BigBen

6. People often ask “what would you do if you had a year to live?” to get some sort of insight into the psyche of the person answering. It is posed as a challenge, for whatever the answer, people say that you should be doing that anyway.
Live for the Moment!
Well, I know what I would do if I had a year to live. Even 6 months.
I got back from Basic Training in the best shape of my life. I was chiselled out of stone. Very impressive. I had made it through, and was full of myself. Indeed, if you were to ask me, I would have said that there was nothing that I could not do.
When I returned home, there was a letter from the Red Cross, stamped twice with the word ‘Confidential’. What was this? I asked my mother what it was and she replied that it came shortly after I had left for Training.

I opened the letter, and read it carefully. Not quoting verbatim, of course, but the letter was very professional and went something like this:
Dear BigBen931,

This is to inform you of test results from your blood donation from the date JUNE XX, 19XX. Our tests have indicated a positive result for the antibody #$%&*%$# and subsequently we are obliged to inform you of the results. During our regular screening process, donated blood is subjected to several tests that would indicate the acceptable nature of the product. Due to the positive result, you are no longer allowed to donate blood. We thank you for your patronage.
Please take this letter and the enclosed lab result to your family doctor AS SOON AS POSSIBLE so that subsequent tests may be taken.

Well, that didn’t seem too terrible, but who was I to say one way or the other? I went to my family doctor and took the letter.
“How are you feeling?” the doctor said casually. I explained that I had never felt better. I was on top of the world.
“Have you been overly tired lately?” he wondered, and again I re-stated that I could accomplish anything, I was a super-human 17 year-old soldier.
“Wait a second, doc. What does that test say?” I was starting to get a little nervous. What was with the questions, and why could I not donate blood anymore? Why did the Red Cross insist that I talk to a doctor? What does a positive result mean, and what the hell is this anti-body anyway? I was still a virgin at this point in life (although I would have denied that fact to the death, fearing that my inexperience with women could imply weakness, inability or lack of interest), I had no tattoos, no IV drug use. My blood could not be any cleaner if I tried.
“Well, it says here you have a rare blood disorder called _____________. This means that your blood stops carrying oxygen and you get increasingly tired. Eventually, you can’t perform normal functions and are bedridden. The end stages are not painful, and the speed at which it advances makes it very hard to treat.”
“What do you mean? Am I going to die?”
“You should get your affairs in order, yes” was his calm and soothing reply.
I did not really thinking that I was done for. This must be some kind of mix-up. I was perfectly healthy, and on the contrary, I had never felt better.
“Now what?” was the natural response, and the doctor told me that they always do a confirmation test to rule out the false positive test. They would take blood samples and send them to Winnipeg, where the western Canada blood testing centre was. It would take a week to get the results, but the odds of a false positive were 100,000:1. The doc would get me some literature on the disorder (he kept saying disorder instead of disease, and kept assuring me I didn’t catch anything, and I couldn’t give it to anyone) and arrange for medication to slow things down, and give me oxygen when I needed it.
Well. What would you do if a doctor gave you that news? You would take a trip, see the seven wonders of the world. You would jump out of an airplane; you would ride a motorcycle across North America, letting the wind whip through your hair. You would eat fatty foods and drink lots of booze. You would make love, do drugs, with a devil-may-care attitude.
No; unfortunately, the reality is much less exciting. I went home and reflected on my young life of 17 years. I thought about how old I felt. I traced back all of the bad things I had done, and dreamt about how things could have turned out better if only I had been a better person. I thought about spending time with friends and family. I quietly thought about what it will be like at the end. The doctor said it wouldn’t hurt, right?

Well, statistics have a sense of humour some times. Needless to say, I don't buy lottery tickets. I am fine, and love the phrase "FALSE POSITIVE".

Wise reader, what would you do, in the same situation?

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

NotMVH

It's hard to say, I do want to be on top of the world fand that is what makes me keep moving. To know that I wouldn't acheive my dreams because I had six months left would be shattering. I guess I would prepare everything I could for my family and then I would travel to some of the riskier third world countries for a few weeks each before I became to weak.

analog

The anxiety of having to wait a week to see if I was going to die inside of 6 months would nearly tear me apart. I'd immediately smoke a shitload of pot and remain high as all heaven until I found out one way or the other- if I didn't, the anxiety would likely cause me to (literally) jump off a building.

Hash_Browns

I can't 100% answer this question, but some things that have come to mind while sitting here thinking for the last 4, maybe 5 mins are:

-Make some tapes for my girls of me reading and talking to them and reminding them who I am and what they mean to me.
-Get my affairs in order
-Remind my family how much they mean to me
-Make a lot of whoopi with my Hubby
-Remember to tell my girls to always be thankful for every moment given to them, good, bad, pretty and ugly. They are what makes the world go 'round.

I can say all these things, and hope I'd be able to express them in the time I'd have to do so, but the truth is I know I wouldn't be traveling the world, I'd be with my family giving them as much love as possible, and reminding them no matter what, I will never really be gone.

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Smile It makes people wonder what you're up too!

Cynthetiq

I try to live my life as if everyday were my last, and have tried to live like that since I was a teen.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

the_marq

Just out of curiosity. What would happen if I rang up a shitload of debt in my last six months and then died?

Without even trying all that hard I can wrangle over $50K worth of credit, so if I die would my family get stuck with the bill? What if I had no will?

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The Truth:

Johnny Cash could have kicked Bruce Lee's ass if he wanted to.

#3 in a series

BigBen

I have to ask, are you happy with that outcome? Have you finished school? If I was on my last day, I wouldn't study for that test next week or start that 5000 word essay.

That was my point... If every day was your last, you would have no money in the bank, no job promotion, no friends (fuck you, this is my last day on earth, i am NOT spending it with you) so when people SAY that that is how they live, they are delusional.

I've been there. I do not want to live like that. I ENJOY looking forward to things.

Hey, I get your point, do you get mine??

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

sillygirl

I was recently faced with a waiting period also, not knowing if I had a life-threatening illness.

I worried. A lot. And I noticed, in my mind, that I paid a lot more attention to what was going on around me, I hugged my honey more, spent more time talking to my mom, baked a lot more, spent more time doing things I LOVE.

I just found out today that it isn't in the cancerous stage, just precancerous, and a simple procedure will make it go away. Yay

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

maleficent

Every state has different laws regarding dying without a will (there's a legal term for it-- it's intestate or something like that). Generally the assets go to the next of kin, but it's up to the executer to make sure that all debts are paid off first. If there's not enough in the estate to cover the debts, not sure what happens at that point. But even if you did have a will, before all your assets are given out, the debts are paid off.

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For me... I'd go into denial... I wouldn't accept that there was anything that was wrong with me.. and I would live for another 50 years. (It's often been said I am too mean to die I wouldn't change the person I am -- I wouldn't all of a suddent go wild and start dancing on the bar, or doing a strip tease down main street. I'd retain my hermit lifestyle and just keep going, and research all I could to find out all I could about this disorder I've been given.

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Cynthetiq

Yes, I am very happy with the outcome so far. I have no regrets so far. In fact I'm quite far from where I had envisioned where I would be at my current age when I was a youth even from when I was in my early 20s. I too enjoy looking forward to things. Living like today is the last doesn't mutually exclude looking forward to things. Quite the contrary, I'm quite optomistic that tomorrow will be better than today, it may not be, but I'm still optomistic of the possibility.

Not true about the items you tossed in. In my opinion, I WANT to spend time with some of my friends even MORE SO if I have limited time on this planet. (Tuesdays with Morrie illustrates this quite well.) I also try to make a habit of telling them I love them when we part. It doesn't happen as often as it does with my family, but I have been making a very concerted effort to say it.

I enjoy excelling. I liked passing tests. I like being challenged. Thus, I have pushed my career into directions I thought I never would have taken.

Saving money in the bank is because I cannot spend it as fast as I make it... or at least I see no value in doing so. I like to travel the world, so I save up my money to facilitate such things. Saving for retirement? Of course, but if you "live everyday like it's your last..." then why are you saving? Because I know that there's a good possibility that today isn't my last day.

I think the best way to describe the answer to you is to define MY meaning of live life like it's my last day on earth...from what I'm understanding is that because you are going to die then so does your responsibility to society, friends, family, yourself, it is okay. Never mind that the burden and consequences of your actions will encumber the community, your family, etc.

As far as I'm concerned, my certain and impending death does not release me from my obligations to be a good contributing human being to the rest of the community.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Suave

Wow BigBen. I can't even begin to imagine how elated you must feel after that.

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

ziadel

they gave my uncle six months to live.

did'nt require any change in his way of life.

thats the beauty of my uncle bruce.

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Ron Paul '08
Vote for Freedom
Go ahead and google Dr. Ron Paul. You'll like what you read.

Cynthetiq

I did not finish going to college, stopped in my 5th year.

I do get your point, just disagree with the premise of lack of responsibility.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

IC3

If i knew that in 6 months or less i would be dead for sure, I would probably just kill myself instead of waiting to die..Why wait to die if you know for a fact you are going to die within 6 months?

I am kinda going against in what i believe, Your gonna die someday..And there is no way to prevent it, Either your number is up or it's not.

But you don't know when your going to die, So it's never as much of a concern as having 6 months to live is. I would go right off the deep end if a doctor told me news like this..I would be lucky if i made it through the same day as being informed.

I live day to day..and have no real plans for my future. Live for the moment. Shitty way to think? fuck ya, But it's the truth.

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"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi

gorilla

I would jump out of a shit load of planes, jump off the tallest buildings and bridges i could find, spend all of my cash on a classic mustang and drive 120 mph everywhere. of course, i'd never pay any speeding tickets or really listen to any law because, fuck it im dead soon anyway.

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I'll bet you $5 that you read the previous word...

OFKU0

Sorry to hear that ziadel. I remember your thread, kinda knowing what you were saying wasn't good, atleast to those who have had to deal with things of the such.

Did you ever get that snowblower or something fixed?

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" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

JStrider

if i was told i only had 6 months to live tomorow...
I think i would keep going to school for the rest of this semester... probably wouldnt try as hard in my classes... but i really enjoy being here in the dorms with my buddies and all that... I would prolly party a bit harder... smoke cigars a bit more often...

then after the semester was over I would do some traveling... maybe get a couple buddies together and attempt our "ultimate road trip"- start at the south end of chile and drive all the way to alaska... or at least do some traveling... have some fun whatever...

and then the last couple weeks i would spend with my family, give away my stuff... find a good home for my gecko etc...

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-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

The Magic

I'd probably try writing.

Try writing my own sort of autobiography, views on life and things like that. I'd like to do die with my own understanding of the world and share that view and allow others to understand what I conclude.

BigBen

Well, I have to admit, those 7 days crawled by. I laugh about it now but going through it wasn't funny.

I don't remember sleeping that week, but I must have.

I tried to keep it to myself, and not tell any of my friends. We were catching up on old times since I had been gone for so long. Everyone kept saying "Man, the Army has sure changed you..." and I would smile instead of screaming "I AM GOING TO DIE! I AM GOING TO DIE! 6 MONTHS!"
I finally broke down and started crying outside while I snuck out for a cigarette. My buddy came outside, saw me all messed up, and I told him everything. Then HE started crying, then someone else came out to see what we were doing, et cetera ad infinitum. When everyone knew, it was cool. It wasn't weird or anything. We became closer, and everyone rallied around me for the last couple of days.

What kind of asshole could keep you waiting like that? That test better have taken all week to process. Can you imagine the doc saying, "You would normally find out in a week, but the lab tech is on holidays, so it will be 4 weeks instead."

I have been on forums before, I have lurked around lots, but something here at TFP makes me comfortable. Like all you crazy people are just as crazy as I am. It feels good.

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

martinguerre

my best guess...i would spend it with the folks i love the most. i'm the kind of person who needs to have people around me, friends to share the journey with. and under that kind of stress...i would want my most loved friends and family around me. i would read the books i always meant to read, i would write as much as i could.

and i'd try to keep smiling as long as i could.

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For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.

-John 3:16

cierah

* tell my friends I love them - in words.
* spend all the money I have travelling and spending time with friends
* continue with school (b/c there is no where I'd rather be than in University)
I would not tell anyone that I was going to die. Who needs sympathy? My best friend would be able to tell anyways and I'd eventually have to tell her. The rest of my friends I would not tell.

Astrocloud

I'd take out life insurance... assuming that the dread disease info hadn't made it into the MIB.

Shady

I'd marry my girlfriend and have a child....even though I wouldn't get to live to see him/her.

I'd also try to travel as much as I could. I haven't even been west of Indiana yet. Thats sad.

I'd make amends with my friends/family/God.

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Only Dre can judge me for the mistakes I'm makin, if I'm fakin I'm Clay Aiken.

CrAzEd

I would probably go on a sex spree. Then go to some wild parties, spend as much money as possible, go traveling all over, go skidiving, and thats about it.

viejo gringo

My brother-in-law was diagnosed with lung desease and had 6 months to a year to live---

That was 7 years ago..

He is on oxygen 24/7, but he is in good shape and getting better.

One never knows...

have not had time to figure out what I would do..
guess I would have to slow down so death could cautch up..

omega2K4

HALO (High Altitude Low Opening; 30,000 feet up) jump without a 'chute. In other words, I'd kill myself. I couldn't just wait knowing I was going to die.

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"Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

JStrider

so, just out of curiousity are you able to give blood now that its been shown to be a false positive?

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-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

bad jane

as much as i'd love to do all the things i always wanted to do...i doubt i really would. half the fun is just dreaming about wanting to do them anyway

i think i'd spend some time feeling sorry for myself. in fact, i know i would at first. i'd be pissed at the whole world because i'd be jealous. i know i'll die someday, but without any knowledge of when i can blissfully continue on, content with thinking it won't be for a long long time. if i knew it was coming in a certain time frame, i'd be angry.

once i got over that, i'd start writing letters and making phone calls/visits to friends and family. especially the people i've lost touch with over the years, just to take that one last moment to tell them what they meant to me and maybe express a few "if only" thoughts.

i'd take pictures of everything and be sure to include myself in photos with my nieces and nephews so they'd have a face to put to my memory. i'd write letters to my close friends and family, telling them all the things i have never managed to put into words.

i'd put up a christmas tree and have everyone over to give them presents and cards. i'd take a zillion pics and make a scrapbook for everyone of our last christmas together.

i think i'd keep my job for a while at least, not for the money but just to stay occuppied. besides, it is always nice to go to work and know you could walk out at any minute and it doesn't matter if they fire you or won't give you a reference.

lots of time at home though. just doing what i normally do prolly. i like my life, so i think for the most part i'd just keep living it the best i could.

BigBen

Strider, No, I am not allowed to give blood. I understand the bureaucracy of the whole thing. I would not want someone giving blood if they failed the tests either, screw the 1 in 100,000 chance that it is a false positive. I tried, and they said "Excuse me sir, you are on our 'do not donate list'" and she looked at me like I was diseased! Yeah, I can still imagine that look, and it hurt so bad I changed the way I look at people, and I learned that discrimination hurts. Life lessons, you know?

Bad Jane, that was awesome.

I have noticed that people have said SKY DIVING lots in this thread... seems to me that there is a socially acceptable fear barrier of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. That's cool. These are the things I was looking to find out when I posted the thread. Maybe I should go sky diving this summer?!?

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

Charlatan

I'd spend a lot of time with my wife and especially kids.

I'd get my affairs in order. Make sure my family were going to be taken care of when I was gone.

I wouldn't rush to kill myself as it would only hurt those I love.

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- Old Man Luedecke