May-December Relationship - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

albania · 07-26-2007, 04:44 PM

Hi, it has been a while since I last posted on TFP; incidentally, I remembered recently that I had an account here and since I am somewhat bored I thought I might post again. The impetus for this post is Google. I was watching some television and came across the phrase May-December relationship a couple of times. I know what the phrase means, but I wanted to know where it originated from (I’m still curious about that if anyone knows). In any case, I came across other things on the internet such as message boards for people in those types of relationships.

To anyone who does not know a May-December relationship is one in which there is a big difference in the age of the partners. As I was reading some of the posts, all I could think about how wrong in some way some of the relationships seemed. In particular, I was bothered by a relationship where the man was almost 30 years older than a young woman who was 19. It seemed to me that the man wasn’t really falling in love with the young lady as much as he was falling in love with the idea of being, or rather feeling, young again.

Likewise, I was also wondering why a young girl would want to date an older man? Reasons that I have heard and read are akin to something about maturity, or perhaps a man who has it “all figured out” if you will. As I remember the same things could probably be said about half the members of the AV club (to those who may want to ask, no, I wasn’t in the AV club, but I can easily admit I was a looser in high school). Yet, I have never seen any 19 year old dating a geek in high school. This leads me to posit that perhaps a motive behind dating an older man is the appearance of being a sophisticated woman who has somehow grown intellectually beyond what may be the accepted norms of society. That ultimately it may be an image issue; dating an older man conjures up one picture in someone’s mind, while dating a member of the AV club may conjure up a totally different one.

Well, this has become rather longwinded for a guy who hasn’t posted here recently. So I think I’ll leave it at that, and ask for your opinion on the matter. That is, what do you think about May-December relationships? I’d like to make it clear that I don’t have a problem with anyone who is in this type of relationship and I don’t want to really judge the private life of others. God knows there are more screwed up reasons to date people than the ones I've listed above. I didn't mention this, but my curiosity is concerning relationships where money is not the driving force. Also, since I don’t particularly like to read long posts I’ll apologize in advance to anyone who actually read all that and wants their time back.

uncle phil · 07-26-2007, 04:55 PM

may - young girl...

december - old man...

trophy wife?

xepherys · 07-26-2007, 10:14 PM

I think the origin probably has to do with linguistics that we don't use much anymore. People used to (in English) use months and seasons to denote age, such as a "spring chicken" and the like. I don't have many good examples other than that, but if you look at American Lit from the early 20th century, you'll see it a lot more often than today. Just a guess though.

I don't see it as an issue. I imagine it's an adventurous kind of thing. Something new and different. Something bucking the social norms (from the younglings aspect). For the December, it's probably physical attraction more than anything. Not to say that there can't be more substance to it... there certainly can. I know that if an 18 yo girl found me attractive, I'd be very flattered. Honestly, though, if i were still single, at 30 I can't imagine going out with an 18 year old. Even if they were mature we'd still not have much common ground, most likely. I don't fully get it, but for those that work it out, more power to 'em!

albania · 07-27-2007, 03:51 AM

The trophy wife aspect certainly is valid, and I would guess similar reasons account for the bulk of such relationships. Likewise, I’d have to say that I agree with most of what xepherys wrote. As to the origin of the phrase, your explanation seems plausible enough. In fact, I thought that this was something that had been perhaps coined in a late 19 th century, or early 20 th century, novel (this being a slightly wilder guess than yours and probably way off). Maybe, though, this is just one of those phrases that no one really knows the origins of.

BadNick · 07-27-2007, 05:03 AM

I can see some of the appealling aspects to a M-D "relationship" but I agree with some of the points above that the age disparity would almost certainly pose problems in the long run. So a M-D marriage/life-long committment seems like a big risk and not such a good idea, but a relationship doesn't have to be a forever thing and can still provide very worthwhile life experiences to each party.

When I was in that pre-30 y.o. window, I think I would have enjoyed and learned and found personal growth in being a trophy "boyfriend" of some hot, mature, successful woman.

07-26-2007, 04:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
albania Psycho	May-December Relationship Hi, it has been a while since I last posted on TFP; incidentally, I remembered recently that I had an account here and since I am somewhat bored I thought I might post again. The impetus for this post is Google. I was watching some television and came across the phrase May-December relationship a couple of times. I know what the phrase means, but I wanted to know where it originated from (I’m still curious about that if anyone knows). In any case, I came across other things on the internet such as message boards for people in those types of relationships. To anyone who does not know a May-December relationship is one in which there is a big difference in the age of the partners. As I was reading some of the posts, all I could think about how wrong in some way some of the relationships seemed. In particular, I was bothered by a relationship where the man was almost 30 years older than a young woman who was 19. It seemed to me that the man wasn’t really falling in love with the young lady as much as he was falling in love with the idea of being, or rather feeling, young again. Likewise, I was also wondering why a young girl would want to date an older man? Reasons that I have heard and read are akin to something about maturity, or perhaps a man who has it “all figured out” if you will. As I remember the same things could probably be said about half the members of the AV club (to those who may want to ask, no, I wasn’t in the AV club, but I can easily admit I was a looser in high school). Yet, I have never seen any 19 year old dating a geek in high school. This leads me to posit that perhaps a motive behind dating an older man is the appearance of being a sophisticated woman who has somehow grown intellectually beyond what may be the accepted norms of society. That ultimately it may be an image issue; dating an older man conjures up one picture in someone’s mind, while dating a member of the AV club may conjure up a totally different one. Well, this has become rather longwinded for a guy who hasn’t posted here recently. So I think I’ll leave it at that, and ask for your opinion on the matter. That is, what do you think about May-December relationships? I’d like to make it clear that I don’t have a problem with anyone who is in this type of relationship and I don’t want to really judge the private life of others. God knows there are more screwed up reasons to date people than the ones I've listed above. I didn't mention this, but my curiosity is concerning relationships where money is not the driving force. Also, since I don’t particularly like to read long posts I’ll apologize in advance to anyone who actually read all that and wants their time back.

07-26-2007, 04:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	may - young girl... december - old man... trophy wife? __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

07-26-2007, 10:14 PM	#3 (permalink)
xepherys <3 TFP Location: 17TLH2445607250	I think the origin probably has to do with linguistics that we don't use much anymore. People used to (in English) use months and seasons to denote age, such as a "spring chicken" and the like. I don't have many good examples other than that, but if you look at American Lit from the early 20th century, you'll see it a lot more often than today. Just a guess though. I don't see it as an issue. I imagine it's an adventurous kind of thing. Something new and different. Something bucking the social norms (from the younglings aspect). For the December, it's probably physical attraction more than anything. Not to say that there can't be more substance to it... there certainly can. I know that if an 18 yo girl found me attractive, I'd be very flattered. Honestly, though, if i were still single, at 30 I can't imagine going out with an 18 year old. Even if they were mature we'd still not have much common ground, most likely. I don't fully get it, but for those that work it out, more power to 'em! __________________ The prospect of achieving a peace agreement with the extremist group of MILF is almost impossible... -- Emmanuel Pinol, Governor of Cotobato My Homepage

07-27-2007, 03:51 AM	#4 (permalink)
albania Psycho	The trophy wife aspect certainly is valid, and I would guess similar reasons account for the bulk of such relationships. Likewise, I’d have to say that I agree with most of what xepherys wrote. As to the origin of the phrase, your explanation seems plausible enough. In fact, I thought that this was something that had been perhaps coined in a late 19 th century, or early 20 th century, novel (this being a slightly wilder guess than yours and probably way off). Maybe, though, this is just one of those phrases that no one really knows the origins of.

07-27-2007, 05:03 AM	#5 (permalink)
BadNick Riding the Ocean Spray Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa	I can see some of the appealling aspects to a M-D "relationship" but I agree with some of the points above that the age disparity would almost certainly pose problems in the long run. So a M-D marriage/life-long committment seems like a big risk and not such a good idea, but a relationship doesn't have to be a forever thing and can still provide very worthwhile life experiences to each party. When I was in that pre-30 y.o. window, I think I would have enjoyed and learned and found personal growth in being a trophy "boyfriend" of some hot, mature, successful woman.