Dating your friend's ex-girlfriend/boyfriend?
 

Okay here is something i was pondering, would you date your friend's ex girlfriend/boyfriend? I had a discussion about this with some friends and all but one said it would be fine. At first i agreed with the majority and thought its just an unwritten rule that you dont date your friend's ex but thinking about it now, its fine and why shouldnt it be? They are no longer together, why should the other care who his/her former partner dates? If my friend started dating my ex i wouldnt mind since we are no longer together. And i would consider dating my friend's ex to granted we hit it off. What is your view?

Cliffs:
1. Would you date your friend's ex? Yes or no and state the reason for your answer.

2. Would you mind if your friend dated your ex? Yes or no and state the reason for your answer.

Discuss.

It really depends on what kind of relationship it was, how long ago they dated, what kind of a break up it was ect ect. If it was just a quick fling that didn't work I don't think it would be a big deal either way, on the other hand if it was long lasting, deep, we're madly in love and now heart broken over the break up then I wouldn't be too keen on it.

I couldn't imagine parading around my new girlfriend in front of my buddy who is still broken up about losing her and I would feel like shit if one my friends did the same to me.

It really depends on a lot of factors.

It would depend on if the person was the right person for me (and vs).
If we are perfect for each other then the "friend" has nothing to complain about.

I married a friend's ex(wife) a few decades ago. Seems like it might work out. :thumbsup:

We started dating after the divorce was finalized. I never really talked to him about it, just figured divorce = fair game. Didn't affect our friendship any. They seem to behave themselves whenever we run into each other.

Well, it goes a little like this (and I hope this forum doesn't reflexively lash out at me again):

- When I date a girl, that girl and I own a 'special' thing. When we break up, it's no longer mine and I lose all the happiness that we built.

- When my friend moves in, I see it as that friend wanting what we had. Almost akin to encroaching on my territory (what we built was MINE DAMMIT!).

- It is NOT my place to deny happiness to either my ex or my friend, so TECHNICALLY, it's okay.

- In addition, you trust your friend to have your back when things go south with other people-- for example, if she cheats on you, you want your FRIEND to say, 'oh that's fucked up bro, I feel for you.' Not, 'Oh shit, she's single now? I'm gonna drop my dick in that too!'

**HOWEVER, for proper etiquette, you should probably (a) tell your friend you're about to date the friend, or (b) clear with your friend first. Technically, you DON'T have to, but I feel it's right to tell your friend you got a thing going on with his ex.

I found out a trusted friend was dating up my ex, and I had no idea. The way we broke up was not good (she went back to her ex), and I just stopped talking to her. We had a lot of bad blood between the ex and I. For a trusted friend to go and date her w/o me knowing really pissed me off. I felt betrayed and like a fool.

Anyway, bottom line: your friend trusts you to have his back, when you go after his ex girlfriend, your friend feels like you're placing sex above his trust.

Let me tell you a bit about my friend Mike (common enough name that I don't think I need to change it, anyone who would recognize his name knows this whole story already.) Mike and B. were dating for a while and eventually she broke up with him and they stayed on good terms. A few months later a mutual friend and B. started having feelings for each other, he told Mike about this and asked if Mike would be bothered by them being a couple. Mike was fine with it, and a few years later B. is dating another mutual friend, everyone is still on good terms, and everyone is happy.

Sometime after Mike and B. broke up, Mike met Christa (some names will not be changed because they're not innocent and don't deserve to be protected.) They were together happily for a few years. Pat was Mike's best friend for years. Last December, Mike got a text from Christa with no warning saying basically "I'm sorry, I can't be with you anymore." For the next few weeks, Mike had no explanation of what happened until finally, a mutual friend of his and Christa's pried it out of her that she and Pat had not simply been "hanging out" recently and had been hiding this from everyone, but allegedly had not fucked until several days after she broke up with Mike, as if that somehow made it better. When Pat was eventually confronted about this, his excuse was that he was always nice and bent over backwards for other people, he had the right to do something selfish for once. Christa is living in her own little world and sees no difference between what she did and B. dating friends of Mike's after they broke up.

A few weeks ago, a few of us (not including Mike) saw Pat and Christa at a bar. I finally broke the ice after 10 months or so of pretending they didn't exist by saying "I guess we might as well talk to you guys, it's getting awkward ignoring you, but we still think you're terrible people." We don't ignore them when we see them anymore, but they pretty much lost all of their friends by pulling that shit. There is a happy ending though, Mike has since found someone he refers to as "the girl of my dreams" and is happier than ever.


In short, it depends on the circumstances and how you go about it.

I don't date my friends' exes anymore. I learned how that can go the hard way...

It's not guaranteed your friends going to get pissed, but he/she might. I've decided it's not worth the risk.

I don't like my friends dating my exes either. When I break up with a girl I prefer not to see them anymore. If they date my friend I have to see them.

I say, if your friend had any kind of attachment to them, just stay away.

Sloppy seconds.

If you have your friend's blessing, it's fine. Otherwise, absolutely not. Not to say that romantic relationships aren't incredibly fulfilling, but you're sacrificing a sure relationship which has been earned by both parties for a possible relationship. Unless the friendship is poor, it seems disrespectful to the friendship you've built to put it at risk for what only may be.

depends on how they break up.... if your friend was the one who wanted out of the relationship, I would imagine they wouldn't care quite as much? more of a 'sucks to be you!' attitude perhaps?

I've never been in that situation and would likely avoid it, however I wouldn't be opposed.

anybody get hurt?