warrrreagl

Who remembers this old gag in MAD Magazine? Well, let's start one.

You may either post a good snappy answer to someone else's stupid question, or you may post your own stupid question to see how clever the rest of us might be.

Here's a stupid question that happened to my wife and me tonight. We pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant at about 9:55PM and approached the front door. We were obviously being watched the whole time by another car that pulled in right after us. As we reached the front door, I pulled the right side and then the left, only to discover that both doors were locked.

The other car pulled up next to us as we turned to walk away, and the driver called out, "Are they closed?"

What should we have said? Give me some good snappy answers.

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

kurtisj

No, they just lock the doors to attract more customers.

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Marvin the Mountie Always Gets His Kurtisj.

Halx

No, I'm just too damn weak to open these heavy doors.

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[Don't Feed The Animals]

ChrisJericho

Is who closed?

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"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows us that faith proves nothing." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Stare At The Sun

No, I just saw a sign that said "todays special rat feces soup", and i'm not really in the mood for it today.

Rdr4evr

I dont know, why dont you check for me?

ratbastid

Oh, I'm not here to eat. I'm a professional doorknob tester, and these ones flunked!

apeman

don't waste words on em:

*pitying look, exchange glance with wife, shake head sadly, walk away*

OR

*stare at them until they become uncomfortable, turn on heel, walk away*

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pain is inevitable but misery is optional - stick a geranium in your hat and be happy

mearle

haha
I love amd magazine, what about "stinging comebacks"
i remember one
i lady is holding a mans package which he is going to deliver somewhere, on the package it says "fragile" in bold letters
the lady says "is that fragile?"
the man says "no it just says fragile on it for fun"
the lady says "oh alrite", as she drops it and it smashes on the floor

haha well... it was funny at the time, when i read it

madcow

I had a good one yesterday. I was over at my friend's house for the 4th and later in the evening my friend's father came outside with a bunch of bottle rockets, (Fireworks are illegal in my state and I guess they had had them for a while).
Friend - "Where did you get those?"
Friend's Father - "In the garage."
Friend - "They were just sitting there?"
Me - "No they were running around playing football actually."

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Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.

End User

Funnily enough, I probably would have asked the same stupid question....

My snappy answer would be:
"No, they're open 24 hours from 10:00am to 9:30pm", then just walk away leaving them wondering whether what I just said made sense or not

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People who have no faults are terrible!

SinisterMotives

Sometimes when I'm talking to someone, they'll say "Who? Me?" And I'll say, "No, that guy in the Bigfoot costume sneaking up behind you."

H12

"Are they closed?"

Nah, the handle's too fragile. I'm afraid I'll break it off if I use all my strength.

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"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."
--Aristotle

fernweh

I know this is gonna sound annoying, but whenever someone asks me a really stupid quesion I usually respond with a complete non sequitor, whatever happens to be on my mind at the moment.

Guy in car: "Are they closed?"
Me: "After Hogan's Heroes was cancelled, Bob Crane was killed in his sleep by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex with prostitutes." (walk away without explanation)

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f-e-r-n-w-e-h is actually a gross misspelling of the name "gregory"

Fremen

Good answer, fernweh.

No. It's not that.
I sensed a great disturbance in the Force. My Immodium A.D. hasn't kicked in yet.

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Google

mingusfingers

Family guy!
Walk up and punch the guy in the face.

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Still Looking

KellyC

I got one for ya'll...

A couple days ago, I was talking to this ditzy girl over the phone. We were about 15 minutes into the conversation when she interrupted me and asks "something smells, did you just farted?"
I said no at the time and told her I gotta go do something so I left for a while...to laugh...oh-so-hard.
What should I have said?

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

snoop

No my colostomy bag is full

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Insert Witty Slogan Here . . . . .

bartgroks

my all time fave has to be.

q. What's up?
a. A two letter word indicating an increase.

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I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by Google

Madd

another good answer to it is "last time i checked the ceiling"

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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer.

OFKU0

I always like when one comes in from the rain and someone asks,"Is it raining outside?"or coming in from the cold shivering and someone asks, "Is it cold outside?"

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" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

bacon_masta

my personal favorite snappy answer to stupid question (it's by the guy who does the "here's your sign" standup, can't remember his name)

a guy is breaking into a car with a coathanger in a parking lot
another guy walks up and says "did you lock your keys in your car?"
the first guy goes "no, i just washed it and i'm hanging it out to dry"

Polyphobic

Are you going bald?
No, my hair is scared of my nose.

Did you get a haircut?
No, my head grew.

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<--The great infidel-->

fernweh

AH! I had another one of these moments just the other night...

(Me and Corinna are in Kitchen, making dinner. I'm standing over the stove)

Me: (Accidentally touches side of pan ) AAAARRGH FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK HOTHOTHOT (Runs to sink ) JEEEEESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!! (Puts hand under running water ) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................

Corinna: "Is it hot?"


.... I was a little too nonplussed to think of a clever retort lol

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f-e-r-n-w-e-h is actually a gross misspelling of the name "gregory"

gorilla

"Is it hot?"
"no, i must have dragged my feet on the carpet and it shocked me. Will you do me a favor and give the pan a high five, for me?"

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I'll bet you $5 that you read the previous word...

gorilla

oh, i got one... I was out with a friend one night, I was driving and when we came over a hill there was a deer standing right in my lane. Without slamming on the brakes, I just swerved into the other lane and kept going. My friend, freaking out, "was that a deer!?" My response, "Wait, what happened? I fell asleep..."

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I'll bet you $5 that you read the previous word...

bernadette

"Are they closed?"

ah nah.... [/sarcasm]
it's your brain that's closed, buddy. put an out of business sign on that thing already.


the dumbest question ever: "Guess what?"

um... i give... @#*$%-ing <b>what?!</b>
<small>jeebus</small>

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quadro2000

The best answer to all these questions is "go fuck yourself."

Them: Are they closed?
You: Go fuck yourself.

Them: Is it raining out?
You: Go fuck yourself.

Try it! It really works.

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You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

scrooloose

Teh one that I cant stand is, when yawning, "Are you tired?"

No. I have a bird in my mouth and I am tring to let it out!

Rand007

Kinda off topic but still keeping with the theme of good answers to stupid/annoying questions. A buddy (Primal) and I were checking out at Best Buy, they were doing some magazine promotion and the cashier ask him if he wanted to buy a subscription. Without hesitation he says "No, I can't read". The cashier just looks at him in shock, then sees me about to completely loose it and half smirks still not knowing if he should laugh or not. It was brilliant.

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-Unknown

Shokan

I always get a kick out of customers who try to open our doors. We have sliding doors, on a sensor. If the doors don't open, its a fair bet we haven't opened the store yet(we leave them unlocked for the other employees to walk in, so we don't keep running to the front doors to lock and unlock them each time.) I remember one guy, looked at the POSTED HOURS ON THE DOOR, then opened both sliding doors, saw all the employees in a circle(about 20), having a meeting. Also, there was no other customers in the store, and no one in the parking lot.

"Are you guys open? The hours say you open at 10am, but the doors are unlocked (not opening) and I saw you guys in here."
me - "Is it 10am?"
him - "No."
me - *blank stare*
him - ".....oh. *hangs head in shame, walk away*

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Legalize it.

eagle1

This past weekend, I was digging a very large (3' diameter trunk) stump out of my front yard. One of the neighborhood kids, who we really don't care for, kept riding his bike by and asking us questions and making comments.
Finally one time when we were still digging on it, he rode by and asked, "Any luck yet!?"

I replied, "Yeah, we got it dug up, pulled out, and then decided that we liked it there in the first place, so we're reburying it!"

He stopped, looked at me with a completely dumbfounded look, and then rode off. My wife and son almosted filled their pants they laughed so hard after he had gone down the road.

He didn't say a word to us the rest of the day.

lefty8080

Are they closed?

No, I just saw you coming and decided to dine elswhere.

Rodney

On occasion, late at night, a restaurant will lock one entrance but leave another one open, to simplify security or because they want to close down one part of the restaurant and funnel everyone to the other part. Since I have the kind of mind that wants to be absolutely sure about things, I might have asked that "stupid" question, too, under certain conditions, just to make sure. Why is everybody so eager to score points at somebody else's expense?