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Old 07-27-2004, 03:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
Talk nerdy to me
 
God of Thunder's Avatar
 
Location: Flint, MI
What whould be your REAL job description?

Inspired by the What do you do for a living? thread, what do you REALLY do at your job.

I'll give an example for the confused.

My job is a computer technician, both as a day job and a side job. However, I do more than just fix PCs.

I'm a room designer. (If we move that table over there you can set the printer on that.)

I'm a furniture mover. (Can you help me move the table?)

I'm a grief counselor (I'm sorry that you worked for four hours on that document without saving it, but I can't find it on your drive.)

I'm also part grade school teacher. (OK, see that picture in the corner that says "My Computer"? Great, now double click that...)

I could go on, but I want to hear your stories.
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Old 07-27-2004, 03:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Chicago
I spend an inordinate amount of time as therapist to the project manager of my current customer, this woman is screwed up beyond beleif and dumps all her troubles on me.

I am also a referee -- the customer I am currently at, works with 2 other sister companies, and there's a lot of political infighting between the three companies, everyone is always bitching about someone else, and they all bitch to me. (Now, to find a way to use the info they give me for monetary gain)

Pinnocchio when people ask for when bugs will be fixed (oh, that'll be in the next release. (nose grows) Can your software do that? (Oh, yes, i can do that---- given time and money -- nose grows) I tell so many fibs over the course of the week - I often have to remember who I am talking to otherwise I start fibbing to the programmers - and that's not good.
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Old 07-27-2004, 03:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
Here
 
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Location: Denver City Denver
I'm a bartender.


I'm also a therapist for the drunks of the world that can't help themselves without the help of booze. And seeing as how I'm exactly the same way... I'm the best therepist.
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Old 07-27-2004, 03:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
Submit to me, you know you want to
 
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Location: Lilburn, Ga
oh this is fun!! (remember Im an engineer)

Shopping engineer (please go to the grocery store for break room supplies, cokes and coffee)

Janitorial engineer (somebody let something explode in the microwave can you clean it out)

Postal engineer (can you run this to the post office on your way home)

packaging engineer (I realize the ups man will be here in 30 seconds but this has got to go out today)

im sure I will think of more
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Old 07-27-2004, 04:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
beauty in the breakdown
 
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Office Bitch. Ive been getting to do lots of testing on apps that no one else wants to do

Brew Engineer. People like killing the coffee and then not making anymore. It annoys me. I usually end up brewing more.
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Old 07-27-2004, 04:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Detroit, MI
Mouse pusher.
InDesign jockey.
Printer refiller bitch.
Intra-office delivery monkey.
Bagel technician.
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Old 07-27-2004, 05:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: st. louis
before we close i walk around in a circle sampling every type of food or espresso we have hoping a customer doesn't come in. then if they do i hope they don't ask for something that takes a lot of work to make (panini), then prey they don't ask how much somthing costs cause i just don't give a fuck. then after we close since i do everything i am supposed to i stay a few minutes longer than the jackass that does the other part of the resturant, i get to do his shit too. oh so much fun

smile customers like it when you smile

not that bad though the free food weighs pretty much on the other side
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Old 07-27-2004, 05:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab

7th grade math

Type type type.

Enter.
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Old 07-27-2004, 06:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
Enter Title Here
 
Location: Tennessee
I'm a Team Leader, but I'm really nothing more than:

Quote:
Originally posted by Tophat665
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab

7th grade math

Type type type.

Enter.

beat me to it..

I'm the Boss' number gopher and data gatherer. I have a small cage with grass right next to the office.
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Old 07-27-2004, 07:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
I change
 
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Location: USA
Interesting...

As a telecommuter, all I do is my actual job.

It must have to do with how much time, effort, energy, and distraction are inherent in office and on-site work.
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Old 07-27-2004, 07:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
peekaboo
 
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Location: on the back, bitch
Workstudy-but there's hardly ever work and nothing to study.
It should be called the "we don't want to do this menial crap, so we hire students and pay them shit to do it for us" position.
It'll look good on resumes, though. Employers look for potential bootlickers.
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Old 07-27-2004, 08:42 PM   #12 (permalink)
It's all downhill from here
 
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Location: Denver
I do my best to manage a group of young people who have no desire to be managed.
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Old 07-27-2004, 09:40 PM   #13 (permalink)
H12
I'm not about getting creamed, I'm about winning!
 
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Location: K-Town, TN
I'm a certified APDT on my local boatdock...wait, you didn't get the memo? An APDT is an Aquatic Petrolium Distribution Technician. I am fully certified to distribute petrolium...

...who am I kidding, I pump gas.
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Old 07-28-2004, 06:29 AM   #14 (permalink)
Boy am I horny today
 
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Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!
I try to manage a group that doesn't want to listen to me. And as a manager, I do most of the work, since most of the people were let go 2 years ago. Also falling into my description, really bad programmer, computer tech, errend runner, listener, communicator.

Oh, and internet surfer, shhh, don't tell anyone
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Old 07-28-2004, 08:45 AM   #15 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Connecticut
I am a killer of trees, sending out post-sale cards and letters for car dealers -- tens of thousands of pieces of mail each month
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Old 07-28-2004, 08:54 AM   #16 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: California
im a pee pee collector...aka drug screening specalist
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Old 07-28-2004, 09:11 AM   #17 (permalink)
Junkie
 
I'm a technical writer. My real profession is information pimp.
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Old 07-28-2004, 09:27 AM   #18 (permalink)
Talk nerdy to me
 
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Location: Flint, MI
Quote:
Originally posted by tropple
information pimp.
I'm using that on my next resumé.
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Old 07-28-2004, 10:19 AM   #19 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Jackass-of-all-trades, from ditch digger, rebar man, carpenter, and board-bitch to foreman and the guy who has to tell the engineer and architects that they cant do simple damn math to make two sides of a building the same size. when people ask me what I do, I generally say I make sure that their buildings don't fall down
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Old 07-28-2004, 11:43 AM   #20 (permalink)
Jam
Junkie
 
im a dish pig for 2 weeks then im unemployed
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Old 07-28-2004, 11:47 AM   #21 (permalink)
All hail the Mountain King
 
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Location: Black Mesa
Talking Head.

I do corportate presenations trying to explain to ppl how the software works so they will buy it. It's kind of like being a stand up comedian with out the funny...y'know like Sinbad.
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Old 07-28-2004, 02:13 PM   #22 (permalink)
Punk In Drublic
 
Location: So Cal
Quote:
Originally posted by jaco
Jackass-of-all-trades, from ditch digger, rebar man, carpenter, and board-bitch to foreman and the guy who has to tell the engineer and architects that they cant do simple damn math to make two sides of a building the same size. when people ask me what I do, I generally say I make sure that their buildings don't fall down

I stand around with my hands in my pockets and make sure people like jaco build buildings the way the engineers draw them. The only problem is SOME engineers are IDIOTS, you can draw anything on paper, but they don't have to do it with real materials.
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Old 07-28-2004, 04:34 PM   #23 (permalink)
My own person -- his by choice
 
Location: Lebell's arms
Teacher
Entertainer
Nurse
Entertain some more
Psychiatrist
Hold their interest
Entertain
Referee
More entertainment
Mother/grandmother/aunt/friend
Can't you make this more interesting?
Researcher
Did I mention I so a lot of entertainment?
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Old 07-28-2004, 05:15 PM   #24 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul:::
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I'm the one people come to screaming 'what's up with the status???' 'where is my/their approval???'
I'm a Human Resources Assistant.
I process applicant files for approvals to become mortgage consultants/branch managers/loan officers/processors/etc.
Some mortg. groups are fast and easy, some branches are slow and clueless, others are VERY impatient and think it's our fault their not approved yet........
I'm the laison, the depended-upon mom of the whole thing.

I like it.
 
Old 07-28-2004, 05:50 PM   #25 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
Quote:
Originally posted by sexymama
Teacher
Entertainer
Nurse
Entertain some more
Psychiatrist
Hold their interest
Entertain
Referee
More entertainment
Mother/grandmother/aunt/friend
Can't you make this more interesting?
Researcher
Did I mention I so a lot of entertainment?

You teach middle school?
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Old 07-28-2004, 06:55 PM   #26 (permalink)
Idolator
 
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Location: Vol Country
I work at my local highway department.

I hold a flag.

I move brush out of the road.

I patch up holes in the road.

I wash dump trucks.

I cut up and dispose of fallen trees by any means necessary. (sometimes fun, sometimes quite dangerous.)

I build bridges.(an absolute and total bitch.)

I put up road signs.

I ride around in a county truck and smoke cigarettes to and fro work sites.(personal favorite)
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