Insano Arizona Toilet - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

clavus · 04-20-2003, 08:58 PM

This is a special shout out to the person who is responsible for the toilets at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport. Please, recalibrate the auto-flush sensors. I was trying to lighten my load on one of your fine, high-tech porcelain beauties last week. Every time I shifted position the dang thing flushed.

I’m sure you are aware that you have the flushing mechanism set all the way to the max; and normally this is a good thing. We both know what a bummer it is to find leftovers in the bowl. Your plumbing masterpieces are serious, industrial-grade machines. You should be proud of them, because when they flush, they FLUSH. It’s a raging torrent of wind and water down there, and I’m sure it does a Hell of a job.

But when I was sitting on it, every time I so much as breathed the thing went off. That hurricane-force flush is rather unpleasant when it’s raging almost nonstop just below my crotch.

Seriously, it was like a toilet-bowl version of A Perfect Storm and my balls were playing the part of the Andrea Gail.

bundy · 04-20-2003, 09:05 PM

haha.
this gives a new meaning to the saying... for a nice surprise, pull the chain before you rise.

MikeyChalupa · 04-21-2003, 05:16 AM

On the doors to the stalls in the head on our last ship, we had this sign:

"Flush slow, you're good to go. Flush fast, get a wet ass."

And that was seawater in those commodes.

-Mikey

Peetster · 04-21-2003, 05:26 AM

Funny! Are you sure it wasn't a combo bidet? :-)

Grondar · 04-21-2003, 05:27 AM

That is some comedy gold right there.

What a way to start off my morning.

xepherys · 05-11-2008, 08:55 AM

Disturbing...

Manic_Skafe · 05-11-2008, 09:51 AM

Awesome story Clavus - I always love your anecdotes but you totally owe me $7 for my now unpalatable chicken and broccoli. I should've known that any thread with the word toilet in the title isn't safe to read while eating.

canuckguy · 05-11-2008, 11:07 AM

haha, great stuff!!!

echo5delta · 05-11-2008, 03:10 PM

I'm so in touch with this emotion, because the toilets in the SNCO barracks here are also industrial-strength, hurricane-powered jobs.

I always feel a little guilty if I get up for a 3am piss call, because I'm sure you can hear it flush in any room adjoining mine across all three floors. But OTOH, I haven't seen any skidmarks whatsover in two years of living here.

If they had auto-sensors like that, though, I think I'd probably wind up offing myself before Base Maintenance got around to fixing it...

Charlatan · 05-11-2008, 04:23 PM

The toilets in my new office are auto-flush and I have the same problem.

They need to include towels in the stalls so I can dry off before exiting.

blahblah454 · 05-11-2008, 06:17 PM

Wow, old thread. And yea I think this must be all auto flushing toilets. I hate the things. The best toilets that I have found are the one with the flush button on the floor that you step on. No need to touch anything gross that way, and no wet ass/balls.

telekinetic · 05-11-2008, 06:40 PM

For some reason the autoflush toilet at my old work couldn't see black very well, so if you had a black shirt on, it would flush wildly every time you moved.

alicat · 05-12-2008, 06:59 AM

Great way to start my day, cracking up with an old Clavus thread. The first time I ever used an auto-flush toilet was in 2004 in the Amsterdam airport on our way to South Africa. It was also turbo charged, I could feel a mist on my ass as I stood up. Almost scared the shit outta me.

04-20-2003, 08:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Insano Arizona Toilet This is a special shout out to the person who is responsible for the toilets at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport. Please, recalibrate the auto-flush sensors. I was trying to lighten my load on one of your fine, high-tech porcelain beauties last week. Every time I shifted position the dang thing flushed. I’m sure you are aware that you have the flushing mechanism set all the way to the max; and normally this is a good thing. We both know what a bummer it is to find leftovers in the bowl. Your plumbing masterpieces are serious, industrial-grade machines. You should be proud of them, because when they flush, they FLUSH. It’s a raging torrent of wind and water down there, and I’m sure it does a Hell of a job. But when I was sitting on it, every time I so much as breathed the thing went off. That hurricane-force flush is rather unpleasant when it’s raging almost nonstop just below my crotch. Seriously, it was like a toilet-bowl version of A Perfect Storm and my balls were playing the part of the Andrea Gail. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

04-20-2003, 09:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	haha. this gives a new meaning to the saying... for a nice surprise, pull the chain before you rise. __________________ Ohayo!!!

04-21-2003, 05:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
Grondar Junkie Location: Pa, USA	That is some comedy gold right there. What a way to start off my morning. __________________ "Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that." -Stewie

05-11-2008, 08:55 AM	#6 (permalink)
xepherys <3 TFP Location: 17TLH2445607250	Disturbing... __________________ The prospect of achieving a peace agreement with the extremist group of MILF is almost impossible... -- Emmanuel Pinol, Governor of Cotobato My Homepage

05-11-2008, 09:51 AM	#7 (permalink)
Manic_Skafe More Than You Expect Location: Queens	Awesome story Clavus - I always love your anecdotes but you totally owe me $7 for my now unpalatable chicken and broccoli. I should've known that any thread with the word toilet in the title isn't safe to read while eating. __________________ "Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

04-21-2003, 05:16 AM	#3 (permalink)
MikeyChalupa Squid Location: USS George Washington	On the doors to the stalls in the head on our last ship, we had this sign: "Flush slow, you're good to go. Flush fast, get a wet ass." And that was seawater in those commodes. -Mikey

04-21-2003, 05:26 AM	#4 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	Funny! Are you sure it wasn't a combo bidet? :-)

05-11-2008, 11:07 AM	#8 (permalink)
canuckguy I read your emails. Location: earth	haha, great stuff!!!

05-11-2008, 03:10 PM	#9 (permalink)
echo5delta Crazy Location: Swamp Lagoon, North Cackalacky	I'm so in touch with this emotion, because the toilets in the SNCO barracks here are also industrial-strength, hurricane-powered jobs. I always feel a little guilty if I get up for a 3am piss call, because I'm sure you can hear it flush in any room adjoining mine across all three floors. But OTOH, I haven't seen any skidmarks whatsover in two years of living here. If they had auto-sensors like that, though, I think I'd probably wind up offing myself before Base Maintenance got around to fixing it... __________________ "Peace" is when nobody's shooting. A "Just Peace" is when we get what we want. - Bill Mauldin

05-11-2008, 04:23 PM	#10 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	The toilets in my new office are auto-flush and I have the same problem. They need to include towels in the stalls so I can dry off before exiting. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

05-11-2008, 06:17 PM	#11 (permalink)
blahblah454 Let's put a smile on that face Location: On the road...	Wow, old thread. And yea I think this must be all auto flushing toilets. I hate the things. The best toilets that I have found are the one with the flush button on the floor that you step on. No need to touch anything gross that way, and no wet ass/balls.

05-11-2008, 06:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
telekinetic zomgomgomgomgomgomg Location: Fauxenix, Azerona	For some reason the autoflush toilet at my old work couldn't see black very well, so if you had a black shirt on, it would flush wildly every time you moved. __________________ twisted no more

05-12-2008, 06:59 AM	#13 (permalink)
alicat Baffled Location: West Michigan	Great way to start my day, cracking up with an old Clavus thread. The first time I ever used an auto-flush toilet was in 2004 in the Amsterdam airport on our way to South Africa. It was also turbo charged, I could feel a mist on my ass as I stood up. Almost scared the shit outta me. __________________ 'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun, The frumious Bandersnatch!'--Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll "You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late."--Ralph Waldo Emerson