. I guess Ill see them when I graduate college. If they dont make it to Miami to see me, I guess Ill get my parents to buy me a plane ticket to see them.

__________________
the voices in your head are not real--but they still have some really great ideas.

always remeber you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. But..you CAN choose the insane asylum where you have them all put away!

boredom

Ahhh Asian family members are always fun. Currently my uncle and aunt are sepereated (heh seperated since day one of marriage so thats ... 35years!) But yeah my aunt always gets in a fight and pisses someone in my family off then just flies back to Hawaii.

There was also my others uncle divorce. She was Bi. i guess or something and i guess he wasnt getting any. So in my aunt's house he throws a giant porcelien vase($1k+) at her misses and then a whole family starts yelling at both of them.

Good Times.

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Burke and Major Dad.
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