AbigailAlfano

The original poster edited out the originakl post - that is a do not do.

Halx

Where's the masturbation, taking naughty pics and emailing them to him, and generally interesting stuff that people want to read about?

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Sharon

Ladies and gentlemen, Halx, the antithesis of the male one-track-mind.

Daoust

hear hear, Halx.

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I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

AbigailAlfano

Halx,
Maybe you should try "Tilted Sexuality" and not General Discussion for your jollies.

The_Jazz

Wow, a newbie teeing off on the Big Guy himself.

Abby, maybe you want to play nice in Halx's place...

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

JumpinJesus

When the fuck did TFP become so un-adult?

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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

AbigailAlfano

Is the TFP only about sex? Good lord. I sure hope not. I mean, isn't that why there are different catagories here?
Is it unadult to not want to engage in a conversation about sex?

Sharon

Do you mean clean-cut?

shesus

Wow, you don't have to make your own coffee or kill bugs or take out the trash or cook dinner? I would hate that if JJ had to go out of town for a period of time I would realize that many normal day things that I didn't do. And luckily I shave my legs for me. I like when they're smooth and oily.

Hal, I know that masturbation would be on the top of my list of things I did while JJ was away. Well, that's on my list while he's here too. Sometimes I just can't get enough.

Abby, lighten up. It's all in fun and jest. This whole board is about humanity, sexuality, and phiosophy...it says so in the heading.

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I heard you sold it

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AbigailAlfano

shesus,
well, when I made the post, I was actually poking fun at myself. In all honesty, nope, I don't cook dinner...I am a disaster in the kitchen! He does the cooking, and I gladly do the cleanin' up afterwards! In the mornings, he always wakes up first and has my coffee ready for me when I stumble into the den. In the afternoons...I make the coffee..(That is one thing I know how to do in the kitchen! LOL But, it is true..when he leaves for a bit, it does help one appreciate all of the little things.
As far as shaving legs...bleh! I hate it. One of these days I will save the money and have laser hair removal. I've looked into it, and it is quite costly. He hates shaving as well. I suppose we are both lazy in that matter, but it is something we do for each other.

Halx

Just seemed like a journal entry instead of a general discussion post. You should thank me for giving your thread something to discuss.

shesus, keep talking.

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shesus

hmm, I think it only takes me 2 minutes to shave my legs. So it's not a big deal. I just shave in the shower either after I wash off or while the conditioner is in my hair. Lather, shave x2. Then I keep a bottle of baby oil in the shower. I just put some of that on before I dry off. Fast and easy for smooth legs. I love going to bed with that feeling.

My mom always said it was dangerous to do that, but I've been doing that since I was 13 and I've only had one major mishap.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

Daoust

And how were we supposed to know you were poking fun at yourself? How were we to know you lived your life any different?

__________________
I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

AbigailAlfano

I guess you could ask...I guess people that "know" me knew I was being funny. I didn't know this was going to annoy anyone.
I replied to shesus to clear that up...that I was poking fun at myself.
I didn't think it was a big deal.

Oh..shesus, have you ever tried one of those epilady things? Rips the hair right out by the roots? OUCH !
I bought one this past summer to see if I could get away with not having to shave so often.....ohhh it is PAINFUL!

Sharon

Have you tried Veet / Nair?

AbigailAlfano

A long time ago i tried Nair..I was in highschool. I have sensitive skin, and it really left my skin raw. Ya know...surely it has improved since I was in highschool...that has been years and years ago..LOL...maybe i should give it another try. Do you use it?

Sharon

I have used it before. I'm not very hairy though so I guess I'm kind of blessed that way. Don't leave it on too long is probably the best advice.

In one of the Weird Al songs he talks about replacing the contents of someone's shampoo bottle with Nair. Nasty trick.

mixedmedia

Are we talking about shaving and stuff?

Epilady's are handcrafted by demon misogynists. Stay away from them....*shiver, sob* I'm okay, really....*deep breath*

I prefer to shave my legs and underarms. Coochie cream. Get some. It will change your life...well, maybe not change your life, but it's damn good stuff. Plus last time PW was up here he shaved me a "landing strip" using the Coochie Cream and a Venus razor. It turned out really cute. And then...he jumped me. Nize!

At home I use Nair bikini hair remover to clean up the panty line. 10 minutes and !Voila! no worries for a couple of weeks. It works for me.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Daoust

so this is a thread about shaving...

I haven't shaved in a month.

__________________
I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

analog

What he said.

And yeah, masturbation is a good time-waster. Actually, even better- porn. Surfing for porn can take TONS of time. Surfing porn- that's my recommendation. You could find some anime, maybe a little lesbian porn... or maybe some guy-guy action, depends on what you're into... pretend like two guys are having a sword fight in your mouth, who knows? Porn is a fantasy outlet. Maybe you would like some Little People action... big things come in little packages.

If you DO go anime, I have one word: tentacles. That is all.

spectre

Don't forget the clowns. You can't have a good porn without the clowns.

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"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

analog

Oh hell yes. Like... slapstick porn. Pies in the face and all that... like instead of a clown car where a whole bunch of clowns pile out, a woman pulls like two dozen or so dildos from inside her orifices.

spectre

You also have to have the little old bald guy, like in Benny Hill, but instead of Benny slapping him on the head with his palm, he'll get slapped with one of those dildos.

__________________
"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

shesus

Oooo this thread is getting better now.

I would definitely recommend g-on-g although you have find girls that are somewhat attractive or it's useless. That will take a lot of time to find too.

Also, there is a great pirate porn...I hate pirates, but wowza...shit, I have to go to work now. Grrrrr!

Analog, Tentacles? You are jesting...right? If not, I will have to see it. I suppose eight arms are better than 2.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

mixedmedia

I've seen the tentacles thing. Eh. To each his own. Plus in anime porn there's all that female resistance and high-pitched whining. I just want to say, babe, shut the fuck up and hump his brains out. Dat's all.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Sharon

I've never heard of the tentacles thing before, but my imagination is going into overdrive. I think with the right guy, with the right tentacles (that just sounds wrong), it could be very, very erotic.

spectre

I like the way you think.

__________________
"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

mixedmedia

so what exactly would be the wrong tentacles?

This reminds me of a few nights ago when PW said something like "wouldn't it be great if cocks were tensile...like an elephant's trunk." God, I love the way he thinks.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

The_Jazz

This thread is now offcially useless without pictures.

All this talk of masturbation and clowns reminds me of my favorite euphamism for masturbation in college: capturing the clown. It's even funnier if you imagine an erect penis with face paint, floppy shoes and a little hat.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Sharon

Ones with spikes on them sound pretty uncomfortable, for instance. A man with tentacles would probably look quite odd.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=111549

Carno

I don't think tensile is the right word. They already are tensile.

mixedmedia

damn, dude

actually I don't think that is the word he used...it's just the one that sprang to mind this morning...thus my qualifier "like"

maneuverable, manipulatable, flexible, pliable...how about one of those?

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Sharon

I think the elephant trunk was pretty clear.

analog

Yeah, it's prehensile.

I think we broke the thread poster's brain.

mixedmedia

Bingo! Give the man a cigar. I knew it was something like that.

mmmmmm, prehensile.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

KellyC

I have no idea what the first post is about but porn and masturbation seem like a good idea to me.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Leto

Well, You need a 17 year old son who likes to surf the web for anime porn. Then you will see tentacles. It certainly educated me!

I agree, the first post is nonsensical. We are obviously missing an important piece in the communication here: How this thread got to be the way it is.

analog

It got to be the way it is because this discussion thread was started with an opening post that contained nothing to discuss... so, this is what happens. There's a reason we say (and there's a whole sticky dedicated to it) "there's a reason we expect an opening post to contain a substantial topic that will foster discussion."

Because when you don't, this happens.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled masturbation.

Sharon

Damn I'm on the wrong TV subscription.