JustJess

The other night, I got to see Supple Cow and Halx at Quadro’s show (thanks, guys!), and SC and I were chatting about how knowing people from TFP can influence how you write, specifically in your journal, but I suppose elsewhere as well. I know that because I know a couple people outside of the forum, sometimes I may not say certain things a certain way, or perhaps decide that I shouldn’t mention every last detail.
I was wondering if anyone else feels the need to self-edit at times due to knowing people outside, or if they avoid meeting TFP’ers outside so they don’t have this issue?

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Cynthetiq

I don't invite anyone to TFP that I'm not comfortable with 100% to be the same persona here online.

There's a number of people I'd love to debate with that are great friends of mine, but there's also a part of me that they aren't going to understand or appreciate like the handful that are here and IRL.

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Daval

I definately know what you mean. There are lots of people I would not want to see on this forum because I would not want to open up certain aspects of my persona too them. Even now, i'm careful with what I write and always thinking if something could come back to haunt me at a later date.
It's probably one of the main reasons that my posting has dropped off dramatically in the last year. I used to be a top 20 poster.

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"It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it."
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JustJess

I am definitely entirely myself, I just don't think I'll always say everything. Like if I'm having a bad day with Quadro, I might only post that in my journal, because we don't read each other's journals. Or if something Halx said pissed me off for some reason, I wouldn't post about it here or in my journal - what's the point? I could just discuss it with him directly if that were ever the case.

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Lebell

Anything that makes it onto the internet is public data.

I act accordingly.

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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ShaniFaye

Im no different here than real life, either people like me or they dont, I dont adjust my behaviour anywhere for anyone.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

JustJess

Hm - it's not really about whether people like me or not... it's more what Lebell said. "Anything that makes it onto the internet is public data."

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

*Nikki*

Exactly what she said

snowy

I actually got into TFP because of my ex-boyfriend (degrawj) and later found out that a friend of mine was on here as well. I have brought friends onto TFP (lindseylatch). But I wouldn't say anything on here that I wouldn't say/wouldn't feel comfortable saying to them directly (yes, I am as open, upfront and sexual IRL as I am on the boards).

I really don't self-edit, period--here or elsewhere.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

ShaniFaye

Maybe I should clarify my post....I meant that I wouldnt post/say anything here that I wouldnt tell anyone I know(that includes my mother).....Im a VERY open person....

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

quadro2000

Oh, I definitely have to fight the urge to self-edit, usually in my journal. It's not even because of the people I know outside of TFP; it's because I've been journaling for so long that I wind up realizing that I probably have a type of "persona," as I think we all do, and sometimes I'm loathe to mention things that may go against that persona - for fear of being judged, I guess.

Which is kind of ridiculous because I have never received anything other than support from TFPers, no matter what I write. It's one of the reasons I've stayed here so long. People are generally very respectful, and if they're not, it's taken care of. The moderators work very hard to ensure that TFP is a safe place. I guess it's just something I have to work to get over.

As for everything on the internet becoming public data...my TFP screenname is only used for TFP matters, which allows me to keep some anonymity, and allows me to feel safe on here.

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You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

analog

If i lived in a place where my occasional pot use wasn't illegal, i'd talk about it more openly, like I do here on the forums- but it's so rare anyway, it doesn't much matter.

Other than that, i am exactly the same way online as I am in real life.

Halx

I don't put anything online that I'm not willing to hold myself up to. That said, of all the naked pictures and personal notes you can find of me, nothing has come back to haunt me.

The only time I hold back is when I need to protect the identities of others.

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JustJess

SF - I see what you mean - and as it happens, I'm overly open IRL too. But ShaniFaye, if I knew you outside, and we were having an argument, or I haven't told you yet about that time I was abused or something, I would hesitate only because as friends on the outside, in some ways I would feel bad that I felt comfortable sharing with TFP but not with you, or if I wanted to vent about our argument, but you're right here too. That's like talking and pretending someone else isn't there. I think *that's* the part I will want to avoid (haven't been posting long enough to run into real life issues).

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Astrocloud

Hmmm, this is interesting. If I thought that my boss was reading this -I probably wouldn't post half the crazy stuff I do. I generally like the people on TFP -enough to post my personal stories -but if there was someone who I feel was overly judgemental I just wouldn't post.

Hmmm.

Elphaba

I am very self-editing here and irl. I think, as many of you have implied, that there is an issue of trust that needs to be there to share openly with another person. Malificent knows more about me than anyone other than my husband, but that grew out of a friendship of some years.

I'm sure my comfort level with posting personal thoughts will increase once I have more experience of TFP being a "safe" place.

Seeker

I haven't yet worried about self editing, I will to fix a typo or phrase something better but I don't think I screen my actual thoughts.

I see the potential here for me at TFP for creating my expression, thoughts, values, etc.. sometimes I'm challenged by some of the topics but that is a good thing. I want to be able to express myself, and ultimately attain a firmer footing of who I am. I feel the environment here is perfect place for that. I'm putting myself 'out there' for everyone to see, challenge, label, judge (or appreciate )... if I don't do it openly then I wont gain anything.

I battle with the 'safe' issue, but overall I think Hal and the Mods have achieved their goal - I've started posting and commenting, for me a 'big deal' that says I trust it.

I know one member, and he knows me - it doesn't change anything for me.

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To those who wander but who are not lost...

~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

Sage

This was something that definitely came up when Martel and I posted our first thread on Tilted Exhibition ("Gentelmen, Behold! My Wife... Gives Great Head!") I was a little bit freaked at the idea that I'd be walking around one day, and someone would come up to me and go "Sage? Is that you? Wow, would you mind deep throating this sausage so I can take a picutre?" But then I realized that TFP is like a huge inside "joke"- you're either in on it, or you're not. If the people here saw me in real life, they'd know the proper context of everything I've posted.

I'm still waiting for someone here in Asheville to recognize me from my Exhibition posts.....

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Halx

Wow Jess. I think you're coming into this with almost TOO much consideration. I suppose this is just my bland, emotionless, analytical side talking, but you might expect someone to feel as grateful with you telling them such information if you simply told them where to find it. I mean, I can't sympathize with someone who gets bent over who gets what information shared with them.

I've been at this internet thing for years and years and I've never come anywhere near such drama.

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[Don't Feed The Animals]

Supple Cow

I don't know... I operate using this kind of thinking to a degree. I think it's perfectly healthy to think of such things as long as they don't become worries. If they become worries, then I know that I'm doing something wrong and that I should figure out how to make things work for me again.

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(Michael Jordan)

Baron Opal

Not really. Anything that I post here is at the "friend" level of information clearance. Like Lebell said, I am somewhat circumspect as this is a public forum (mostly). Y'all aint at "lover" clearance yet.

little_tippler

I don't generally hold back, except on very private things that maybe my SO wouldn't want me to discuss publicly. I also avoid posting too many pics, because who knows where those can get to. I sometimes wonder if I have contradicted myself or said something without thinking it over properly and if that might come and smack me in the face sometime (like I've seen happen to a few people on here), but so what if it did? We all have some contradiction in ourselves, and that makes us human.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

JustJess

So, (SC, BO, LT in particular) - most seem to treat this forum like regular life. Don't tell more than you would be willing to outside.
That's interesting... clearly, I've only been here a little while, but I had gotten the impression previously that people were *MORE* open here than elsewhere. It's interesting to me how people define their social boundaries. I have pretty open boundaries generally, and that translates to here too - but some things I just don't like to talk about, so I suppose I won't here either!
Hal - it's not that I'm overanalyzing (I hope), but rather that I'm curious how people deal with these kinds of issues. This is my first posting forum/discussion group/thing.

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.