AfterBurn

I just wanted to clarify the situation really quick, and don't really want to mention this to my friends because word could get around so I thought it would be best to ask here since you guys are an intelligent crowd

I'm friends with a girl at my school and she already has a boyfriend, I', totally fine with that and don't want anything besides friendship from her. However in class a few days ago we had to make a list of 5 friends and write what traits you like about them and why and then apply them to yourself (psychology class bullshit work). So I put down a bunch of friends of mine (who happen to be girls) and the girl in question. She then sees the list and asks me if one of the girls is my girlfriend and I said no but for whatever reason she doesn't believe me. Ever since then she's been acting sort of avoidant and annoyed with me which is usually not the case. I don't want to ask her about this as it could spark up some unnecessary drama I don't want right now.

My question is: is she jealous or something? And if so, what do women in this situation usually do?

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Willravel

She sure seems jealous. She seems to like having afterburn on the back burner, so to speak. You say you don't want drama? I don't blame you one bit. I'd suggest backing off and letting it be. Allow her to make contact again and apologize for freaking if she feels like it.

AfterBurn

Interesting. Do women in these situations usually back off and break the friendship or actually want to be more with the guy? I don't want to lose her as a friend but I don't want her breaking up with her boyfriend over me either.

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World's King

So she was only friends with you because she thought you had a girlfriend. Now that she knows you don't she's afraid that you're a pervert and want to see her naked. Which as we know is bullshit.


Let her act like a child. Be the adult and move one with your life. If she wants to be in your life it's all up to her.

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Hain

Some women just thrive on the knowledge that they are wanted, even from men that they aren't romantically involved with. Back when I was in high school, there was a girl that knew I was attracted to her for a while. When I found a different girl she just got real pissed and jealous that she wasn't a focus of attention.

I am stating this with terms that make it seem worse than it was, however, this was what happened essentially.

Don't know what else to tell you.

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levite

Yeah, sounds to me like she feels threatened by the fact that she might be attracted to you, which would make it bad for her if you actually were attracted to her. My advice: back off. This chick's got issues to figure out. You don't want to be anywhere close to that. If she's good being friends with you, she'll let you know. Otherwise...just remember, chicks who don't know what they want are like unbalanced nuclear reactors: subject to total meltdowns with little warning. And it might be interesting as hell to watch, but you really don't want to be in the hot zone when the shit goes down.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

AfterBurn

No, we were friends before that, I don't even have a girlfriend she just thinks I might because my friend who happens to be a girl called me a few times and the whole list thing.

Did you stay friends with the girl that you liked but then got pissed?

Why would it be bad for her?

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Hain

Yes. I said, "I don't need your bullshit," told her my honest opinion about everything, and went on my merry way. After awhile, I was the only friend that remained honest to her.

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levite

Because then she has to gauge whether she's into you enough to think about breaking up with her bf, which could be emotionally loaded, which would mean that deciding how she really feels is more effort than she wants to expend. And if she decides to stick with the bf, she might feel better deciding that it's not so much that she's into you, as you're into her, which makes her curious/horny, which she doesn't want to admit, so then it's your fault that's she's confused.

Sound completely irrational and convoluted? That's because I had a friend in high school who was in a similar position, and this line of reasoning was essentially what the girl screamed at him when she melted down.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Fotzlid

Maybe when she saw her name on the list, she realized how much you thought of her. May have freaked her out a bit when she realized it was mutual. Give her her space. Don't avoid her but don't seek her out either.

skada

I want to buy movie rights for this !

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biznatch

LOL

World's King

You missed the point...


Let her work out her feelings...

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

mandy

She's being childish...

But dont you go and not talk to her cause of this...and dont go looking for her either. basically, talk to her if she talks to you.

dont let her get the satisfaction of being chased.

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The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

xepherys

Mens Rules on Women:

Rule #1: Men are not genetically encoded to understand women.

Rule #2: In addition to Rule #1, when dealing with females in their teenage years, women are not genetically encoded to understand themselves either.

Rule #3: When the above rules do not seem to apply, and you believe that you understand any female human, you are now lying to yourself.


The above is only half-joking. I grew up being raised only by my mother. I generally have far more female friends than male. They often praise me for understanding them so well. The honest truth is that I'm a god sounding board and help them understand themselves better. *I* never understand what the hell they are thinking.

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-- Emmanuel Pinol, Governor of Cotobato

My Homepage

Hain

Yeah, Lotfi Zadeh and Henri Poincaré both based their mathematical theories of fuzzy logic and chaos theory in order to try to mathematically understand women. While nerds find sophisticate numerical systems easy, doesn't stop them from trying to date.

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raeanna74

My first guess would be that she IS interested in you and as was mentioned doesn't want to gamble breaking up with her boyfriend if you aren't "available."

My other thought was possibly, that she knows one of those girls and they are interested in you or think more of your friendship than you do. She could be checking things out for one of the other girls on your list. Either way you should try to talk to her about it and if she refuses to, just try to forget about it till she does vent. I'm sure she will eventually if she's anything like most women.

Good Luck.

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My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

jewels

It seems that there's more drama here without discussion.

If all you want from her is friendship, then why not just ask what's up?

If she won't answer you straight, she's surely not a friend. If she wanted more from you, she should be able to lay it on the line. This was the drama.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

AfterBurn

Thanks for all your help, I just didn't say anything and everything was fine except that she thinks I'm gay for some reason, which is weird.

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allaboutmusic

Probably because you only want her as a friend, and she can't handle the fact that you aren't attracted to her. Either that or you're too much of a nice guy.

Hain

It is unthinkable to believe that you aren't attracted to her, therefore you must be gay. //end sarcasm

In addition. If she says you are gay again, tell her she isn't the end-all-be-Spoiler: fucking-all of the world, so she can shut her fat, Spoiler: fucking mouth, whether she is fat or not. Make sure you are calm when you say that though, else it comes off as being angry toward the person.

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