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Old 04-10-2007, 04:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
Please touch this.
 
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Location: Manhattan
Lookin' real dumb...

So the other day, I was riding on the subway to work when a girl who was standing and holding on to a rail just passes out. She slides down the rail and falls backwards, but the woman next to me, who is right behind this girl, catches her and supports her head. Instantly, the people on the other side of her kneel down to help, and I stay standing, half observing, half wondering what I could do to help.

There's not much more you can do to help someone who has passed out besides making sure they don't injure themselves, and the lady who caught her has handled that well enough. I also figure you have to give these people some air, so I stay back, but I can't move away because I'm already leaning against the door. So.. I'm just standing there... with this girl at my feet while everyone is leaning in, trying to be helpful.

By the time the idea to offer my coat as a pillow hits me and I have it halfway off, the girl wakes up. Immediately, a guy gets up and lets her take his seat. All is normal as I pull my coat back on.

So, I guess to the casual observer, I looked pretty lost for a second, contemplated the girl at my feet, then started to strip. She woke up and.. oh.. guess not, should put the clothes back on.

Nice. Nice.

Anyone wanna help me salvage my dignity by telling a better (worse) story?
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Old 04-10-2007, 04:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
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You know what? I'm usually the person passing out those kind of stories. You want to talk to me about how silly you look!?
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Old 04-10-2007, 04:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
Please touch this.
 
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Well I didn't think she looked silly. Everyone was really concerned for her and she was super embarassed. She just hid her face the rest of the ride.
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Old 04-10-2007, 05:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
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About a year and a half ago, I walked out of class, stepped on a patch of ice and stumbled forward about 15 feet and finally fell where my fist slammed into a concrete ashtray on the way down and tore the shit out of my hand.... during a time when most people were changing classes, and it was in front of the student center.
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Old 04-10-2007, 05:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
pinche vato
 
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Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
My father always goofed around on the rare occasions we went out to eat as a family. One evening when I was about 12, we were standing in line at the mall cafeteria restaurant (Morrison's). Suddenly, my father stepped backwards into a crouch and the lady in front of him leaned back against him and sort of stayed that way. I started laughing and telling him to cut it out and quit acting so weird. Nobody else was laughing and my father kept staggering backwards with this lady laying backwards against him.

In my usual clueless fashion, I was probably the last person in line to realize that he wasn't playing and that the lady had fainted, fallen on him, and he caught her.

So at least you didn't laugh at her, Hal.
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Old 04-10-2007, 06:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
spudly
 
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Location: Ellay
Maybe they thought you were a super-hero stripping down to a body-hugging costume, a la Superman?

Besides, the silly (or contemptible) thing on the subway is all the NYU and Columbia kids puking in the wee hours of the morning on the weekend after getting drunk for the first time. What a bunch of jerks.
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Last edited by ubertuber; 04-10-2007 at 06:03 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 04-10-2007, 06:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
Unencapsulated
 
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Location: Kittyville
I walked out my front door, and slipped and fell - classic cartoon fall. My feet went above my head and I landed on my back, totally stunned. I was with my best friend at the time... who proceeded to laugh her fool head off. Man, that hurt.
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Old 04-11-2007, 05:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
Asshole
 
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Back when Jordan was still playing with the Bulls, I took some underwriters to a game against the Knicks. I arranged for the car service to pick us up afterwards. When the game was done, I called the driver to let him know where we would be. We waited. And waited. And waited. After 30 minutes, I called him back but he didn't answer. I left the folks I was with and started searching for him but couldn't find him.

We were trying to hail a cab when he called me back to tell me that he'd been yelling my name from across the street for 20 minutes. Apparently, I had written down the wrong license plate number.

Those guys still mention it every time they're in town, about 8 years after the fact.
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Old 04-11-2007, 07:08 AM   #9 (permalink)
Found my way back
 
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Location: South Africa
I was at mandy's house one night a coupla months back. No one else was in the house besides mandy, her sister and I.

I went upstairs to wash my hands in the bathroom and came trotting out, back down the passage. When I came to the small flight of stairs (4 or so) I did a kind of hop-skip-jump where I was planning to land on the 2nd step from the bottom and then carry on down. The hop, I think, was my downfall. (ooh...pun )

My foot kinda caught on one of the stairs and I started to falter as I hit the bottom. I was stumbling, head dangerously close to the ground, for what seemed like an eternity. Before I knew it I was in the living room, with more stairs looming.

The 2nd set of stairs proved to be too much for my flailing limbs. I finally fell over and proceeded to fall down the stairs into the living room, sliding a good distance over the laminated wood-floors. mandy and her sister came running from the kitchen, only to burst out laughing when they saw what had happened.

They remind me of that incident as often as they remember.
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Old 04-11-2007, 07:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
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Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
I look dumb all the time - I got nothin'. If I asked my wife, the stories could fill a page - or several.
Luckily, "dumb" isn't possible on keyboards.
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Old 04-11-2007, 08:47 AM   #11 (permalink)
Easy Rider
 
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Location: Moscow on the Ohio
On several of my cross country motorcycle trips I have parked my heavy bike in such a way that the only way to get out was to ask one or two guys for a push to back it out (no reverse). I always feel like an idiot when that happens.

Once while riding my motorcycle in a funeral procession my bike stalled and I held up the whole line. So I was sitting there cranking away trying to get restarted when one of the riders in back yelled "Is your gas valve on". The bike will only run a minute or so with the valve closed and your supposed to turn it on before starting.
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Old 04-11-2007, 08:48 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Location: Manhattan Island
I got off the elevator in my apartment building only to realize that it was the wrong floor. The elevator was full of people and I was too proud to run back in and go to my floor. So instead I casually walked over to the stairwell and walked about 6 floors up to my apartment, the whole time wondering why it was that I felt that I coudln't get back on the elevator.

I know it doesn't seem that bad, but something like this usually happens to me at least every other day. I'm no good at using elevators, holding doors, or generally being graceful in public.
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Old 04-11-2007, 12:42 PM   #13 (permalink)
peekaboo
 
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Location: on the back, bitch
The 'feeling like an idiot' was my mom, with my contribution:
I was entering 8th grade, so I suppose I was almost 13....I was riding my bike and wearing a summer dress. My house is on a slight hill and I love going fast down it, which I did and made a hard left onto the street below....too hard. I went down with such speed and force that the bike skidded several feet with me still clinging on. I burnt a hole thru the dress and the slip under it, burned off some flesh from my thigh and knee...I picked up the bike and, crying and bleeding, walked it home.
Coming into the house, still sobbing from the pain, I called for my mom. She thought I was hysterically laughing, not crying and didn't come to my aid immediately. When I found her, she screamed, "Oh my God!!! What happened???" and later said she felt like a total idiot....
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Old 04-11-2007, 01:16 PM   #14 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
sorry for this prolonged rant but one story reminded me of chapter 2

Actually this turned out to somehow represent part of what my first wife said attracted her to me, though since that one only lasted 15 years suggests it was not quite enough:

I was in my late 20's single guy, I'm in the Penn campus area of western downtown Philadelphia to meet a bunch of friends at a place we all liked, LaTerrace Restaurant. After hours of eating and drinking and having a great time, some of us were leaving as was I. I went out to get into my car ...and it was not in my usual parking spot ...oh, I must have left it at that other spot, so I go there but alas no car; I walk around the block, no car; I walk around the next block, no car; I'm searching a few other side streets still no car. Trouble was I went to bars and restaurants in that area so often I really had no clear recollection where the hell I parked. So I go back inside and finally my friends convince me that I'm not loosing my mind any worse than usual and the car was stolen. We file all the police reports etc and the cops are not very optimistic that I'll ever get it back. Damn, I really liked that car, my old but still perfect '65 Buick LeSabre with a Wildcat V8 no less. So for some reason as dumb as this seemed to me, it did attract this one equally strange woman who turned out to be my first wife a few years later.

I wasn't even thinking of adding the final chapter of this story but it makes me wonder who ended up looking dumb or dumber, me or....

About a week later one too early Sunday morning my phone rings while I'm still asleep and it's my friend Pete calling to say he saw my car parked near 16th and South and he'll wait there for me. So that was a few blocks from my apartment and by the time I get down there the cops are all there; we confirm it's my car, no damage that's nice, we fill out all the reports and they say I can take the car home.

Now jump forward another two weeks, it's way past 2am and since all the bars are closed by now I'm cruising from downtown to my old neighborhood to deliver my brother back to his place since we've been out bar hopping. I'm stopped at a red light and suddenly hear a tapping on my driver's window, and as I glance over I see a guy standing there in jeans and a wind breaker jacket with a .38 pointing in my face ...yikes!... almost before the shock of this even sinks in I notice in my peripheral vision that another gent is coming up the other side of the car to get my criminal-ass brother and the "unmarked" car behind me is too obviously an undercover cop car ...so while my adreniline is pumping at full speed the cop on my side is saying "get out with your hands up" and as I get out he says something about ...this is a stolen car and they've been following me for a while and... I freak out and start cursing at him pretty disrespectfully but it's because I'm so wired out of my mind from fright/panic/etc, so I'm saying what if I decided to step on the gas and take off, would they shoot me for DRIVING MY OWN CAR!!? and tell him I can show him owner's card and registration, etc. Of course this dynamic duo are working off a two week old hot sheet that still has my car listed, the car that they did not find but my buddy had to find and we recovered. I would have gotten the last laugh but at that moment it wasn't so funny.
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Old 04-11-2007, 02:13 PM   #15 (permalink)
pow!
 
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Location: NorCal
Hey, Halx, it was your jacket. At least you weren't taking off your pants.

I got pulled over by a motocylce cop for riding my bicycle "too aggressively" through a traffic circle. He pulled me over in front of the pretty college girl waiting for the bus. I took stock of the situation. He wanted to show off in front of the girl. I didn't want a ticket.

So I played my role - acted flustered and intimidated, and he showed the girl what great guy he was by letting me off with a warning. I felt like a total douche.
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Old 04-11-2007, 05:14 PM   #16 (permalink)
peekaboo
 
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Location: on the back, bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by flstf
On several of my cross country motorcycle trips I have parked my heavy bike in such a way that the only way to get out was to ask one or two guys for a push to back it out (no reverse). I always feel like an idiot when that happens.

Once while riding my motorcycle in a funeral procession my bike stalled and I held up the whole line. So I was sitting there cranking away trying to get restarted when one of the riders in back yelled "Is your gas valve on". The bike will only run a minute or so with the valve closed and your supposed to turn it on before starting.
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Reminds me of two weeks ago....
I was riding with my friend on his Honda and the gel seat straps had slipped, so my seat was hanging over. I motioned to him to pull over and he parked, put the kickstand down, got off and I and the bike went over. Luckily, my ankle kept the bike from hitting the curb. Also luckily, my boots and chaps kept my ankle from getting hurt. "Gee, I hate when that happens", he said. "Did my chrome get scratched?" "No, my ankle saved that from happening." We righted it, only spilled some gas, fixed the seat and rode on. I felt really bad for days I'd tipped the bike and he felt bad for days that I could have gotten hurt.
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Old 04-11-2007, 07:33 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Old 04-12-2007, 04:01 AM   #18 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Deltona, Florida
I remember running to class because the warning bell(Just 1 minute left before you're tardy! Hurry! Hurry!) had just gone off, and I was only halfway across campus. I cut through the grass by the cafeteria and as I leapt over the concrete divider, my left foot decided to stay juuuuust low enough to catch the edge and send me sprawling. My books and papers of course went into the air like a paper explosion and people just busted out laughing. The worst part was of course the obligatory group of girls who just pointed and giggled.
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Old 04-13-2007, 09:36 AM   #19 (permalink)
Sir, I have a plan...
 
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Location: 38S NC20943324
All attention was focused on the girl, you may as well have been invisible.

Of course you could have really stolen the show if you had continued undressing and done an impromptu pole dance. That would have made her much less embarrased, and probably helped her more than anybody else on the train...
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Old 04-14-2007, 02:54 PM   #20 (permalink)
Think about it
 
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Location: North Carolina
Took me a bit to think of one that was really embarrassing to me. But going to a fastfood place tonight brought back the memory.

Quite a few years ago I went to burger king for some grub. Went through the drivethrough and paid at the first window. Instead of driving up to the second window and oooh say getting my food, I drove straight through and out of the parking lot and turned to go home. At about the time I hit the first light I realized I completely forgot the food and had to go back. Had it only been mine I wouldn't have as I was so embarrassed. But it was also Alpha phi's food. I went inside to get it and they were all having a huge laugh over it. hahaha I can't remember if I told Alpha phi or not. I felt like such an idiot.
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Old 04-15-2007, 07:37 AM   #21 (permalink)
who ever said streaking was a bad thing?
 
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Location: Calgary
Last year, my Dad took a hockey stick to his eyebrow... and being an EMT, I stood back and laughed. I did nothing but told him to go to the hospital.
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Old 04-15-2007, 08:21 AM   #22 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Arizona
A few years ago I was living in a condo in a high rise. The layout and decor on every floor was the same. I was on the elevator up to my condo with a group of college kids who were about the same age as me. So, I get off and turn right to go to my place at the end of the hall. I enter the unlocked door and then realize it's not my place. I turn around and to my total embarassment the kids are right behind me asking what I'm doing. It was their place. I must have turned beet red and quickly apologized and told them I had thought I was on my floor. The last thing I heard as I was walking away was laughter. I took the stairs for a couple of weeks after that.
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Old 04-15-2007, 09:30 AM   #23 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: midwest
I was leaning back in my office chair, looking relaxed and tres cool, when it tipped on over backwards, taking me with it...to add insult/humor to injury, I hit the side of a piece of furniture with my head on the way down.

Am I the only one who has done this?
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Old 04-16-2007, 03:17 AM   #24 (permalink)
People in masks cannot be trusted
 
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Location: NYC
Quote:
I was leaning back in my office chair, looking relaxed and tres cool, when it tipped on over backwards, taking me with it...to add insult/humor to injury, I hit the side of a piece of furniture with my head on the way down.

Am I the only one who has done this?
No I did it though with one of those chairs at home in front of my wife and friends.


When I was 15 my friend and i tried buying kid tickets to a movie, only to be told it was rated R so they would not let us in. When we admitted we were really 15, the manager (who was actually there by the window at the time) said he would have let us in at 15 despite still being under 16, but he wasn't sure we were telling the truth. So I had to ask my uncle to come and buy the tickets. The embarrassing part of it all on top of that was since it was before 5pm that theater had all tickets at matinee price so it did not matter if we bought kid tickets or not… Wow I have not thought of that story in ages.
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Old 04-16-2007, 04:17 AM   #25 (permalink)
 
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Location: Iceland
I have plenty of tripping stories, where my coping strategy is usually to laugh at myself and pick myself up as quickly as possible. But the worst one was when I was a student-teacher at an urban school in Seattle. I was 21 years old, teaching 11th and 12th graders (you do the math). I was swamped with grading papers since it was all English classes, but I wanted to attend the girls' basketball game that night since a few of them were in my classes. So I took the papers with me in a big folder and sat down about halfway up the gym risers.

I had to leave a few minutes before the end of the game for another appointment, so I tried to get up quietly and head down the stairs. Of course, several of my students were also in the audience, so they were pointing me out. I was wearing this huge long wool jacket (it was winter, and I had to dress formally to look older than I was) and on the 2nd to last stair, I tripped on my coat in a royally embarrassing manner and landed on the gym floor.

Student papers flew everywhere, and while some of my students asked if I was okay, most of them were putting all of their energy into not laughing. I don't blame them! But I was still fucking embarrassed, and got myself up and out of there as soon as possible. A couple of students mentioned the incident to me the next day and I laughed it off, but damn... of all the places to look dumb.
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:46 AM   #26 (permalink)
Muffled
 
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Location: Camazotz
In high school I was running flat out, attempted to hurdle a roped off area of garden, caught my foot on the rope, and rolled about ten feet. As abaya said, the only thing to do is get up quickly and brush it off. My friends looked at me, but I just shrugged and life went on. The part that embarrassed me was the rope about about 18 inches off the ground. It sucks how that stuff sticks in your mind so many years later, though.
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Old 04-16-2007, 01:35 PM   #27 (permalink)
Une petite chou
 
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Location: With All Your Base
I have a tremendous amount of ridiculous stories, but one of my college roommates' favorites was how I got to dinner one night in the cafeteria. My undergrad was a very ornate school complete with Louis Tiffany windows and a goregous spanish dining room. Of course, I was running late and they were at the top of the stairs so I decided to jog up the beautiful staircase in front of about 100 students and 20 or so tourists... and proceeded to fall up the magificently ornate marble staircase. Which left an exquiste bruise immediately on both shins... while I was wearing shorts. But, I didn't fall up one or two steps. No, it had to be all 17 of them and whacked my shins on the second from the top with arms windmilling and flailing all over the place.

I'm am superbly coordinated. Did the same thing up the wooden staircases the next flight up at least four times per semester for the next two years.
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Old 04-17-2007, 11:31 AM   #28 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A
I was in the 8th grade in a new school at a basketball game when I decided to get two sodas (in cups) for my dad and myself. My shoes had really long strings and so the loops were really big. On the way back to the bleachers I trip in the one of the loops and fall. The drinks go everywhere. I immediately jump up and run to where Dad was sitting and buried my head and started crying.

Seems like I was doing this kind of stuff all the time growing up. Hell, I do this kind of stuff now. I can just laugh at myself now, where I NEVER would have when I was a youngster.
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:51 PM   #29 (permalink)
But You'll Never Prove It.
 
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Location: under your bed
Lookin' real dumb

I used to work in a quality control lab. We did tests and also tagged the pallets as they came through.

I was in the lab one day. A forklift driver pulled up outside the lab with a load. I saw him through our big window. He held up his index finger...and I looked up. I didn't see anything up there, so I looked back at him. He smiled and did it again. And I looked up again. Nothing was up there.

He shook his head, and did the finger-crook 'come here' gesture. I walked to the window, pressed my face up against the glass, and looked up to see what he was pointing at above him. Nothing up there, either.

The driver got off the forklift and walked into the lab. He laughed, held up his index finger again and said, "ONE. I have ONE pallet that needs to be tagged."
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Old 04-18-2007, 08:34 PM   #30 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Boulder Baby!
so my dad, a 50 year old biker with a beer gut, made a bonfire in our back driveway one night in the middle of the downtown area of our town (yea, i know...) and while sitting there with a beer in hand (I had walked into the house for amoment) his metal chair with no back legs but the front legs that connect in a U shape towards teh back of the chair had given out and laid him out flat on his back.

I found him sitting there, beer intact, "staring at the stars" as he told me. I half believed him but still laughed my head off.
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