I want you all to see what courage looks like
 

As many of you know, my brother was hit by a car back in April, and after two weeks in a coma he died. One of the many things that came up during the aftermath of Josh's death was whether to sue the driver for wrongful death. I persuaded my family not to, and in fact we wrote a letter (that you can see in my journal) to him telling him that we didn't didn't blame him, that it was just a dumb accident that could have happened to any of us, and that we wanted him to have a full and happy life.

We sent this letter back in September, and today I got a reply. I never expected one - what do you say to the family of a person you hit and killed?

Anyhow, I wanted to share the letter with you. I'm blown away by this guy's courage. He's about 25 - the same age as my brother - and he has no idea the gift he's given us by writing back

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Dear Marcy-

First and foremost, I extend my deepest condolences. I am truly sorry about Josh's death. I replay the memory of that night over and over and I can't help but feel terrible. If I wasn't driving down that street at that time, a life would not have been taken.

It has been difficult for me, yes. But I'm sure not half as difficult as it is for his loved ones. I wish there was something I can say or do to ease the pain of losing a brother, a son, a person of your own flesh and blood, but the fact remains, he has passed on.

Prior to reading Josh's life st ory and eulogy I had wondered if he had a wife and/or children. On one hand, I'm glad he didn't because they would be fatherless, on the other hand Josh will never be able to. I don't know what's worse.

Josh and I have some of the same passions: computers (specially his half-life interest), and X-games sports.

Huh, you're right, awkward and uncomfortable. But when I received your letter, I knew I had to write back. It wouldn't have been right not to.

I am awesomely amazed at your forgiveness. And I know that your family must have went through a painfull process to get to that conclusion. Thank you. But I still can't help but feel responsible. I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. That night my friends and I were on our way home coming from another friend's house. Before that night I had plans to become an electrician. I was doing promoting work at the time, getting fed up with that. I was going to an apprenticeship program that offered paid training to teach me the ropes of electricity. I had always been fascinated with it. But now I think I am going to try something different. Maybe go to school to become a counselor. I've really been taking inventory of myself and my priorities since...you know. I have been greatly humbled. I realize now how precious life is, I've always known, but more so since.

I want you to know, I felt really bad for not contacting JOsh's family or saying anything, but I just did not know what to say, or in which way to say it.

I am going to bring this letter to an end now. I pray that your tears and loss is replaced by joy.

Sincerely, etc.

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So there you go. I'm really touched and I hope you are, too.

I never heard from the man who hit my mom.
I don't know how I would have reacted but this letter made me think a lot about that.
Both sides have shown such maturity, compassion and honor in a time when most people just lash out.
Thank you for sharing lurkette.
I know how hard this must have been for you.

Very heavy life experience.
Truth is always more awesome than fiction...

Your own courage and honesty sets you apart too, lurkette.
Thanks.

Thank you,

That was an uplifting and moving read. I wonder if, in his position, I could be so earnest. I imagine he spent a long time writing that -- it must have been quite an experience.

I also applaud you and your family for your forgiveness.

a very touching letter. it takes a big person to take responsibility...especially for having taken a life accidentally.

::hug::

Wow. That brought tears to my eyes. What bravery and maturity on both parts. My heart goes out to you. :icare:

In an instant, things can change for the better or for the worst.
the journey you and your family have taken just shows pure truth of the goodness in human nature. And the rewards that one can reap. This thread is a powerful statement that you and your family are real gifts given to this society. lurkette, I'm just as proud as can be that you are a member here and I thank you for sharing this with ME/ and us.

Thanks for sharing a deeply personal experience. It brings joy to my heart to know that people do exist who are pure of spirit.

That was truly amazing to read. Amazing on both ends - on yours and your families for the courage it must have taken to not take the path so many do and instead take the path of forgiveness, and amazing on his end for having the courage to write you back in such a candid manner.

Thank you for sharing with us a glimpse into the human spirit.

I am amazed. At compasion and forgiveness. At strength and weakness. At lurkette and the author of the letter. Our lives end up spinning in ways none of us can predict but what we do with our lives is what sets each of us apart from others. Lurkette, you are quite special. And so is someone else. I am amazed. You have each helped the other heal. Amazing.

Bless you all.

That was very touching. Thank you for sharing that, it means a lot.

Thank you for posting that lurkette. Very moving. It's nice to see your family's decision to not sue and to write him a letter has had positive dividends for him, for you, and now for all of us.

Thanks again for sharing.

Sorry to hear about your brother, it really looks like the guy is honestly sorry for the accident. But i am glad that he wrote you back on that letter, that has to help some.

Maybe there _is_ hope for humankind after all.

Wow Lurkette, thank you for sharing that with us. I am very impressed at the way both parties handled the situation.

I can only say that I hope to act as forgiving if Im ever faced with as painful a situation. I think you have touched a lot of people with your story. Thanks you for showing us that there are still good people out there. Good luck

Thank you lurkette...although it's lessons that may take a while to sink in.
And, by the way, while writing you back was courageous, the true courage was the initial forgiveness.
I can tell you truly that I would fail that test.

Your forgiveness and his compassion are examples of what is best about mankind. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal experience.

wow. the sheer amount of strength shown by all involved is... amazing.

Lurkette, you have both my admiration, and my condolences....

lurkette... I was very saddened to hear that you had lost a brother... *gentle hug* I've suffered the loss of a loved one as well... and can empathize with the sense of loss and sorrow you must feel...

By sending the letter to the driver of the car and advocating to drop any lawsuit against him, you have demonstrated a depth of forgiveness that only one other person I know has ever been able to show... I can say unequivocally that your heart and spirit add a light to this world we live in....

Thank you for sharing this with us...

To rise above is something that most of us struggle to do.
lurkette,you are one special person and to put this story into a public forum shows just how important it is in life to be strong.
Thank you so much for sharing this here.

Add me to the list of people that are amazed and awed by your forgiveness, and how both sides handled this.
I'm sure this was a turning point in that guy's life, and I bet it will, in the long run, be positive for him.
From your perspective, there's not much positive about it, though, and for that, I offer my condolences.

WOW, he really is courageous. I hope that he does well in his life. It's too bad it took a tragedy like this to get him started.

Lurkette, I'm sorry about your brother. I'm very impressed by your courage to write the man who killed him. I send all my healing and comforting thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Unbelievable.

I wasn't here when you first posted the news about your brother, but I've gone back and read about it. Looking at it all, I don't know if there's a real "right way" to handle a very difficult situation like this, but if there is, you're doing it. To write the letter took incredible courage and an open heart, and this person responded with the same. I imagine that must make you feel better in some way.

Thank you for sharing it with us. Lots of hugs your way.

my thoughts exactly.

thanks for sharing that lurkette, I admire your maturity and forgiving nature. I don't know if I could be that good of a person.

Lurkette, I was saddened to hear about your brother. You and your family have shown that compassion and forgiveness still exist in this world. I was beginning to think it didn't exist any more. My heart goes out to you are your family.

As for the other guy, I wish him a happy and full life. I hope he doesn't let this tragedy bring him down. I do hope he learns from it and grows from his experience, but I don't wish him any ill will.

I'm still kinda new to these boards so I had no idea lurkette had suffred this loss. A little late but i'm still going to offer my condolences. I really respect your decision and hope I could be as forgiving. You helped me sort through an issue and i'm eternally grateful lurkette.

Thank God someone understands that, no matter how dire an accident is it is still an accident.

tough guy.

It really is uplifting to know that all parties involved could handle this so maturely--and most importantly, humanely. I think you did the right thing, and that he returned it by writing back. I am sure that both you and he feel better for having had this exchange.

Thanks for sharing.

I simply want to say thank you for sharing, it enriches us all.

wow.

i can't say anything better than what's already been said, but out of sheer respect i need to reply.

thank you for sharing this.

my condolences and prayers have been going your way since i first read of your brother, months ago.

i wish, for everyone involved, continued progress in the healing process.

I, like <i><b>SiN</i></b>, can add little that has not already been written. Thank you, for sharing that. It actually choked me up a bit, and brought a tear to my eye.

I know it was hard for you and our family to forgive, but I can see some good coming out of it. So often we want to hurt others when we are hurting and no good is done. Bless you and your family.

My best friend's mother died in a similar accident. It's very easy to want to hate the person that was responsible. Your courage and his are remarkable. Take care lurkette, and thank you for sharing.

thank you lurkette for the letter.

The responsibility and compassion shown by both sides in this issue set you both apart from the rest.

It is worth honorable mention that you did not sue, that is all too common these days, and never achieves the higher goal of placing a salve on the soul.

That is an extraordinary letter. It would have been better for you two to have met under less unfortunate circumstances. You two are truly excellent people.

wow. i'm very glad he wrote back...i remember being infinitly touched by your outreach to him in your letter, and i'm just as floored by his response. i don't mean to take away from the courage in making choices that those involved had, but i just can't help but describe such things as grace. i'm glad we have had the privildge of seeing it. thank you, lurkette.

There is so much that is difficult to comprehend like Josh's death, but this proves that the darkest moments brings out all that is in being human. You are an amazing woman and I am in awe of your compassion. For your compassion saved another's life. To see your compassion acknowledged is tremendous. Nothing can bring your brother back to this world but from above he can see how special his sister is. Life is good because of people like you.

I wasn't aware of your brothers' death before now, lurkette.
My condolences to you and your family.

I've read a lot of your posts since I've been here and almost always found them full of wisdom and insight.
Because of them, I've grown to respect what you have had to say.
Now with this post about your family's forgiveness and decision not to sue this young man, you just amaze me with your grace and maturity and my respect for you has risen even more.

Thank you for sharing this letter with us, and for giving us something to hope and strive for.

Reading the response letter was very difficult, I am beside myself with awe at the display of maturity and compassion here.

You are truly courageous, lurkette, for first having shared this with us. To talk about it openly, even the stronger- but your outreach to the other driver has given me intense tears... not only have you stood up to the pain of loss, but you have thought of others before yourself. I put others before myself at all times, but I can honestly say I doubt my will is anywhere near as strong as yours. You are an inspiration to all who strive to achieve the ability to forgive. If I were the other driver, it would have taken a lot longer than a month for me to get myself together to write you. His resolve is wonderful, his compassion is clearly to be seen and as genuine as his pain.

You two have shown us all that it can be done.

My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. The magnitude of your loss is great, but your depth of character is far greater. Thank you so much, for being you.

My thoughts exactly. I remember first reading about your loss and my heart went out to you and your family. I thought you showed tremendous courage and strength in how you dealt with it all. It is so hard sometimes to realize that sometimes bad stuff just happens. There is no rhyme nor reason but still you want to, need to blame someone. You didn't. And that takes a very special and very strong person.
I'm happy that the driver responded to you. I hope that it makes something this tragic a little easier to deal with.
It's very special for you to share this with us. As others have pointed out it, you have made this place and our world a little better by your actions. Thank you.

It takes alot of maturity to make the decision you made, and thankfully he made the correct one back. Perhaps you two could write to each other more often to get updates and such.