The_Jazz

We were all having fun and games with the beaver/Canadian hacker picture until we started getting reports that not everyone could see it. We had to do some quick scrambling and determined that the problem wasn't on our end. As best we can tell from talking to Microsoft, if you have seen the message, your machine in infected with the Conficker virus. The good folks at Microsoft were nice enough to give us instruction for removal.

1) Immediately unplug your machine. Do not back up any data.
2) Remove the hard drive.
3) Using a ball-peen hammer, smash the hard drive as hard as you can between 3 and 5 times.
4) Locate 6-8 packets of Jello brand lime gelatin. Follow instructions to make 1/2 of the gelatin. Place hard drive on top of solid gelatin then follow instructions to make the rest of the gelatin, pouring it on top of the hard drive to completely encase it. Remember, only lime will work. Top to your taste.
5) Send Cynthetiq a PM asking for his physical address so that you can ship him the Jello. Use the minimal amount of packing material to ensure that the package arrives as sloppy as possible. You may consider including a bag of cat urine.

Any questions or concerns may be directed solely to cynthetiq. I want nothing to do with it, and completely disavow this thread from hereon out. I will be in my bunk.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

ring

Do I use the ball, or peen, end?

These things must be done delicately.

The_Jazz

I will call Microsoft back and ask.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

uncle phil

ring, you hammer-head, use the handle!

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

The_Jazz

Peen end. They suggest circling it over your head a few times before actually striking the hard drive.

Alternatively, you can burn it with fire. They think that may kill the virus as well.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

genuinegirly

Burn it!!

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

ring

I stuffed two rounds of Zithromax down its throat.

We all know antibiotics wipe out viruses, just ask my doc.

Manic_Skafe

This should be a sticky at the top of the forum.

Edit: I just tried it and it works!

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

laconic1

I just boiled mine to remove it. It worked great!

m0rpheus

Fire cleanses all.

__________________
"it never got weird enough for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

The_Jazz

Please remember that Cynthetiq needs these hard drives in order to get our deposit back from Microsoft. And the lime Jello is required. We can possibly reimburse you for that with proof of purchase and your credit card information.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Baraka_Guru

What if I have a Mac? What then?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

ring

May I substitute with lime green Skittles?

cdwonderful

my computer hurts!!!

__________________
Never try to teach a pig to whistle
it wastes your time,
and annoys the pig.....

The_Jazz

You're part of the problem. Get out.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

telekinetic

The ball is the peen!

__________________
twisted no more

Glory's Sun

macs are immune to this virus..but that means if you are seeing the beaver, then our server is infected..which means we will probably have some downtime until the harddrive is replaced and all the data punched back in.

cdwonderful

I will kill that beaver and make a hat

__________________
Never try to teach a pig to whistle
it wastes your time,
and annoys the pig.....

Baraka_Guru

Should I put together a data-entry team? You better start making a printout.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

bobby

the only one of you that knows anything about hammers ! It's not a ball and peen hammer,the ball is the peener.





The original function of the hammer was to "peen" riveted or welded material but today, the ball end of the hammer is most commonly used to expand and shape the free end of copper roves, light rivets and similarly, "setting" the rivet in place to complete the joint. Peening is also the method by which steel drums are formed and tuned.

A ball-peen hammer is also known as an engineer's hammer or a machinist's hammer and may be graded by the weight of the head. It is the mechanic's hammer of choice when making gaskets or driving drift pins

xoxoxoo

__________________
"Life goes on,within you,and...with out you !" xoxoxoo

Grasshopper Green

I don't like lime jello. Can I use cherry instead?

__________________
"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa

roachboy

so wait: if the ball is the noun and the peen a verb, how do we know which end of the hammer to use?

and will husky urine substitute for cat in a pinch?

__________________
a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear

it make you sick.

-kamau brathwaite

Xerxys

Done.

Now I just need the urine.

Fremen

Will a large magnet work okay?

__________________
Google

ring

the power of the lullaby must be invoked

dlish

bobby..try this one on for size

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

alicat

And will you love it and pet it and call it George?

__________________
'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun, The frumious Bandersnatch!'--Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll

"You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late."--Ralph Waldo Emerson

cdwonderful

I made it my avatar, does that answer your question?

__________________
Never try to teach a pig to whistle
it wastes your time,
and annoys the pig.....