dlish

ok, so i watched this little segment on australian morning TV which i thought was hilarious (which guy wouldnt?)

Today show host Karl Stefanovic loses it on air over his 'long, stabby thing' | The Daily Telegraph


and it got me thinking, what personal pieces of protection do you keep by your bedside in case you find an intruder in your house at 3am?

personally, i dont keep anything, i used to at times dependant on the places i lived, but in the last few years in the UAE i havent kept anything. Its probably the safest place ive lived or visited for that matter.

knives? guns? bats? long stabby thingi's?

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KirStang

"Long stabby thing that makes a mess...." Wow.

For intruders:



Ain't America grand?

EventHorizon

i keep a 3 1/4 push knife on me at all times. sleep, work, play, whatever

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Quote:

Originally Posted by canuckguy Pretty simple really, do your own thing as long as it does not fuck with anyone's enjoyment of life.

Plan9

Is this a thread about dicks? Mine is tiny and pathetic.

...

Nobody allowed to stay in UAE is poor enough to turn to crime.

...

Seeing that I'm the unofficial moderator of Tilted Weaponry:

Can we please consolidate this thread with the Tilted Weaponry thread on "What's on your bedside table?" or whatever from last year? This is one of the few occasions where I'll recommend merging a topic. I put a lot of effort rubbing my two braincells together there and this will fit seamlessly.

...

ALSO: Kirstang, you won't make it beyond that jumblefuck of cords to clear your apartment. Clean that unintentional tripwire shit up, Sir.

And if you're going to have both a pistol and rifle by your bed, the pistol needs to be in a holster on a sling. You can't stuff a Glock in your undies and run with a rifle, bro.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Fremen

I have a katana by my bed, and a metal nunchuku that screw into each other to form a baton, under my pillow.
There's no way I could wake up and unsheath the katana from a dead...uh... sound sleep to stop an intruder, and the metal chain on the nunchucks are too loud for a sneak attack.
Mostly I just use the baton to retrieve my fallen pillow from the floor without having to get up.
I need a gun. Then I could hang my shirt on it.

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Plan9

No gun? You're a shitty Texan.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Fremen

I know.
I sold most of them 15 years ago and traded my last one for an RC car and an SNES + games.
I regret that last one, because it was an unusual (to me, at least) .22 pistol. IIRC, it was an H&K 8 or 9 shot revolver.
I really miss it.

I'd like a shotgun now, at least.

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mixedmedia

I have a sizable collection of mechanical pencils.

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Charlatan

Hmmm... I suppose I could throw a book at an intruder.

I would never have a gun at my bedside.

a) because you can't have guns in Singapore
b) because I'd likely kill someone I know than any imaginary intruder.

I have good locks.

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Plan9

...

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

bagatelle

Olympic torch, lol!

I just need to turn on lights, if anyone gets beside my bed. I have a flashlight in case there's powercut. Noone has ever made it that far yet - husband hung a portrait of me in the vestibule, and the picture stares at the comer, when the door is opened, you can't miss looking at it. In fact, we've also found the door wide open several times in the morning, and judging by the mess at the front door - broken flower pots and fallen down bikes - they were in hurry to leave...

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Plan9

You mean H&R?

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

dlish

kirstand...err, no it aint :P

im actually more interested in what looks like a tub of petroleum jelly on the bottom shelf... care to explain?

but 9er's right..thats a trip hazard waiting to happen. Murphy's Law.

charlatan - good looks? or locks?

so with the guys that keep guns by their bedsides..what about kids coming into the room? thats just asking for trouble.

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
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KirStang

It's a candle from an ex from a long time ago.

And no, it's not a trip hazard. The wires are actually next to a screen. Meaning I never walk through that direction to get in and out of my bed. In the 900 times I have stumbled in and out of bed half awake and in the dark, I have yet to come even close to tripping on those wires.



And I have yet to have a kid come in to my room, much less my apartment.

Plan9

That's not the goddamn point! The point is that you didn't S-roll those wires and properly secure them with the prescribed retention bands, Sir!

RIGGER!

/green ramp

...

Dude, I'm totally just messin' with you. You missed the proper radio dialogue rant a few months back? Man, I worked so hard on that one.

...

How big is your bed? Jesus. And to think I spent college sleeping on a twin so short my feet used to hang off. Wow. You livin' like a tru playa.

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As far as the thread:

The old answer used to be cellphone, flashlight and shotgun. The new answer is cellphone, flashlight and M4 rifle. Less penetration with 5.56mm.

Order of Operations: Dial the God Squad (if obvious), put some light on the situation (always), shoot if absolutely necessary (.01%).

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Fremen

You're probably correct. It was over fifteen years ago, and I don't know much about guns.
Have you ever seen an 8 or 9-shot one?

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Jove

I have a dull katana short sword that probably will do nothing deadly, but I do have a wooden axe I bought ten years ago from a trip to the renaissance festival. I am sure that would do more damage than the sword, especially a hit in the back of the head.

jewels

For me, it's a fishing knife in the top drawer of my nightstand.

Mine isn't quite this pretty, but the same basic design.

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kramus

If someone is ballsy enough to come in while my 75 pound Lab cross is bellowing and lunging at the door, I have an antique lead weighted English constable billy club to tolchock the bugger with. If said bugger is carrying . . . I guess I'm going to die with my pants off, 'cause that's how this old fellow goes to bed these days.

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Plan9

If I recall correctly, our resident barbarian Walt has posted pictures of his long stabby thing. Really, you can't get any more long or stabby than a spear.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

MSD

My house is the smallest and least well maintained on the street. Anyone who would break in here is an idiot. That said, I do have a handful of shotgun shells on a shelf by my bed that I haven't tossed in the loose ammo box and I think the shotgun that can fire them is under the bed, but I'm not 100% sure on that.
Nobody who stays there willingly. The people in debtors' prison and the slaves, on the other hand ...

snowy

Knitting needles, so yes, long stabby thingies.

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StanT

My avatar is a light sleeper.

noodle

Glock 19.
Loaded.


I'm good.

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Daniel_

I once had to ask the upstairs neighbours to quieten down a little - does that count?

(I used my best "serious" voice)

/English
//Middle Class

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bagatelle

Is that the 'knock knock' that comes from the long stabby thingy like broom?

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Shauk

I have a mace...

Like the medieval metal "I need to wipe your brain off my walls now" kind.

genuinegirly

Pens and books?
The attack rabbit will get them first!



(Yeah, I'd be a victim)

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hrdwareguy

This is a non-issue for responsible gun owners. I keep a loaded .45 and a loaded .380 in the closet which is very close to the bed.

I have 3 kids ranging from 5 to 9, all 3 of them have been taught gun safety and that guns are not toys. They know to leave the guns alone. Having guns in the house just means you teach your kids about them when they are young so they are not a big mystery and something they want to play with when you are not looking. Problem solved.

As far as actually on the nightstand....I have the latest Wheel of Time book I could hurl across the room at someone.

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genuinegirly

I hope you're not joking hardwareguy, Wheel of Time could do some serious damage.
Oh, and that clip in the OP... hilarious!

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Zeraph

I have a gun, a knife, a few unique weapons of my own device, and my body.

---------- Post added at 11:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:39 AM ----------

You know those old, cheap brittle pens used to be really deadly. You could stab someone in the neck or wherever and they'd shatter into tons of tinny pieces causing lots of secondary damage and making it very difficult for the doctors to get all the pieces out.

canuckguy

8 hours of work stress unleashed in a fit of rage on the poor sap who wakes me up......

Also an old switchblade in the nightstand and a baseball bat in the closet just in case I've been on vacation and I'm all relaxed.

MSD

I just checked and I do, in fact, have the shotgun that can fire those shells under my bed.
Hey, you're back from the dead!

MSD

Would i be able to breathe life back into this thread with a vuvuzela picture?

snowy

I want a vuvuzela by my bedside. It would definitely scare off an intruder.

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mixedmedia

I totally forgot that this fellow is by my bed every night. And as you can see, he is quite the forbidding character.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Charlatan

Dan-ger-ous!

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- Old Man Luedecke

MSD

You and anyone else who are friends with me on Facebook are welcome to view the video of me drinking a bottle of champagne through a Vuvuzela. Everyopne else can get to know me better and send a friend request.

genuinegirly

MM, you could always throw that lamp if the German Shepherd decides to lick & cuddle rather than attack.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

mixedmedia

actually, he makes a pretty good show of being vicious whenever a strange male comes in the house...or even to the door. He's pretty protective of the homefront. I have no idea if he'd actually attack someone, though.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce