murp0434

Ok TFP, we've been together for awhile now, so I bring to you now something of a more personal nature. My fiance and I just (over the last week or so, culminating from weeks and months of problematic miscellanea) had a meltdown. I think this is the final stop.

Background: we live together, have for about a year, have a dog and some other pets but no kids. We almost had a kid but I won't get into that. We've been together for five years, she was my first and I her's etc etc etc but we by no means have been together continuously, so there's been "exploration" on both sides. Almost anything positive and anything negative that you can think of in terms of relationship features we have been through and blah blah blah you get the picture.

So anyway she's quitting her job and getting the hell out of here. She moved with me when I came to TX for this job and this is the first time I'll really be down here solo. I'm not sure what single people do with themselves b/c I've not been single since I was in high school, except for a few months here and a few months there while in college. When I was single in college I just went "crazy" but now I have a "real" job, etc to think about and can't really do that.

So I put it to you, TFP paradise: what do single people do with themselves when they are not working? Puzzles? Television? Posting on internet forums? What? I feel like my life is about to get really boring. And I don't want that to happen b/c I'm already down about this (obviously) and I don't want it to prolong itself and manifest into depression. Help!

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These are the good old days.


How did I become upright?

biznatch

Well, just know that you won't have to ask yourself, "Would that be ok with my fiancee?" before you do something. Now, this is not always good, since a lot of stupid things can be done.
But I would try and get back to your old interests..learn an instrument, join a band, play video games? Get into some hobby, make some friends, exercise, poker night with the buddies..
The point is, your time is yours and yours only, now. So use it well, and have fun.
-----Added 20/2/2009 at 10 : 53 : 15-----
Obviously, though, the first thing you have to figure out is if it really is "the final stop", as you put it.

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Plan9

Karate, motorcycles, and firearms: your new mission.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

SSJTWIZTA

Listen to cromp's advice, he's a wise man.

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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Baraka_Guru

Read dangerous books, go to indie shows, lift weights....

Go!

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

World's King

Jerk off. Cry.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

SSJTWIZTA

punk/hardcore shows man.

how can you feel better if there is no circle pit? mmmmm, adrenaline.

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Willravel

I don't know when you moved, but generally a good rule of thumb is to make friends when you move to a new location. Don't force it or anything, but make an attempt to develop a healthy social circle. And TFP doesn't count. And a SO doesn't count.

I was reading something a while back that had the last thoughts of people looking back on their lives. What was the most important thing? It wasn't work. It wasn't religion. It wasn't even the internet. It was family and friends. That, for most people, is where it's at.

Once you've got friends, then you share hobbies and such (karate, motorcycles, and firearms).

Plan9

OP: Kick her to the curb the second both the sex and positive conversation stops. If she's still putting out but not talking, she's still interested. If she's still talking about options but not putting out, she's still interested (barely). Otherwise? Time to hit the silk, bro.

You mean like Richard Bachman's Rage and A Catcher in the Rye?

...

I don't think you can't just "go out and get friends" despite what Jedi PimpKnight WillRavel says.

My philosophy is different. I believe you should have the hobbies first to make yourself marketable to friends.

Do things yourself. Learn things on your own. You'll meet people that way and you'll bring more to the table.

Men are activity-oriented. If you show up and wanna talk about your feelings, you're kinda screwed.

If you're doing karate, riding a motorcycle, or popping steel plates with a pistol, you'll be around other guys.

And you can talk about guns, bikes, beef jerky and things with boobs while you reload magazines.

That's the first recovery stage, I believe. I put on Q. Lazzarus and hump a pillow.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ring

This is the epitome of poignant succinctness.

dksuddeth

just my little voice of experience here,

don't start going out and partying up the good single life. You might find yourself with alot of different women and having a great time, but the negatives of it can be overwhelming. Find out what YOU really like and don't like, hobbywise and interests. Pursue those, have fun, save up your cash, and build your own life. House, car, etc. While you're doing all of this, have fun and meet people. Someone, when the time is right, will come along and you'll find that you are ready to share your life with that other person.

In the meantime, find a way to be happy about you.

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"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

Bear Cub

Internet dating.

More specifically, casual encounters.

Sure worked for me.

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Plan9

"A lot of different women and having a great time," huh? Sounds absolutely Viking to me. I'm in!

Ask Conan, bro... 'cuz that's what is good in life. You can be responsible with your money and reckless with your body. Just look at me these days. That's the advantage of youth. Eventually you'll stumble out of the cloud and have to play Johnny Responsible again. And that's good, too.

But don't live your life like I did... totally imprisoning your right-now to the future and hating it. Life is too short to go to bed like that. You can play grown-up later in life. Don't wake up to 35 and realize you missed the hot-hot irresponsibility fun boat. Ya only get one shot here on this island Earth.

Double-bagger'd!

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

genuinegirly

What to do, what to do.

What would I do if I didn't have a SO? I'd install a mini-fridge and a microwave under my desk. I would sell or discard all of my posessions because they would all somehow remind me of him. I would find a new place to live. Heck, I might even give up my apartment and just get a wimpy fold-up cot for my office since I'll be there all the time anyway. I would take the time to run a marathon twice a week. Other than that, my life would revolve around my studies. (I'm glad I have my husband. This doesn't seem a very healthy lifestyle.)

My advice for you?
Play a bit. Travel. Do things you wanted to do but couldn't.
Then work hard and save as much money as possible.
Spend time with female friends.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

biznatch

Brush up on those dancing skills. Take some latin dancing lessons.

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Plan9

Yeah, lemme know where you get that kinda energy and give a brother some love. I'm going to need it.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

SSJTWIZTA

just hit me, take up paintball. 10 man speed ball brotha.

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

murp0434

wow. sound's awesome. I'm going to attempt to do all of it! Happy traaaiiillllllllssss to meeeeeeeee

__________________
These are the good old days.


How did I become upright?

mixedmedia

As someone who has recently committed to unabashed singlehood without delusions of a kind, sort of long distance relationship...let me know what you find out.

These are the things I do outside of the compulsory work, school, sleep, parenting, housework:

read
yes, I do crossword puzzles
take my dog to the dog park
take pictures
goof off on the internet

...pretty much what I did before.

jesus, my life is pathetic.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Teufel Hunden

Here's my suggestion:

Go take advantage of the sale at Brooks Brothers, and go hit up the town. Don't get too serious with anyone, just casually date for a little while at most. Get together with some guy friends (or make some if you don't have any), and have a good time at clubs, hangouts, whatever. If you're not up for any of that, go learn something interesting like different types of dancing (women LOVE men who can dance). I'd personally recommend Salsa, Tango, and ballroom. The first two are a LOT of fun.

blktour

I just broke up a few months ago. I made friends. I go out and shop and spend on myself. I read alot more. I got back into WOW. I bought a treadmill and now I run daily. I wander on my days off just to get out. It feels great..

the occasional feeling lonely in my bed at night comes and goes, but during the day. I don't think of being single that much.

it is all in the mind i tell you.

One day I just got really sad and was so close to calling her back up and trying to work things out but talked myself out of it.

little_tippler

damn you make it sound like being single is a tragedy! Far from it - you get to have everything your own way and still have fun.

I'm a single gal and I do lots of things with my time. Apart from my regular job, I paint and exhibit in art shows, I sing in bars professionally, I am studying for a masters degree, I also surf occasionally, go to the movies, meet up with friends for drinks, go dancing, go to the beach, read, cook, play with my cats, browse the net, make fun things on my PC, listen to music, go for walks, go to museums and art galleries, music concerts...

Maybe find a hobby that you enjoy, and that may help you meet people, something social.

Being single is not so bad, if you learn to enjoy your own company. If you make some new friends, you'll do fine.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

blktour

Little_tippler: I was waiting for another single person to chime in and let everyone know it is not as bad as it feels at first.

The main thing is to be positive. I know that is hard when all you are thinking about is the ex. Move on with your life and meet new people and do things you havent done before. It is the thinking positive part that is always the hardest.


If I dont think positive, I can feel myself slum back into feeling down and we cant let that happen.

dlish

Ding ding ding ding!

tipp has hit it right there.

as long as you enjoy your own company, who cares what you do with others. go out, enjoy your time doing whatever the hell you want to do.

dont hold back!

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

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william

Are you kidding me?! You're in TX - the MANUP Capital of the world! ManUp! You know what that means. Either manup or step aside. Just be sure you can stand by your decision.

Psycho Dad

I was going to suggest masturbating furiously. But I think it can be done without crying.

I was actually thinking about this recently. A buddy of mine is getting a divorce and moved into his own place. I realized I've never had my own place. Never been on my own. So I can imagine how you may be feeling. I don't have a damn bit of advice, but I can imagine.

I guess the only thing I can say is don't rush out and try to replace her. I've seen people do this and the re-bounders never seem to work out well for them.

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