Baby naming consultants?!? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

lurkette · 06-26-2007, 12:55 PM

OMG, I totally want to go into this line of work. I could hatch an evil plan to convince overanxious yuppies to all name their child "Harlan" or something. And get paid st00pid amounts of money for the privilege.

http://gawker.com/news/the-parent-cr...ren-272031.php

Quote:

Self-obsessed parents-to-be have one more thing to worry about: What to name the little testament to themselves once Mommy poops it out. You don't want your little angel to be like every other Madison in her class. The solution? Baby-naming consultants.

Last fall, John Bentham, 36, a Las Vegas theater producer, and his wife, Shannon, 29, who runs a nonprofit foundation, says they felt "enormous pressure" to find a strong-sounding boy name. "I wanted a name that would look good on a marquee or a political banner," Mrs. Bentham says. Though they had agreed on the letter "j," none of the names they came up with -- Jude, Julian, Jake, Jason, or John Jr. -- seemed original enough. They hired Ms. Walker and Mr. Reyes, who produced an 11-page list of possibilities, including Jackson. In March, the Benthams welcomed little Jackson Dean into the world.

Walker and Reyes are a couple who offer "name consultations and workshops," and charge you fifty dollars a pop to help make sure that your Paolo isn't some pedestrian Paul. One California woman dropped nearly $500 to have a numerologist make sure the name she chose had "positive associations." Parents of America, we implore you: Save your money for the nursing home you're going to need when your offspring, bitter about a lifetime of "Anderson"ness, refuses to take you in during your declining years.

Man, people are stupid.

Also, do you get your money back if your child underachieves? What if they only get into Brown and not Harvard? Oh, the shame! If only we'd named him better!

Sion · 06-26-2007, 01:00 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2NEzmzfXho

BadNick · 06-26-2007, 01:03 PM

hmmm, this makes me think I should become a consultant consultant in case those yuppies, or other honorable customers, need help finding exactly the right consultant.

The_Jazz · 06-26-2007, 01:05 PM

Lurkette, how dare you bash Brown like that!

I am not allowed to name my children. Seriously. I have been impeached from the committee for poor performance.

I'm not kidding.

When Max was about to be born, I suggested the following:

William Robert (shorten it)
Junior (as a name, not a suffix)
Urban Ulysses (my last name starts with "U")
Haile Gebressalasie (my ATF athlete)
Franklin Beans
Oliver Earl (that's what happens when you use family names and part of your family was Mississippi dirt farmers)
Bedford Headrick (shorten that one too)

So I think that I'm emmanently qualified to infiltrate this company to bring it to the ground. Anyone know where I can fill out an application?

Strange Famous · 06-26-2007, 01:08 PM

some people have more money than sense I suppose.

I genuinely believe (and I know I am biased) that there is no finer name than "Adam".

But naming your kid is something that you really ought to do yourself, and if you are too lazy and uninvolved to even take the effort to check out a dictionary of names from the library to get a few extra idea's... it can't bode well for the kids childhood.

Charlatan · 06-26-2007, 01:40 PM

I can't imagine letting someone else name my kids. Seriously, it's one of the coolest parts of being a parent.

Willravel · 06-26-2007, 01:46 PM

Lee if it's a boy, Kara if it's a girl. $500, please.

filtherton · 06-26-2007, 01:56 PM

The wonderful thing about capitalism is that you can never corner the market on suckers.

dirtyrascal7 · 06-26-2007, 01:57 PM

I read a very similar article in the Wall Street Journal last week. It nearly made me want to throw up. One of the top 100 girls' names for 2006 was Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards... *gag*

If you ask me, there seems to be a trend where people (as a population in general) are putting unnecessary significance on choices that should be relatively simple and straight forward. Granted, naming your children is a bit more complex... but so much that it validates spending hundreds of dollars for a list of names? I don't think so.

Cynthetiq · 06-26-2007, 01:59 PM

Quote:

What's In a Name: Judge Blocks Parents' Choice
Search For 'Different' Names Result In Interesting Choices
June 23, 2007 —
LINK

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow named her baby after a fruit, Apple. Comedian Penn Jillette chose Moxie Crimefighter for his spunky daughter.

And while unusual names may be a Hollywood staple, some believe it may cross the line in the real world.

One New Zealand judge even blocked one family from using the name it chose. The judge said the name was unfair to the child.

"Initially, the reaction is, 'Are you for real?'" said Pat Wheaton, the New Zealand father who was blocked from naming his son 4Real.

Wheaton said the idea for the name came when the couple saw the first scan of the child.

"We started thinking 'Jeez, he is for real?'" Wheaton said.

The couple's idea came naturally, but many parents are feeling the pressure to be different.

Baby naming is big business today. Some parents are turning to professional consultants, computer programs, polls and even numerologists to achieve the perfect moniker for their bundle of joy.

"Parents think that if they give their child a unique and special name, the child will become unique and special," said Bruce Lansky, author of "100,000 Baby Names."

Nevaeh, which heaven spelled backwards, has become one of the world's most popular names. But others don't always pass the societal test.

Two boys, one in Michigan and the other in Texas, bear the name ESPN. They were named after the sports network.

In some countries, names are illegal -- like Adolf Hitler and Osama Bin Laden in Germany.

And French parents must choose from an approved list. The laws are designed to prevent teasing.

In America, almost anything goes.

"You can't use a four letter word that I wouldn't use in this interview anyway, and other than that you're free to do what you want," said New York University Sociology Department Chairman Dalton Conley. "That's part of the first amendment right to free speech here in America."

Only as the children grow up will people learn if these interesting names will be the source of ridicule.

I dunno 4real sounds STUPID, so I'm glad that some judge decided that it wasn't appropriate.

But hey... name the kids what you want...I'm all for it. I'll even give the kid some money when they get close to 18 so that they can legally change it to whatever they want.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dirtyrascal7

I read a very similar article in the Wall Street Journal last week. It nearly made me want to throw up. One of the top 100 girls' names for 2006 was Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards... *gag*

If you ask me, there seems to be a trend where people (as a population in general) are putting unnecessary significance on choices that should be relatively simple and straight forward. Granted, naming your children is a bit more complex... but so much that it validates spending hundreds of dollars for a list of names? I don't think so.

yeah.. too much emphasis on UNIQUENESS instead of similarities.

Charlatan · 06-26-2007, 02:02 PM

We gave our kids what I think are pretty cool, non-traditional names (mostly because my wife and I always hated our boring names). The key for us was to also give them fairly staid middle names so if they hated the names we gave them they could switch later in life.

So far, their given names really suit them.

*Nikki* · 06-26-2007, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charlatan

I can't imagine letting someone else name my kids. Seriously, it's one of the coolest parts of being a parent.

Agreed

Willravel · 06-26-2007, 02:05 PM

Okay, I'm going to have to go dksuddeth on this one and call BS on that judge. Most names are stupid, but it's the parent who names, not society or the judicial branch. If a kid wants his or her name change, survive to the age of 18 and do it. In the time before that, simply go by a nickname. "Apple" can go by "Pal" and 4real can go by a middle name.

Cynthetiq · 06-26-2007, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel

Okay, I'm going to have to go dksuddeth on this one and call BS on that judge. Most names are stupid, but it's the parent who names, not society or the judicial branch. If a kid wants his or her name change, survive to the age of 18 and do it. In the time before that, simply go by a nickname. "Apple" can go by "Pal" and 4real can go by a middle name.

my mother in law has a single name; do you know what the computer systems do with that???? nothing.

it's a pain in the ass because she has to duplicat her name for her last name so in effect it's still 2 names which isn't what she wanted..

now think of this... do you think that ANY computer system in the world for FIRST NAME ________ allows numerics? for the record the judge is in New Zealand.

Willravel · 06-26-2007, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

now think of this... do you think that ANY computer system in the world for FIRST NAME ________ allows numerics?

How about FourReal, then?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

for the record the judge is in New Zealand.

Which operates under the UK, which has the House of Lords, which is in transition to a judiciary organizational model. Basically, it's faster to type. Judicial Branch > UK House of Lords, which is then delegated to New Zealand courts.

Cynthetiq · 06-26-2007, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel

How about FourReal, then?

Which operates under the UK, which has the House of Lords, which is in transition to a judiciary organizational model. Basically, it's faster to type. Judicial Branch > UK House of Lords, which is then delegated to New Zealand courts.

FourReal isn't what they wanted to name him. Again, it dilutes the intention just like the one name that my MIL wants. their intention was that he be 4Real, not FourReal.

StellaLuna · 06-26-2007, 02:36 PM

N'spyrashun
Anakin Skywalker (lastname)
Myrakle
Ceattle
12 different Uniques, including a Uneeq

I see those everyday. What's gonna happen to those kids?

maleficent · 06-26-2007, 02:38 PM

Quote:

And French parents must choose from an approved list. The laws are designed to prevent teasing.

Were the lawmakers ever children? ANYTHING can be teased and even normal names can be twisted so that they are teasable...

Psycho Dad · 06-26-2007, 03:15 PM

I can't help it...

Quote:

"A Boy Named Sue"

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue!

flat5 · 06-26-2007, 03:42 PM

..........

fresnelly · 06-26-2007, 04:09 PM

Back to the OP, anyone can give you a list of names and meanings. There's loads of websites and books serving exactly this purpose.

So I bet what the couple really paid for was the discussion sessions; the kind of thing you normally do with friends and family. In other words, this kind of service is only needed by high powered shut-ins who have lost their connections to any community.

ngdawg · 06-26-2007, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fresnelly

Back to the OP, anyone can give you a list of names and meanings. There's loads of websites and books serving exactly this purpose.

So I bet what the couple really paid for was the discussion sessions; the kind of thing you normally do with friends and family. In other words, this kind of service is only needed by high powered shut-ins who have lost their connections to any community.

Hell, they must have lost connection with each other!!!
Me: Nothing 'cutesy' and no Juniors.
Him: Nope
Me: These are the names I like (about 3 girls' and 4 boys')
Him: Well, if one's a boy, I wanted to name him after my dad.....
Me: How about both dads for middle names?
Him: mmmk But no 'Joshua'-just makes me think of a nerdy kid with glasses.
Me: ok

So, should we have stuffed $50 in an envelope and mailed it to ourselves?

PS....Our son is a nerdy kid with glasses. But he's a Daniel.

analog · 06-26-2007, 05:10 PM

yuppies have too much money. they needed another way to waste some.

Redlemon · 06-26-2007, 05:31 PM

"In March, the Benthams welcomed little Jackson Dean into the world."

And in another 8 years, the kids will be calling him Jackoff. That'll help his self-esteem.

jorgelito · 06-26-2007, 06:38 PM

These people are crazy. And it's not only relegated to the rich and/or famous. Poor, uneducated people can be pretty stupid too.

Some actual examples:

Lemonjello and Oranjello (Pronounced Lamongelo and Orangelo)

Shithead (pronounced Sha-teed)

Shaniqua, Shanakua, Binaca.... Unique, Yooneek etc..etc..etc

Dawayne, Duane, DaWayne, Dewayne, Doowain, DeWaine and every single permutation.....

ASU2003 · 06-26-2007, 06:49 PM

These people aren't as stupid as the parents that name their kids horrible names. Even some 'normal' names are just cruel punishment for their development years.

Life is hard enough, and there is no reason to force your kid to go through life with a bad name as well.

Edit: And I would bet that there is a corellation between having a 'good' name and being successful at life (job & relationships).

tenniels · 06-26-2007, 08:21 PM

Seems ridiculous to me, but hey, it's their money I guess. Oh the things people do with their money...

little_tippler · 06-27-2007, 05:53 AM

that's a daft thing to pay out for....does anyone know how to pronunciate "Nevaeh"? Just wondering.

In Portugal names are limited, there are all sorts of rules. You can't just name kids whatever you want. In Brasil however, it really is a case of whatever you like. That's why you get kids there called Michael Jackson George Washington (all in one name!!) and another I heard of really got me laughing:

One Brasilian man named his daughter Madeinusa. (Read Mad -ey-noo-ssa).
He had a radio at home that had MADE IN USA written on it and he liked the sound of it and thought it was posh so he named his child Madeinusa. Get it?

I think rules are good sometimes.

Strange Famous · 06-27-2007, 01:26 PM

I really do wish more people who spell Usama right.

noodlebee · 06-27-2007, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BadNick

hmmm, this makes me think I should become a consultant consultant in case those yuppies, or other honorable customers, need help finding exactly the right consultant.

This sounds like a good idea. I would invest in your business. Hahahaha!

06-26-2007, 01:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
Sion Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2NEzmzfXho __________________ He's the best, of course, of all the worst. Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

06-26-2007, 01:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Lurkette, how dare you bash Brown like that! I am not allowed to name my children. Seriously. I have been impeached from the committee for poor performance. I'm not kidding. When Max was about to be born, I suggested the following: William Robert (shorten it) Junior (as a name, not a suffix) Urban Ulysses (my last name starts with "U") Haile Gebressalasie (my ATF athlete) Franklin Beans Oliver Earl (that's what happens when you use family names and part of your family was Mississippi dirt farmers) Bedford Headrick (shorten that one too) So I think that I'm emmanently qualified to infiltrate this company to bring it to the ground. Anyone know where I can fill out an application? __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

06-26-2007, 01:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	some people have more money than sense I suppose. I genuinely believe (and I know I am biased) that there is no finer name than "Adam". But naming your kid is something that you really ought to do yourself, and if you are too lazy and uninvolved to even take the effort to check out a dictionary of names from the library to get a few extra idea's... it can't bode well for the kids childhood. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

06-26-2007, 01:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	I can't imagine letting someone else name my kids. Seriously, it's one of the coolest parts of being a parent. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

06-26-2007, 01:57 PM	#9 (permalink)
dirtyrascal7 That's what she said	I read a very similar article in the Wall Street Journal last week. It nearly made me want to throw up. One of the top 100 girls' names for 2006 was Nevaeh (heaven spelled backwards... gag If you ask me, there seems to be a trend where people (as a population in general) are putting unnecessary significance on choices that should be relatively simple and straight forward. Granted, naming your children is a bit more complex... but so much that it validates spending hundreds of dollars for a list of names? I don't think so. __________________ "Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past." "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

06-26-2007, 01:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
BadNick Riding the Ocean Spray Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa	hmmm, this makes me think I should become a consultant consultant in case those yuppies, or other honorable customers, need help finding exactly the right consultant.

06-26-2007, 01:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Lee if it's a boy, Kara if it's a girl. $500, please.

06-26-2007, 01:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
filtherton Junkie Location: In the land of ice and snow.	The wonderful thing about capitalism is that you can never corner the market on suckers.

06-26-2007, 02:02 PM	#11 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	We gave our kids what I think are pretty cool, non-traditional names (mostly because my wife and I always hated our boring names). The key for us was to also give them fairly staid middle names so if they hated the names we gave them they could switch later in life. So far, their given names really suit them. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

06-26-2007, 02:05 PM	#13 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Okay, I'm going to have to go dksuddeth on this one and call BS on that judge. Most names are stupid, but it's the parent who names, not society or the judicial branch. If a kid wants his or her name change, survive to the age of 18 and do it. In the time before that, simply go by a nickname. "Apple" can go by "Pal" and 4real can go by a middle name.

06-26-2007, 02:36 PM	#17 (permalink)
StellaLuna Psycho Location: hiding behind wings	N'spyrashun Anakin Skywalker (lastname) Myrakle Ceattle 12 different Uniques, including a Uneeq I see those everyday. What's gonna happen to those kids? __________________ Screw tradition!

06-26-2007, 03:42 PM	#20 (permalink)
flat5 Very Insignificant Pawn Location: Amsterdam, NL	.......... Last edited by flat5; 06-27-2007 at 04:10 AM..

06-26-2007, 04:09 PM	#21 (permalink)
fresnelly Functionally Appropriate Location: Toronto	Back to the OP, anyone can give you a list of names and meanings. There's loads of websites and books serving exactly this purpose. So I bet what the couple really paid for was the discussion sessions; the kind of thing you normally do with friends and family. In other words, this kind of service is only needed by high powered shut-ins who have lost their connections to any community. __________________ Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

06-26-2007, 05:10 PM	#23 (permalink)
analog Banned	yuppies have too much money. they needed another way to waste some.

06-26-2007, 05:31 PM	#24 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	"In March, the Benthams welcomed little Jackson Dean into the world." And in another 8 years, the kids will be calling him Jackoff. That'll help his self-esteem. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

06-26-2007, 06:38 PM	#25 (permalink)
jorgelito All important elusive independent swing voter... Location: People's Republic of KKKalifornia	These people are crazy. And it's not only relegated to the rich and/or famous. Poor, uneducated people can be pretty stupid too. Some actual examples: Lemonjello and Oranjello (Pronounced Lamongelo and Orangelo) Shithead (pronounced Sha-teed) Shaniqua, Shanakua, Binaca.... Unique, Yooneek etc..etc..etc Dawayne, Duane, DaWayne, Dewayne, Doowain, DeWaine and every single permutation.....

06-26-2007, 06:49 PM	#26 (permalink)
ASU2003 immoral minority Location: Back in Ohio	These people aren't as stupid as the parents that name their kids horrible names. Even some 'normal' names are just cruel punishment for their development years. Life is hard enough, and there is no reason to force your kid to go through life with a bad name as well. Edit: And I would bet that there is a corellation between having a 'good' name and being successful at life (job & relationships).

06-26-2007, 08:21 PM	#27 (permalink)
tenniels Insane Location: Oh Canada!!	Seems ridiculous to me, but hey, it's their money I guess. Oh the things people do with their money... __________________ I like things. And stuff. But I prefer to have things over stuff.

06-27-2007, 05:53 AM	#28 (permalink)
little_tippler Leaning against the -Sun- Super Moderator Location: on the other side	that's a daft thing to pay out for....does anyone know how to pronunciate "Nevaeh"? Just wondering. In Portugal names are limited, there are all sorts of rules. You can't just name kids whatever you want. In Brasil however, it really is a case of whatever you like. That's why you get kids there called Michael Jackson George Washington (all in one name!!) and another I heard of really got me laughing: One Brasilian man named his daughter Madeinusa. (Read Mad -ey-noo-ssa). He had a radio at home that had MADE IN USA written on it and he liked the sound of it and thought it was posh so he named his child Madeinusa. Get it? I think rules are good sometimes. __________________ Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918

06-27-2007, 01:26 PM	#29 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I really do wish more people who spell Usama right. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas