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#1 (permalink) |
Banned
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Abortion - Whats your take?- Have you?
PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS BEFORE POSTING... THANKS. I am curious about abortion and how people cope with having had one. This question is definitely open to "father" as well as "mother". I know that for some it doesn't "stretch" their values to have had an abortion and they are peaceful about it afterward. For some the abortion was an act that they have a hard time coping with afterward. For some the pain or regret lasts for the rest of their life. What do you think about abortion? (no judging each other please) If you have had one, did it conflict with your core values? if so, how have you been able to cope? Recent events in my life make it necessary to ask. Last edited by skippy; 10-26-2003 at 10:24 AM.. |
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#2 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: RI
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My S.O. has never had one thankfully, but my sister did. She was going out with this guy for a few years, she was around 25ish, and already had three kids and on birth control. Her boyfriend threw out her birth control, then basically raped her because she wasn't willing to have sex with him at that point. Because of it, she got pregnant.
I agree with what she did, plain and simple. I don't think that if the person gets pregnant because of rape they should keep it. I agree to abortion in other situations and I'll answer them in another post if wanted. |
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#3 (permalink) |
Banned
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Thanks Fallon,
I appreciate your candor. I know that I am haveing a hard time with an abortion that happened recently. It was my daughter who had it and she is fairly religious. I am sure that it is going to give her a hard time for quite a while. For me Personally I am just glad that she is safe. I just know, based on her and her mother, that this issue is going to be a tough one to deal with. Thanks again. |
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#5 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: Louisville, KY
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I'm a nineteen year old who practices safe sex....two methods of birth control, just in case. If, in some cruel twist of fate, I were to become pregnant, I can't say if I would or wouldn't have an abortion. I consider myself "pro-choice", but it's just that...a personal choice. I can't right-out say that yes, I would have an abortion, or no, I would not. However, I believe that abortion should be legally available. Whole hell of a lot safer than a wire hanger or throwing a woman down a flight of stairs. There are other reasons I believe in abortion, but this pretty much sums up my feelings.
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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata |
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#6 (permalink) |
Giggity Giggity!!
Location: N'York
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Personally. I am pro choice. It is completely up to the woman to make her own decisions about her body. I don't believe anyone else has a say in the matter.
On a side note..one of my friends recently had one as a result of forced intercourse, and would you believe that her health insurance covered it?
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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. HST |
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#7 (permalink) |
Banned
Location: St. Paul, MN
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difficult...while i want to have respect for a woman's sovergienty over her body, i don't know if i can really say that she has a right to abort a child the father wants (assuming the sex was consesual.) I just know that personally, i would have a very difficult time accepting my child was going to be killed and that i could do nothing to stop it....
So i guess i'm agnostic about it in general, provided it is available in cases of rape, incest, or the health of the mother being in jeopardy. |
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#8 (permalink) |
My future is coming on
Moderator Emeritus
Location: east of the sun and west of the moon
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I think at this point I would have a very hard time aborting a fetus that was Ratbastid's. It would be a different story if I was just in a casual relationship, or if the pregnancy was a result of rape. I think every woman has to draw that line for herself, though. I really don't believe life begins at conception (that is, I'm not sure a fetus has a soul till it's born), but I imagine conception alone might be enough for some people to start relating to a fetus as a potential if not an actual human being. Easier to do if you're in love with the father.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France |
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#9 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
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I can see both sides of the the whole issue, and I think both have good arguments. Although I know where I stand on it, I think it's something of a "moral grey area".
I think that if the woman was raped, or if having the baby is likely to seriously harm her in some way, an abortion is justified. If the pregnancy is the result of carelessness, ie. not using birth control then I'm against aborting it. If the parent(s) is/are unwilling/unable to support a child, then I think they should put it up for adoption. If it's the result of birth control not working for whatever reason, then I'm not really sure. I'd probably lean towards anti-abortion in this case, again, I think adoption would be a better alternative.
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I'm not lazy, I'm "motivationally challenged." |
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#10 (permalink) |
Banned
Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love
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my g/f and I went over this in detail when we started being active together.
My stance is this: I'm not going anywhere, even though I had a hand in it, I have to live with it. Half of it would be my fault and I would have to live with the consequences. On the other hand, its her body, and she is carrying the child. If she has my child, I will do my part to bring it up. If she chooses to abort (which she says she would do, if it were to happen before we get married, which wont be for a long time yet), then I will live with that choice as well. Ive seen too many cases where people who are pro-life had to live with the man who made them pregnant running away, and them having to raise this child on their own. The men involved in this are spineless and irresponsible, and the women have thrown their lives away. Another case for this is a case of my friend, who got pregnant off rape, by far the best argument for abortion that I have ever seen. My g/f also went over this possibility with me - my answer was the same. I dont think that we, as men, have any right to enforce or create rules about abortion. Until we have to go through something like that (either having the child or aborting it), we havent got a single right, no matter how religious or moral we may be. My story, in short version. |
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#11 (permalink) |
I change
Location: USA
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I've helped friends obtain abortions and have no problem with it at all. I see it as entirely the choice of the person who is pregnant. If she wants to include the father-to-be in her decision, that is commendable.
If you don't want to have a child - you shouldn't be forced to have one. For me, it's as simple as that.
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create evolution |
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#12 (permalink) | |
Huggles, sir?
Location: Seattle
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Quote:
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seretogis - sieg heil perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames |
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#13 (permalink) |
I change
Location: USA
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Yes, seretogis, that's the type of fascinating and significant question those who make our laws get paid to resolve. I believe in the division of labor in a society and so do not see a need to have opinions about every detail of every issue that comes down the pike.
I'm well aware of how this issue gets diced and sliced in continual debate. I'm not a fan of endless debate when beliefs are involved. I see it as individuals having their own opinions and that is fine with me. When it comes down to making policies about things like this, I accept the decisions of democratically elected legislatures.
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create evolution |
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#14 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: West Coast, USA
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I used to think that abortion was okay until I got my wife pregnant. The medical people started asking us questions about whether or not we wanted to have any genetic testing done. The theory is that it is possible to predict (sometimes with a fairly high accuracy rate) the possibility of a genetic defect in a fetus that will lead to some awful condition.
When they asked us about the testing we talked and realized that we weren't going to terminate the pregnancy under any circumstances - it was planned and we intended to follow through with it. I didn't know until then that I was opposed to my wife getting an abortion. Previously, I would say that the choice to terminate a pregnancy was the sole perogative of the pregnant woman. Today I feel differently and, fortunately for me, my wife supports my point of view. Having said all that, I will also say that everyone needs to live with their choices and if someone else chooses to have an abortion, I will be available to support them. I have spent time with women following the procedure and tried to be as comforting as possilbe because I thought it was a horribly hard decision to make and a physically uncomfortable/painful one also. Good luck to you and your daughter skippy. |
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#15 (permalink) |
Fledgling Dead Head
Location: Clarkson U.
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Personaly, (im a guy) I gotta say that I would be more or less pro choice. I'm not against it, and I don't care if other people do it, so...
If I was the guy though, there is no way in hell that I would support that. None, whatsoever. |
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#16 (permalink) |
Loser
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i'm pro-choice but i dont think its right to use abortion as birth control. its a good thing for certain situations like rape or to save the mother. personaly i wouldnt have my wife/girlfriend have an abortion cause god can use every1 for good and theres other ways out like adoption.
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#17 (permalink) |
disconnected
Location: ignoreland
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I myself would try to avoid my significant other getting an abortion, I feel it would be a decision that would bear down on me my entire life. I would never be judgemental against anyone who did decide to have it done, they probably need support to get past the pain, shunning them will do no good.
One of my best friends got his girlfriend pregnant, and she had an abortion She didn't feel she was ready. And what do you know, less than 2 months later she was pregnant again. I'm happy she is keeping this one, but she feels regretful for deciding to get an abortion in the first place. I'm happy to see that this post appears to be pretty civil. I guess it proves we do have grown-ups on this board. |
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#18 (permalink) | |
It's All About The Ass!!
Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
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I am HIGHLY pro-life. I deep down in my heart believe that abortion is murder...because thats what it is as hard as it is to accept.
Quote:
Asta!! EDIT: I also forgot to mention the case of a birth being terminal. In which case the baby could be born but the mother would die...I don't know if I have a complete and firm opinion about this I just know that if I were the husband it would be deeply painful having to part either and I guess thats all I'll say about that.
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"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project ![]() It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys! ![]() Last edited by K-Wise; 10-25-2003 at 08:31 PM.. |
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#19 (permalink) |
The sky calls to us ...
Super Moderator
Location: CT
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K-Wise, I'd like to clarify and say that what you described is a partial-cirth abortion, and I think that the procedure is nothing other than murder.
As for me, I draw the line at the point that the fetus develops its own nervous system. To me, that is a perfect balance between my scientific and medical arguments and my religious and spiritual side. In case of rape, I think that the ideal solution is a screening to rule out pre-existing pregnancy, then the use of a morning-after pill. I strongly favor adoption over abortion, but I don't think that it should be the decision of anyone except the parents. |
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#20 (permalink) | |
It's All About The Ass!!
Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
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Quote:
Asta!!
__________________
"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project ![]() It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys! ![]() |
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#21 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: some volcano in the middle of the pacific
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I was partner to an abortion once. It has mixed effects on me. I was to young at the time (still am) to even be realistically thinking about raising a kid. My g/f certainly wasn't a very mature person.
I still think about it every now and then. I wonder what I would be like if we kept him/her, how life would be different. I am thankful we didn't, but I have the date of the abortion permanantly etched into my mind. The decision to get the abortion was certainly a tough one to make. We went back and fourth for about a week. Eventually it became clear what the best course of action was. I am thankful that my g/f was so strong during that time. Afterwards was tough for a bit, but we ended stronger. It showed us that there was no obsticle we couldn't work through together. |
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#22 (permalink) |
The Northern Ward
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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I think cripples and mentally retarded children should be clubbed at birth. Never had any kids myself, after college once I can support and raise them like they require then sure, I'll look into it.
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"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy |
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#23 (permalink) |
Banned
Location: The Hell I Created.
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i'm very pro-choice. until i'm with a girl in a serious relationship, if i were to get someone pregnant, i'd want her to get an abortion. but... if she chose to keep it, i'd make sure i'd keep up my end as a father (whether i marry her or not). i'd let her know my feelings on it, and support her decision either way.
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#25 (permalink) |
Once upon a time...
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I am pro choice.
I have to agree with ART that it is preferable that the father be involved. I would go further and say it is highly desirable. Look, I don't want people to have heart surgery, I would prefer them not to need it. I would also prefer people not have abortions. They contain an element of risk, like all medical procedures. I will say that the "women's issue" argument is not to my mind valid. To say that men are not involved in reproduction is unfair to those who care and encouragement to those who would drop their seed and run.
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-- Man Alone ======= Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary. |
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#26 (permalink) | |
Banned
Location: St. Paul, MN
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Kwise:
Quote:
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#27 (permalink) | |
Indifferent to anti-matter
Location: Tucson, AZ
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Quote:
For the most part I agree with K-Wise, but if you've had one and are miserable about it, keep in mind that God forgives all. Guilt is a tool of evil and not something you should wallow in. We all make mistakes.
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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst. |
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#28 (permalink) |
Addict
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We had one early in our relationship. It would not have been good for anyone to have a child when we weren't ready for it. Painful, yes - but pragmatism dictated our course.
It did not conflict with our "core" values, but of course it is not a happy thing and it will always be with us. I think it is different for men - I am easier able to just compartmentalize these things and not be sentimental. I know my wife has deeper feelings about it but she doesnt' talk about it. I do not like how the political right has coopted the language to unfairly frame the issue. What am I? "Pro Death"? |
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#30 (permalink) |
The Northern Ward
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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I truly believe it, and you're welcome to try.
__________________
"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy |
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#31 (permalink) |
Conspiracy Realist
Location: The Event Horizon
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I may miss a few, but heres what I see as points both sides (prolife/choice) agree on:
The only real difference between pro-lifers and pro-choicers involves the question when does human personhood begins. Life and personhood are two very different matters. The human ovum (egg) is already clearly alive when it enters the fallopian tubes, many hours or days before it has the opportunity to be fertilized. Women release one about each month between puberty and menopause - a few hundred in a lifetime. Almost all of these are destined to die and be ejected from the body. Unless a couple is having difficulty conceiving, very little thought is given to these hundreds of deaths. Although the ovum is a form of life, there is a consensus that it is not a human person. They are not even considered by scientists to be human organisms. Hundreds of millions of male sperm are liberated during a typical sexual encounter. A few week's worth of ejaculations from a single male would theoretically provide sufficient sperm to double the earth's human population, if each were used to fertilize a separate ovum. Sperm are also clearly alive. Viewing them under a microscope reveals them to be energetic swimmers. Essentially all of these will die within days. Again, unless infertility is a problem, little attention is given to these deaths. An average man produces thousands of sperm a second. At most, a very few during his lifetime will contribute to the formation of a baby. The rest will die. Few men are consciously aware of the loss. Although sperm are very much alive and kicking, there is a consensus that they are not human persons; they are not human organisms. Something to consider: A skin scraping of a child or adult contains a very large number of living, single cells; each has the same unique human DNA code as does the human from which it came. Scottish scientists have been able to start with a cell removed from the mammary tissue of a sheep, inject it into a sheep ovum whose DNA has been removed, and produce "Dolly," a new sheep who is genetically identical to her "parent." This same procedure has been replicated for many other mammals. It is likely that the same procedure can be used to clone a human. DNA from skin scraping, or a swab of the inside of the mouth, or a hair follicle could be used to produce exact twins of the donor human. Wired Magazine for 2001-JAN predicted that human cloning would happen during the year 2001, even though it violates the medical ethic regulations of many countries. Since a just-fertilized egg contains human DNA information as does a hair follicle, they presumably should both be given the same status. We don't consider hair follicles, skin scrapings or swabs from mouths to be a human person. Skeptics might argue that we should not look upon fertilized ova as persons either. So where does personhood begin? On the mating? THe subconscious thought of the male and female parents? WHere in the cycle of pregnancy:
IMO the length of the first trimester is ample time to decide whether or not to terminate the pregancy. Once strong brain activity can be measured if an abortion is desired at least a strong support system and counseling should be given, because I believe thats where uniqueness begins. Outside of medical reasons I dont understand partial birth abortions and firmly disagree with them. Its hard for me to understand how the mother waited up until that point, and if it were my child Id do everything I could to prevent that from occuring. The bottom line even though I may not agree; it is the mothers choice, period. How do you force a woman to have a baby that doesnt want one? THe reasons: of how and why that happend become secondary issues, no matter how much anyone other than the mother feels.
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To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.- Stephen Hawking |
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#32 (permalink) |
It's All About The Ass!!
Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
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^ Pretty intelligent there. You know quite a bit about biology and genetics. You a medical personel of some sort like a doctor or some shit? Or do ya just read a lot/studying it as a profession?
Asta!!
__________________
"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project ![]() It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys! ![]() |
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#33 (permalink) | |
It's All About The Ass!!
Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
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Quote:
Asta!!
__________________
"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project ![]() It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys! ![]() |
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#34 (permalink) | |
Conspiracy Realist
Location: The Event Horizon
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Quote:
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To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.- Stephen Hawking |
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#35 (permalink) |
It's All About The Ass!!
Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
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Amazing the type a shit you can learn on the internet
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__________________
"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project ![]() It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys! ![]() |
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#36 (permalink) |
Once upon a time...
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Sun-Tzu makes a well argued point. (wow, tactical genius, author of the seminal work on large campaigns and former medic? Godhead awaits
![]() I just feel that semantic arguments about when foetuses become "people" or not are debates about angels on the heads of pins. To me, the point is this: Respect for life evolves from making responsible decisions about other people. If the responsible decision is to abort, so be it. If not, don't. But let's not pussy-foot, it amounts to taking actions to end a potential person. However, so is contraception. I prefer to think that people should be free to make the appropriate decision. Incidentally, you could also not have sex. Call me crazy, but... well, it's the only way to avoid the matter...
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-- Man Alone ======= Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary. |
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#37 (permalink) |
Banned
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Thanks for the great debate! Very interesting.
I originally created this post because I was interested in finding answers to my own peace about an other wise intolerably painful situation. Thanks to Sun Tzu, Fallon, Sabrina Fair and JBrooks for really reading fully, the opening statement. You advice helps a lot in makeing a reasonable decision. I actually feel a lot better thanks to your information. Thats why I love the TFP... The people Thanks again |
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#38 (permalink) | |
Adrift
Location: Wandering in the Desert of Life
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I came across this thread a bit late, but as someone who has been through this, I thought I would share. In college, a broken condom resulted in an unwanted pregnancy. My girlfriend and I discussed all of the possibilities. She came to the conclusion that she was going to have an abortion. It was a difficult time, but she truly felt that it was the right decision. I felt then and still do that she had the lead decision in the matter. I was there to support her no matter what she decided. We worked our way through it and I know that she still believes it was the right decision at the time.
We both have had children since then, and both of us had some hard times after our children were born, wondering "what if?". I do believe in the right to choose, but it is a serious, vitally important decision. Now, as far as this comment: Quote:
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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." -Douglas Adams |
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#39 (permalink) |
The Funeral of Hearts
Location: Trapped inside my mind. . .
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I say it's the woman's decision. If she dosen't want a baby she shouldent be forced to have one, only to give it up for adoption. It would be easier on the mother to stop it before it's born, because once that baby comes out she may grow attached to it, and if she gives it up right away that will tear her apart inside. If she wants the abortion let her, her call.
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"So Keep on Pretending. Our Heavens Worth the Waiting. Keep on Pretending. It's Alright." -- H.I.M., "Pretending" |
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#40 (permalink) |
Addict
Location: STL, MO
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ive got a couple friends who had abortions. neither of them just *got over it*. they all still think about it. if I were to come into the situation I would probably want it done if it was done very early in pregnancy just because I am not at a point in my life to give a child of mine the best. Untimately I would leave it up to the girl though. if she wanted to have the baby I would support her and remain with her during pregnancy and for the rest of our childs life.
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"Saints need sinners." Alan Watts |
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