Rocks on Gravestones? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

CinnamonGirl · 12-13-2004, 04:34 PM

I was watching Buffy today (surprise, surprise, right?) and there was a scene where Willow puts rocks on Tara's gravestone. I've seen this in many other movies and books (Schindler's List and Summer Sisters come to mind right off), and was wondering, what's the significance? Obviously it's a sign of love/respect/missing someone, but where did it come from? Why is it done? Is it a Jewish custom, or more of a general thing?

Holo · 12-13-2004, 06:12 PM

Your answer is here:

http://www.jewish-funerals.org/stones.htm

"When the tradition started, grave monuments were mounds of stones. Visitors added stones to "the mound" to show we are never finished building the monument to the deceased."

Pragma · 12-13-2004, 06:40 PM

I've heard of placing rocks on top of graves to keep the spirits from leaving the graves and causing all kinds of havok, etc. amongst the living by haunting them. This explanation is a new one on me.

maleficent · 12-13-2004, 06:51 PM

The area I live in has 4 pretty large cemeteries (all Catholic)(at last count, the town had 350,000 dead people,and 17,000 live people) Occassionally I will wander thru one of the cemetaries, and I always see pebbles left on top, mainly on the gravesites with the very Italian sounding surnames... I asked one of the old Italian women who lives in my complex about the tradition.. and her response was similiar to the Jewish explaination...

Quote:

The pebble also lets others know that someone did come and remember. Symbolically, it suggests the continuing presence of love and memory which are as strong and enduring as a rock.

Pretty nice tradition actually.

Ananas · 12-13-2004, 07:07 PM

Where I grew up, we always left a small stone after visiting a gravesite as a token of remembrance. Also, for those who did not have a headstone on their graves, the stones were left as markers to inform others that it was a burial site.

warrrreagl · 12-14-2004, 07:20 AM

My wife is a graveyard expert, so I should really let her respond here. We frequently go "graveyarding," although a lot less frequently than we used to.

Some other bits of graveyard lore we've collected:
* Most Judeo-Christian graves face east and west, so that the sun rises at the feet and sets behind the head. If you find a grave that is turned perpindicular (north and south), then you have found someone who died in extreme disfavor with the church.

* In the South, seashells were placed on the graves of slaves as a secret indication from their family that the soul was finally free from bondage. Very old Southern cemeteries have separate sections for slave graves.

* In rural areas, families often place toys, tools, or other objects that they feel the departed may want with them in the afterlife. In secluded country cemeteries, you can find hundreds of graves all covered with little objects that no one ever disturbs.

* Also in rural areas, inverted coke bottles can be found inserted into the ground "bottom up" as a border to the grave. This is an example of what is called "making do with what you have," and is a form of country decoration.

Psycho Dad · 12-14-2004, 04:04 PM

I had wondered about this ever since seeing it done in Schindler's List. Also, very interesting addition warrrreagl.

thingstodo · 12-14-2004, 06:35 PM

This was a very interesting subject and I'm glad I had the chance to read and learn more.

Seaver · 12-14-2004, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Most Judeo-Christian graves face east and west, so that the sun rises at the feet and sets behind the head. If you find a grave that is turned perpindicular (north and south), then you have found someone who died in extreme disfavor with the church.

I was taught that they laid the ones who died in disfavor with the feet pointed west, and head to the east so that when the sun rose on the day of judgement they would not see and rise with it (I.E. stuck in the ground because they missed it).

warrrreagl · 12-15-2004, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver

I was taught that they laid the ones who died in disfavor with the feet pointed west, and head to the east so that when the sun rose on the day of judgement they would not see and rise with it (I.E. stuck in the ground because they missed it).

That's probably true, too. You'll find different customs all around the USA and the whole Western world. I also don't know anything about African or Asian burial customs, other than what I see on National Geographic.

12-13-2004, 04:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
CinnamonGirl She's Actual Size Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell	Rocks on Gravestones? I was watching Buffy today (surprise, surprise, right?) and there was a scene where Willow puts rocks on Tara's gravestone. I've seen this in many other movies and books (Schindler's List and Summer Sisters come to mind right off), and was wondering, what's the significance? Obviously it's a sign of love/respect/missing someone, but where did it come from? Why is it done? Is it a Jewish custom, or more of a general thing? __________________ "...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world." "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

12-13-2004, 06:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
Holo A Real American	Your answer is here: http://www.jewish-funerals.org/stones.htm "When the tradition started, grave monuments were mounds of stones. Visitors added stones to "the mound" to show we are never finished building the monument to the deceased." __________________ I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

12-14-2004, 07:20 AM	#6 (permalink)
warrrreagl pinche vato Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton	My wife is a graveyard expert, so I should really let her respond here. We frequently go "graveyarding," although a lot less frequently than we used to. Some other bits of graveyard lore we've collected: * Most Judeo-Christian graves face east and west, so that the sun rises at the feet and sets behind the head. If you find a grave that is turned perpindicular (north and south), then you have found someone who died in extreme disfavor with the church. * In the South, seashells were placed on the graves of slaves as a secret indication from their family that the soul was finally free from bondage. Very old Southern cemeteries have separate sections for slave graves. * In rural areas, families often place toys, tools, or other objects that they feel the departed may want with them in the afterlife. In secluded country cemeteries, you can find hundreds of graves all covered with little objects that no one ever disturbs. * Also in rural areas, inverted coke bottles can be found inserted into the ground "bottom up" as a border to the grave. This is an example of what is called "making do with what you have," and is a form of country decoration. __________________ Living is easy with eyes closed.

12-14-2004, 04:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
Psycho Dad Mulletproof Location: Some nucking fut house.	I had wondered about this ever since seeing it done in Schindler's List. Also, very interesting addition warrrreagl. __________________ Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

12-14-2004, 06:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
thingstodo A Storm Is Coming Location: The Great White North	This was a very interesting subject and I'm glad I had the chance to read and learn more. __________________ If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves. Stangers have the best candy.

12-13-2004, 06:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
Pragma I am Winter Born Location: Alexandria, VA	I've heard of placing rocks on top of graves to keep the spirits from leaving the graves and causing all kinds of havok, etc. amongst the living by haunting them. This explanation is a new one on me.

12-13-2004, 07:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ananas Still Crazy Location: In my own time	Where I grew up, we always left a small stone after visiting a gravesite as a token of remembrance. Also, for those who did not have a headstone on their graves, the stones were left as markers to inform others that it was a burial site.