Who do you trust? Do you trust anyone?
 

I've been thinking lately about who I would share with if I needed to talk about something. Where could I go? Hubby is a reliable listening ear but there are times where he doesn't understand or desire to talk about all the little female emotions or details. Sadly, I have no woman that I could completely share with. We have our swinger women who I've become close with but I am not completely certain that I could trust any one of them with a juicy tidbit. There are other friends (vanilla ones) not one woman could I trust. then last but not least there are the male friends. Everyone I know as a friend that I have trusted at all has shared some of my personal information with someone else for the purpose of gossip of slander. The only people I can really trust are hubby and my brother. The trust I have in my brother goes way back. Even as kids we did not tattle on each other even when telling would have probably gotten us off the hook with Mom or Dad. We just didn't betray each other. We were a team and had loyalty to each other. Hubby loves me and does not share my secrets for the purpose of slander, negativity, or juicy gossip.

What bothers me is that I know I can't trust anyone else and I tend to go into a friendship assuming such. I would like to say I'm a trusting person. I do share a lot, but I rarely share anything incriminating with anyone but my hubby and brother. I have more recently been more open, mostly in hopes that I CAN trust someone. Because I NEED to be free to talk to people. Sadly those that I have shared with have all talked behind my back for the purpose or gossip, judgment or slander. What irks me most is that NONE of them have had the GUTS to tell me their feelings to my face. Not even when they're drunk, which is when I hear the things are said.

Well, I believe I must be a closed book. Sadly I will have no girlfriend that I can really share my heart and soul with. IN a way I know I'm lucky to at least have my hubby and brother. Unfortunately I know I can't even trust my mother.

Who do you trust? Have you developed a trust in someone that you can tell ANYTHING to without fear of being judged? Do you think that humans NEED to trust one another?? Shouldn't we be able to work cooperatively and trust one another to succeed better? Or are we as a society doomed to distrust and trudge on alone?

I can count on one hand how many people I truly trust and still have fingers left over. Pretty much everyone I've ever trusted, both family and people I considered life-long friends, has done something at some point to totally screw me over. As a result, I tend to be very superficial and quiet around people. Most people that meet me tend to think that I've very shy. The truth is, I'm really not, I just have trouble allowing myself to open up around people I don't have absolute trust in. That's not to say I sit completely quiet, but everything I do talk about tends to really be superficial things about me that aren't very important. There are people who have known me for a few years, and still really don't know a damned thing about me.

If you really know anything about me that's more than the superficial, it was probably a big deal for me to be able to tell you.

I trust Grace absolutely with anything I tell her. It's one of the benefits of being gay--my lover is my best girlfriend, so I get what most women get from outside friendship with other women within my marriage.

Sissy, to a somewhat lesser extent. I don't dump the difficult stuff on her, but I do trust her not to gossip or share things about me that she knows would hurt me if she were to do so.

One other person I trust, and have trusted some of the difficult stuff with. That's it. One I trust absolutely, two I trust never to intentionally or carelessly hurt me. The sum total of all my friends, or even people I know on more than a purely casual basis.

Gilda

You sound like someone who has been hurt a lot because you have trouble trusting in people. I say keep an open mind to new friends and don't always assume they are going to stab you in the back.
I can totally relate to you because I am in the same position. I've really been trying though to open up to people, but it's not something you can do over night. Take it in small steps. Have coffee with someone you think is nice. Eventually you will develop a very trusting friendship with someone.

I trust Babes with anything I tell her. Even if she hadn't given me all the reasons she has to trust her, I have to take that risk in spite of past relationships because I want it to last.

I've another friend who I trust to an extreme degree, and she seems to reciprocate. However, I've had friends like that in the past who betrayed that trust... so I remain slighty wary.

Edit: I forgot the person that I may trust the most, though I'm not yet comfortable confiding certain things in her. I guess I just take her for granted that much. My kid sister. At 13, she's easily as mature as many people my age and often as smart, if not as experienced.

I trust my wife abt as much as I trust anybody. All my life people have used personnel info against me (that is how I perceive it anyway) So I tell no one my weaknesses.

I put a lot of trust in people at first. But there are maybe 3 people I trust enough to know that whatever I tell them goes no further and their insight is respected in turn. Odd as it may be, one of the three is not a close 'best friend' type-they've just been very instrumental in my journey, like a therapist, but not.:D

There's only one person that I trust with absolutely everything. A good friend of mine who I can pretty much tell anything without being judged, and she can do the same with me.

Ex-girlfriends? Haven't been able to trust any of them. I don't tend to have guy friends, but even if I did I don't tend to trust guys. Then again, I don't trust people in general anyway so that doesn't matter too terribly much.

I only trust one person implicitly. In my experience most people are without vitrue, and the worst are those who pretend they are.

Edit: I'm not pessimistic, far from it in fact. I simply hold trust to be something very valuable, and exceedingly rare. There are too many people who cannot restrain themselves from the temptations of exploitation for personal gain. And though trust is rare, vanity and greed are in abundance.

That's my two ¢ for the day.

I trust my best friend. Why don't I list my parents, or my brother? Because I am an open book- and there would be nothing that I would consider a secret that I would want them to know. I can think of a couple more people (2 or 3) who i'd trust with most everything, but wouldn't tell them because I don't want them to know. If there's something bad enough for me to want to keep to myself, they will not get to know about it. It's not because I don't trust them- it's because I simply wouldn't want them to know.

My best friend, however, has my ultimate trust. He's also the one I can tell anything to because I know that he will never pass judgment, and he will always steer me right- especially if "right" is not what I want, and not where i'm heading. Now that I'm thinking about it, we've known each other for 10 years now... amazing how time flies.

There's no one I trust with everything. It's sad to say, but I'll never put all my eggs in one basket. I've been burned too many times. The wife knows all the important stuff, but she's never going to hear about some of the silly shenanigans (strip clubs being the most innocuous of them) I have to go through to write a piece of business sometimes. My best friend knows some of that stuff, but since he doesn't approve, I end up keeping most of it to myself or discussing it with coworkers.

I'm like Analog for the most part in the open book department, but there are the immoral/quasi-legal/flat out illegal things that I've had to do for people to grow my business. Unless you've worked for my company in my office for at least 3 or 4 years, there's no way that you'll hear it from me.

One person Dave....I trust him 100% with everything and there is nothing I cant talk to him about. He understands female emotions better than anyone I've ever met in my life.

Raeanna for what its worth....Im willing to listen anytime you need an ear, Im only a phone call away :icare:

I have moved around so much that most of the friends I have had in the past 7-8 years are gone. Moved on to different countries and such. That was one of the downdsides to being in the military. If you are friends now, wait a year or two, and they will be gone.. or you will.

As a kid, I moved around probably even more. Never stayed in the same area (let alone house) for more than a year. I never made any good friends. In Highschool, I made a few really good friends. I married one of them. (We are currently getting a Divorce) One was her best friend who turned into a man hating self righteous feminist whom I don't really care to talk to any more, and the the only person who I have ever actually considered my "Best Friend" found Jesus and joined the army. I think he is in Alabama now. He is still a cool guy, but we have grown so far apart that I would hardly even consider him a friend now.

Who do I talk to when I need support, or want to tell something to that I can't tell to anyone else, or just hang out and shoot the shit? No one really.

I consider my Girlfriend (Shoegirl) (Hi hon! :p ) a good friend, but it's not the same as having a best friend. I Trust her, and I try to talk to her about stuff that I need to talk about, but who do I talk to about her? lol.

No one.

Best friend of 15 years, 2 or 3 really good friends, Elphaba and of course my fiancee. Other than that... NO!

I trust my wife in everything.

I trust my friend Ben to give good advice for my career

I trust my Dad to give good advice on life.

I trust my brother Josh to help, at any time with anything. That's just his nature.

And I trust my dog to beg anytime she's sees me eat.

i have an inner circle of about 7 friends that i trust implicitly. but to tell the truth, i can't think of many things i really need to keep secret. i live an honest enough of a life that there's not anything i've done or said that could burn me. I'm curious what kinds of things you would have to worry about trusting people with........

I don't think friends should remain judgment free, but I do think that everyone's inner circle should be there for that person and not give out gossip or any other harmful info.

I have 4 friends I can tell anything at all to and they won't tell a soul. The question is, do I want to share something huge with them? Usually the answer is no... I tend to not stress out over anything and generally don't have the desire to share secrets. You know, because then they wouldn't be secrets. So while I have the ability, I think I've used it only once or twice.

I trust my husband absolutely and my two closest friends, both of whom I've met in the past year or so... before that, I really didn't have anyone outside of topper and that was tough. I count my blessings that I have people I can trust with who I am.

Trust is a hard thing for many people i think. Life has a way of showing you early on people who will wrong you or decieve you, I think this teaches many people to be inward during formative years and it's a hard cycle to break, at least, I know it did for me, but i'm trying to unlearn that as I meet people who have proven to me that they are worthy of my trust.

sweetpea

I know its sad, but I don't trust anyone with everything, not even my parents or siblings. They think I am way more perfect and I really am, and I like it that way. I don't tell them anything that would damage their perception of me. I can find someone to talk about anything with and trust them, its just never the same person.

I trust different people with different things. I would not want to squash one person under the weight of all my confidences.

I don't feel badly that I don't trust many people, it's just part of life. If you want something to remain unknown--you don't talk about it. Period. End of story.

Personally, I am very, very discrete.

Trust is such a hard thing to have as a moral. It has to be taken to a certain extent and then you realize that there is nothing such as true trust. I can't even trust myself sometimes. I have a very high personal moral system but I know I can't trust myself to make the right decissions all the time, or trust myself to do certain tasks.

On top of that you then raise the question about being able to trust other people. I can trust most people a little bit; there are a handful of people I can trust with a vast ammount of information, but I don't believe there is anyone that I can totally trust with everything. I just don't find trust as a quality that can be 100% when it comes to humanity.

Sultana, I was reading through this thread and feeling torn about what to reply, and I agree with what you said, mostly I'd say I trust different people with different things. If I'm honest there's no-one I trust with absolutely every little thing, but in truth, who does? There's some things you don't want anyone to know anyway, I think.

If I had to say people I pretty much trust without reserve, that would be my best friends (2 girls), and my mother.

I trust you. *points to the person reading this post*

I only trust my wife and then, not with everything.

I don't think anyone can share *everything* of themselves with another human. There is always something that is held back... something.


In general, life has taught me to be open with much of myself but to know what is important to hold back. Finding that blanance is tricky. I don't always acheive it.

I hate to argue with you charlatan....but im going to

I share EVERYTHING with Dave...there is absolutely nothing left out of what I share with him

Do you share with him your technique for wiping your bottom?

I don't mean to be rude, I just wish to point out that there are *some* things we don't share. This is just one example.



No one can fully share of themselves... they can be as open and trusting as they can be and yet, there is still something (if they are being honsest withthemselves) that doesn't get shared.

I trust everyone until they betray me (which has happened often). OPening up to someone however.... is a different story. I'm a lot like Spectre in that aspect.

But generally, the only reason I wouldn't trust someone would be because of my "feelings" or seeing them do something I wouldn't like.

The only other thing I do is act shy until they gain my trust... just like Spectre.

I don't know if I'm the type of person ever to say I trust you when it comes to secrets. I don't have many secrets...they never stay secrets so what is the point in having them. Pretty much if I 'try' to hide something, it's really not hidden so deeply that people can't find out about them if they take minimum snooping efforts.

Trusting people with my feelings and actually becoming friends with people though is where it comes down to trust for me. JJ and I have a strong relationship and it has been through a lot and keeps getting to newer levels. He knows everything about me and I sometimes wonder why he is still around. :lol: I've been friends with one girl for over 15 years, but we don't talk much lately because we live 14 hours apart and just are in different phases of life. But the last time I saw her I broke down to her and told her a lot. I rarely cry, but I did to her so she is another person that I suppose I trust with my feelings.

Other than that, I tell my mom a lot, but I didn't always trust her with the way I felt about things. That has changed in the past year.

So, I guess there are only a few people that actually know me although I have no secrets. Maybe that sounds weird, I don't know...there's me and then the inside messy me that has all the good and bad. If a person knows that side of me, then at one time I trusted them and probably still do.

I relate to the 'inside messy me' part wholly. My best friend knows most of what I do, feel, etc., but not all. My 'not-in-the-best-friend-category' friend actually knows the 'inside messy me' more than anyone in my life. There's a mutual trust and respect that's just different than the closer relationships. And there's also enough distance in the like/love part that allows this trust and respect. Hard to explain I think, to be that trusting of someone that really is not in your 'inner circle', but it works.

Which, after a moment of proofreading, brings me to a question: For those that find it hard to put any trust out, why is that? I know that people who fear getting hurt or have had a trust betrayed, but other than that, what's the answer? I'm willing to bet that the very ones who fear trusting are some of the most trustworthy; that people come to THEM in complete trust and confidence.

Girl, you just hit the nail on the head! I feel like a bartender! Everyone comes to me with problems or when they need something. I have dirt on so many people it makes my head hurt, but I will never tell. I could and probably should write a book about things I have heard and seen. Best seller list I tell ya!:rolleyes:

Wanna collaborate? Everyone comes to me...I must look like a Girl Scout:lol:

I had one, but he was shot in the back of the head with an AK47 fifty-four days ago. Guess my secrets really did go to the grave with him.

I trust my girlfriend, and I'd tell her almost everything. I'd tell her everything, but I don't feel that it would be taken entirely as I intended it. I blame that on my poor ability to communicate certain things, not her misunderstanding.

I trust my parents in a similar manner, but avoid telling them certain things simply because they'd either be unnecessary or unnerving for them to know.

Realistically, I'm more of an open book than the majority of people. I imagine if I really tried I might be able to come up with two hands worth of "secrets" about myself.

*climbs out from under the tarp in the corner, proving he's in the same boat

C'mon... we can give PostSecret a run for its money, no?

I am intrigued by the comment: "I'm willing to bet that the very ones who fear trusting are some of the most trustworthy". I wonder why it is myself as I am a highly private person and trust people as far as I can spit them but, I too can be the one everyone feels instantly comfortable with telling anything. *shrugs*

I have few people that I can talk to about certain subjects and I trust them with what I tell them. There is not one person I can tell ALL to though. My mother-in-law gets the most. I can talk to her about almost anything, even when her own son is annoying me. I know she will not tell him what I tell her. I can talk to her about my family, without her judging them or telling. I can talk to my sister about anything but religion knowing my words are safe. My friend Jen is right up there too. Her and I have been online friends for awhile now. We have alot in common and can safely talk about anything.

Do you find it odd that I have not mentioned my husband yet? IF I was able to talk to him without him being online, I could trust him with what I tell him. The problem there is that I can't talk to him while he is online, which is most of the time. He does not appear to pay attention to me, even though he says he is listening. oops, that is probably a different topic. I got carried away, sorry.

There are a few of you here at TFP that know more about me than many people I deal with on a daily basis. I trust those that I have confided in and I am grateful for TFP for that.

I found that a problem too in talking to hubby. When he's online, which is often, he appears to be listening but rarely remembers what I have said. I have discovered that I am able to talk to him quite well by e-mail or chat. He listens so much better. We even argue over chat sometimes because it's displays our emotions less and gets the actual message across better I think. Sounds wierd maybe but it works for us two geeks. :p

I trust a few people, some more deeply than other, but its really easy to get my trust... and not so easy to lose it.