zxello

What's your best Chuck Norris joke / line?

I'll start it off.

Chuck Norris once ate a rubix cube and crapped it out solved.

and...

Chuck Norris' daughter once lost her virginity, Chuck Norris got it back.

__________________
Old signature just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so now I have this new one. It's equally as stupid but at least it looks really long. I'm probably just going to keep typing until I run out of things to babble about and see how many people actually read this. I once ran down a hill, fell down and hurt my elbow; my mom said I would be ok, she kissed it and made it all better. I've run out of things to say now, so if you have read this whole thing, congratulations you get a gold star!

Reese

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

and

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

I'll limit it to two.

__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

Baraka_Guru

We don't celebrate "Chuck Norris' birthday"....


...we celebrate Chuckmas.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Punk.of.Ages

Chuck Norris once ate four whole turtles. When he shit them out, they were six feet tall and masters in the art of Kung Fu. He called them the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

LordEden

There is no theory of Evolution, just animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

zxello

Keep it goin guys I love hearing these new ones. I have all kinds in my head without even looking them up.

Superman has Chuck Norris pajamas.

The boogey man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

__________________
Old signature just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so now I have this new one. It's equally as stupid but at least it looks really long. I'm probably just going to keep typing until I run out of things to babble about and see how many people actually read this. I once ran down a hill, fell down and hurt my elbow; my mom said I would be ok, she kissed it and made it all better. I've run out of things to say now, so if you have read this whole thing, congratulations you get a gold star!

MiSo

chuck norris once visited the virgin islands.... and now it's just called The Islands.

__________________
- this space for rent -

uncle phil

wow...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

zxello

Phil you're just jealous of all the testosterone up in here.

__________________
Old signature just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so now I have this new one. It's equally as stupid but at least it looks really long. I'm probably just going to keep typing until I run out of things to babble about and see how many people actually read this. I once ran down a hill, fell down and hurt my elbow; my mom said I would be ok, she kissed it and made it all better. I've run out of things to say now, so if you have read this whole thing, congratulations you get a gold star!

SSJTWIZTA

if anyone needs me, i'll be in over here > http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/tilted-...ris-jokes.html

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

seamaiden

Merlocke

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the Earth down...

__________________
-=[ Merlocke ]=-