girldetective

I have been working on a short performance piece about love and sex for Hipbone Studio in March. I am hoping some of you might take a look at the text below and tell me what you think could use tweaking. It will be performed by two people (this isnt a play) with a screen behind showing changing images/symbols and the occasional sound of a quiet typewriter. For me it is really about language and word choice. So if you have the time and care to read on, thank you.

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> Dear Doctor:
>
> Last night I noticed a clear vaginal discharge and it persists today.
> It is rather shiny and smells like roses. I'm hoping you can write me
> a prescription.
>
> Slippery in PDX

Dear Slippery,

I can write you three-act opera. Due to the seriousness of the
condition, however, I'm afraid that a careful and thorough physical
examination will be necesssary. Please schedule an appointment at your
earliest opportunity.


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> Dear Doctor:
>
> I have this funny sensory symptom that has come on suddenly. I have on
> my table a blue vase holding yellow alstroemeria. Although
> alstroemeria have no fragrance, each time that I see them, I smell
> roses. While napping in my bed, just before drifting off, I smelled
> them again and I stirred. And then, stepping into my house earlier,
> the whole of it was permeated such that I said aloud, "Roses".
>
> With each of these dream-like occurrences I feel a deep satisfaction.
> Do I need brain surgery?
>
> Thank you,
>
> Sleepily Aroused

Dear Aroused,

The key to your recent bout of synaesthesia lies in the shape of your
mouth as you say the word "Roses." Though it is true that the Flower
Lover Hallucination syndrome is essentially neurological in nature, the
exact mechanism is as yet poorly understood. A meta-review of published
clinical studies indicates that relief can usually be found by
replicating the shape of the mouth, applied to a pliable and warm
surface (such as skin). A great deal of practice is often required to
achieve the desired result.


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> Dear Doctor:
>
> My right breast is bruised today and cries out for more, while the
> left sulks for that blue feeling. My thoughts walk a fine line of
> shabari rope. My lover is gone getting much needed sleep. What should
> I do to remedy the situation?
>
> Lusty and braless in SW

Dear Lusty,

Even modern science sometimes must stand in humbled and silent awe
before the limits of rational knowledge. I'm afraid that there is no
known anodyne for your condition; your best strategy is to daydream
until the recent past seems to repeat itself.


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> Dear Doctor:
>
> I have the darndest symptom and hope you can help with a diagnosis. I
> am experiencing this deep vibration. It rubbed into me slowly, in that
> easy way of paste wax on wood, and there was a moment when I thought > I was rid of it. But then just last night it flared up again. This time
> though it is a deeper pink and more persistent, more glowy. Should I
> worry?
>
> Inflamed in SW

Dear Inflamed,

The root function of worry is as a survival mechanism; a way of staying
alert to signs and portents. You may find it soothing to rub that deep
pink glow to a high gloss shine. The repetitive motion will induce
alpha-wave patterns in your brain, which will bring a deep sense of calm
and peace. And the shiny surface can always be used to signal
search-and-rescue crews.

best wishes for an unforgettable new year,

the good doctor

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

BadNick

Interesting concept. The power of language just blows my mind so much that I really can't even say anything more about it. So I'm useless beyond "interesting".

The first part reminded me of something that actually did stimulate the scent of roses as I read it. Over 50 years ago, my little brother who is 2yrs younger than me poured our mom's rosewater into the toilet since the bottle had "toilet water" written on it. It made our toilet smell like roses for a few weeks ...I can still taste that smell.

girldetective

So, it looks like I have more work to do. I thought so too. I feel finished with the first letters (not posted) and with the last one (posted), but I have struggled with these others and feel they are bland, not right. Back to that proverbial drawing board.

Thanks BadNick

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata