Jigga what?

I went out to breakfast with a girl I just started talking to. When the waitress asked, "How do you want your eggs?"

The girl I was with said, "Cooked."

I laughed so hard that I almost passed orange juice through my nose!!

Suffice it to say that we didn't go out after that.



Glad

One of my friends was getting married so a few of us went and had a few(several) drinks at a nearby bar before we headed to the church.One of my friends,to put it bluntly,was not the sharpest knife in the drawer,but none the less was a hell of a nice guy.

As we entered the foyer of the church,an usher was asking the people if they were friends or relatives of the bride or groom in order to designate which side of the church to seat people on. When the usher asked my buddy,"bride or groom," without even breaking stride, my buddy offered, "no thanks,"and walked past the usher who had the most dumbfounded look on his face you could imagine.

To this day we still laugh our asses off at that comment.

My wife callls me the English Nazi, and I can't figure it out? I'm always correcting my children and her for double negatives and "ain*t"-- I can't even type the word. Between people speaking incorrectly, and writing incorrectly, it drives me crazy. And now, cutting words down even more for chat and IM, I'm pulling my hair out. To me, speaking incorrectly is the dumbest thing a person can do.

These [drunk] girls outside my apartment the other night were looking at a dead bird in the street. I really wasn't paying attention until i heard on of them say: "You know it is good luck to step on a dead bird."

I must have missed that one.

But then they all proceded to step on the bird.

tsk. idiots

oh crap.. i starting laughing right here in my office! dontcha just love having friends like that, the ones who can make you laugh without even knowing it???

as far as using 'dontcha' in lieue of 'dont you'.. here's your hammer. :p

I don't think I really got the gist of this topic but I want to add a comment. I don't mind when anyone uses big words to speak, as long they know what they are talking about and can define what they are saying and can translate to anyone that doesn't understand.

I think it's very uncool when someone speaks to no ends using huge words that not even they understand or can spell. Not only is it annoying to the person reading or listening to them but it makes them look real foolish and unintelligent.

when speaking or writing, one must speak to the audience without compromising the rules of grammar or syntax...

Is that why you do not start your sentences with uppercase letters?

I was at a college the other day, looking at a map of a building. It had the first floor, second floor, third floor, and the FORTH floor. This was at a college and posted on the building in more than one spot! Hey just because it is a word doesn't mean its used correctly!!!

actually, i think she did use suffice correctly...

"that egg roll i ate did not suffice."

its kinda implied that it did not suffice her hunger, wouldnt you say? =)

[EDIT]: "me to no avail" <--- God knows how she came up with that :D

"I am invisible" - Mike Tyson (in an attempt to put some of his prison high school education to use)

"More and more of our imports are coming from overseas." - George W. Bush

"Not in French, English, nor Mexican". - George W. Bush

Kind of sad that our President ranks right up there with Mike Tyson with the most stupid quotes of the decade. What happened to the deep thinking, thoughtful presidents like Washington, Lincoln and Roosevelt?

I'm really smart. Just thought I'd mention it.

At the prenatal care center yesterday, my fiance was filling out her initial paperwork about her previous illnesses. One question was:
Have you ever had sexual intercourse?

I laughed so frickin hard at that, that's the dumbest question to ask in prenatal care center.

I hate it when people cannot use words correctly and leave off the 'ly' at the end of words that are supposed to have it.

Also I have done a lot of public speaking and it irks me when speakers cannot handle one moment of silence and fill them all with "um", "uh", and "I".

Also a friend of mine who has had some college even insists on using double negatives all the time and "aint". That drives me crazy.

I think that my biggest English grammar problems come from using too many double negatives. I don't know why I do it, either. It's just the way I talk...I know better when I'm typing things, for some reason. Go figure.