Insano Arizona Toilet
 

This is a special shout out to the person who is responsible for the toilets at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport. Please, recalibrate the auto-flush sensors. I was trying to lighten my load on one of your fine, high-tech porcelain beauties last week. Every time I shifted position the dang thing flushed.

I’m sure you are aware that you have the flushing mechanism set all the way to the max; and normally this is a good thing. We both know what a bummer it is to find leftovers in the bowl. Your plumbing masterpieces are serious, industrial-grade machines. You should be proud of them, because when they flush, they FLUSH. It’s a raging torrent of wind and water down there, and I’m sure it does a Hell of a job.

But when I was sitting on it, every time I so much as breathed the thing went off. That hurricane-force flush is rather unpleasant when it’s raging almost nonstop just below my crotch.

Seriously, it was like a toilet-bowl version of A Perfect Storm and my balls were playing the part of the Andrea Gail.

haha.
this gives a new meaning to the saying... for a nice surprise, pull the chain before you rise.

On the doors to the stalls in the head on our last ship, we had this sign:

"Flush slow, you're good to go. Flush fast, get a wet ass."

And that was seawater in those commodes.

-Mikey

Funny! Are you sure it wasn't a combo bidet? :-)

That is some comedy gold right there.

What a way to start off my morning. :)

Disturbing...

Awesome story Clavus - I always love your anecdotes but you totally owe me $7 for my now unpalatable chicken and broccoli. I should've known that any thread with the word toilet in the title isn't safe to read while eating.

haha, great stuff!!!

I'm so in touch with this emotion, because the toilets in the SNCO barracks here are also industrial-strength, hurricane-powered jobs.

I always feel a little guilty if I get up for a 3am piss call, because I'm sure you can hear it flush in any room adjoining mine across all three floors. But OTOH, I haven't seen any skidmarks whatsover in two years of living here.

If they had auto-sensors like that, though, I think I'd probably wind up offing myself before Base Maintenance got around to fixing it...

The toilets in my new office are auto-flush and I have the same problem.

They need to include towels in the stalls so I can dry off before exiting.

Wow, old thread. And yea I think this must be all auto flushing toilets. I hate the things. The best toilets that I have found are the one with the flush button on the floor that you step on. No need to touch anything gross that way, and no wet ass/balls.

For some reason the autoflush toilet at my old work couldn't see black very well, so if you had a black shirt on, it would flush wildly every time you moved.

Great way to start my day, cracking up with an old Clavus thread. The first time I ever used an auto-flush toilet was in 2004 in the Amsterdam airport on our way to South Africa. It was also turbo charged, I could feel a mist on my ass as I stood up. Almost scared the shit outta me.:p