Last night, I met an astrologist. He knew everything about me.
 

I was bullshitting with my roommate at the gas station he works at after I got off of work.

A guy walks in, trades some friendly small talk and takes notice of my duty gear. Asks me where I work. I told him. He asks me my birthdate. 01/06/89.

Oh, Capricorn, he says. Here's what he also said:

"I'm gonna tell you what I believe I already know about you. Is that alright?"

Yeah, sure.

"I'm gonna guess your parents divorced early, and somehow you ended up spending more of your childhood with your mother. You have a stepfather whom you hate, and you carry a great resentment towards both of your parents. You probably switched between homes quite a lot, but one of your parents was often traveling, so you grew up in many parts of the country.

"You tend to be underestimated by your peers before you meet them, but when you get to talking, they instantly recognize your natural authority and are easily intimidated. This serves you very well in your job, because people would walk all over you if you didn't have that. Look at you, you're almost 21 and you look like you're 15, but with that aura of intensity, nobody wants to fuck with you."

By now I'm a little put-off by his compliments, but absolutely floored by his accuracy. My roommate is behind him, staring in disbelief but laughing his ass off.

"You're the type of person who can either be the best society has to offer, or the worst of the worst. Military background, correct? You didn't finish either, did you? This is the perfect example. Were you in the Corps? I thought so. But you got out early, because you're at the point in your life where you're teetering between a Christ-like influence or a Satanic impact. You chose the wrong time to join, but you weren't wrong for doing it because you were born with such an immense potential. You need to take hold of this teeter-totter and tilt it in your favor immediately.

"You definitely wish to express your authority and self-discipline in a demanding career. You want to be a cop, don't you? (*I signed up for CMPD registration not long ago) I wouldn't recommend that. Instead, stick with security, because that intensity will make you the best security officer anyone's ever seen, while it could harm your career as a police officer.

"See, you're like me. I'm a Capricorn with similar birth numbers as well. Your intensity and perseverance can easily bring yourself or the world down to shambles. And you try very hard to be just and moral. I know you Marines believe in Honor, Courage, and Commitment, but you live by that even today. Yeah, you do fucked up shit and you know it, but you don't like that about yourself. You have faith in God, but you don't go to church or agree with anyone else's beliefs. You and God have your own connection, and no one else can walk down your spiritual path. You're almost like a lone Samurai, with God as your emperor."

By this point I'm chain-smoking and haven't said a word. This man is breaking me down like a house of marshmellows.

"Bro, just go with your heart. Obviously you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. You just gotta prevent yourself from falling into 'the dark side', you know what I'm saying? Like that Star Wars shit."

Then he told me to have a good night, recommended some Astrology literature to me, and left without looking back.

Today, I woke up, geared up, ate, and worked out, and I don't have to be at work for 3 hours. I'm utterly stunned and I feel like God is watching me with a microscope.

According to my roommate, this same guy walked in once and told him that his car had been stolen in Atlanta, and it was already butchered in the chop shops, but not to worry about it because he's gonna get a good deal on a decent car.

I wasn't there, but my roommate is a very honest person. My roommate's car actually had been stolen in Atlanta at some concert, and the police still haven't found it, but not even a week later he got a Hyundai from his father for 200 bucks, and there's nothing wrong with the damn thing except for some damage to the right side of the body.

I think this man is a true prophet.

Anyone ever had a similar experience?

Only playing Dungeons and Dragons whilst wearing a faded Max Headroom t-shirt, but that was a while back.

But yeah dude that's trippy as fuck! I'd love for something like that to happen to me.

That story was bound to match someone.

Anyone ever had a similar experience?

All the time.


And in my life and cosmic experiences, I've learned that there are NO coincidences. The universe is telling you something. Are you aware enough to decipher the message?

Today is Saturday, that's when shit hits the fan at work. After this encounter, I feel like I'm in for a memorable night to say the least.

I'm probably gonna skip the creamer and take it black.

I read palms and auras and I've surprised people many times. It always surprises me when I surprise them, though. XD I just tell them what I see, feel, and "get". It's pretty cool you got to experience that.. have you checked out any of the books he suggested?

Hehehe. Trippy isn't it?

Welcome to a very strange world. Enjoy your stay, the ride will be over before you know it :)

well, i figured something life-changing would happen tonight.. but it was definitely interesting..

we dealt with a hit and run..

then I was given the honor of running patrol all night, and apparently did a phenomenal job throwing crackheads and hookers off the property..

then I got 15 dollars in tips from another club owner, and some chick..

and the HOTTEST stripper I know of at the club let me grind her ass, and everybody watching was absolutely shocked..

I'm reading you guys' comments, I just don't know how to respond, lol.. I was actually expecting to end up killing someone tonight, or to get fired for something bizarre..

I guess my parents should have called me Thomas

It's called cold reading and it's a simple way for scam artists to get into your pockets (or in this case, just to mess with people, which is a lot of fun to watch.)

He threw out the divorce/childhood thing, which could easily apply to a lot of people but seem specific enough to convince them. I guarantee you look like a member of the military, and it's pretty easy to guess of people who have that look who's a Marine most of the time. You seem too young to have served a full 8 years and you might have your hair a bit longer than a crew cut, or you might not quite be in perfect shape anymore, so he guessed that you got out early.

A lot of former military people go on to be police, so that's not a tough guess. The "you do fucked up shit but don't like it about yourself" and believing in God but don't go to church are pretty widespread and really wide open to interpretation. Then he threw out a cheesy "go with your heart" and a "stay on the good side" line for good measure.

Even if that's all that he said, it's not particularly impressive. You don't have to say anything because it's easy to read peoples' reactions to cold reading, that's why it works. He threw in your sign, but this has nothing to do with astrology, even people who believe in it won't go just on your sign unless they're writing quips for the newspaper.

here's a bit more to elaborate on MSD's statements.


A prominent astrologer attempts an astrological reading of actor Hugh Laurie and fails.

From episode 2 of 'James Randi - Psychic Investigator' (1991)

Note: the soundtrack is a little rough near the start due to problems in the original broadcast

Yeah, how does it feel to be a caricature of typical life?

Classic cold read. I don't have time to quote through all of it, but it looks like other than the generic broken home statistically probable fishing, he inferred you were young ex military and built the rest of his 'case study' off of that.

All very generic, and statistically likely to be accurate these days.

Generic compliment based on your appearance. Also, how can he guess you're almost 21 and honestly say you look 15?

Means nothing.
You probably look like you were military, but aren't, and at 20 you aren't old enough to have finished. Interesting that you actually remember this as a question...most people getting cold read remember these question/suggestions as definitive statements. This could just as easily have turned into "No? You didn't strike me as a marine...Army? Yeah, I definitely got an Army vibe from you"Another meaningless 'say both sides' "Wrong" how? Means nothing Meaningless ego stroke. Vague useless advice that will only make sense in hind-sight.

Ya think? He already got you to confirm you were exmilitary More generic cold reading based on the single inferred piece of information that you're young ex military.

Female friend of mine ran into a sham artist as mentioned above.

Went down like this:

"[generic crap about woman being let down by man in her life]"

(major cold read for like an hour, each sentence building on previous)

"Wow, that's all correct. I'm impressed."

"I can cure all your emotional woes if you buy this candle and burn it."

"Really? A candle?"

"Yes, it will align your subatomicmacronucleotidegidgetknots."

"Wow."

"And for you... $900."

A good friend of mine is into astrology. It's fun to talk to him about it. He sees it as relevant. He has shared stuff with me on occasion, which makes for some fun conversation. Never interacted with someone that had the gift of prophesy as you describe. Kinda fun, though I'm not sure it wouldn't creep me out.

We're All scam artists in one way or another. The trick is to pick the ones that are the most fun and clue you in to how freaking gullible you really are. And still keep the big secrets, in the mean time.

Ever heard of E.S.T.? Hahahah... same thing.

Sort of a cosmic "wake up call".

While Travis Hirschi would agree... I don't think that this type of behavior is normal. It's a either a pseudo-religious hobby or a con.

There are any number of Indian astrologers wandering the streets here that will stop you and "read" you. It always ends with a plea for money for some "orphanage".

By the way, I love James Randi.

the guy didn't ask for anything. i don't understand why everyone is calling him a scammer.

I don't think scammer is the right word. As has been suggested above, he was fucking with you.

Personally, I like to think of him as a Charlatan.

He was so dead on about a lot of things. Yeah, he might just be good at deducing things quickly and accurately, but it still a hell of a good observation. Not someone I would try to lie to.

I worked on a show where we had a guest astrologer. He did a reading on me - love the seas, probably drowned at sea in a former life (and that would make me love it how?), got most of my basic attributes right.

Then as I screened calls for him, I was amazed how many people said "that reading was just like me!" And yet it sounded so specific.

I have to talk to upwards of 100 "targets" every day for my job, currently a video project on renewable engery. I have to deduce who will be the most likely to be sympathetic. Beyond obvious signs, it's amazing how get to learn to read people.

He gave the 'psychic' his birthday. But yeah, sounds like a classic cold reading, possibly with some details filled in by your friend, either on purpose or inadvertently.

I haven't heard of E.S.T. as anything but a time zone. Care to elaborate?

Probably referring to the cultlike Erhard Seminars Training, usually written as est.

It's a mindset. We have a lot of skeptics and atheists.

I'm relatively skeptical as well in terms of astrology et al, but if someone walks up and says "your deceased grandmother, who's name is Fay, just contacted me as I walked by you" then I would be compelled to listen. If they tell me I had a troubled youth, well, you can guess that by my earrings, goatee and hard stare. That would be no surprise.