Fourtyrulz

I love with my girlfriend in every sense of the word. Since the day we met we have been pretty much inseparable, and she has become my closest and best friend. We can do anything together and usually do, often with a group of my friends or hers from our hometown.

But starting my first semester of college something changed, and it was no longer okay to want to hang out with her. My roomate and some guys from football call me whipped or gay. Which is fine with me I don't need to justify myself to them. Recently though my roomate (somehow) acquired a girlfriend and we had this mind blowing conversation (names have been changed, roomate in bold):

"Susie wants to hang out again."
"... So?"
"I hung out with her yesterday. I can't spend too much time with her, I don't want to get whipped like you and Bob my best friend from high school who went against the macho creed and hung out with his girlfriend so I treated him like shit and now we aren't on speaking terms."
"But you said you want a long term relationship right?"
"Ye...bu....still dude."

Maybe I'm just frustrated, but I can't for the life of me understand the mentality of guys who think girls are some kind of fuck-doll to just be used and dismissed...which I think sadly dominates today's thought. I've asked these guys why I'm whipped for actually wanting to hang out with my girlfriend and it's always the same answer, "You just can't. It cuts into "guy time." There's seems to be a trend towards guys who show affection towards their mates being viewed as whipped or even gay and un-manly. Such was not the case 100 or even 50 years ago.

Where did this blatantly chauvinistic and ignorant viewpoint come from?

Insert: There is more back story to this post than I could even imagine typing out, so some dynamics (me and my roomate for example) that seem simple are pretty complex, but don't change my original intent of this thread.

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the·o·ry - a working hypothesis that is considered probable based on experimental evidence or factual or conceptual analysis and is accepted as a basis for experimentation.
faith - Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.
- Merriam-Webster's dictionary

lurkette

I'm gonna go with "Myth perpetrated by macho-elitists."

Not even macho-elitists, really, just, well, emotionally immature jackasses who equate affection, or any display of emotion, really, with weakness. Or who view women as sex objects/servants. That you would actually choose to spend time with a woman, time that didn't involve fucking, and that you would choose it over them, is a blow to their ego.

That's my guess. But I'm in kind of a bad mood right now.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

ratbastid

To translate for my cute-but-cranky wife:

They say I'm pussy-whipped.
I say they're jealous.

Suave

You can be whipped, it just depends how you're interacting with her. If you're just with her all the time because you two like being together, then no, that's not whipped (but people may wrongfully say so). However, if you become the personal errand boy who always does what she says even if you don't particularly want to and never speaks up, THEN you may be whipped. That situation would sincerely deserve a giant "WHOOPAH!"

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

SecretMethod70

I know a guy like this. Worse yet, he thinks women "like it when a man displays authority." (That can be interpreted many ways, but you know what I mean he means)

Funny thing is, I'm the one with a 5+ year relationship and he's the guy who always complains to me about girls.

EDIT: Oh, funny little vignette that sort of paints a picture of this guy's mentality....
One day we were walking down the street (in Chicago) on the way back from a store and he was rambling on about girls or something like that. He saw a man and a woman in front of us walking with each other but they were not holding hands. He asserted that they were clearly not dating and just friends. So, I asked him why, to which he replied that it was all in their body language (the fact that they were not holding hands or anything). To cut a story short, the guy just couldn't grasp the idea of walking down the street with someone you're dating without physical contact and, instead, focusing on a conversation between the two or, perhaps just time spent with one another.

I am continually astonished and depressed when I hear him say anything regarding females.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Willravel

After my first experience, I was completly and totally whipped for about 3 months. I was happy in that state. If some guy wants to show me dissrespect because I am willing to do anything for the person I love or an infatuated with, that's his call. I don't have to give his critisism any attention though.

"emotionally immature jackasses who equate affection, or any display of emotion, really, with weakness" - excelent. Let them go try to imitate "50 cent" and other self proclaimed gangstas (it's obvious that this stems in those who idolize those who disrespect women in the media, namely rap stars), while you enjoy the true reality of what love can be. Pity them because there is a good chance they will never know the happieness you know. While they are calling women "bitches" to each other, you'll be an adult.

martinguerre

co-dependancy, or a lack of spine is a problem in either gender. some men notice when guys have it, but expect a woman to do it. Thus, the term "pussy whipped."

a guy i know...got that one a lot, and it was actually a good catalyst...he's taking a lot more initiative in the relationship and not putting her up on a pedastal that is unrealistic.

there's a truth behind the words and something positive can be gotten out of them...in SOME cases. that it's comonly gendered to produce the phrase in question is a tribute to the blindness of patriarchy.

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For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.

-John 3:16

Lockjaw

Bingo.

There is a very definate point where one ceases being devoted and starts becoming the lackey.
Here is my prime example.
You go to the store and do some shopping for her or do some task to make her life easier because you love her and want to see her happy. That is not whipped.
You go to the store,pick up her cleaning,wash her car,cut her yard,etc...but you do it because you are afraid if you don't she'll make your life hell. That is whipped. You might do the same things but there are very VERY distinct motivations. The former case is being caring. The later is being whipped.
And no women do not respect the lackey guy. As Ferris Bueller once said...

"You can't respect somebody that kisses your ass."


Disrespecting women was widely practiced long long before rap came about. broad generalizations = bad

OFKU0

Being truely whipped is sniffing her arse and getting shit rubbed on your nose.

Being whipped, by my standards is a guy who can't stand up to the level of disrespect that is being served up to him on a platter by his girl. She wears the pants and rules the roost with threats and innuendo.

Wanting to hang with your girl instead of a bunch of guys who aren't getting laid, the choice is easy. But remember, too short a leash for her, or to long and she will stray. That's usually when the whipping begins. She has nothing to lose so why not use the poor bastard whose got his nose in her ass 'til the next ride comes along.

Usually the whipped or the whipper are not mature enough for reasonable relations yet manage to procreate at alarming levels, tainting the gene pool. Go figure.

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Arroe

yes you can be whipped.

It's extremely annoying when people can't get away from their girlfriend/boyfriend. I am not saying that they can't spend time together, but when a guy or girl leaves their friends as soon as they get a girlfriend/boyfriend, and then don't hang out with their friends anymore, but as soon as they break up come crawling back to their friends, it is annoying as HELL.

skier

I personally view being "pussy whipped" as when the woman holds all the power in a relationship. I disagree with our current societies' viewpoint that men should supplicate to women in order to gain a relationship, or even just sex. I just don't see it as a healthy way to start off what could be a deep and meaningful relationship that can last years.

I would say you're pussy whipped if you answer "yes" to these questions:

1. has your girl controlled the escalation of your relationship? (if you can't answer this Question, just move on to the next.)
2. Has she ever threatened, or actually witheld emotional reward (love/sex) as a result of "bad" behavior on your part?
3. Have you ever given her a gift with an ulterior motive?
4. Do you let her get away with berating you, even in a joking manner, in front of peers?
5. Does she often ask you to do things for her? Do you do them? If you don't, does she act upset with you?
6. When you flirt with other girls, do you feel like you're getting away with something (guilty)?
7. Do you ever feel dependant on being with your girlfriend to be happy? That is, if you broke up with her right now, would you lead an unfufilled, unsatisfying life?

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Rdr4evr

I am always amused when pussy-whipped guys try and use some lame excuse to differentiate themselves from being a weak man who allows a woman to control his life.

Now, showing emotion or affection doesn't necessarily mean you're whipped, but when you allow your woman to tell you what to do and what not to do and you actually listen to her, than you're a whipped and pathetic little man.

I've known several friends who were so incredibly whipped that they weren't allowed to even hang out sometimes because their women wouldn't allow them to. It's obvious they're not happy in their relationship and it is completely a miserable ordeal, but because they're too afraid to break up or let their girl know, they end up just bullshitting their way through the relationship and pretending they're happy. Most cases are probably because they know they will never find another woman with their weak attitude, so they just stick in the current relationship and hope it improves.

In conclusion, pussy whipped is not a myth, it is very much real, and it’s just that some guys are too pathetic to admit it so they just use excuses. It’s simple to be in a long lasting relationship when you lack a spine and allow your woman to completely run the show. It’s pretty sad.

Dostoevsky

You're only 'pussy whipped' if no longer stand up for yourself or do things that you want to do because you're afraid that your girlfriend won't be happy about it. For instance, if you want to hang out with the fellas Friday night but when you tell your girlfriend she gets pissed off so you change your plans, you are most definitely pussy whipped and deserve to incur the wrath of your friends for not being a man any longer. If you like hanging out with your girlfriend, plan on doing something with her at night then tell your buddies that you have plans when they approach you about hanging out and drinking for which they call you pussy whipped, they're just jealous. There is a difference between enjoying your girlfriend's company and being pussy whipped, but yes, I have known quite a few miserable, pussy whipped guys and I have to tell you that the condition exists. It's pathetic too.

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Pride is the recognition of the fact that you are your own highest value and, like all of man’s values, it has to be earned.


It is not advisable, James, to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener.

Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

scout

Like most here believes there definitely comes a time in a relationship if one isn't careful you can become pussy whipped.
Interestingly enough I had a salesman call a couple years ago wanting to sell me all kinds of shit. Being the asshole that I am and hating telemarketers the way I do I let him go through his entire list of things to sell, nuts and bolts, wire nuts, tools blah blah blah. Somewhere in the middle of this 45 minute spill my wife arrived home. It was about the time she arrived home you could begin to hear the frustration in his voice. Somewhere about the time he got to the first aid kits my wife walked into the room and the conversation went something like this ....

SP: " I can sell you 10 of them today and today only for the low price of 150 apiece and I'll pick up the shipping. Can I put ya down for 10 today?
me:" I dunno let me ask the boss"
SP: " your not the boss....? " in a voice riddled with disbelieve.....
me : " Sweety, do we need any first aid kits, he's got a helluva deal we get 10 for the low price of $150 apiece and he will pay the shipping and bill us later"
my wife looks at me like I'm nuts .... I was self employed at the time and I was my only employee and no way in hell did I need 10 first aid kits.
SP: " what the hell are you fuckin' pussy whipped or what"
me: " you mean your not pussy whipped"
SP: " noo fuckin way man " {he's really pissed now because he realizes I wasted about an hour of his time} " I ain't pussy whipped, I'm divorced" then he proceeds to call me several unmentionable names and calls my wife a bitch...
me: " huh, ya reckon there's a connection?? maybe if you was pussy whipped you wouldn't be masturbating every nite"
SP: " you {insert long string of cusswords} go screw yourself"
then " click" he hung up.

All that to say this, you have to be a little pussy whipped in any long term relationship for it to work. A rewarding healthy long term relationship is a extended series of give and take with both sides being able to retain their pride and feelings of self-worth throughout. When one side or the other loses their pride {I think that's the word I'm looking for here} to keep the other or to make the other happy then the relationship shifts to something other than healthy. I dunno if that makes sense, I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words sometimes...

meembo

To thine own self be true

1) Stop giving a shit what other knuckleheads think

2) Take care of yourself primarily. Do what you do to be happy, and if you're really lucky, someone comes along and loves you for the lunkhead you are. Could you possibly be happier than that? Of course, wearing clean underwear and brushing your teeth and that kind of stuff never hurts either...

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less I say, smarter I am

ShaniFaye

Then WS Kid must be royally and truely whipped...

I am the first person to say that a couple shouldnt be joined at the hip..they should have time for themselves and do things away from each other....that said....

Dave and I do just about everything together..why? because ITS MORE FUN that way. We each have his/hers/our friends....and we do do things seperate but we usually end up wishing the other person was there to share it...now Im not talking about things like shopping or movies or going out to lunch....I mean trips, events, outings etc

Dave's friends tell him that he's whipped because he does everything with me....but its a CHOICE, its not something we make each other do, it makes me feel good that he thinks I make all things more fun

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d*d

I must be a macho elitist, I beleive you can get whipped- I've had friends who devote all their time to their girlfriend, whilst perfectly understandable at first it's not healthy to completely forsake your friends for them. For me it's important to have a balance in life - time away from your SO now and then is a good thing and helps to keep everything in perspective. Whilst I love my girlfriend I will not stop having my nights out with just my male friends in macho pursuits.

Charlatan

Seeing as I never really hung around with guys who would talk like that I don't know what the answer is...

My wife *is* my best friend. I have other friends who are both male and female and I spend time with them as well.

If someone were to call me pussy whipped (and it wasn't a joke) I wouldn't know what to say to them...

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tspikes51

Yes, pussy-whipped exists. In order to be socially healthy and to have a good, lasting relationship, you need to learn to say "no" to her on occasion and go hang out with the guys, and she needs to understand and accept the fact that you have other friends that are important. It's not mean, it's just realistic.

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"I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million."
-Maddox

Vincentt

I hate it when guys get a girl friend then blow everyone else off. Me and a few of my other friends, even when going out with girl still are able to hang out. But there are a good number of guys who just drop of the face of the earth... until they break up and try to call to "hang out"...

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skinnymofo

i think you may have took some ribbing too hard.
guys (atleast everyone ive known) make fun of each other just for short term entertainment.
example; i do something stupid and someone says "damn your gay dude" its joking
or doing something for a girl and someone says your whipped (insert whip noise) for doing that it doesnt mean anything. just humor.

As for can guys be pussy whipped my answer is yes and i think suave and raider did a good job explaining how/why

Lasereth

Exactly. I've actually had this conversation with my friends too many times to remember. The definition of being whipped is doing every single thing the girl wants regardless of your own feelings or actions without saying a damn word against anything the girl says. I spend a lot of time with my girlfriend when we see each other because I WANT TO, not because she's making me. Whipped is blowing off your friends to do every little command your girlfriend says even if you don't agree with it. Whipped is giving your entire paycheck to your girlfriend because you're afraid she'll break up with you if you don't. Whipped is not going against anything she says else you're afraid she'll leave or get mad.

Having a relationship with a girl you love and love being around is not whipped. I get really mad when I'm leaving the house to spend time with my girlfriend and people tell me I'm whipped. What, so guys with girlfriends aren't supposed to see their girlfriend but 30 minutes at a time on a schedule? Bullshit, the whipped-callers are simply jealous, plain and simple.

-Lasereth

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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

Coppertop

I disagree.

I have 2 friends that I used to game with regularly. My non-roommate friend gets a girlfriend and now we never see him again. My roommate friend was complaining to me the other day about how we never saw him anymore. So I asked him: "Who would you rather hang out with? Natalia or us?" Seeing as how Natalia is a beautiful woman absolutely infatuated with my friend, the answer is obvious.

Have sex or hang out with some dudes? That's not even a choice in my opinion.

Yes, he'll be back if/when they break up, just as he always has. But friends'll be there for him when he does. If they're not, I daresay they weren't true friends to begin with.

Guys who bitch about their "pussy-whipped" friends are just plain immature in my eyes. Or jealous. Or both.

guthmund

Beat me to it...

I agree with the majority, yes, you can be 'whipped.'

It has nothing to do with doing things together and showing affection. Once you start doing things out of fear of retribution (sexual, what have you... instead of loving affection, not only are you 'whipped,' but are also on the road to resentment.

I've known a few 'whipped' men. I used to work with a fellow, who lived in fear, for lack of a better word, of his girlfriend witholding affection when he displeased her. On the rare occasion he was allowed to spend time with his friends, he was constantly on his cell phone (she called him..) giving status reports about what was happening and when he'd be home. He was constantly having to 'make it up with her,' his words not mine. She, on the other hand, could go out when she wanted to and with whomever she chose. If he wasn't invited, he was expected to be home to await her phone call. There was a definate imbalance to their relationship and she held all the cards and made all the rules.

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Arroe

Yeah, but friendships go two ways. You still should make time for your friends if you expect them to make time for you.

la petite moi

The idea of being pussy-whipped basically evolves from the fact that no one likes to be held down under the thumb of their significant other.

Both men and women are whipped- typically men whip their women in the literal sense of the word, which is illegal, and women use a more verbal or mental tactic (like no sex unless you buy her shit).

Whoever uses that word "pussy-whipped" or for women who call their friends "dick-whipped" (yes I've heard it)...you're damn immature. Let a person hae their fun, learn from their mistakes, and come back to be your friend.

Lockjaw

Call a spade a spade.
I have never used those exact terms but I have called friends on "whipped" behavior in the past and they were shocked but when I explained things to them they agreed.
A true friend is a person that will support you while you are off making your mistakes but they will also offer some advice and warning if they see you going down the wrong path. If I see a friend getting too heavy into alcohol I'm going to tell them they might want to cool it down a bit. I feel that's my duty as I just MIGHT be able to help them avoid a bad situation. Same thing here for somebody who is whipped. They really AREN'T having fun and many of them deep down are miserable yet they don't have the back bone to let their partner know how they feel thusly eliminating that vital universially agreed upon component....communication. Whipped people don't communicate. They lower their head say "Yes, dear." and scurry off.


EDIT:Oh and on the hang with your friends or have sex thing...
If you are doing everything under the sun for your SO JUST so you can have sex speaks of a dysfunctional relationship that just asking to fail. The guy that dumps his friends in an effort to constantly be with his girl JUST so he can have sex is beyond whipped. He's desperate. Now this is not to say wanting to be with your SO constantly is this as if you actually LIKE to do things with them...great. But if you are doing it just to get a little booty...whipped.

streak_56

The number one reason why guys stop being friends is because of girlfriend. They'll heckle you till the day you die, but you'll be the one standing there with someone beside you... not alone. As long as you're happy, who cares what they say.

samcol

Ya, basically it comes down to girlfriend or friends. Whichever you choose the other party will be hurt. I've seen friends who are pussy whipped, there is a distinct difference between being with someone you love and being with a girl just for the pussy. Your friends will notice this as well. If you want to be with this girl though, the friends shouldn't even come into play.

Fourtyrulz

Wow, I study for 22 hours and come back to all these posts, ain't the TFP beautiful?

I completely agree with some of you in that yes you can be pussy whipped if your only goal in a relationship is to get some ass at any opportunity, for any cost. But seeing as how my current relationship is moving into it's third year, being all about the sex is out of the question. I agree completely with Shani when she says it's a choice of wether or not you want to hang out or be with your significant other. If you can't do things on your own without the permission of your mate then you've passed the whipped mark and aren't even in a healthy relationship anymore.

The thing with most times I've heard guys being called whipped is just because they don't spend all damn day with them anymore. What do you call guys who ditch their girlfriends to hang out with their man-friends? It's definitely not looked at the same. Why can't you be friends with both yours guys and girl? I call my girlfriend "dude" sometimes just out of habit! If you have to act special around your girlfriend and not be true to yourself I also think that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

All I'm saying is that there is a huge double standard today with guys and their girlfriends.

Roomate update:
"Do you want to watch a movie tomorrow?"
"Nah man, I've got books coming out my asshole that I have to read...why?"
"Susie wants to hang out again, but I told her I couldn't and I need a reason."
"Why'd you tell her you couldn't?"
"I think I'm hanging out with her too much. I'm eating dinner tonight with guys though, so that works out."

Fuck, cancel my Man-Club membership if hanging out with your girlfriend makes you less macho.

__________________
the·o·ry - a working hypothesis that is considered probable based on experimental evidence or factual or conceptual analysis and is accepted as a basis for experimentation.
faith - Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.
- Merriam-Webster's dictionary

Sweetpea

im going to echo what Streak says here . . .

If someone is happy, then who cares what society or their friends say??

Mostly, i think that men who say "why do you hang with your girl so much" are either concerned for their friend (who may have a bitch of a girlfriend and he can't see it) or they are jealous of the closeness of the relationship . . .


Some people who i would consider "whipped" in their relationships, men and woman, who take emotional stress and abusive comments day in and day out . . THAT is being "whipped" . . .

Just enjoying hanging out with your SO doesn't make you whipped . . and if one choses to NOT hang out with his girl BECAUSE of his friends jealous comments . . . then well . . . it's his FRIENDS WHO HAVE HIM WHIPPED!

The whole point is . . . People should do what THEY want and stop taking into account what other people or society thinks . . . Everyone deserves to be happy . . . however they choose to find that happiness.

Peace,

Sweetpea

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"I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

Master_Shake

Consider it from the friend's point of view. Your friend that you've been hanging out with suddenly wants little to nothing to do with you because he's hanging out with somebody else all the time. Sure, it's understandable why (if the guy's getting some loving), but now you've got one less friend, or possibly no friends.

It can be a very lonely place, and a little jealousy or resentment is understandable.

Just remember that when you break up with that hot smokin' chick (or she gets pregnant, gains 100 pounds, files for divorce, gets child support and alimony, and then starts banging some other guy in the house you paid for) your real friends will only be there to drink beer and go to strip clubs with you if you've been cool to them.

Non-sex-having male friends are people too. It won't kill you to forsake that maudlin romantic comedy date with your woman and have a beer with them once a week.

Be kind to the people on your way up, because you're likely to see them on your way down.

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You know something, I don't think the sun even... exists... in this place. 'Cause I've been up for hours, and hours, and hours, and the night never ends here.

*Nikki*

Everyone just needs to do what the hell they want to and stop worrying what people think of them.

hambone

You so smart.

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tspikes51

Well, I will speak from personal experience this time. I was in a relationship a few years ago where I whipped myself. I thought she wanted me to spend all of my time with her, but I was wrong, and that's why that one didn't last long and she's getting married to a friend of mine now. During that time during which I was whipped (and there was no sex and no intention of it), my friends genuinely missed spending time with me. I did enjoy spending time with her, but I also realized afterwards that I enjoyed spending time with my friends as well, and that's why it didn't work.

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-Maddox

FngKestrel

I think this is a fine measure of whether or not someone is "whipped."

For the record, our third friend is not pussy-whipped. Especially if you look at skier's criteria and apply it to their relationship. They have a healthy relationship and their continuous time spent is the result of being very much in love with each other. Granted, I'm bummed because he doesn't spend time with us, but we'll still be there for him, no matter what. If I were in that situation, I'd still make time for my guy friends, but that's because that's the person I am.

Any notions of him being pussy-whipped come only from the gentle ribbing that we give him as his friends. Every one of us in our group of friends took a bit of ribbing from everyone else when they started dating someone seriously. Some handled it well, others not so well.

I do believe that some people are pussy-whipped, but I think the term itself is macho-elitist and poorly chosen.

ironmaiden7o7

I don't believe in the whole so called whipped thing, it's good to be loyal and attentive, you don't have to be whipped. I'd say they're just jealous.

Meridae'n

No, we're not jealous. If you're whipped and you're comfortable then that's fantastic. Any paranoia you have is merely the part of you that wants to have the upper hand in the relationship... but bad luck, you have none.

I've been happily whipped before, a couple of times. Blissfully unaware that I was lavishing so much more onto the girl than she was on me, ignorant to the fact that I was the lover as opposed to the lovee. It always turns out the same, treat the girl with every respect and desire you have, then watch as she falls for some other neanderthal. You'll learn, and as with most lessons it will hurt. If things are still the same in 5 years call me up, tell me that I don't know shit, and laugh as you hang up. After that, wake yourself up.

That is a fucking great line. That's what it comes down to, have sex or hang out with some dudes. If us males want to have fun and hang out, we go see our mates, if we want sex we spend time with our girls. If we spend alot of time with our girls, it means we really like them (or love) and want to have sex with them all the time.

degrawj

some macho-elitist assholes would call me pussy-whipped. but the way i look at it, i just treat women with the respect they deserve, and take their feelings and thoughts into consideration. in other words, i'm a "nice guy." unfortunately, i have found the old adage, "nice guys finish last," to be too true. but i am what i am, and if somebody has a problem with that, fuck 'em.

kurtisj

im gonna have to go with real, i have a friend who is ridiculously whipped and will make plans, then make up the shittiest excuses of why he has to cancel. 9 out of 10 times you could drive by his girlfriends house and he will be there...

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